Pop Culture Pains

Pop Culture has been good to some:http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2008/01/31/madonna_narrowweb__300x382,0.jpg

And bad to others: http://www.blicious.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/laurynhill_crazy.jpg

So I decided that it would be so stupid of me to have a blog dedicated to PopCulture and not help those who have suffered BECAUSE of PopCulture, So I call this next segment, PCP (Pop Culture Pains) and i've invited my good friend PopSlut to reply to the questions and problems that YOU the general public have asked. I will not reveal the names of those who wrote in as that shit is private and confidential and taking advantage of their problems is just mean:

K. Hi'son:
Dear PopCulturePains
I am a damn good songwriter, when I mean good- I mean fucking amazing, I can write hits for artists who dont work nearly as hard as me and those hits spend the equivelant of 14 menstrual cycles on the charts but when I try and write a hit for myself, things end up like this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4WXuqpiM4U and this: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/32917010.html
and this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090401202851AAmDAw3
My debut album was pushed back repeatedly and when it WAS released it sold 94,000 units with FOUR lead singles, I'm so unsure about my next career step, I can barely write a song for myself without it being laughed at, scolded at and to Popculture i am generally irrelevant, what should i do?

POPSLUT's Reply:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&feature=related&v=96cuwq3HbZ0


Lady Annonymous:
Dear PopCulture Pains
I recently started dating this amazing guy, hes sweet, funny and charming, my mother loves him so much so he stays the night over at her place whenever he and I argue, thats how great of a guy he is- but the other day he and I were at a friends party and when Single Ladies came on, he suddenly broke into the full routine, he even dropped down low and swung his kitty the way she did in the video. Im so confused-what should I do?

PopSlut's Reply:
Su novio es homosexual, es indiscutible que- le gusta pene, él usa su ropa cuando estás en el trabajo y que el tiempo les dijo que estaba en "trabajo" fue realmente posando con los gustos de Benny Ninja y Jay Emanuel.

"Whisky":
Dear PCP, I used to be the ish, I was the original multitasker, had my own show, my own records, my own vaginal cleansing collection and then something happened, when it got to the year 2004 it came to my attention that all of my notable achievements occured more than a decade ago and after releasing another flop record, the pain made my feet a little heavy and this occured:http://www.cheekopek.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/brandy-car-crash1.jpg.
Then sometime later, my little brother who is more irrelevant than me released a sex tape with some Arab chick, as you can see my whole family was fucked up and so in order to feel better I tried to start up some shit in somebody else's family by advising Kelly Rowland to leave Mathew Knowles' so she could sell more records, however being the irrelevant carcrashin bitch that I am I did not realise that Kelly flopped because people didnt like her music not because she was managed by Mathew Knowles. Karma came and bit me in the ass when i got signed to RocNation and was put at the bottom of Jay Z's list of priorities:

Jay Z's list of priorities:
1. Stop by PopEye's to pick up ChickenSkins for B.
2. Sign another foreign, fair skinned, blonde haired girl (just in case Rihanna's new album goes tits up).
3. Buy something nice for Papa Matt and Mama T.
4. Purchase Viagra pills online.
5. Ask Neyo why he tried to kiss me.
6. Impregnate wife by August before she decides to release another Deluxe Edition.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13. Take care of Moes- Brandy.

What should i do?

PopSlut'sReply:
http://static.tvguide.com/MediaBin/Galleries/Shows/A_F/Ai_Ap/AmericasGotTalent/season1/americas-got-talent4-brandy.jpg
It was the best career move your skinny ass made. After trying to get at Mathew Knowles you're lucky you didnt end up like this:http://youthincontrol.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/rihanna-beat-up1.jpg. Bitch.