1. Whilst your older sister was getting gangbanged by RaQounn, Duvon and ClingOn at the back of the Mcdonald's parking lot, Solange was watching her older sister becoming a pop culture icon shitting on all YOUR favourite artists.
2. Solange's music is intellectual and dumb fucks like you dont like intellectual shit because it reminds you that you are a dumb fuck, which is why you'd rather watch Neffie dry hump some tacky hoodrat who says "y'nahwaddaimean" after every sentence than listen to Solange talk about shit that means something.
3. When you got pregnant at 17, your father tried to pimp Baby Shakweesha out by making her turn tricks at the local day care centre, when Solange got pregnant at 17, she used the experience to help her grow as a person and create Baby Jamz which was inspired by her son (man i'm being so nice today, well my metaphorical period starts in exactly 2 and half hours so the shade will start at some point soon.)
4. Solange is Private School Fierce, you are ghetto fabolo- no you're just Ghetto. A person from a good upbrining would be inspired by Solange and The Knowles' but since your daddy was too busy inseminating your Aunt Periaquana to pay child support- the idea of a succesful wholesome black family makes you sick.
5. Solange=Sasha Fierce. After a two hour discussion with my homegirl The High Priestress ZuluAnne of Yoruba at the Juju Shack, we came to the agreement that Sasha Fierce was conceived on Solange's prom night when she was on her way home after bumping vaginas with TyTy and Angie B. and she saw Jonte' and Prince making out on the corner, she let them into her car and let's say Solange's kitty needed some of that fruitdick, she was fertilised and Sasha was born. Then Beyonce' (being the crafty little PopIconExtraordinaire that she is) agreed to give Beyonce' birth right to Solange in exchange for Sasha. So actually Sasha is Juelz sister from another mister, if you get my weird and complicated family tree swag.
I think that's all. Can i shout out Ciara for succesfully being the only artist in the history of music to open up for the most artists in 5 years, homegirl has opened up for Britney, Rihanna and this summer's she's doing Jay Z (OVER MY DEAD BODY) no not like that, shes opening up for him- oh shit not like that either- well because Ciara's such a flop her new managmentarent going to waste time trying to let her tour alone (and if they ever do God help their asses.) because the tour will be almost as empty as Audrina's head (Audrina: Huh?) and so to ensure that Ciara makes some money (because those album sales aint bringing shit in) they make her open up for far more succesful and relevant artists in the vain hope that she will win over some of their fan base. (There I am, I was beginning to wonder where my spice was.)
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