Pop Slut: (Pop Gigolo does not agree with these views.)
If your stupid, ignorant or spent hours outside the house of a dead man who never knew and who will never know you then please leave and make your way onto the top of a cliff and jump- just jump.
So another pop icon has left us, and its a sad day for me as a pop culture fanatic but I am no fool, and although it pains me to say, Michael was NOT the King of Pop, he was a world culture icon but sadly to say- a paedophile (I told you it wouldn't be cool.)
Although, many of you here would not like to admit it because its so much easier to pretend that one of the world's greatest people had a thing for kindergaten kitty (or is it kindergaten cock) Michael did indeed abuse those children, whether you like to admit it or not.
To insult TWO children (AND the brother of one of the supposed victims) for saying that they were sexually abused promotes the idea that children who are abused to shut up and say nothing about their abuse because they will be deemed as liars.
The argument for many Jackson supporters is "those leeches were trying to get his money! that's why they accused him" au contraire my friends, if you were hanging out with one of the world's most powerful and wealthiest men wouldnt it make sense to stay on his good side so you could reap the benefits of a roof over your head and a secure source of money, why would anyone tear off the gloved hand that feeds them and risk being deemed as liars, going through court and then being forced into isolation when it would have been so much easier just to live a neat secure lifestyle.
Another argument is "If MJ abused kids, how come he didnt abuse that Home Alone Kid?".
Michael was no fool. That Home Alone Kid had a fan base which could tear Michael to shreds and could afford high profile lawyers powerful enough to skull grab Michael through the media and the courts, which is why its so much easier to abuse an unknown boy because you have immediately have the advantage of saying, "they were trying to get my money because they haven't got any of their own." It wouldn't make sense to hurt a famous child because that famous child would already have the hearts of adorirng fans who would easily believe anything they told him, an unknown child has no connection whatsoever with the public and so any images being given to the media is seen as an extension of Michaels so if Michael says, "that kids a liar!" then his fans would believe that the kid is indeed a liar.
Another interesting thing to mention is this- if you were accused of abusing a little boy in the past why would you want to attract children to your home by creating a theme park when you know exactly what people already think about you. If you want to attract flies to your house, just cover it in shit and when you want to attract children to your home, build a motherfucking theme park and call it "NeverLand."
It is important to know that Michael was not found innocent, he was acquitted because not enough evidence was found, if somebody takes a dump in a Fudge Cake Mixture they can get away with it in court if there is not evidence in court to prove it, that does not make them innocent.
Michael was a world icon, but to ignore the clear evidence and proof that he was kiddy fiddler only highlights how idiotic some people are, ESPECIALLY black supporters of Michael as Michael Jackson never wanted to be black, and i dont care what he went through as a child, the fact of the matter is is that he re-constructed his face to resemble a white woman, he bleached his skin, rocked a black lace front and had a dent placed in his chin to resemble a caucasian person, so its very funny that BET spent the entire night tributing him when like Elvis, Michael used black music and then dumped it the second an oppurtunity with a little less color came along.
The Pop Slut
Monday, 29 June 2009
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
Pretty Fly for a Caucasian Guy
POP GIGOLO:
(this is a serious post, ill give y'all some wit when I find out who the fuck told my mama I was homo.)
So im sure many of you would have heard about what happened between Will.I. Am So Unsuccesful On My Own Sort Of Like Nicole Scherzingermershenteiger and my beau Perez Hilton (he's the only guy that could make me gay for pay- except Pete Wentz and Mathew McHonaughey and Diddy and Bow W-) Now I was getting so hot and heated just watching Will.I. Am's irrelevants ass try and act as though Perez imagined what happened, so here are my views, (if you are affiliated with any of the anonymous members of Black Eyed Peas please look away now.)
BEP should be PLEASED that Perez is talking about them on their blog because you know nobody else is, it makes me laugh that Will. I. Am tried to suggest that Perez should keep his opinions to himself just because he spoke about his band negatively because Im sure if Perez complimented the way in which The Black Eyed Peas have succesfully spent more than 5 years in the public eye even though the public only know two of the members by name Will would have been all over Perez's ass.
As for Fergie, nobody is "tryna copy yo swagger" because as I said in a previous post, you cant have stolen something from you if you didnt have that something in the first place, Fergie has now joined my list of "artists" who i will ridicule and mock on this site.
List of "Artists" To Ridicule and Mock On This Site (June 23rd 2009)
1. Keri Hilson.
2. Fergie- New Entry.
3. Ciara
4. Michael Jackson
5. Janet Jackson
6. Super C
7. Ciara
Lists of "Artists" To Ridicule and Mock On This Site (June 22nd 2009)
1. Bow Wow.
2. Keri Hilson.
3. Ciara
4. Neyo
5. Janet Jackson
6. Super C
7. Soulja Boy
As you can see, Soulja Boy, Neyo and Bow Wow have all been taken off the list because all three of them came to my trailer park to sort things out like men, to see the video click www.homothug.com/fakegangstersgetdownanddirty
(Bow Wows a bottom- just in case you wanted to know).
Fergie is really pissed now that she has pissed off the Queen of the Mainstream (i mean Perez) because Fergie hasn't got a fan base big enough to counter-act the insults and the fugliness Perez is going to throw at that hoe. Perez talks shit about uurbody even SuperCreoleIconSuperStarLivingLegendExtradordinaire Fierce but because she has fans that will go to jail for her, Perez's words have no affect on her.
I sincerely hope whoever punched Perez goes to jail for Assault On A QuickLipped FruitCake.
Now I won't go too much into the Chris Brown/ Rihanna case because I really dont have time for ugly fat good for nothing girls like the ones supporting him outside the courthouse tweeting me with comments like "fuck you, chris aint touch nobody" or "chris punched, kicked, bit, straddled, popped, locked and dropped her cos she started it", so all I'll say is this:
According to a certain living legend, Rihanna is like family, meaning that Rihanna is related to Baby Juelz, the same Baby Juelz who fucked up Madox for not letting him borrow his Bear In the Big Blue House Sing Along DVD, I can email Juelz right now and have he Zahara and Baby Mercy roll up outside Chris' place of employment and fuck his shit up, lets see how he likes a photo of his battered and bruised face all over TMZ.
Let's discuss my penis, last night I had sex again for the second time this decade (IM ON A ROLL!) and my fuck buddy said during our fuck session that she feels that she wished my penis was too big, too strong, too wide and didnt fit and that she wished she could say "im walking like this cos i just backed it up". Instead she told me that it was the worst sex ever and so I need your help.
If you would like to have sex with me, to help me get better, tweet me, let me know where you wanna meet, Wendy's Car Park, backseat of your mama's car, bitch im game.
(this is a serious post, ill give y'all some wit when I find out who the fuck told my mama I was homo.)
So im sure many of you would have heard about what happened between Will.I. Am So Unsuccesful On My Own Sort Of Like Nicole Scherzingermershenteiger and my beau Perez Hilton (he's the only guy that could make me gay for pay- except Pete Wentz and Mathew McHonaughey and Diddy and Bow W-) Now I was getting so hot and heated just watching Will.I. Am's irrelevants ass try and act as though Perez imagined what happened, so here are my views, (if you are affiliated with any of the anonymous members of Black Eyed Peas please look away now.)
BEP should be PLEASED that Perez is talking about them on their blog because you know nobody else is, it makes me laugh that Will. I. Am tried to suggest that Perez should keep his opinions to himself just because he spoke about his band negatively because Im sure if Perez complimented the way in which The Black Eyed Peas have succesfully spent more than 5 years in the public eye even though the public only know two of the members by name Will would have been all over Perez's ass.
As for Fergie, nobody is "tryna copy yo swagger" because as I said in a previous post, you cant have stolen something from you if you didnt have that something in the first place, Fergie has now joined my list of "artists" who i will ridicule and mock on this site.
List of "Artists" To Ridicule and Mock On This Site (June 23rd 2009)
1. Keri Hilson.
2. Fergie- New Entry.
3. Ciara
4. Michael Jackson
5. Janet Jackson
6. Super C
7. Ciara
Lists of "Artists" To Ridicule and Mock On This Site (June 22nd 2009)
1. Bow Wow.
2. Keri Hilson.
3. Ciara
4. Neyo
5. Janet Jackson
6. Super C
7. Soulja Boy
As you can see, Soulja Boy, Neyo and Bow Wow have all been taken off the list because all three of them came to my trailer park to sort things out like men, to see the video click www.homothug.com/fakegangstersgetdownanddirty
(Bow Wows a bottom- just in case you wanted to know).
Fergie is really pissed now that she has pissed off the Queen of the Mainstream (i mean Perez) because Fergie hasn't got a fan base big enough to counter-act the insults and the fugliness Perez is going to throw at that hoe. Perez talks shit about uurbody even SuperCreoleIconSuperStarLivingLegendExtradordinaire Fierce but because she has fans that will go to jail for her, Perez's words have no affect on her.
I sincerely hope whoever punched Perez goes to jail for Assault On A QuickLipped FruitCake.
Now I won't go too much into the Chris Brown/ Rihanna case because I really dont have time for ugly fat good for nothing girls like the ones supporting him outside the courthouse tweeting me with comments like "fuck you, chris aint touch nobody" or "chris punched, kicked, bit, straddled, popped, locked and dropped her cos she started it", so all I'll say is this:
According to a certain living legend, Rihanna is like family, meaning that Rihanna is related to Baby Juelz, the same Baby Juelz who fucked up Madox for not letting him borrow his Bear In the Big Blue House Sing Along DVD, I can email Juelz right now and have he Zahara and Baby Mercy roll up outside Chris' place of employment and fuck his shit up, lets see how he likes a photo of his battered and bruised face all over TMZ.
Let's discuss my penis, last night I had sex again for the second time this decade (IM ON A ROLL!) and my fuck buddy said during our fuck session that she feels that she wished my penis was too big, too strong, too wide and didnt fit and that she wished she could say "im walking like this cos i just backed it up". Instead she told me that it was the worst sex ever and so I need your help.
If you would like to have sex with me, to help me get better, tweet me, let me know where you wanna meet, Wendy's Car Park, backseat of your mama's car, bitch im game.
Sunday, 21 June 2009
I'll tell you what i want what I really really want
PopGigolo:
Today is Father's today. Should I smile? Should I Laugh? Should I drop down low and sweep the motherfucking floor with it?
After spending the entire day questioning my mother about the night of my birth where all I was told was that "there was Alize', a group of men and a water bed, thats all you need to know" I decided to head on down to my homegirl Pop Slut's house where she showed me something which disturbed my kindred spirit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k5sn15tERo
On this Father's Day I'd like to give all you single ladies out there some advice to ensure you do not have to spend a half hour on Maury's seat being reminded of how slutty you are:
1. If you meet a guy at the ghetto theatre who says "Y'nahwaddaymean" after every 2 minutes, do not let get impregnated by him. He will leave your stupid ass for either your mother, your sister Shaqueenishina or your homegirl Bomtactilita who is actually your second cousin after your uncle Rashween knocked up LaShayShay who conceived Bontactilita two days after going down on Riquan from round the way who is also your sister Shaqueenishina's step son. (inhale deeply.)
2. If you know you're a slut, get your tubes tied. Why do these sluts keep on fucking guys, getting pregnant and then are shocked when they can't remember which guy hit it from the back or just put it in her mouth (can you get pregnant by letting a guy put it in your mouth, all replies welcome, especially yours Milian.) What you need to do, is get your tubes tied so you cant bring any more hoodrats into the world- that way you dont have to go from city to city looking for a guy who is actually now living as a woman going by the name of Francesca Genita-Lea.
3. If you know you're a slut and can't control yourself from letting every guy get gritty with your kitty, then sew the pussy up, sew the pussy up. They do it in some places in Africa and it keeps the girls from being slutty, however those little kids always seem to be up the duff:http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.geocities.com/fon_is_fun/images/swollen_stomach.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.geocities.com/fon_is_fun/French/fr_more_pictures.htm&usg=__Vlr8B1LGgFdiY3v-CRm6Na2ayJc=&h=447&w=300&sz=24&hl=en&start=30&um=1&tbnid=xd8jKS3orKxmsM:&tbnh=127&tbnw=85&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dmalnutrition%2Bbig%2Bstomach%26ndsp%3D20%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26start%3D20%26um%3D1
In other news, I was informed that my blog is so hard to read because there are no pictures, so i am sorry. Let me explain why my blog has no photos.
This blog is aimed at smart people who can actually read long paragraphs and enjoy spicy commentaries on pop culture, smart people who say shit like "I'm like so fucking intellectual" and shit like "Dahling- would you like tay or coffay?". shit like that. If you would like something aimed at stupid people who cant decided whether they are faux or against Beyonce, then please follow this link http://www.mediatakeout.com/Beyonce'performsHappyBirthdayWithoutCreditingOriginalWriters
If you want to read something smart. sit back, relax and join the show, if not just fuck off! just fuck off.
Daddy If you see this, please contact me, i've gotcho eyes, yo mout and yo monobrow- how you gon say i aint yos.
Today is Father's today. Should I smile? Should I Laugh? Should I drop down low and sweep the motherfucking floor with it?
After spending the entire day questioning my mother about the night of my birth where all I was told was that "there was Alize', a group of men and a water bed, thats all you need to know" I decided to head on down to my homegirl Pop Slut's house where she showed me something which disturbed my kindred spirit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k5sn15tERo
On this Father's Day I'd like to give all you single ladies out there some advice to ensure you do not have to spend a half hour on Maury's seat being reminded of how slutty you are:
1. If you meet a guy at the ghetto theatre who says "Y'nahwaddaymean" after every 2 minutes, do not let get impregnated by him. He will leave your stupid ass for either your mother, your sister Shaqueenishina or your homegirl Bomtactilita who is actually your second cousin after your uncle Rashween knocked up LaShayShay who conceived Bontactilita two days after going down on Riquan from round the way who is also your sister Shaqueenishina's step son. (inhale deeply.)
2. If you know you're a slut, get your tubes tied. Why do these sluts keep on fucking guys, getting pregnant and then are shocked when they can't remember which guy hit it from the back or just put it in her mouth (can you get pregnant by letting a guy put it in your mouth, all replies welcome, especially yours Milian.) What you need to do, is get your tubes tied so you cant bring any more hoodrats into the world- that way you dont have to go from city to city looking for a guy who is actually now living as a woman going by the name of Francesca Genita-Lea.
3. If you know you're a slut and can't control yourself from letting every guy get gritty with your kitty, then sew the pussy up, sew the pussy up. They do it in some places in Africa and it keeps the girls from being slutty, however those little kids always seem to be up the duff:http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.geocities.com/fon_is_fun/images/swollen_stomach.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.geocities.com/fon_is_fun/French/fr_more_pictures.htm&usg=__Vlr8B1LGgFdiY3v-CRm6Na2ayJc=&h=447&w=300&sz=24&hl=en&start=30&um=1&tbnid=xd8jKS3orKxmsM:&tbnh=127&tbnw=85&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dmalnutrition%2Bbig%2Bstomach%26ndsp%3D20%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26start%3D20%26um%3D1
In other news, I was informed that my blog is so hard to read because there are no pictures, so i am sorry. Let me explain why my blog has no photos.
This blog is aimed at smart people who can actually read long paragraphs and enjoy spicy commentaries on pop culture, smart people who say shit like "I'm like so fucking intellectual" and shit like "Dahling- would you like tay or coffay?". shit like that. If you would like something aimed at stupid people who cant decided whether they are faux or against Beyonce, then please follow this link http://www.mediatakeout.com/Beyonce'performsHappyBirthdayWithoutCreditingOriginalWriters
If you want to read something smart. sit back, relax and join the show, if not just fuck off! just fuck off.
Daddy If you see this, please contact me, i've gotcho eyes, yo mout and yo monobrow- how you gon say i aint yos.
Friday, 19 June 2009
Im pretty mad today, bare with me
It seemed like only yesterday Mariah was slinging her plastic kitty around town trying to convince her fans (who still haven't noticed that it is no longer 1995) to buy E=MC2 which if you have read some of previous posts will know that that album title is makes no sense at all, but i won't go into that.
So now Mariah has managed to finish a new record produced by none other than senor midget himself, she has released a brand new single called Obsessed. Being the Beyonce' stan that I am it is taking every ounce of stregnth in my Creole body not to scream "BITER" but i wont because there are more important issues at hand.
If Mariah thinks this song is going to convince anybody that Eminem didn't piss on her, then her mind is as fucked up as her live singing, the lyrics in the song clearly contradict themselves, for example how is it possible that "noone here even mentions your name" but at the same time is "a conversation" and if "i don't even know who you are" how the hell did you know that he was "in LA but i'm out in Jermaine's."
If you ask me, i think that Janet Jackson wrote this song to sabotage Mariah for being the only artist Janet's boyfriend actually makes money off OR Mariah was too busy injecting her face with duck cum to notice that she was singing total shit.
I'm sure she thinks she's showing her loyalty to that irrelevant skinny ass husband of hers by getting at the man who claims to have pissed on her and even though I hate Eminem just as much as the next intelligent person, Mariah does herself no favours by even acknowledging what Eminem has been saying about her, in fact all she does is tarnish her icon status by becoming as petty and as childish as a d-list disstrack artist like Keri Hilson.
Mariah's problem is this- whilst trying to be down the kids she is actually cheapening herself by using slang made for hoodrats like Keisha Cole and Monica. I really dont know who Mariah is trying to appeal to, especially as i dont get how someone who loved Vision of Love can find the patience to listen to lifeless and meaningless urban shit like Obsessed. We all know how this album will pan out, a big single, impressive first week sales and then a sudden fall off the charts followed by the release of singles that only BET will agree to play.
In other news lets talk about Wale. All i have to say is that if you made me close my eyes, I would bet $2000 that it was SantiGold and not Lady Gaga who is on that track and id bet a further $300000000 that Lady Gaga only appeared on the track because of business and not because she enjoys the music of him. This is the problem with new artists who try and use popular artists to generate a buzz for their own music, IT RARELY WORKS. Because the second you dont have any colloborations, nobody will care about what you have to say no matter how hard you try to convince your management to not kick your ass out in the cold streets of the F-List.
Ok guys, so let's talk about something that has been bothering me.
I started a job 5 years ago and basically in the first year i looked really good but i dissapointed my boss by not doing anything at all and basically embarrasing myself, but because my boss has a thing for no talent hacks (he is one himself) he didn't fire me. However it came to my attention a few months ago that i could be fired so I started letting my boss put his powerful eel into my untalented cave so i could insure myself against be fired, it worked and now i have a new album out:
http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://blackstarnews.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/diddy_cassie.jpg&imgrefurl=http://blackstarnews.com/blog/%3Fp%3D680&usg=__9HzVk5Fu7ab_vEmQ_RGPRsj4LfY=&h=365&w=365&sz=40&hl=en&start=2&um=1&tbnid=_R4XCpu5p5vXNM:&tbnh=121&tbnw=121&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcassie%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1
Now that everyone knows what i did, they ridicule me even harder than they did before, commenting on my lack of vocal talent and my rhythm deficiency, the compare me to other artists who cant sing or dance but would do a good job on America's Next Top Failed Pop Artist Turned Model for which Ciara is currently the host of.
Here is a run down of episode 1:
The remaining 6 failed pop artists must complete a runway challenge where they must balance ten copies of Tina Knowles best selling autobiographies "Mein Razor" on their heads whilst holding 50 unsold copies of Ciara's Fantasy Ride in each hand whilst being whipped by Clive Davis and the executives of their respective labels as they catwalk on the broken pieces of Janet Jackson's Damita Jo, 20 Y.o and Discipline records.
Bow Wow won the challenge and was allowed to pick one friend to join him to go backstage at the VMAs to clean up the cum stains Diddy left all over Cassie's dressing room carpet which she is sharing with entire cast of Making Da Unsuccesful Band and I Want To Be Humiliated By An UnTalented Rapper Named After A Brand of Confectionary Doughnuts.
So now Mariah has managed to finish a new record produced by none other than senor midget himself, she has released a brand new single called Obsessed. Being the Beyonce' stan that I am it is taking every ounce of stregnth in my Creole body not to scream "BITER" but i wont because there are more important issues at hand.
If Mariah thinks this song is going to convince anybody that Eminem didn't piss on her, then her mind is as fucked up as her live singing, the lyrics in the song clearly contradict themselves, for example how is it possible that "noone here even mentions your name" but at the same time is "a conversation" and if "i don't even know who you are" how the hell did you know that he was "in LA but i'm out in Jermaine's."
If you ask me, i think that Janet Jackson wrote this song to sabotage Mariah for being the only artist Janet's boyfriend actually makes money off OR Mariah was too busy injecting her face with duck cum to notice that she was singing total shit.
I'm sure she thinks she's showing her loyalty to that irrelevant skinny ass husband of hers by getting at the man who claims to have pissed on her and even though I hate Eminem just as much as the next intelligent person, Mariah does herself no favours by even acknowledging what Eminem has been saying about her, in fact all she does is tarnish her icon status by becoming as petty and as childish as a d-list disstrack artist like Keri Hilson.
Mariah's problem is this- whilst trying to be down the kids she is actually cheapening herself by using slang made for hoodrats like Keisha Cole and Monica. I really dont know who Mariah is trying to appeal to, especially as i dont get how someone who loved Vision of Love can find the patience to listen to lifeless and meaningless urban shit like Obsessed. We all know how this album will pan out, a big single, impressive first week sales and then a sudden fall off the charts followed by the release of singles that only BET will agree to play.
In other news lets talk about Wale. All i have to say is that if you made me close my eyes, I would bet $2000 that it was SantiGold and not Lady Gaga who is on that track and id bet a further $300000000 that Lady Gaga only appeared on the track because of business and not because she enjoys the music of him. This is the problem with new artists who try and use popular artists to generate a buzz for their own music, IT RARELY WORKS. Because the second you dont have any colloborations, nobody will care about what you have to say no matter how hard you try to convince your management to not kick your ass out in the cold streets of the F-List.
Ok guys, so let's talk about something that has been bothering me.
I started a job 5 years ago and basically in the first year i looked really good but i dissapointed my boss by not doing anything at all and basically embarrasing myself, but because my boss has a thing for no talent hacks (he is one himself) he didn't fire me. However it came to my attention a few months ago that i could be fired so I started letting my boss put his powerful eel into my untalented cave so i could insure myself against be fired, it worked and now i have a new album out:
http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://blackstarnews.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/diddy_cassie.jpg&imgrefurl=http://blackstarnews.com/blog/%3Fp%3D680&usg=__9HzVk5Fu7ab_vEmQ_RGPRsj4LfY=&h=365&w=365&sz=40&hl=en&start=2&um=1&tbnid=_R4XCpu5p5vXNM:&tbnh=121&tbnw=121&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcassie%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1
Now that everyone knows what i did, they ridicule me even harder than they did before, commenting on my lack of vocal talent and my rhythm deficiency, the compare me to other artists who cant sing or dance but would do a good job on America's Next Top Failed Pop Artist Turned Model for which Ciara is currently the host of.
Here is a run down of episode 1:
The remaining 6 failed pop artists must complete a runway challenge where they must balance ten copies of Tina Knowles best selling autobiographies "Mein Razor" on their heads whilst holding 50 unsold copies of Ciara's Fantasy Ride in each hand whilst being whipped by Clive Davis and the executives of their respective labels as they catwalk on the broken pieces of Janet Jackson's Damita Jo, 20 Y.o and Discipline records.
Bow Wow won the challenge and was allowed to pick one friend to join him to go backstage at the VMAs to clean up the cum stains Diddy left all over Cassie's dressing room carpet which she is sharing with entire cast of Making Da Unsuccesful Band and I Want To Be Humiliated By An UnTalented Rapper Named After A Brand of Confectionary Doughnuts.
Sunday, 14 June 2009
Artist Fuck.
I have two fuck buddies, one of them is called Spears, one of them is called Carter- Fierece-Knowles.
A few nights ago I fucked with Spears, the fuck was so good until the point when I realised that Spears wasn't actually fucking me but had actually put a dildo in me and was simply simulating the movements people make when they're fucking somebody else, in-out-in-out, thrust, thrust, thrust.
After the "fuck" I felt a little cheated because I could have done what Spears did to me at home, I didnt need to go all the way over there for Spears to put a dildo in me and pretend to fuck me.
So the following night, I went to Carter-Fierce Knowles, because everyone had said how good CFK was at fucking i was expecting a good fuck but after being cheated by Spears, I really didnt expect too much and the fucking got so good, this time i was actually getting fucked, i came 40 times in the first ten minutes and to make it all better, CFK got innovative on my ass eventhough CFK didnt need to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUpmFinZgXY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD0CNp-ExpQ&feature=related
A few nights ago I fucked with Spears, the fuck was so good until the point when I realised that Spears wasn't actually fucking me but had actually put a dildo in me and was simply simulating the movements people make when they're fucking somebody else, in-out-in-out, thrust, thrust, thrust.
After the "fuck" I felt a little cheated because I could have done what Spears did to me at home, I didnt need to go all the way over there for Spears to put a dildo in me and pretend to fuck me.
So the following night, I went to Carter-Fierce Knowles, because everyone had said how good CFK was at fucking i was expecting a good fuck but after being cheated by Spears, I really didnt expect too much and the fucking got so good, this time i was actually getting fucked, i came 40 times in the first ten minutes and to make it all better, CFK got innovative on my ass eventhough CFK didnt need to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUpmFinZgXY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD0CNp-ExpQ&feature=related
Friday, 12 June 2009
Six degrees of celebrity seperation
I am going to do the impossible and find the way in which Elvis Presley is connected to Ashanti. Ok so here i go:
Elvis Presley's daughter Lisa Marie married Pop Paedophile Michael Jackson the same Pop Paedo who used to bump vaginas with Diana Ross the same Diana Ross who was played by The Almighty Fierce in DreamGirls which also starred Jamie Foxx, the same Jamie Foxx who unloaded in SuperHead's mouth, the same SuperHead who let 50 Cent unload in her mouth, the same 50 cent who has beef with Ja Rule, the same Ja Rule who put it in the mouth of Ashanti.
Elvis Presley's daughter Lisa Marie married Pop Paedophile Michael Jackson the same Pop Paedo who used to bump vaginas with Diana Ross the same Diana Ross who was played by The Almighty Fierce in DreamGirls which also starred Jamie Foxx, the same Jamie Foxx who unloaded in SuperHead's mouth, the same SuperHead who let 50 Cent unload in her mouth, the same 50 cent who has beef with Ja Rule, the same Ja Rule who put it in the mouth of Ashanti.
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Sex..... Sex.......
Last night I had sex, and before I tell you what happened you'll have to read the 7 different levels of sex that I have:
1. "So I guess You think that was sex"- sex.
2. "Wake Me Up when you're done" sex.
3. "So shit that it's funny"- sex.
4. "You can borrow my car," sex.
5. "You can have the keys to my car," sex.
6."I want you to fuck me in my car right now!" sex.
7. "PopSlut is unable to walk to the phone" sex.
The sex last night was level 3 sex, the sex was so shit that even my dog started pissing myself laughing. The worst part about it was, was that he used to be so good, he used in to be in demand when he did it he had bitches like me thinking about it for weeks, but now more than a decade after our first fuck, he is dissapointing, embarrasing and thinks that his past awesomery would compensate for his current bullshit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfY1gzGrpfY
You can only talk like that if you can back it up, and if you can't back it up-shut the fuck up. Did you think people wouldn't notice that all you do is walk around half dead doing nothing, did you think your past achievements would blind people from the fuckery you are doing now, au contraire my love au contraire my dear.
I need a real good fuck- one that can satisfy all my needs, one that gets me hot and discombombolated just thinking about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7nKvHkJh_Y&feature=related
1. "So I guess You think that was sex"- sex.
2. "Wake Me Up when you're done" sex.
3. "So shit that it's funny"- sex.
4. "You can borrow my car," sex.
5. "You can have the keys to my car," sex.
6."I want you to fuck me in my car right now!" sex.
7. "PopSlut is unable to walk to the phone" sex.
The sex last night was level 3 sex, the sex was so shit that even my dog started pissing myself laughing. The worst part about it was, was that he used to be so good, he used in to be in demand when he did it he had bitches like me thinking about it for weeks, but now more than a decade after our first fuck, he is dissapointing, embarrasing and thinks that his past awesomery would compensate for his current bullshit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfY1gzGrpfY
You can only talk like that if you can back it up, and if you can't back it up-shut the fuck up. Did you think people wouldn't notice that all you do is walk around half dead doing nothing, did you think your past achievements would blind people from the fuckery you are doing now, au contraire my love au contraire my dear.
I need a real good fuck- one that can satisfy all my needs, one that gets me hot and discombombolated just thinking about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7nKvHkJh_Y&feature=related
The Death of AutoTune, Uk rap? i'd rather eat my own decaying shit
POPSLUT:
Jay Z is a genius.
After waking up from a 12 month pussy coma that none other than High Priestess Creole put him in, he decided to stir up a little shit, get at a few motherfuckers that need confronting and this pop whore is liking it.
To me, especially as someone who grew up in the late 80s I find it distressing when I think about how unispiring aspiring hip hop artists are, the lack of innovation and the lack of anything deep to discuss. I should state that although I think Soulja Boy is a joke, it is not his fault that modern black audiences are stupid enough to pay attention to what he puts out and it isnt his fault that people have standards lower than Janet Jackson's tatas.
People are generally stupid, if people were smart the only female artist that would exist would be Beyonce' and the only rappers that exist would be Kanye (not the best lyricist but his avant garde swag turns me on) Jay Z and a few others who I do not have the time to mention.
But because people are stupid, record labels feed into that stupidity and sign artists who think Liberace is a French fashion label and sign artists who are nothing more than carbon copies of other stupid artists out right now. MARK MY WORDS- very soon a new younger version of Rihanna is going to come out by the end of next year, mark my words!
This is why I'm so happy Jay Z decided to get at the idiots who think autotune will hide the fact that their lyrics are stupid. T-Pain's melodies are so beautiful (I'm On A Boat is my favourite) that with out without auto-tune he is still an amazing writer and Kanye had an excuse to use auto-tune because it added a darker almost futuristic feel to the beautiful piece of Pop music that is 808s and Heartbreak.
The unoriginality in hip hop is astounding which is why I am so pleased with the UK urban scene where Kano, Tinchy Stryder, ChipMunk, Ndubz, Bashy etc all support each other's movements and originality and as Im always in London I can't help but to be inspired by their popularity and mainstream chart success.
However the UK has the worst case of amateur rappers who have no voice and originality.
In the Uk, the welfare state exists meaning that no matter how poor you are- you can still get free medical treatment, food to eat, clothes on your back and cocoa butter on your genital warts so when I hear Uk amateurs trying to talk about how "shit is on the streets" i feel like kicking them in the shin.
I wish that everytime a Uk amateur went on Channel Aka, Dizzee Rascal would just be sitting next to them, staring at them and everytime they tried to talk about their "struggle on the streets" he would just punch them in the back of the head.
Today in my hotel room, I was watching Channel AKA and almost vomited at the tackiness I was seeing, trying to be all up in the club throwing money carelessy around as if they've forgotten that their rent is due in a week. I feel like slapping their ignorant faces. They are so stupid. So foolish. So motherfucking nul in void.
When it comes to female mcs, the females come harder than the males, Shystie is fierce, Jenita is um..... sorry i just cant, Ms. Dynamite WAS a UK Rap Icon until her head got a little bit too big (hehe) and Lady SOV is still pissed off that Jay Z signed her, let Missy have her way with her (you've got a dirty mind) and then threw her back into the Uk, there is nothing worse than a Uk artist being signed by a major US label and then being dropped, being forced to move back to the UK.
If UK Hip Hop wants to move forward, they need to cut the fat, in other words Channel Aka to censor what they put on and only allow the best of the best on so that it is real competition, I wouldn't clean my labia with 80% of whats on that channel and I sincerely hope that the real icons of British Hip Hop continue to shit on the fools who really need to get a clue.
That will be all.
Jay Z is a genius.
After waking up from a 12 month pussy coma that none other than High Priestess Creole put him in, he decided to stir up a little shit, get at a few motherfuckers that need confronting and this pop whore is liking it.
To me, especially as someone who grew up in the late 80s I find it distressing when I think about how unispiring aspiring hip hop artists are, the lack of innovation and the lack of anything deep to discuss. I should state that although I think Soulja Boy is a joke, it is not his fault that modern black audiences are stupid enough to pay attention to what he puts out and it isnt his fault that people have standards lower than Janet Jackson's tatas.
People are generally stupid, if people were smart the only female artist that would exist would be Beyonce' and the only rappers that exist would be Kanye (not the best lyricist but his avant garde swag turns me on) Jay Z and a few others who I do not have the time to mention.
But because people are stupid, record labels feed into that stupidity and sign artists who think Liberace is a French fashion label and sign artists who are nothing more than carbon copies of other stupid artists out right now. MARK MY WORDS- very soon a new younger version of Rihanna is going to come out by the end of next year, mark my words!
This is why I'm so happy Jay Z decided to get at the idiots who think autotune will hide the fact that their lyrics are stupid. T-Pain's melodies are so beautiful (I'm On A Boat is my favourite) that with out without auto-tune he is still an amazing writer and Kanye had an excuse to use auto-tune because it added a darker almost futuristic feel to the beautiful piece of Pop music that is 808s and Heartbreak.
The unoriginality in hip hop is astounding which is why I am so pleased with the UK urban scene where Kano, Tinchy Stryder, ChipMunk, Ndubz, Bashy etc all support each other's movements and originality and as Im always in London I can't help but to be inspired by their popularity and mainstream chart success.
However the UK has the worst case of amateur rappers who have no voice and originality.
In the Uk, the welfare state exists meaning that no matter how poor you are- you can still get free medical treatment, food to eat, clothes on your back and cocoa butter on your genital warts so when I hear Uk amateurs trying to talk about how "shit is on the streets" i feel like kicking them in the shin.
I wish that everytime a Uk amateur went on Channel Aka, Dizzee Rascal would just be sitting next to them, staring at them and everytime they tried to talk about their "struggle on the streets" he would just punch them in the back of the head.
Today in my hotel room, I was watching Channel AKA and almost vomited at the tackiness I was seeing, trying to be all up in the club throwing money carelessy around as if they've forgotten that their rent is due in a week. I feel like slapping their ignorant faces. They are so stupid. So foolish. So motherfucking nul in void.
When it comes to female mcs, the females come harder than the males, Shystie is fierce, Jenita is um..... sorry i just cant, Ms. Dynamite WAS a UK Rap Icon until her head got a little bit too big (hehe) and Lady SOV is still pissed off that Jay Z signed her, let Missy have her way with her (you've got a dirty mind) and then threw her back into the Uk, there is nothing worse than a Uk artist being signed by a major US label and then being dropped, being forced to move back to the UK.
If UK Hip Hop wants to move forward, they need to cut the fat, in other words Channel Aka to censor what they put on and only allow the best of the best on so that it is real competition, I wouldn't clean my labia with 80% of whats on that channel and I sincerely hope that the real icons of British Hip Hop continue to shit on the fools who really need to get a clue.
That will be all.
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
The Wig Crypt/ Ciara girl- im sorry.
Could I have chosen a better time to start my blog, when the blog whose concept I bit is in the middle of a crisis. The Wig Crypt has been the source of a satirical pop culture commentaries centred around The Goddess Beyonce' and now that is under construction (or whatever the fuck is wrong with it) I have enough time to develop a fan base without having to worry about The Wig Crypt's intelligent ass outshining my posts. Haha I say, Haha.
So whilst the competition's systems are down, I think now would be a good time to explain why I started this blog.
For a long time, whenever Id be in a conversation with people about music and pop culture, I found myself being the only one who actually understood how to read sales or how to tell how and why Rihanna and Chris Brown's publicists were setting up "coincidental" photo oppurtunities of the two of them leaving KFC as if the press all decided to go out for a munch and noticed that two of the world's biggest teeny boppers were there too.
And so I decided to make this blog for people out there who know shit, who understand shit, who don't take no fucking shit, (you get my shit?) and so my aim is to promote, mock, tease, scold and dick ride artists who make pop culture what it is. Yes, I may have a biased towards Beyonce' and The Knowles, Barrack and The Obamas and Harry and the Hendersons but I do try to give equal amount of time to other artists.
I would like to make a formal apologise to Ciara- Ive been a little harsh on her for swagger biting and her sales but I saw an interview she did with GrapeJuice and i told myself, "Ernest (cos that's my middle name) I said "Ernest, this girl is tooooooooooooooooooooooo sweet and too cute to hate on," So now, I will simply comment on Ciara's career, not bash it, not diss it, not kick it about.
To show how truly sorry I am, I'm going to promote Ciara's record which is out in stores NOW and her new video, Work which shares many coincidental similarities to Sasha Fierce's Diva.
So whilst the competition's systems are down, I think now would be a good time to explain why I started this blog.
For a long time, whenever Id be in a conversation with people about music and pop culture, I found myself being the only one who actually understood how to read sales or how to tell how and why Rihanna and Chris Brown's publicists were setting up "coincidental" photo oppurtunities of the two of them leaving KFC as if the press all decided to go out for a munch and noticed that two of the world's biggest teeny boppers were there too.
And so I decided to make this blog for people out there who know shit, who understand shit, who don't take no fucking shit, (you get my shit?) and so my aim is to promote, mock, tease, scold and dick ride artists who make pop culture what it is. Yes, I may have a biased towards Beyonce' and The Knowles, Barrack and The Obamas and Harry and the Hendersons but I do try to give equal amount of time to other artists.
I would like to make a formal apologise to Ciara- Ive been a little harsh on her for swagger biting and her sales but I saw an interview she did with GrapeJuice and i told myself, "Ernest (cos that's my middle name) I said "Ernest, this girl is tooooooooooooooooooooooo sweet and too cute to hate on," So now, I will simply comment on Ciara's career, not bash it, not diss it, not kick it about.
To show how truly sorry I am, I'm going to promote Ciara's record which is out in stores NOW and her new video, Work which shares many coincidental similarities to Sasha Fierce's Diva.
Monday, 8 June 2009
BLACK GIRLS ARE THE TEA BUT I DONT MIND A LITTLE CREAM IN MY COFFEE
Being the kind hearted, fame hungry popslut that I am, I make it my business to find the hottest unsigned or brand new acts out there to promote on here so if they do get famous, I can claim some fame. here we go:
Lucie- This bitch is the sugar honey ice tea with chocolate on the top. The covergirl looks and the fierce pop is a lethal combination, her accent gets me everytime, she's sort of like a British Grace Jones, just much prettier and more mainstream, this song is just perfect for vogueing, i know this because my Uncle Alberta just spent three hours doing it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbgd_26j6OE&feature=channel_page
Zewdy- This girl is just too hot to handle, exotic, a great big voice and she's versatile, she can go from Teenage Love Affair to Diva and look good doing it, she has very little original material but her voice sounds amazing on other people's songs and Im sure if given the right writer,s she'll have good material enjoy:http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&v=2kMn6brcPTY
Fefe Dobson: If this girl didnt exist, Rihanna could not have released Good Girl Gone Bad because there would have been nothing for Rihanna's A&R to copy, she's edgy rock pop and her unique style is really inspiring:http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&v=9UhkEqpAddw
Chester French- From my point of view (which is always right) these guys are the result of when Avant Garde Pop breaks down in the middle of a deserted road and meets Indie Rock who hasn't fucked in weeks and so the two get it in creating some sort of Avant Indie (I COINED THAT PHRASE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO USE MAKE SURE YOU REFERENCE ME):http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM5AcVUGEN4
Cobra Starship- These guys have been around for a minute but they're music gets more and more unique and amazing, they did a remix to HollaBack Girl which shits on the original and their remix of Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl called I Kissed A Boy actually made PopGigolo go out and make out with about 6 guys at the club last night at Beyonce's After Show Party (which might i add was out of this world- the show and the party) enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO55PinDyHs
Ciara- Since Ciara is still opening up for the other artists she may as well be a new artist but after seeing her admiration for Sasha last night, I knew that It wouldn't be right If i always got at Ciara for biting and then ignored when she came out to see what a Living Legend really looks like. Ciara's song Work pays homage to the drag queens of New York (homegirl even referecnes House of Xtravangza) but itll take a lot more than that to win the hearts of a gay audience, perhaps she should have stayed with Bow Wow to see how he did it, heres her new single Work which I LOVE up until she starts doing that thing where she speaks over the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssa5AjIUZWI
I would like to thank Katy Perry for being so nice last night and being so beautiful as well, Id also like to thank the fat girl sitting in front of me at the show last night.
For those of you too poor to see Beyonce' live, i'll give you the highlights of the show:
1. Shontelle getting off the stage.
2. Zarif KILLING IT.
3. The Entire Show.
4. Beyonce' grabbing her crotch during If I Were a Boy.
5. Beyonce' floating over the audience.
6. Beyonce' unable to pronounce the guys name at the beginning of Say My Name, if you've see her on youtube you know that she asks a member of the audience to tell them her name and she'll sing their name to them during Say My Name but the guys name was so complicated, B was like "Halal? what's your name, honey you'll have to repeat it? halal? is that how you say it sugar? o, ok, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL."
7. The Entire Show.
There is no point watching Beyonce' on youtube because you will not get anything from it, seeing her live takes the breath out of you, the way her body moves, and her southern accent and her Patti LaBelle howl and the choreography and the vocals will get you (if you think she can sing now wait till you're standing two rows away from the stage, I burst into tears so many times.)
Ciara, Katy Perry, Alex Burke, Adele were all there, I saw Katy,Ciara and Adele at the party and as me and my girls were leaving we saw Alex who looked beautiful. Might I add that Ciara gives thumbs up for killing her style, she looked FAB.
Lucie- This bitch is the sugar honey ice tea with chocolate on the top. The covergirl looks and the fierce pop is a lethal combination, her accent gets me everytime, she's sort of like a British Grace Jones, just much prettier and more mainstream, this song is just perfect for vogueing, i know this because my Uncle Alberta just spent three hours doing it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbgd_26j6OE&feature=channel_page
Zewdy- This girl is just too hot to handle, exotic, a great big voice and she's versatile, she can go from Teenage Love Affair to Diva and look good doing it, she has very little original material but her voice sounds amazing on other people's songs and Im sure if given the right writer,s she'll have good material enjoy:http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&v=2kMn6brcPTY
Fefe Dobson: If this girl didnt exist, Rihanna could not have released Good Girl Gone Bad because there would have been nothing for Rihanna's A&R to copy, she's edgy rock pop and her unique style is really inspiring:http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&v=9UhkEqpAddw
Chester French- From my point of view (which is always right) these guys are the result of when Avant Garde Pop breaks down in the middle of a deserted road and meets Indie Rock who hasn't fucked in weeks and so the two get it in creating some sort of Avant Indie (I COINED THAT PHRASE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO USE MAKE SURE YOU REFERENCE ME):http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM5AcVUGEN4
Cobra Starship- These guys have been around for a minute but they're music gets more and more unique and amazing, they did a remix to HollaBack Girl which shits on the original and their remix of Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl called I Kissed A Boy actually made PopGigolo go out and make out with about 6 guys at the club last night at Beyonce's After Show Party (which might i add was out of this world- the show and the party) enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO55PinDyHs
Ciara- Since Ciara is still opening up for the other artists she may as well be a new artist but after seeing her admiration for Sasha last night, I knew that It wouldn't be right If i always got at Ciara for biting and then ignored when she came out to see what a Living Legend really looks like. Ciara's song Work pays homage to the drag queens of New York (homegirl even referecnes House of Xtravangza) but itll take a lot more than that to win the hearts of a gay audience, perhaps she should have stayed with Bow Wow to see how he did it, heres her new single Work which I LOVE up until she starts doing that thing where she speaks over the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssa5AjIUZWI
I would like to thank Katy Perry for being so nice last night and being so beautiful as well, Id also like to thank the fat girl sitting in front of me at the show last night.
For those of you too poor to see Beyonce' live, i'll give you the highlights of the show:
1. Shontelle getting off the stage.
2. Zarif KILLING IT.
3. The Entire Show.
4. Beyonce' grabbing her crotch during If I Were a Boy.
5. Beyonce' floating over the audience.
6. Beyonce' unable to pronounce the guys name at the beginning of Say My Name, if you've see her on youtube you know that she asks a member of the audience to tell them her name and she'll sing their name to them during Say My Name but the guys name was so complicated, B was like "Halal? what's your name, honey you'll have to repeat it? halal? is that how you say it sugar? o, ok, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL."
7. The Entire Show.
There is no point watching Beyonce' on youtube because you will not get anything from it, seeing her live takes the breath out of you, the way her body moves, and her southern accent and her Patti LaBelle howl and the choreography and the vocals will get you (if you think she can sing now wait till you're standing two rows away from the stage, I burst into tears so many times.)
Ciara, Katy Perry, Alex Burke, Adele were all there, I saw Katy,Ciara and Adele at the party and as me and my girls were leaving we saw Alex who looked beautiful. Might I add that Ciara gives thumbs up for killing her style, she looked FAB.
Sunday, 7 June 2009
Swizz Beats?!
Inbox
Sent
0 more result since you started searching. Refresh to see them.
THEREALSWIZZZ I pray for you clowns that don't no what the hell yall talking about !why you all in somebodys else life oh Know ya clown ass don't have one! The joke will be on yall in about 2weeks!4 minutes ago
This is the message I received from Swizz Beats after I reminded him of how sick it made me feel that he was a cheating no good scoundrel on Twitter, the part about me having no life gets me everytime because as a blogger it is my job to dedicate my lonely existence to pop culture. Bossip, MTO, Miss Info come and get it.
Also, his grammer is terrible, placing "no" where "know" should be and vice versa, looks like someone was too busy eating out piano pussy to get a educated clue.
Sent
0 more result since you started searching. Refresh to see them.
THEREALSWIZZZ I pray for you clowns that don't no what the hell yall talking about !why you all in somebodys else life oh Know ya clown ass don't have one! The joke will be on yall in about 2weeks!4 minutes ago
This is the message I received from Swizz Beats after I reminded him of how sick it made me feel that he was a cheating no good scoundrel on Twitter, the part about me having no life gets me everytime because as a blogger it is my job to dedicate my lonely existence to pop culture. Bossip, MTO, Miss Info come and get it.
Also, his grammer is terrible, placing "no" where "know" should be and vice versa, looks like someone was too busy eating out piano pussy to get a educated clue.
My thoughts on money grabbing hoes, fake chinese people
POPSLUT:
In a society which still limits women to certain things, a smile often comes to my face when I hear of a fellow whore that has trapped an unsuspecting man.
Most recently, that whore was Heather Mills and you know what girl- I salute you. I take my lacefront off to you. You did what any smart woman in your position could do, get pregnant and have that old fool pay child support for 18 years.
Any man who is stupid enough to marry a woman who will do anything for money (a hoe, Heather Mills was a hoe) deserves to be tricked and fooled and cuckolded, he deserves it. If homegirl can get on her knees and blow off any man for cash what made you think she wouldn't trick your dying ass. I applaud Heather Mills for having a plan, executing it and making money out of it, let this be a lesson to all stupid men who think a ring can make an honest woman out of a slut- once a cum swallowing hooker- always a cum swallowing hooker.
However, there is one whore who i detest Tameka Foster, check out this shoot she did for Disney a while back:http://herokids.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/the-beast.jpg
I usually commend bitches with plans to trap men but this bitch makes me wanna throw up all over my Apple Mac, that bitch infiltrated Usher's team, brushed Chilli's hair, bleached Naomi's hair, cainrowed Usher's pubic hair and all the while was thinking "Only a matter of time now- only a matter of time before this Haitain Hyena is all mine."
Her broad shoulders and her big jaw are enough to make me want to sign her up for WWE and it saddens me to know that when shebreast feeds her children, protein juice is all those kids are going to get.I believe that Tameka knows something about Usher that he cannot risk getting out and she said, "Lookie here, if you put a ring on this muscular finger of mine, I'll keep that little thing i saw you doing with that certain producer a secret, ya feel me."
And Usher realising that his half dead career would be completely over if anybody found out agreed. If i were Usher I would save said, "Go head bitch, anythings better than having to put in my dick in your sixpack covered pussy."
I sincerely hope Usher finds the stregnth to leave her, and although I HATE INFIDELITY, in this case I hope Usher sleeps with somebody else so the world can see what Tameka's reaction is. Bitch.
POPGIGOLO:
I would like to talk about how horrified I was yesterday when i walked into my local Chinese Restaurant HauMeny Mo to find that none of the employees were Chinese but in fact Japanese, now I have watched Hidden Dragon Crouching Soya Sauce enough times to know the difference and when that fake ass waitress tried to serve me some dim sum and I decided to ask her a question in Chinese to throw her off guard: 为什么有一双筷子在我的汤？
And her reply was, "Oh no- me no speak English."
LIKE HELL YOU DONT! So what do you SPEAK BITCH, What i said wasnt even in English but this bitch is so stupid that she thought it was, also HOW THE FUCK Could you learn how to say "Me no speak English" not realising the same way that you learnt how to say that is the same way you should learn how to apply for a job in a JAPANESE restaurant, dont try serve me Chinese Crackers if you dont know to pronounce it in Chinese.
After having an argument with the restaurants Swahili manager, my friends and I were asked to vacate the area before security was called, now I would have been scared if the security were chinese but they weren't so,how the fuck were they going to do karate on me, me and my goons had to show those bitches fire.
Below is what happened captured in the restaurants cctv:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqvzn3rrr-w
In a society which still limits women to certain things, a smile often comes to my face when I hear of a fellow whore that has trapped an unsuspecting man.
Most recently, that whore was Heather Mills and you know what girl- I salute you. I take my lacefront off to you. You did what any smart woman in your position could do, get pregnant and have that old fool pay child support for 18 years.
Any man who is stupid enough to marry a woman who will do anything for money (a hoe, Heather Mills was a hoe) deserves to be tricked and fooled and cuckolded, he deserves it. If homegirl can get on her knees and blow off any man for cash what made you think she wouldn't trick your dying ass. I applaud Heather Mills for having a plan, executing it and making money out of it, let this be a lesson to all stupid men who think a ring can make an honest woman out of a slut- once a cum swallowing hooker- always a cum swallowing hooker.
However, there is one whore who i detest Tameka Foster, check out this shoot she did for Disney a while back:http://herokids.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/the-beast.jpg
I usually commend bitches with plans to trap men but this bitch makes me wanna throw up all over my Apple Mac, that bitch infiltrated Usher's team, brushed Chilli's hair, bleached Naomi's hair, cainrowed Usher's pubic hair and all the while was thinking "Only a matter of time now- only a matter of time before this Haitain Hyena is all mine."
Her broad shoulders and her big jaw are enough to make me want to sign her up for WWE and it saddens me to know that when shebreast feeds her children, protein juice is all those kids are going to get.I believe that Tameka knows something about Usher that he cannot risk getting out and she said, "Lookie here, if you put a ring on this muscular finger of mine, I'll keep that little thing i saw you doing with that certain producer a secret, ya feel me."
And Usher realising that his half dead career would be completely over if anybody found out agreed. If i were Usher I would save said, "Go head bitch, anythings better than having to put in my dick in your sixpack covered pussy."
I sincerely hope Usher finds the stregnth to leave her, and although I HATE INFIDELITY, in this case I hope Usher sleeps with somebody else so the world can see what Tameka's reaction is. Bitch.
POPGIGOLO:
I would like to talk about how horrified I was yesterday when i walked into my local Chinese Restaurant HauMeny Mo to find that none of the employees were Chinese but in fact Japanese, now I have watched Hidden Dragon Crouching Soya Sauce enough times to know the difference and when that fake ass waitress tried to serve me some dim sum and I decided to ask her a question in Chinese to throw her off guard: 为什么有一双筷子在我的汤？
And her reply was, "Oh no- me no speak English."
LIKE HELL YOU DONT! So what do you SPEAK BITCH, What i said wasnt even in English but this bitch is so stupid that she thought it was, also HOW THE FUCK Could you learn how to say "Me no speak English" not realising the same way that you learnt how to say that is the same way you should learn how to apply for a job in a JAPANESE restaurant, dont try serve me Chinese Crackers if you dont know to pronounce it in Chinese.
After having an argument with the restaurants Swahili manager, my friends and I were asked to vacate the area before security was called, now I would have been scared if the security were chinese but they weren't so,how the fuck were they going to do karate on me, me and my goons had to show those bitches fire.
Below is what happened captured in the restaurants cctv:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqvzn3rrr-w
Saturday, 6 June 2009
ThePopSlut Service Provider
PopGigolo:
After a few days of this blog, I have realised through Twitter how popular it is becoming and so I decided to speak to my good friend Ashanti who explained, "It would just be bananas if you didn't capitalize off of it, just bananas." So I have decided to introduce The PopSlut Service Provider. Please find details below.
STANDARD EDITION- $12.00
PopSlut will write a positive review of your album EVEN IF it goes Triple Plastic. PopSlut will also subtly reference the titles of your new songs in her blog.
DELUXE EDITION- $35.00
PopSlut will write 6 positive reviews of your album and will even download the entire album plus all the songs your label intentionally leaked before from Limewire. PopSlut will also arrange for members of the Paparazzi to capture shots of you leaving a strip club with an artificial smile on your wide face and then will personally send the photos to MediaTaKeOut so they will stop calling you gay.
JUSTBANANASDELUXE EDITION- £230.000 (we are in a recession hoe)
PopSlut will put on her freakdum dress, her sheep skin thong and herWWW (Wendy Williams Wig) and go to your hotel room and let you insert your shitstained penis in her satirical flange, she will then leak photos of you and her 69ing each other to Bossip so they will stop calling you gay.
THEJUSTBANANAS DELUXE EDITION DEUX- (Price Given after Enquiry.)
When I (not Popslut but me- PopGigolo) is visiting your local neighbourhood to see Susan Boyle on her ItMustBeSusie World Tour,I will come to your house and watch straight pornography with you whilst eating Cheetos and sipping on Chocolate Milk, then I will dress up in a maid's outfit and do the entire routine (including the ChoirClaps) to Single Ladies for you and your great grandfather for an entire week.
Terms and Conditions:
1.Pokemon Themed Pyjamas Must Be Provided for BOTH PopGigolo and PopSlut when staying at your house and pyjamas must have Pikachu on the front- no pikachu- no pussy.
2. Your parents (or whoever the fuck is caring for you) must make a breakfast of eggs, beans and toast every morning until contract is over (No Pork, because PopSlut is Moslem.)
3. Deposit of Pubic Hair must be paid two weeks in advance before start date of contract (the pubic hair will be returned once contract is fulfilled and we have received the full amount, IF YOU DONT pay the full amount my homegirl Princess ZuluAnne of Yoruba will place an irreversible curse on the pubic hair which will close your butthole and make shitting impossible).
4. When reffering to either PopSlut or myself during a fuck session, the following phrases will not be permitted:
i) Aww baby!
ii) Yeah baby fuck me harder
iii) i need to take a dump
If any of these phrases are said, PopSlut or myself will have the right to take your needle out of our anus or vagina (depending on which one of us it is) and cancel the contract but you still must pay the full amount.
Thankyou.
For more questions email :PopSlut@ThatsAGoodlookBetterYetAHoodLook.Com
and she will reply with any information regarding this.
Id like to shout out Jamie Jermaine who actually bought THE JUST BANANAS DELUXE EDITION DEUX- www.twitter.com/jamiejermaine
His mixtape As I Am is out later on this year and I for one will definitely ignore it and tell him that I have bought it.
Thankyou
After a few days of this blog, I have realised through Twitter how popular it is becoming and so I decided to speak to my good friend Ashanti who explained, "It would just be bananas if you didn't capitalize off of it, just bananas." So I have decided to introduce The PopSlut Service Provider. Please find details below.
STANDARD EDITION- $12.00
PopSlut will write a positive review of your album EVEN IF it goes Triple Plastic. PopSlut will also subtly reference the titles of your new songs in her blog.
DELUXE EDITION- $35.00
PopSlut will write 6 positive reviews of your album and will even download the entire album plus all the songs your label intentionally leaked before from Limewire. PopSlut will also arrange for members of the Paparazzi to capture shots of you leaving a strip club with an artificial smile on your wide face and then will personally send the photos to MediaTaKeOut so they will stop calling you gay.
JUSTBANANASDELUXE EDITION- £230.000 (we are in a recession hoe)
PopSlut will put on her freakdum dress, her sheep skin thong and herWWW (Wendy Williams Wig) and go to your hotel room and let you insert your shitstained penis in her satirical flange, she will then leak photos of you and her 69ing each other to Bossip so they will stop calling you gay.
THEJUSTBANANAS DELUXE EDITION DEUX- (Price Given after Enquiry.)
When I (not Popslut but me- PopGigolo) is visiting your local neighbourhood to see Susan Boyle on her ItMustBeSusie World Tour,I will come to your house and watch straight pornography with you whilst eating Cheetos and sipping on Chocolate Milk, then I will dress up in a maid's outfit and do the entire routine (including the ChoirClaps) to Single Ladies for you and your great grandfather for an entire week.
Terms and Conditions:
1.Pokemon Themed Pyjamas Must Be Provided for BOTH PopGigolo and PopSlut when staying at your house and pyjamas must have Pikachu on the front- no pikachu- no pussy.
2. Your parents (or whoever the fuck is caring for you) must make a breakfast of eggs, beans and toast every morning until contract is over (No Pork, because PopSlut is Moslem.)
3. Deposit of Pubic Hair must be paid two weeks in advance before start date of contract (the pubic hair will be returned once contract is fulfilled and we have received the full amount, IF YOU DONT pay the full amount my homegirl Princess ZuluAnne of Yoruba will place an irreversible curse on the pubic hair which will close your butthole and make shitting impossible).
4. When reffering to either PopSlut or myself during a fuck session, the following phrases will not be permitted:
i) Aww baby!
ii) Yeah baby fuck me harder
iii) i need to take a dump
If any of these phrases are said, PopSlut or myself will have the right to take your needle out of our anus or vagina (depending on which one of us it is) and cancel the contract but you still must pay the full amount.
Thankyou.
For more questions email :PopSlut@ThatsAGoodlookBetterYetAHoodLook.Com
and she will reply with any information regarding this.
Id like to shout out Jamie Jermaine who actually bought THE JUST BANANAS DELUXE EDITION DEUX- www.twitter.com/jamiejermaine
His mixtape As I Am is out later on this year and I for one will definitely ignore it and tell him that I have bought it.
Thankyou
I said what what- in the butt?
PopSlut:
I love real men, the sort of man who'll look you in the eye when times are hard and say, "I'll take care of you, stop crying", the kind of man who'll look at you after a hard day at work and say "Don't worry about- you're home now" and the kind of man who'll look you in the eye, stroke your face and say "Will you stick your tongue in my ass?".
That's the kind of man that I beg the Pop Gigolo to be, but since that dude's sexual activity goes no further than quality time with his left hand, I was pleased to discover that Juelz Santana enjoys having his ass licked. Now- forgive me if im wrong or even come off a little rude- but isn't ass licking something gay men do (Bow Wow let me know if i'm right via Twitter) what woman in her right mind would agree to stick her tongue in Santana's butt crack, what kind of a woman? go on say it again- NO KIND OF WOMAN. NO KIND OF WOMAN AT ALL.
I am a slut and I know how sluts get down, and even the worst of sluts (how you doing Janet) would never consider eating a man out, but i'll tell you who would:http://sageyes.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/camron.jpg
I believe that Juelz actually meant "I'd like it if a girl would put her tongue there but since she won't, I'll have my bitch do it." If you would like to explain yourself Mr. Santana please feel free to find me on twitter (Im following Jim Jones so look there), i'd be willing to take down this blog if you could explain to me what you meant without me feeling sick. Thankyou.
In other news lets talk about Kimora Lee Simmons who recently gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, after spending nine months wondering what the combination of Kimora and Digimon would look like- I managed to rustle up this image: http://tommyimages.com/Stock_Photos/Caribbean/Cuba/Barrio_Chino/slides/Cuba_3334-Barrio_Chino_Black_Asian.jpg.
I am so happy that Kimora has a MAN in her life, I love you Russel but a 50 year old man in tracksuits should not be taken seriously. Hopefully this new man will instill some discipline into the lives of Kimora and her bratty kids. Yes i said bratty, those kids are the debil, they are rude to their chefs -anyone remember when of them told the chef"i'm so glad mommy decided to keep you"
Well Lemme tell u something Chero Kee you are lucky that mommy kept YOU because she never intended to get impregnated by Kermit all she wanted to was ride him long enough so his heart would cave in on itself so that she could assume full control of PensionerPhat and make enough to fly cousin, Ching Lee, Wing Lee and Wrong Lee to LA, moohahaha moohahahaha moohahahahahaha (ha).
If Kimora disciplined her crumb snatchers on camera I would respect her but she does not, so Kimora goes up as number 1 on my list of celebrities who i would most like to skullgrab.
List of PopSluts Female Celebrities she would most like to skullgrab:
1. Kimora Lee
2. Ms.Piggy
3. Neyo
4. Keri Hilson
5. Wendy Williams
6. Ashanti's little sister (who also features on my list of "celebrities" id most like to put on a diet)
In other news- Whitney is planning to release her new record on September 1st and she was actually kind enough to give me the tracklist at last nights Dolla For a Diva fundraiser which was hosted by the always welcoming Aretha Franklin. At the fundraiser, Ashanti was able to raise a whole $3 to go towards her new SideBurn Styling line and Whitney was able to raise $35 to pay Amy W. back for that dro she let her use.
Anyways, here is Whitney's tracklist for her upcoming Whitney: My Dirty Laundry record.
1. B.O. Double B. Y.
2. Fist In My Ass- featuring Raz B.
3. For the Love of Ray (Explicit Cougar Dance Mix)
4. Young Dick, Old Trick (featuring Mariah Carey and Michael Jackson)
The rest of Whitney's album will be out when autotune finishes recording it.
However we do have the lyrics to a new remix of The Greatest Love of All that Whitney recorded. enjoy:
(Intro speech: It's Whitney.)
I believe that cocaine is the future
Sniff it well and you'll be high all day
If I only knew what Bobby put inside
Act like you've got no pride- it makes it easier
When they take your shit away- and auction it on e-ebay
I decided long ago
Never to have my own reality show
Yes I failed
They filmed me pee
I said goodbye to dignity
I found the Greatest
Fun of all
It's here inside of me
I found the greatest
Fun of all
When Bobby fisted Me
(Outro speech: That was Whitney)
Lyrics by Whitney Houston
Produced by Whitney Houston
Performed in a drunken state by Whitney Houston.
I love real men, the sort of man who'll look you in the eye when times are hard and say, "I'll take care of you, stop crying", the kind of man who'll look at you after a hard day at work and say "Don't worry about- you're home now" and the kind of man who'll look you in the eye, stroke your face and say "Will you stick your tongue in my ass?".
That's the kind of man that I beg the Pop Gigolo to be, but since that dude's sexual activity goes no further than quality time with his left hand, I was pleased to discover that Juelz Santana enjoys having his ass licked. Now- forgive me if im wrong or even come off a little rude- but isn't ass licking something gay men do (Bow Wow let me know if i'm right via Twitter) what woman in her right mind would agree to stick her tongue in Santana's butt crack, what kind of a woman? go on say it again- NO KIND OF WOMAN. NO KIND OF WOMAN AT ALL.
I am a slut and I know how sluts get down, and even the worst of sluts (how you doing Janet) would never consider eating a man out, but i'll tell you who would:http://sageyes.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/camron.jpg
I believe that Juelz actually meant "I'd like it if a girl would put her tongue there but since she won't, I'll have my bitch do it." If you would like to explain yourself Mr. Santana please feel free to find me on twitter (Im following Jim Jones so look there), i'd be willing to take down this blog if you could explain to me what you meant without me feeling sick. Thankyou.
In other news lets talk about Kimora Lee Simmons who recently gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, after spending nine months wondering what the combination of Kimora and Digimon would look like- I managed to rustle up this image: http://tommyimages.com/Stock_Photos/Caribbean/Cuba/Barrio_Chino/slides/Cuba_3334-Barrio_Chino_Black_Asian.jpg.
I am so happy that Kimora has a MAN in her life, I love you Russel but a 50 year old man in tracksuits should not be taken seriously. Hopefully this new man will instill some discipline into the lives of Kimora and her bratty kids. Yes i said bratty, those kids are the debil, they are rude to their chefs -anyone remember when of them told the chef"i'm so glad mommy decided to keep you"
Well Lemme tell u something Chero Kee you are lucky that mommy kept YOU because she never intended to get impregnated by Kermit all she wanted to was ride him long enough so his heart would cave in on itself so that she could assume full control of PensionerPhat and make enough to fly cousin, Ching Lee, Wing Lee and Wrong Lee to LA, moohahaha moohahahaha moohahahahahaha (ha).
If Kimora disciplined her crumb snatchers on camera I would respect her but she does not, so Kimora goes up as number 1 on my list of celebrities who i would most like to skullgrab.
List of PopSluts Female Celebrities she would most like to skullgrab:
1. Kimora Lee
2. Ms.Piggy
3. Neyo
4. Keri Hilson
5. Wendy Williams
6. Ashanti's little sister (who also features on my list of "celebrities" id most like to put on a diet)
In other news- Whitney is planning to release her new record on September 1st and she was actually kind enough to give me the tracklist at last nights Dolla For a Diva fundraiser which was hosted by the always welcoming Aretha Franklin. At the fundraiser, Ashanti was able to raise a whole $3 to go towards her new SideBurn Styling line and Whitney was able to raise $35 to pay Amy W. back for that dro she let her use.
Anyways, here is Whitney's tracklist for her upcoming Whitney: My Dirty Laundry record.
1. B.O. Double B. Y.
2. Fist In My Ass- featuring Raz B.
3. For the Love of Ray (Explicit Cougar Dance Mix)
4. Young Dick, Old Trick (featuring Mariah Carey and Michael Jackson)
The rest of Whitney's album will be out when autotune finishes recording it.
However we do have the lyrics to a new remix of The Greatest Love of All that Whitney recorded. enjoy:
(Intro speech: It's Whitney.)
I believe that cocaine is the future
Sniff it well and you'll be high all day
If I only knew what Bobby put inside
Act like you've got no pride- it makes it easier
When they take your shit away- and auction it on e-ebay
I decided long ago
Never to have my own reality show
Yes I failed
They filmed me pee
I said goodbye to dignity
I found the Greatest
Fun of all
It's here inside of me
I found the greatest
Fun of all
When Bobby fisted Me
(Outro speech: That was Whitney)
Lyrics by Whitney Houston
Produced by Whitney Houston
Performed in a drunken state by Whitney Houston.
Friday, 5 June 2009
Pop Culture Pains
Pop Culture has been good to some:http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2008/01/31/madonna_narrowweb__300x382,0.jpg
And bad to others: http://www.blicious.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/laurynhill_crazy.jpg
So I decided that it would be so stupid of me to have a blog dedicated to PopCulture and not help those who have suffered BECAUSE of PopCulture, So I call this next segment, PCP (Pop Culture Pains) and i've invited my good friend PopSlut to reply to the questions and problems that YOU the general public have asked. I will not reveal the names of those who wrote in as that shit is private and confidential and taking advantage of their problems is just mean:
K. Hi'son:
Dear PopCulturePains
I am a damn good songwriter, when I mean good- I mean fucking amazing, I can write hits for artists who dont work nearly as hard as me and those hits spend the equivelant of 14 menstrual cycles on the charts but when I try and write a hit for myself, things end up like this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4WXuqpiM4U and this: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/32917010.html
and this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090401202851AAmDAw3
My debut album was pushed back repeatedly and when it WAS released it sold 94,000 units with FOUR lead singles, I'm so unsure about my next career step, I can barely write a song for myself without it being laughed at, scolded at and to Popculture i am generally irrelevant, what should i do?
POPSLUT's Reply:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&feature=related&v=96cuwq3HbZ0
Lady Annonymous:
Dear PopCulture Pains
I recently started dating this amazing guy, hes sweet, funny and charming, my mother loves him so much so he stays the night over at her place whenever he and I argue, thats how great of a guy he is- but the other day he and I were at a friends party and when Single Ladies came on, he suddenly broke into the full routine, he even dropped down low and swung his kitty the way she did in the video. Im so confused-what should I do?
PopSlut's Reply:
Su novio es homosexual, es indiscutible que- le gusta pene, él usa su ropa cuando estás en el trabajo y que el tiempo les dijo que estaba en "trabajo" fue realmente posando con los gustos de Benny Ninja y Jay Emanuel.
"Whisky":
Dear PCP, I used to be the ish, I was the original multitasker, had my own show, my own records, my own vaginal cleansing collection and then something happened, when it got to the year 2004 it came to my attention that all of my notable achievements occured more than a decade ago and after releasing another flop record, the pain made my feet a little heavy and this occured:http://www.cheekopek.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/brandy-car-crash1.jpg.
Then sometime later, my little brother who is more irrelevant than me released a sex tape with some Arab chick, as you can see my whole family was fucked up and so in order to feel better I tried to start up some shit in somebody else's family by advising Kelly Rowland to leave Mathew Knowles' so she could sell more records, however being the irrelevant carcrashin bitch that I am I did not realise that Kelly flopped because people didnt like her music not because she was managed by Mathew Knowles. Karma came and bit me in the ass when i got signed to RocNation and was put at the bottom of Jay Z's list of priorities:
Jay Z's list of priorities:
1. Stop by PopEye's to pick up ChickenSkins for B.
2. Sign another foreign, fair skinned, blonde haired girl (just in case Rihanna's new album goes tits up).
3. Buy something nice for Papa Matt and Mama T.
4. Purchase Viagra pills online.
5. Ask Neyo why he tried to kiss me.
6. Impregnate wife by August before she decides to release another Deluxe Edition.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13. Take care of Moes- Brandy.
What should i do?
PopSlut'sReply:
http://static.tvguide.com/MediaBin/Galleries/Shows/A_F/Ai_Ap/AmericasGotTalent/season1/americas-got-talent4-brandy.jpg
It was the best career move your skinny ass made. After trying to get at Mathew Knowles you're lucky you didnt end up like this:http://youthincontrol.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/rihanna-beat-up1.jpg. Bitch.
And bad to others: http://www.blicious.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/laurynhill_crazy.jpg
So I decided that it would be so stupid of me to have a blog dedicated to PopCulture and not help those who have suffered BECAUSE of PopCulture, So I call this next segment, PCP (Pop Culture Pains) and i've invited my good friend PopSlut to reply to the questions and problems that YOU the general public have asked. I will not reveal the names of those who wrote in as that shit is private and confidential and taking advantage of their problems is just mean:
K. Hi'son:
Dear PopCulturePains
I am a damn good songwriter, when I mean good- I mean fucking amazing, I can write hits for artists who dont work nearly as hard as me and those hits spend the equivelant of 14 menstrual cycles on the charts but when I try and write a hit for myself, things end up like this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4WXuqpiM4U and this: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/32917010.html
and this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090401202851AAmDAw3
My debut album was pushed back repeatedly and when it WAS released it sold 94,000 units with FOUR lead singles, I'm so unsure about my next career step, I can barely write a song for myself without it being laughed at, scolded at and to Popculture i am generally irrelevant, what should i do?
POPSLUT's Reply:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&feature=related&v=96cuwq3HbZ0
Lady Annonymous:
Dear PopCulture Pains
I recently started dating this amazing guy, hes sweet, funny and charming, my mother loves him so much so he stays the night over at her place whenever he and I argue, thats how great of a guy he is- but the other day he and I were at a friends party and when Single Ladies came on, he suddenly broke into the full routine, he even dropped down low and swung his kitty the way she did in the video. Im so confused-what should I do?
PopSlut's Reply:
Su novio es homosexual, es indiscutible que- le gusta pene, él usa su ropa cuando estás en el trabajo y que el tiempo les dijo que estaba en "trabajo" fue realmente posando con los gustos de Benny Ninja y Jay Emanuel.
"Whisky":
Dear PCP, I used to be the ish, I was the original multitasker, had my own show, my own records, my own vaginal cleansing collection and then something happened, when it got to the year 2004 it came to my attention that all of my notable achievements occured more than a decade ago and after releasing another flop record, the pain made my feet a little heavy and this occured:http://www.cheekopek.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/brandy-car-crash1.jpg.
Then sometime later, my little brother who is more irrelevant than me released a sex tape with some Arab chick, as you can see my whole family was fucked up and so in order to feel better I tried to start up some shit in somebody else's family by advising Kelly Rowland to leave Mathew Knowles' so she could sell more records, however being the irrelevant carcrashin bitch that I am I did not realise that Kelly flopped because people didnt like her music not because she was managed by Mathew Knowles. Karma came and bit me in the ass when i got signed to RocNation and was put at the bottom of Jay Z's list of priorities:
Jay Z's list of priorities:
1. Stop by PopEye's to pick up ChickenSkins for B.
2. Sign another foreign, fair skinned, blonde haired girl (just in case Rihanna's new album goes tits up).
3. Buy something nice for Papa Matt and Mama T.
4. Purchase Viagra pills online.
5. Ask Neyo why he tried to kiss me.
6. Impregnate wife by August before she decides to release another Deluxe Edition.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13. Take care of Moes- Brandy.
What should i do?
PopSlut'sReply:
http://static.tvguide.com/MediaBin/Galleries/Shows/A_F/Ai_Ap/AmericasGotTalent/season1/americas-got-talent4-brandy.jpg
It was the best career move your skinny ass made. After trying to get at Mathew Knowles you're lucky you didnt end up like this:http://youthincontrol.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/rihanna-beat-up1.jpg. Bitch.
lets talk about.....
PopSlut:
Let's talk about homos.
This is going to be a long one- so if reading long paragraphs is asking too much of your illiterate clit, just fuck off, go on.... ok so let's talk about homos.
For those of you in the Uk, you would have seen the launch of Big Brother 10 and seen another batch of fame hungry quasi F-list celebrities enter the house to try and win fame and fortu- trying to win fame.
Now why is it that everytime a BLACK GUY is a part of something, he has to make a fool of himself, when asked if he was gay, the black guy whose name is Cairon jumped up and said "oh no- i feel weird wiping my own ass."
(sigh) (gasp) (scratch pussy and sigh some more.)
Did you think you were scoring points with the homeboys by being homophobic, did you think that comment was witty? did you?! do you?!
This comment then led me to this blog, BLACK MEN ARE OBSESSED WITH HOMOSEXUALITY. This is something that I've always known since I was a child as my Uncle Albert became Aunt Alberta when I was four and so whenever we were out shopping or robbing the unsuspecting Somalian kids coming out of the Asylum Seeking Centre- people would shout out at himYO FAGGOT! WE KNOW YOU LIKE SUCKIN COCK!
Now here's how I see it- i understand why those men said those things to my uncle because as straight men they have every right to be concerned about what another man does with his penis with another man, it is their RIGHT to know whether a gay man spits or swallows or likes tapping or likes getting tapped, right?
Men who feel the need to shout out homophobic remarks are men who are insecure within themselves, why you might ask? Because if your life meant something and your ass was succesful you wouldnt have the time to think about what somebody else is doing with THEIR ass.
A confused straight makes comments like "When i found out he was gay, I didnt let him cut my hair" a la Bow Wow because a straight man who knows what he likes and knows what he doesnt like knows that even if that Barber did try and slip dick, he would know how to handle himself.
Someone who is unsure of their sexuality would avoid this as they do not know how they would react like Bow Wow, the reason he didnt let that guy cut his hair was because if the guy touched Bow Wow's OrgasmZone (which is on his head) Bow Wow would jump and start doing the Spectacular Grind on the guy.
A straight and secure man will tell you "No i'm not gay."
A "straight" and insecure boy will tell you "Gay?Nigger, I wont even use Hotmail!!!".
The reason some men do this is because they at one point have thought about gay sex and so in order to get the images of Diddy stroking Donnie's face out of their minds, they openly declare their supposed hatred of gays to convince themselves and others around them that there is no way they can be gay, which is why when a man like this is asked if he IS gay, he responds with an answer like "i feel weird wiping my own ass" because he is worried that something about him may have given off the impression that he might be gay even though hes spent years trying to convince people that he is not which is why the term is HOMO-PHOBIA- the FEAR of homosexuals and homosexuality.
I am by no means asking anyone to accept homosexuality but I dont understand why people feel the need to insult and hurl insults at people who have done nothing to you just because you're afraid that you are too afraid and insecure to deal with your confused shit.
There ends my rant.
Let's talk about homos.
This is going to be a long one- so if reading long paragraphs is asking too much of your illiterate clit, just fuck off, go on.... ok so let's talk about homos.
For those of you in the Uk, you would have seen the launch of Big Brother 10 and seen another batch of fame hungry quasi F-list celebrities enter the house to try and win fame and fortu- trying to win fame.
Now why is it that everytime a BLACK GUY is a part of something, he has to make a fool of himself, when asked if he was gay, the black guy whose name is Cairon jumped up and said "oh no- i feel weird wiping my own ass."
(sigh) (gasp) (scratch pussy and sigh some more.)
Did you think you were scoring points with the homeboys by being homophobic, did you think that comment was witty? did you?! do you?!
This comment then led me to this blog, BLACK MEN ARE OBSESSED WITH HOMOSEXUALITY. This is something that I've always known since I was a child as my Uncle Albert became Aunt Alberta when I was four and so whenever we were out shopping or robbing the unsuspecting Somalian kids coming out of the Asylum Seeking Centre- people would shout out at himYO FAGGOT! WE KNOW YOU LIKE SUCKIN COCK!
Now here's how I see it- i understand why those men said those things to my uncle because as straight men they have every right to be concerned about what another man does with his penis with another man, it is their RIGHT to know whether a gay man spits or swallows or likes tapping or likes getting tapped, right?
Men who feel the need to shout out homophobic remarks are men who are insecure within themselves, why you might ask? Because if your life meant something and your ass was succesful you wouldnt have the time to think about what somebody else is doing with THEIR ass.
A confused straight makes comments like "When i found out he was gay, I didnt let him cut my hair" a la Bow Wow because a straight man who knows what he likes and knows what he doesnt like knows that even if that Barber did try and slip dick, he would know how to handle himself.
Someone who is unsure of their sexuality would avoid this as they do not know how they would react like Bow Wow, the reason he didnt let that guy cut his hair was because if the guy touched Bow Wow's OrgasmZone (which is on his head) Bow Wow would jump and start doing the Spectacular Grind on the guy.
A straight and secure man will tell you "No i'm not gay."
A "straight" and insecure boy will tell you "Gay?Nigger, I wont even use Hotmail!!!".
The reason some men do this is because they at one point have thought about gay sex and so in order to get the images of Diddy stroking Donnie's face out of their minds, they openly declare their supposed hatred of gays to convince themselves and others around them that there is no way they can be gay, which is why when a man like this is asked if he IS gay, he responds with an answer like "i feel weird wiping my own ass" because he is worried that something about him may have given off the impression that he might be gay even though hes spent years trying to convince people that he is not which is why the term is HOMO-PHOBIA- the FEAR of homosexuals and homosexuality.
I am by no means asking anyone to accept homosexuality but I dont understand why people feel the need to insult and hurl insults at people who have done nothing to you just because you're afraid that you are too afraid and insecure to deal with your confused shit.
There ends my rant.
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Faux You Twitter.
POP GIGOLO:
For some fucked up reason, my Twitter stopped working, that is some fucked up shit, now how am i going to promote this blogspot whilst reminding Alicia Keys that i hope she catches some sort of STI from Swizz Beats (prefferably Herpes). This stuff hurts and I am depending on my minitwitterfanbase to promote me whilst Twitter sorts out their fucking hardware or software (I DO NOT HAVE A GEEK SQUAD MEMBERSHIP CARD SO DONT EXPECT ME TO BE INTIMATE WITH THE LINGO).
The fact that Twitter has done this to me really hurts my feelings, and its got me thinking, what if Bow Wow saved up all the quarters Chris Stokes gave him to let him hit it from the back anyway that he likes and bought Twitter and then fucked up my Twitterpage as revenge for all those mean-ass comments I made about him and as nul-in-void career.
Bow Wow, if you did indeed block my twitterpage, I promise to make PopSlut bend over and let her insert your sexneedle in her (although im sure you'd prefer my behind but there has been a restraining order on my ass ever since Omarion tried to cop a feel at last years BET Awards.) If you didnt block my twitter page then be prepared to receive two hours worth of backdated trashtalking from the minute it starts to work again.
That'll be all.
For some fucked up reason, my Twitter stopped working, that is some fucked up shit, now how am i going to promote this blogspot whilst reminding Alicia Keys that i hope she catches some sort of STI from Swizz Beats (prefferably Herpes). This stuff hurts and I am depending on my minitwitterfanbase to promote me whilst Twitter sorts out their fucking hardware or software (I DO NOT HAVE A GEEK SQUAD MEMBERSHIP CARD SO DONT EXPECT ME TO BE INTIMATE WITH THE LINGO).
The fact that Twitter has done this to me really hurts my feelings, and its got me thinking, what if Bow Wow saved up all the quarters Chris Stokes gave him to let him hit it from the back anyway that he likes and bought Twitter and then fucked up my Twitterpage as revenge for all those mean-ass comments I made about him and as nul-in-void career.
Bow Wow, if you did indeed block my twitterpage, I promise to make PopSlut bend over and let her insert your sexneedle in her (although im sure you'd prefer my behind but there has been a restraining order on my ass ever since Omarion tried to cop a feel at last years BET Awards.) If you didnt block my twitter page then be prepared to receive two hours worth of backdated trashtalking from the minute it starts to work again.
That'll be all.
POP SLUT VS POP GIGOLO
Lemme hollatchall for a minute, I am a confused person, mother told me so, father told me so, Dr Phil told me so. Although I was born with a clitora and go by the name of Pop Slut I sometimes, when the time is right, and the urge arrives, I become The Pop Gigolo, sometimes i am man, sometimes i am female, i guess you can call me Ciara with a keyboard.
I recently received an email from a fan of Beyonceitis (www.wigcrypt.blogspot.com) demanding to know why I was swagger biting Beyonceitis and this hurt me yes i did reach for the Kleenex (where's my money at, i just endorsed you hoes) and I spent the rest of the night sobbing and wondering why people would compare me to Beyonceitis, I like to see myself as Britney to Beyonceitis' Madonna, a cheaper sexier more fucked up version, however I must admit that as I typed up first blog I was imagining myself twiddling my fingers with joy (as it is impossible for me to type and twiddle at the same time) as i realised that I was going to steal some of The Wig Crypt's fan base because I have the time to update everyday, Beyonceitis takes years to come up with new material sort of like Nas.
So to clarify, now i am speaking as POPSLUT, the fierce bitch with a pussier spicy than Tina Knowles' Cajun chicken. Perhaps Pop Gigolo will decide to pop out later on as soon as Real HouseWives of Atlanta comes on, he's straight though- really straight, almost as straight as Neyo (shut the fuck up.)
I recently received an email from a fan of Beyonceitis (www.wigcrypt.blogspot.com) demanding to know why I was swagger biting Beyonceitis and this hurt me yes i did reach for the Kleenex (where's my money at, i just endorsed you hoes) and I spent the rest of the night sobbing and wondering why people would compare me to Beyonceitis, I like to see myself as Britney to Beyonceitis' Madonna, a cheaper sexier more fucked up version, however I must admit that as I typed up first blog I was imagining myself twiddling my fingers with joy (as it is impossible for me to type and twiddle at the same time) as i realised that I was going to steal some of The Wig Crypt's fan base because I have the time to update everyday, Beyonceitis takes years to come up with new material sort of like Nas.
So to clarify, now i am speaking as POPSLUT, the fierce bitch with a pussier spicy than Tina Knowles' Cajun chicken. Perhaps Pop Gigolo will decide to pop out later on as soon as Real HouseWives of Atlanta comes on, he's straight though- really straight, almost as straight as Neyo (shut the fuck up.)
Some Free Thursday Promotion
Since I seem to be so mean to so many artists, I thought it would be nice to give some free promotion to some artists I think really deserve attention, some unsigned, some are signed and like the popculture smut that I am I stalked and researched those mofos for a long time before I decided to promote them especially as I want to be able to say that I was a part of their fame when they get signed. So here they are:
Bashy - Amazing UK rap artist with intelligent lyrics and an obssesion with lollipops:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k8naOsMHNM
Pixie Lott- Take a Sexy up and coming PopTart and give her a hot song to get the boys wet in all the wrong places:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWsnxhjKynI
Lucie- Up and coming CoverGirl Fierce DancePop with a cool British Accent:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbgd_26j6OE
Chester French- Really Interesting Artistic Pop Duo with a retro sound:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE5Xr50mVRE
The Noisettes- Pure Pop Genius.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--xnPk1wExQ
Jonte- Sasha Fierce's father
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ot5YiAt5p0M&feature=channel_page
Samwell- Sasha Fierce's Mother
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU
Eletrick Red- The Hottest Urban girl group in a long time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF2c8krqJpQ&feature=channel_page
Now for some Thursday shade.
Last night, I had sex, for the first time since (ever). And I was giving that hoe the good stuff, letting that hoe have it and then all of a sudden the bitch cries out "Aww baby." Then i got mad for two reasons:
1. BITCH WHY IS YOU HOLLERING.
2. Did this bitch just refference ASHANTI in our fuck session, does this bitch want me to get Ike Turner on her behind, does she?! do you?!
After that horrifying experience, Ive been put off sex so much so that I've decided to only have sex again until the new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians start (Rob holla at me via Twitter to let a desperate nigger know when that will be because theres only so much work my left hand can do). Ladies- before you start letting a man hitting it-tapping it- getting that pussy, do your background research, dont scream out "AY PAPI" if you know he hates Latinos or talk dirty when you know he's a Mormon. That ignorant shit isn't cool, it isn't nice. It will lead to this happening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m74S3JS7RK8
Bashy - Amazing UK rap artist with intelligent lyrics and an obssesion with lollipops:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k8naOsMHNM
Pixie Lott- Take a Sexy up and coming PopTart and give her a hot song to get the boys wet in all the wrong places:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWsnxhjKynI
Lucie- Up and coming CoverGirl Fierce DancePop with a cool British Accent:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbgd_26j6OE
Chester French- Really Interesting Artistic Pop Duo with a retro sound:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE5Xr50mVRE
The Noisettes- Pure Pop Genius.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--xnPk1wExQ
Jonte- Sasha Fierce's father
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ot5YiAt5p0M&feature=channel_page
Samwell- Sasha Fierce's Mother
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU
Eletrick Red- The Hottest Urban girl group in a long time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF2c8krqJpQ&feature=channel_page
Now for some Thursday shade.
Last night, I had sex, for the first time since (ever). And I was giving that hoe the good stuff, letting that hoe have it and then all of a sudden the bitch cries out "Aww baby." Then i got mad for two reasons:
1. BITCH WHY IS YOU HOLLERING.
2. Did this bitch just refference ASHANTI in our fuck session, does this bitch want me to get Ike Turner on her behind, does she?! do you?!
After that horrifying experience, Ive been put off sex so much so that I've decided to only have sex again until the new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians start (Rob holla at me via Twitter to let a desperate nigger know when that will be because theres only so much work my left hand can do). Ladies- before you start letting a man hitting it-tapping it- getting that pussy, do your background research, dont scream out "AY PAPI" if you know he hates Latinos or talk dirty when you know he's a Mormon. That ignorant shit isn't cool, it isn't nice. It will lead to this happening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m74S3JS7RK8
10 Reasons i Fucks Wit Solange
1. Whilst your older sister was getting gangbanged by RaQounn, Duvon and ClingOn at the back of the Mcdonald's parking lot, Solange was watching her older sister becoming a pop culture icon shitting on all YOUR favourite artists.
2. Solange's music is intellectual and dumb fucks like you dont like intellectual shit because it reminds you that you are a dumb fuck, which is why you'd rather watch Neffie dry hump some tacky hoodrat who says "y'nahwaddaimean" after every sentence than listen to Solange talk about shit that means something.
3. When you got pregnant at 17, your father tried to pimp Baby Shakweesha out by making her turn tricks at the local day care centre, when Solange got pregnant at 17, she used the experience to help her grow as a person and create Baby Jamz which was inspired by her son (man i'm being so nice today, well my metaphorical period starts in exactly 2 and half hours so the shade will start at some point soon.)
4. Solange is Private School Fierce, you are ghetto fabolo- no you're just Ghetto. A person from a good upbrining would be inspired by Solange and The Knowles' but since your daddy was too busy inseminating your Aunt Periaquana to pay child support- the idea of a succesful wholesome black family makes you sick.
5. Solange=Sasha Fierce. After a two hour discussion with my homegirl The High Priestress ZuluAnne of Yoruba at the Juju Shack, we came to the agreement that Sasha Fierce was conceived on Solange's prom night when she was on her way home after bumping vaginas with TyTy and Angie B. and she saw Jonte' and Prince making out on the corner, she let them into her car and let's say Solange's kitty needed some of that fruitdick, she was fertilised and Sasha was born. Then Beyonce' (being the crafty little PopIconExtraordinaire that she is) agreed to give Beyonce' birth right to Solange in exchange for Sasha. So actually Sasha is Juelz sister from another mister, if you get my weird and complicated family tree swag.
I think that's all. Can i shout out Ciara for succesfully being the only artist in the history of music to open up for the most artists in 5 years, homegirl has opened up for Britney, Rihanna and this summer's she's doing Jay Z (OVER MY DEAD BODY) no not like that, shes opening up for him- oh shit not like that either- well because Ciara's such a flop her new managmentarent going to waste time trying to let her tour alone (and if they ever do God help their asses.) because the tour will be almost as empty as Audrina's head (Audrina: Huh?) and so to ensure that Ciara makes some money (because those album sales aint bringing shit in) they make her open up for far more succesful and relevant artists in the vain hope that she will win over some of their fan base. (There I am, I was beginning to wonder where my spice was.)
2. Solange's music is intellectual and dumb fucks like you dont like intellectual shit because it reminds you that you are a dumb fuck, which is why you'd rather watch Neffie dry hump some tacky hoodrat who says "y'nahwaddaimean" after every sentence than listen to Solange talk about shit that means something.
3. When you got pregnant at 17, your father tried to pimp Baby Shakweesha out by making her turn tricks at the local day care centre, when Solange got pregnant at 17, she used the experience to help her grow as a person and create Baby Jamz which was inspired by her son (man i'm being so nice today, well my metaphorical period starts in exactly 2 and half hours so the shade will start at some point soon.)
4. Solange is Private School Fierce, you are ghetto fabolo- no you're just Ghetto. A person from a good upbrining would be inspired by Solange and The Knowles' but since your daddy was too busy inseminating your Aunt Periaquana to pay child support- the idea of a succesful wholesome black family makes you sick.
5. Solange=Sasha Fierce. After a two hour discussion with my homegirl The High Priestress ZuluAnne of Yoruba at the Juju Shack, we came to the agreement that Sasha Fierce was conceived on Solange's prom night when she was on her way home after bumping vaginas with TyTy and Angie B. and she saw Jonte' and Prince making out on the corner, she let them into her car and let's say Solange's kitty needed some of that fruitdick, she was fertilised and Sasha was born. Then Beyonce' (being the crafty little PopIconExtraordinaire that she is) agreed to give Beyonce' birth right to Solange in exchange for Sasha. So actually Sasha is Juelz sister from another mister, if you get my weird and complicated family tree swag.
I think that's all. Can i shout out Ciara for succesfully being the only artist in the history of music to open up for the most artists in 5 years, homegirl has opened up for Britney, Rihanna and this summer's she's doing Jay Z (OVER MY DEAD BODY) no not like that, shes opening up for him- oh shit not like that either- well because Ciara's such a flop her new managmentarent going to waste time trying to let her tour alone (and if they ever do God help their asses.) because the tour will be almost as empty as Audrina's head (Audrina: Huh?) and so to ensure that Ciara makes some money (because those album sales aint bringing shit in) they make her open up for far more succesful and relevant artists in the vain hope that she will win over some of their fan base. (There I am, I was beginning to wonder where my spice was.)
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Slow Down Irrelevant Bitch
Do you have problems trying to convince the media that your concepts are original? Do you have problems trying to convince people to buy your records? Is your name Heidi Montag, Ciara, Ashanti, Amerie, or Keri Hilson.
If so you need SLOW DOWN IRRELEVANT BITCH, from the makers of SLOW DOWN FUNNY GUY and SLOW DOWN MAMA, YOU ABOUT TO CRASH THIS CAR.
For $35.99 you can have Slow Down Irrelevant Bitch to stop you from biting concepts that artists who are more succesful than you have already used and if you order today we'll throw in 40 copies of The Declaration (The Aww Baby Edition) and 30 copies of Fantasy Ride (The Failed Alter Ego DVD Deluxe Edition), as if that wasn't enough, SDIB also includes 5 pages of original concepts that you could use taken from Janet Jackson's Rock Wit U tour.
The pack also includes song concepts that have already been used and already used"why i've been dropped by my label" excuses edited by Christina Milian.
Here Are Some Annonymous Testimonials from Customers:
"My album was being pushed back more times than Rihanna's hairline and I needed a quick gimmick, I was considering rolling around in a giant Champagne Glass for my Good Good video but SDIB told me that Beyonce' had already done that in Naughty Girl, I dont know what I would do without SDIB."
"I needed a hot video concept for my song One More Drink and was considering grinding awkwardly on a pole in front of blue tinted set looking dead behind the eyes but SDIB told me that Britney had already done that in Gimme More, SDIB saved my life."
"I'm a singer/songwriter and have been looking for a way to come out of the closet and was considering doing some fruity choreography in the Mad video but SDIB told me that Spectacular had already done that, thank God for SDIB, now I'll just find another way to let the world know my anus has needs."
"Im a piano player, im real afrocentric and shit but I wanted to switch it up, so i was considering getting into a car and killing a couple people with it, you kn0w- grab some headlines but SDIB told me that Brandy was already doing that so now I go around sleeping with the husbands of artists who are more irrelevant than me, what would i have done without SDIB."
To order now just log onto www.thathoesfinebutthisone'sakiller.com
or for more information, email www.damitajo@sdib.com
Thankyou
If so you need SLOW DOWN IRRELEVANT BITCH, from the makers of SLOW DOWN FUNNY GUY and SLOW DOWN MAMA, YOU ABOUT TO CRASH THIS CAR.
For $35.99 you can have Slow Down Irrelevant Bitch to stop you from biting concepts that artists who are more succesful than you have already used and if you order today we'll throw in 40 copies of The Declaration (The Aww Baby Edition) and 30 copies of Fantasy Ride (The Failed Alter Ego DVD Deluxe Edition), as if that wasn't enough, SDIB also includes 5 pages of original concepts that you could use taken from Janet Jackson's Rock Wit U tour.
The pack also includes song concepts that have already been used and already used"why i've been dropped by my label" excuses edited by Christina Milian.
Here Are Some Annonymous Testimonials from Customers:
"My album was being pushed back more times than Rihanna's hairline and I needed a quick gimmick, I was considering rolling around in a giant Champagne Glass for my Good Good video but SDIB told me that Beyonce' had already done that in Naughty Girl, I dont know what I would do without SDIB."
"I needed a hot video concept for my song One More Drink and was considering grinding awkwardly on a pole in front of blue tinted set looking dead behind the eyes but SDIB told me that Britney had already done that in Gimme More, SDIB saved my life."
"I'm a singer/songwriter and have been looking for a way to come out of the closet and was considering doing some fruity choreography in the Mad video but SDIB told me that Spectacular had already done that, thank God for SDIB, now I'll just find another way to let the world know my anus has needs."
"Im a piano player, im real afrocentric and shit but I wanted to switch it up, so i was considering getting into a car and killing a couple people with it, you kn0w- grab some headlines but SDIB told me that Brandy was already doing that so now I go around sleeping with the husbands of artists who are more irrelevant than me, what would i have done without SDIB."
To order now just log onto www.thathoesfinebutthisone'sakiller.com
or for more information, email www.damitajo@sdib.com
Thankyou
Cassidy disses Kanye, I got threatened by a C-Error fan
Some of you might have heard that Amber Rose (Kanye's clit in a mit) fucked Cassidy some time ago and although Amber (who is an ex video hoe) denied it, Cassidy is claiming that he did dagger her in a new song which will fall off the charts quicker than you can say "nobody gives a fuck Cassidy."
In the song, Cassidy says the word Ego many times as in "hes got a big ego" as in the song that KANYE did a remix to, so I guess Cassidy wants Kanye to know that he is most DEFINITELY talking about him. Here are my thoughts (if you know Cassidy personally or used to shine his balls, please look away now, itsabouttaget nasty)
Cassidy NOBODY GIVES A FUCK. NOBODY WILL EVER GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHO YOU FUCKED, HOW YOU FUCKED THEM AND WHY THE FUCK YOU FUCKED THEM, FUCKER. You're career is as lifeless as Janet Jackson's gym membership and nobody cares about your supposed relationship with a woman as fine and as slutty as Amber Rose.
(Let a nigger breathe)
In other news, can anybody explain to me how the hell I get a IM from a Ciara fan trying to scare me into removing the negative things Ive said about C-Error on this blog. Here was the convo.
CIARAFAN4LIFE: Fuck You for dissing Ciara, remove all those mean things now.
PSPW: Or what?
CIARAFAN4LIFE: Or else i'll send a virus to your motherfuckin computer so that you have to listen to Fantasy Ride everytime you turn your computer on.
PSPW: Bitch- you do not OWN fantasy ride to even make that happen, for you to create that sort of virus you would need to have the record itself, but you dont, you didnt even get it off limewire did you?
CF4L: Um....
PSPW: Cat gotcho tongue mofo? listen closely to me, when Ciara learns to accept her fate as F-Lister thats when Ill go easy on her transgender ass, and how can you IM me dissing her when you dissed her by calling yourself a fan and not buying her record.
CF4L: Your mom has a sixpack on her pussy, im gonna make you cry tonight.
PSPW: And your mom's pussy is haunted and bitch, YOUR eyes are already pissing. mofo, did you know Ciara's sold less records in almost a month than Kelly Rowland sold in two weeks, thats how you know her shits in trouble and she really thought all those staged photo ops with Kim K would help shift units, AU CONTRAIRE mofo, au contraire.
CF4L: Fuck you, Ciara will fuck up your favourite artist?
PSPW: Beyonce?
(Long pause.)
CF4L: Yeah Beyonce, with her screamin ass, homegirl cant act, IVE SEEN ALL 7 OF HER MOVIES and i can tell you that she cant act, i even watched movies over and over again and guess what,she cant. Jennifer Hudson won the oscar haha
PSPW: You done? Did you buy Jennifer Hudsons album? Did the Golden Globes give Beyonce' two nominations because she cant act? huh- do you think they give out nominations for nothing and I love that you mention Jhud when im pretty damn sure that your love for her stops at the point where its time to actually go out and buy what she puts out, the fact that 3 years after Dreamgirls people still associate Jennifer's Oscar win with Beyonce' proves nobody can do anything good without Beyonce's lovejuice being shot all over it.
CF4L: Fuck you bitch. You aint got nothin on me.
PSPW: I know I agree, im sorry, you're right im wrong, i should leave Ciara alone, being her cant be easy, to show you how sorry I am heres proof that I bought her record cos i have the album art work right here:http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x183/beyonceitis/2ch1cw11.gif.
In other news, Speidi have quite Im A Celebrity so fuck you to anybody who said Speidi were only good on Reality Tv, they cant even do THAT right unless its scripted and conversations are shot four times. I wonder what they'll do when The Fame runs out, I can see Spencer divorcing Heidi and in 30 years remarrying some walking caucasian vagina and have his own show with her called Age of Love (oh shit someone already has that name, need to check my originality swag.)
In the song, Cassidy says the word Ego many times as in "hes got a big ego" as in the song that KANYE did a remix to, so I guess Cassidy wants Kanye to know that he is most DEFINITELY talking about him. Here are my thoughts (if you know Cassidy personally or used to shine his balls, please look away now, itsabouttaget nasty)
Cassidy NOBODY GIVES A FUCK. NOBODY WILL EVER GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHO YOU FUCKED, HOW YOU FUCKED THEM AND WHY THE FUCK YOU FUCKED THEM, FUCKER. You're career is as lifeless as Janet Jackson's gym membership and nobody cares about your supposed relationship with a woman as fine and as slutty as Amber Rose.
(Let a nigger breathe)
In other news, can anybody explain to me how the hell I get a IM from a Ciara fan trying to scare me into removing the negative things Ive said about C-Error on this blog. Here was the convo.
CIARAFAN4LIFE: Fuck You for dissing Ciara, remove all those mean things now.
PSPW: Or what?
CIARAFAN4LIFE: Or else i'll send a virus to your motherfuckin computer so that you have to listen to Fantasy Ride everytime you turn your computer on.
PSPW: Bitch- you do not OWN fantasy ride to even make that happen, for you to create that sort of virus you would need to have the record itself, but you dont, you didnt even get it off limewire did you?
CF4L: Um....
PSPW: Cat gotcho tongue mofo? listen closely to me, when Ciara learns to accept her fate as F-Lister thats when Ill go easy on her transgender ass, and how can you IM me dissing her when you dissed her by calling yourself a fan and not buying her record.
CF4L: Your mom has a sixpack on her pussy, im gonna make you cry tonight.
PSPW: And your mom's pussy is haunted and bitch, YOUR eyes are already pissing. mofo, did you know Ciara's sold less records in almost a month than Kelly Rowland sold in two weeks, thats how you know her shits in trouble and she really thought all those staged photo ops with Kim K would help shift units, AU CONTRAIRE mofo, au contraire.
CF4L: Fuck you, Ciara will fuck up your favourite artist?
PSPW: Beyonce?
(Long pause.)
CF4L: Yeah Beyonce, with her screamin ass, homegirl cant act, IVE SEEN ALL 7 OF HER MOVIES and i can tell you that she cant act, i even watched movies over and over again and guess what,she cant. Jennifer Hudson won the oscar haha
PSPW: You done? Did you buy Jennifer Hudsons album? Did the Golden Globes give Beyonce' two nominations because she cant act? huh- do you think they give out nominations for nothing and I love that you mention Jhud when im pretty damn sure that your love for her stops at the point where its time to actually go out and buy what she puts out, the fact that 3 years after Dreamgirls people still associate Jennifer's Oscar win with Beyonce' proves nobody can do anything good without Beyonce's lovejuice being shot all over it.
CF4L: Fuck you bitch. You aint got nothin on me.
PSPW: I know I agree, im sorry, you're right im wrong, i should leave Ciara alone, being her cant be easy, to show you how sorry I am heres proof that I bought her record cos i have the album art work right here:http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x183/beyonceitis/2ch1cw11.gif.
In other news, Speidi have quite Im A Celebrity so fuck you to anybody who said Speidi were only good on Reality Tv, they cant even do THAT right unless its scripted and conversations are shot four times. I wonder what they'll do when The Fame runs out, I can see Spencer divorcing Heidi and in 30 years remarrying some walking caucasian vagina and have his own show with her called Age of Love (oh shit someone already has that name, need to check my originality swag.)
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Bleeding Vaginas Heidi Pratt Lady GAGA
Innovation to Rihanna=Dying your hair black, biting Fefe Dobsons style, cutting your hair, dress up in designers whose names you cant pronounce.
Innovation to Ciara= Ciara is such a good.... im sorry- i just cant.
Innovation to Lady Gaga= POP ICON, POP ICON,POP ICON, POP ICON.
Lady Gaga is a fuckin pop legend which is weird because shes only had one album but her work has changed pop for the better, I know its blasphemy to compare anyone to Sasha Fierce but i believe Lady Gaga will do for Avant Garde what Sasha did for Urban Music, COMMERCIALISE THAT HOE. I have stanned for Gaga since last summer when she released JUST DANCE here in the US and her unique vision and general iconic behaviour has been getting me wet in the pup ever since. God bless her parents for knockin boots and conceiving such a dream. puss puss Lady Gaga.
CHECK OUT HER PAPARAZZI VIDEO (Gaga could you please inform the dancer who always has his tongue out that having his tongue at all times is not attractive, it is quite worrying- what if a seagull flew by and decided to take a dump mid-air it would land right on his tongue and then you could say he was talkin shit, (failed joke, yes i know)
Also, im afraid im going to have to throw some shade on Heidi "Does My Artificial Smile Look Artificial In This" Pratt who i adore but come on now girl, dont you see that Monsieur DouceBag is only out for The Fame (available now at all music stores not excluding Itunes, Amazon and Limewire) if Heidi cant see that Spencer only married her to milk out his fifteen minutes she is blind, thats why i never let guys cum in my eye, it fucks up your metaphorical vision. Heidi needs to leave his candy ass and have her own show where she looks for the love of her life whilst subtly promoting the brands that also sponsor the Hills , here are some possible names for the show:
1. The Bachelorette (oh shit, someone already took that)
2. Elimidate (oh fuck, someone got that too)
3. Heidi Hi? (OH MY FUCKIN GOSH- THATS GENIUS- ill be expecting my royalties cheque in the MAIL if you decide to use it in the near or oh so distant future).
I got an email today from a Ms.Anon who wanted to know why her vagina had suddenly started bleeding(sigh) I AM NOT YOUR FUCKIN GYNAECOLOGIST,THE ONLY PUSSIES I AM FAMILIAR WITH ARE OMARION AND CHRIS BROWN, other than that you should not be asking me to explain to you why you are having a period. I remember my first period like it was yesterday (or was it the day before) i thought i was actually becoming a real woman until mother explained that penises are not supposed to bleed.
Also- if you are an unsigned artist and you want FREE promotion, just follow me on twitter www.twitter.com/popslutwhore
I will promote you as long as you promote me, scratch my back and ill scratch yours, you help me i help you, you lick my- well you get the picture.
Innovation to Ciara= Ciara is such a good.... im sorry- i just cant.
Innovation to Lady Gaga= POP ICON, POP ICON,POP ICON, POP ICON.
Lady Gaga is a fuckin pop legend which is weird because shes only had one album but her work has changed pop for the better, I know its blasphemy to compare anyone to Sasha Fierce but i believe Lady Gaga will do for Avant Garde what Sasha did for Urban Music, COMMERCIALISE THAT HOE. I have stanned for Gaga since last summer when she released JUST DANCE here in the US and her unique vision and general iconic behaviour has been getting me wet in the pup ever since. God bless her parents for knockin boots and conceiving such a dream. puss puss Lady Gaga.
CHECK OUT HER PAPARAZZI VIDEO (Gaga could you please inform the dancer who always has his tongue out that having his tongue at all times is not attractive, it is quite worrying- what if a seagull flew by and decided to take a dump mid-air it would land right on his tongue and then you could say he was talkin shit, (failed joke, yes i know)
Also, im afraid im going to have to throw some shade on Heidi "Does My Artificial Smile Look Artificial In This" Pratt who i adore but come on now girl, dont you see that Monsieur DouceBag is only out for The Fame (available now at all music stores not excluding Itunes, Amazon and Limewire) if Heidi cant see that Spencer only married her to milk out his fifteen minutes she is blind, thats why i never let guys cum in my eye, it fucks up your metaphorical vision. Heidi needs to leave his candy ass and have her own show where she looks for the love of her life whilst subtly promoting the brands that also sponsor the Hills , here are some possible names for the show:
1. The Bachelorette (oh shit, someone already took that)
2. Elimidate (oh fuck, someone got that too)
3. Heidi Hi? (OH MY FUCKIN GOSH- THATS GENIUS- ill be expecting my royalties cheque in the MAIL if you decide to use it in the near or oh so distant future).
I got an email today from a Ms.Anon who wanted to know why her vagina had suddenly started bleeding(sigh) I AM NOT YOUR FUCKIN GYNAECOLOGIST,THE ONLY PUSSIES I AM FAMILIAR WITH ARE OMARION AND CHRIS BROWN, other than that you should not be asking me to explain to you why you are having a period. I remember my first period like it was yesterday (or was it the day before) i thought i was actually becoming a real woman until mother explained that penises are not supposed to bleed.
Also- if you are an unsigned artist and you want FREE promotion, just follow me on twitter www.twitter.com/popslutwhore
I will promote you as long as you promote me, scratch my back and ill scratch yours, you help me i help you, you lick my- well you get the picture.
EstelleBowwowRihannaSenolimpdickblackgirls
First off, let me congratulate Estelle, homegirl just announced on twitter that she won The Editors Choice Award awarded to her by Uk Glamour Magazine. Being a Uk native, i remember Estelle when she first came out and to see her go from uk urban queen to international pop princess is such a beautiful thing for me to see.
Now for the shade, also on Twitter, Omarion's bustitbay Bow Wow announced that he is looking to sign to a new label because he seems to think signing to a new label will help his irrelevant career. AU CONTRAIRE MOFO. NO IT WILL NOT. Your fans wont suddenly say "Ohmygosh, Bow Wow signed to a new label, lets all rush out and buy his records," Bow Wow should know this because his best friend Mr.GapToothedMidgetExtradoinare (aka Jermaine Dupri)'s girlfriend Janet Jackson still flopped terribly after being dropped from Virgin only to be signed to Island where she flopped and was then dropped. When will these irrelevants learn, the problem isnt the label, the problem is that to the general public YOU ARE SHIT AT THE BOTTOM OF BEYONCE'S SHEEP SKIN JIMMY CHOOS.
I hate to blame the failures of irrelevants on Beyonce' that woman has fucked up the game so much that unless her fans care about you life can be a very dark and uncertain playground, just ask Keri Hilson and Ciara and Christina Milian and Amerie- do i need to continue.
As i just upped the ante on the haterscale just then, im gonna give you some loving, let you have some of my friendly dick and ride it until you reach a climax of pure pop culture bliss.
I love black girls! especially black girls that do pop, so much so that ive been researching unsigned black girls doing pop. Last night on myspace I found a girl who has become the fire of my fire, the marrow in my bones, the colour in my albino skin, her name is Lucie and homegirl is certified Cover Girl fiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaace: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbgd_26j6OE
She has a song called 2 Minutes Past Hot which i am sure will have anybody aged between 15-18andahalf gyrating,abominating and discombombalating all over the dance floor.
If you dont like upbeat contemporary urban dance pop then you will hate this song, if you like contemporary urban dance pop then you will find yourself playing this motherfuckin track over and over and over again.
Another black girl i heart has to be Ebony Bonez, that girl is so feverish, i had to pop a thermometre in my mouth when I found her youtube page: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy5fiIbbnPU. She has a eccentric style and looks like she could take a bitch down with one side eye look (which might i add have mastered down to the T ever since watching re-runs of Tyra giving them to Janice everytime Janice talked smack about a model).
I also love the Noisettes, mmm they are finger lickin good- they're hot, original and man can they dress:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--xnPk1wExQ&feature=PlayList&p=76A7EDAF4CC968AA&index=0&playnext=1.
Now for some MORE shade. That fucker Chris Brown better stop leakin photos of our girl Rihanna before homegirl does something she'll live to regret, dont forget she is originally carribean and those bitches DO NOT fuck about, I got into beef with two carribean chicks last week and those hoes whipped out vinegar and a razor on my suprised ass.
The photos that Chris is leaking IS THE REASON Rihanna didnt criticise Chris when he beat her up because she knew that if she did, he would use them to discredit her image, but since that stunt failed who knows what Senor LimpDick will do next to try and defame Robyn.F. Ladies take note- even if you trust your man DO NOT LET HIM TAKE INCRIMINATING PHOTOS OF YOU, please believe Bossip will get a hold of them the second you call it quits with him.
So as most of you will know, Spectacular had that SUSPECT video of calling out a group of washed out contemp'n'b male artists and grinding in some little red tighties. After being called:
Faggot
Queer
Homo
(And any other homophobe name your Uncle Bob screams whenever he sees Ms.Jay work it on ANTM) Spectacular has decided to record a new video to prove that he is as straight as Beyonce's hair:http://weblogs.newsday.com/entertainment/music/idol/blog/beyonce-picture-6.jpg.
Why did he feel like he needed to prove himself, IF he likes penis that is between him and his anus (depending on whether hes a top or bottom), its NOBODYS business, if he wants to shake his behind on Youtube thats his business, if you dont like press the X button betch.
The videos on youtube, Im too busy getting drunk to find it and post it for your lazy asses.
Oh and before i go, id like you all to go out and PLEASE buy Ciaras new record:
It's flopping harder than an 86 year old virgin who left his little blue pills at home.
Unless you want Ciara to share a similar fate to Christina Milian(fuckin chubby songwriters for songs that wont even chart on the Bubbling Under Chart) please buy her Fantasy Ride, just do it for me, ok?
Now for the shade, also on Twitter, Omarion's bustitbay Bow Wow announced that he is looking to sign to a new label because he seems to think signing to a new label will help his irrelevant career. AU CONTRAIRE MOFO. NO IT WILL NOT. Your fans wont suddenly say "Ohmygosh, Bow Wow signed to a new label, lets all rush out and buy his records," Bow Wow should know this because his best friend Mr.GapToothedMidgetExtradoinare (aka Jermaine Dupri)'s girlfriend Janet Jackson still flopped terribly after being dropped from Virgin only to be signed to Island where she flopped and was then dropped. When will these irrelevants learn, the problem isnt the label, the problem is that to the general public YOU ARE SHIT AT THE BOTTOM OF BEYONCE'S SHEEP SKIN JIMMY CHOOS.
I hate to blame the failures of irrelevants on Beyonce' that woman has fucked up the game so much that unless her fans care about you life can be a very dark and uncertain playground, just ask Keri Hilson and Ciara and Christina Milian and Amerie- do i need to continue.
As i just upped the ante on the haterscale just then, im gonna give you some loving, let you have some of my friendly dick and ride it until you reach a climax of pure pop culture bliss.
I love black girls! especially black girls that do pop, so much so that ive been researching unsigned black girls doing pop. Last night on myspace I found a girl who has become the fire of my fire, the marrow in my bones, the colour in my albino skin, her name is Lucie and homegirl is certified Cover Girl fiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaace: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbgd_26j6OE
She has a song called 2 Minutes Past Hot which i am sure will have anybody aged between 15-18andahalf gyrating,abominating and discombombalating all over the dance floor.
If you dont like upbeat contemporary urban dance pop then you will hate this song, if you like contemporary urban dance pop then you will find yourself playing this motherfuckin track over and over and over again.
Another black girl i heart has to be Ebony Bonez, that girl is so feverish, i had to pop a thermometre in my mouth when I found her youtube page: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy5fiIbbnPU. She has a eccentric style and looks like she could take a bitch down with one side eye look (which might i add have mastered down to the T ever since watching re-runs of Tyra giving them to Janice everytime Janice talked smack about a model).
I also love the Noisettes, mmm they are finger lickin good- they're hot, original and man can they dress:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--xnPk1wExQ&feature=PlayList&p=76A7EDAF4CC968AA&index=0&playnext=1.
Now for some MORE shade. That fucker Chris Brown better stop leakin photos of our girl Rihanna before homegirl does something she'll live to regret, dont forget she is originally carribean and those bitches DO NOT fuck about, I got into beef with two carribean chicks last week and those hoes whipped out vinegar and a razor on my suprised ass.
The photos that Chris is leaking IS THE REASON Rihanna didnt criticise Chris when he beat her up because she knew that if she did, he would use them to discredit her image, but since that stunt failed who knows what Senor LimpDick will do next to try and defame Robyn.F. Ladies take note- even if you trust your man DO NOT LET HIM TAKE INCRIMINATING PHOTOS OF YOU, please believe Bossip will get a hold of them the second you call it quits with him.
So as most of you will know, Spectacular had that SUSPECT video of calling out a group of washed out contemp'n'b male artists and grinding in some little red tighties. After being called:
Faggot
Queer
Homo
(And any other homophobe name your Uncle Bob screams whenever he sees Ms.Jay work it on ANTM) Spectacular has decided to record a new video to prove that he is as straight as Beyonce's hair:http://weblogs.newsday.com/entertainment/music/idol/blog/beyonce-picture-6.jpg.
Why did he feel like he needed to prove himself, IF he likes penis that is between him and his anus (depending on whether hes a top or bottom), its NOBODYS business, if he wants to shake his behind on Youtube thats his business, if you dont like press the X button betch.
The videos on youtube, Im too busy getting drunk to find it and post it for your lazy asses.
Oh and before i go, id like you all to go out and PLEASE buy Ciaras new record:
It's flopping harder than an 86 year old virgin who left his little blue pills at home.
Unless you want Ciara to share a similar fate to Christina Milian(fuckin chubby songwriters for songs that wont even chart on the Bubbling Under Chart) please buy her Fantasy Ride, just do it for me, ok?
Exclusive interview with Susan Boyle
I was able to talk to SUBO on the finals of BGT backstage briefly, our conversation is in this interview.
PSPW: Hello Susan, how are you feel this evening?
Susan: So happy that the black kids won, YES THEY CAN!
PSPW: Yeah- so tell us about life before the fame.
Susan: Well i spent days playing with my pussies (plural for pussy) and dreaming of singing on a big stage, I had no intention of becoming famous, it just happened.
PSPW: You said you've never been kissed, is that true?
Susan: You naughty pop whore! yes its true, I had never been kissed until I met with the tall one from flawless, mmm that tall drink of hot chocolate really got me blood boyleing- u get it? boyleing?
PSPW: What are you plans for the future?
Susan: I've been offered a role to play Catherine Trummel in Basinc Instinct 2.5 which is really sexy, I'll be working alongside Brad Pitt and who knows maybe Ill steal him from Angelina the way she stole him for Jennifer.
PSPW: Maybe. But anyway, lets talk about your music, is there an album in the works.
Susan: Bitch, my album is already finished, its called I AM... Susan Fierce and its in December. Listen, i've gotta dash now, got a reservation at the Marriot and Im meeting a special someone.
PSPW: A special FLAWLESS someone?
Susan: You minx you.
That was the interview, she was nice to talk to and her breasts jiggle when she laughs.
Here is the tracklist for I AM... Susan Fierce. The song Smack That Diva Up was originally offered to Tina Knowles to support her The Creole Experience Tour but she decided to colloborate with Susan because, "Susan's spicy at heart, and I like Spice."
Intro: It's Susie Bitch.
1. Scottish Ladies (Put Some Haggis On It)
2. Smack that Diva Up featuring Tina Knowles
3. Pussy Pop (Make that Kitty Purr)
4. So Fuckin Flawless, So Fuckin Diverse.
5. Halo(stosis).
6. Stuntin like My GreatGrandNana
7. Vote 4 Me Thru the Phone (featuring Shaheen.)
8. If I Was Your Boyle.
I AM.... Susan Fierce Deluxe DVD Edition
1. 5 hour footage taken from the It Must be Susie World Tour.
2. Oprah and Ellen interview Susan.
3. The Diary of Susan.
4. Tour Rehearsal, Susan and the crew.
The I AM.... Susan Fierce record and Deluxe DVD edition are available at all discredited music stores. Susan will be signing copies of the record on the day of its release.
To order tickets to the It Must Be Susie World Tour Sponsored By Playboy, log onto www.It'sSusieBitch.Com
And to pre-order I AM...Susan Fierce log onto www.itunes.com/IAMSUSANFIERCE
Smack That Diva Up lyrics:
Hook:
Uh uh
Smack That Diva Up
Uh uh
Smack that diva up
Uh uh
Smack that diva up
Y'all better hope i don't smack that diva up
I'm a bad bitch
You can ask Pierre's
Fuck a motherfucker so good
Bring a nxgger to tears
Y'all think i didn't hear about you talkin shit
Sayin Susie aint hot, sayin Susie ain't it
Nah Nah
Bitch I came strong
May Have come Second
But i got my own song
Cant wait to get home and write this in my diary
I'm a fuckin star
Thats why i kick it in the Priory
Yeah Yeah
Bitch get to know
Britain Got Talent? Nah it's the Susie Show
Fuck Flawless and Fuck Diverse
Let me take a breather whilst i finish my verse
Uh Uh
Smack that Diva Up
Uh uh
Smack that diva up
Uh uh
Smack that diva up
Y'all better hope i dont smack that diva up.
Celestine:
Yo Aretha
Yeah bitch im talkin 2 u
take the burger outtcha mouth
Before i give ya swine flu
doggin on my first born
now you will see
what happens to a diva
when i get spicy
yo im chillin with my girl Susie
Puffin on dro
gettin wild in the jaccuzi
I roll with a shank
And if you get a phonecall
best believe it aint prank
Uh uh
Smack Aretha Up
Uh uh
We gon smack aretha up
Uh uh
Smack Aretha Up
Errrbody knows
we gon smack aretha up
PSPW: Hello Susan, how are you feel this evening?
Susan: So happy that the black kids won, YES THEY CAN!
PSPW: Yeah- so tell us about life before the fame.
Susan: Well i spent days playing with my pussies (plural for pussy) and dreaming of singing on a big stage, I had no intention of becoming famous, it just happened.
PSPW: You said you've never been kissed, is that true?
Susan: You naughty pop whore! yes its true, I had never been kissed until I met with the tall one from flawless, mmm that tall drink of hot chocolate really got me blood boyleing- u get it? boyleing?
PSPW: What are you plans for the future?
Susan: I've been offered a role to play Catherine Trummel in Basinc Instinct 2.5 which is really sexy, I'll be working alongside Brad Pitt and who knows maybe Ill steal him from Angelina the way she stole him for Jennifer.
PSPW: Maybe. But anyway, lets talk about your music, is there an album in the works.
Susan: Bitch, my album is already finished, its called I AM... Susan Fierce and its in December. Listen, i've gotta dash now, got a reservation at the Marriot and Im meeting a special someone.
PSPW: A special FLAWLESS someone?
Susan: You minx you.
That was the interview, she was nice to talk to and her breasts jiggle when she laughs.
Here is the tracklist for I AM... Susan Fierce. The song Smack That Diva Up was originally offered to Tina Knowles to support her The Creole Experience Tour but she decided to colloborate with Susan because, "Susan's spicy at heart, and I like Spice."
Intro: It's Susie Bitch.
1. Scottish Ladies (Put Some Haggis On It)
2. Smack that Diva Up featuring Tina Knowles
3. Pussy Pop (Make that Kitty Purr)
4. So Fuckin Flawless, So Fuckin Diverse.
5. Halo(stosis).
6. Stuntin like My GreatGrandNana
7. Vote 4 Me Thru the Phone (featuring Shaheen.)
8. If I Was Your Boyle.
I AM.... Susan Fierce Deluxe DVD Edition
1. 5 hour footage taken from the It Must be Susie World Tour.
2. Oprah and Ellen interview Susan.
3. The Diary of Susan.
4. Tour Rehearsal, Susan and the crew.
The I AM.... Susan Fierce record and Deluxe DVD edition are available at all discredited music stores. Susan will be signing copies of the record on the day of its release.
To order tickets to the It Must Be Susie World Tour Sponsored By Playboy, log onto www.It'sSusieBitch.Com
And to pre-order I AM...Susan Fierce log onto www.itunes.com/IAMSUSANFIERCE
Smack That Diva Up lyrics:
Hook:
Uh uh
Smack That Diva Up
Uh uh
Smack that diva up
Uh uh
Smack that diva up
Y'all better hope i don't smack that diva up
I'm a bad bitch
You can ask Pierre's
Fuck a motherfucker so good
Bring a nxgger to tears
Y'all think i didn't hear about you talkin shit
Sayin Susie aint hot, sayin Susie ain't it
Nah Nah
Bitch I came strong
May Have come Second
But i got my own song
Cant wait to get home and write this in my diary
I'm a fuckin star
Thats why i kick it in the Priory
Yeah Yeah
Bitch get to know
Britain Got Talent? Nah it's the Susie Show
Fuck Flawless and Fuck Diverse
Let me take a breather whilst i finish my verse
Uh Uh
Smack that Diva Up
Uh uh
Smack that diva up
Uh uh
Smack that diva up
Y'all better hope i dont smack that diva up.
Celestine:
Yo Aretha
Yeah bitch im talkin 2 u
take the burger outtcha mouth
Before i give ya swine flu
doggin on my first born
now you will see
what happens to a diva
when i get spicy
yo im chillin with my girl Susie
Puffin on dro
gettin wild in the jaccuzi
I roll with a shank
And if you get a phonecall
best believe it aint prank
Uh uh
Smack Aretha Up
Uh uh
We gon smack aretha up
Uh uh
Smack Aretha Up
Errrbody knows
we gon smack aretha up
mama's hoodpop do twitasness, (i really did try)
Although im based in LA, im also always back in forth in London so I am very aware of whats going on in the London scene, and whats hot right now HAS to be a trio called Ndubz, imagine black eyed peas + good music- one member +a much hotter white girl.
This group has been going from stride to stride and have been shitting mercilessly on their competition which for one makes me happy because Ive always been routing for them, i would describe their sound as being pop but after its been gangbanged by a gang of gun wielding hoodrats. Their new song Wouldn't You really has to be their best, and i urge anybody to download the single from Itunes because it really is worth the money:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIOFT_SfCz8
Ive also been paying some attention an artist called Pixie Lott and her shit is very interesting and I make a prediction that this girl will be a big as Adele by next year(well you know what i mean). Her song Mama Do is really sexy and she really masters the art of gay boy vs girl call and response choreography in her video. She's from the Uk and I'm already a fan, since her publicists have still not paid me for this compliment I refuse to post the link to her Youtube page, look for her your fucking selves.
Erm what else, oh yeah lets talk about twittassness, a term coined by somebody on twitter to refer to people who add celebs on twitter and leaving hateful tweets about those celebs in the hope that the celebs themselves will see them and fall into a despair and darkness.
Now, I for one am not a hater, I have opinions which I like to express which is why I have this blog, I got tired of attention seeking on other blogs by dissing people so now I have my own. I will admit that last night I decided to remind Ciara about how badly her album was doing and how embarrasing it must be to go from being an A-list urban artist to be a d-list mainstream artist within the space of a year and you can call that what you want, but i dont see it as hating.
Hating on someone is when you hate on somebody's achievements, for example:
"Rihanna wins Grammy for Best R'n'b Colloboration"
FUCKIN Bitch. You know she gave head to whoever gave out the Grammys to win it, why wasn't Beyonce' nominated, does actual talent count for nothing these days?huh, what the fuck is wrong with the world?
The above can qualify as being hating, however:
"Rihanna goes to meet Chris Brown in Diddy's house."
Oh i see, is she that stupid that cant see that either Diddy or Chris would leak that information to gain publicity for themselves, how do we even know they were at Diddy's house unless Diddy leaked it himself to gain some sort of publicity for his useless ass.
That is not hating, that is giving an opinion. If you do not want to hear the opinions of the general public, DO NOT GO ON TWITTER because thats what you open yourself up for when you sign up. If you are already aware that not everybody likes you why are you suprised when one of those people who you were already aware didnt like you criticises you, doesnt make sense, does it?
This group has been going from stride to stride and have been shitting mercilessly on their competition which for one makes me happy because Ive always been routing for them, i would describe their sound as being pop but after its been gangbanged by a gang of gun wielding hoodrats. Their new song Wouldn't You really has to be their best, and i urge anybody to download the single from Itunes because it really is worth the money:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIOFT_SfCz8
Ive also been paying some attention an artist called Pixie Lott and her shit is very interesting and I make a prediction that this girl will be a big as Adele by next year(well you know what i mean). Her song Mama Do is really sexy and she really masters the art of gay boy vs girl call and response choreography in her video. She's from the Uk and I'm already a fan, since her publicists have still not paid me for this compliment I refuse to post the link to her Youtube page, look for her your fucking selves.
Erm what else, oh yeah lets talk about twittassness, a term coined by somebody on twitter to refer to people who add celebs on twitter and leaving hateful tweets about those celebs in the hope that the celebs themselves will see them and fall into a despair and darkness.
Now, I for one am not a hater, I have opinions which I like to express which is why I have this blog, I got tired of attention seeking on other blogs by dissing people so now I have my own. I will admit that last night I decided to remind Ciara about how badly her album was doing and how embarrasing it must be to go from being an A-list urban artist to be a d-list mainstream artist within the space of a year and you can call that what you want, but i dont see it as hating.
Hating on someone is when you hate on somebody's achievements, for example:
"Rihanna wins Grammy for Best R'n'b Colloboration"
FUCKIN Bitch. You know she gave head to whoever gave out the Grammys to win it, why wasn't Beyonce' nominated, does actual talent count for nothing these days?huh, what the fuck is wrong with the world?
The above can qualify as being hating, however:
"Rihanna goes to meet Chris Brown in Diddy's house."
Oh i see, is she that stupid that cant see that either Diddy or Chris would leak that information to gain publicity for themselves, how do we even know they were at Diddy's house unless Diddy leaked it himself to gain some sort of publicity for his useless ass.
That is not hating, that is giving an opinion. If you do not want to hear the opinions of the general public, DO NOT GO ON TWITTER because thats what you open yourself up for when you sign up. If you are already aware that not everybody likes you why are you suprised when one of those people who you were already aware didnt like you criticises you, doesnt make sense, does it?
Work Victoria Beckham
Check this equation:
Rihanna- Even More Talent + English Accents- World wide fame X 5= The Saturdays.
The Saturdays are like five little Rihannas, you have the Irish one, the dumb blonde, the one who your old brother wants to bone, the mixraced one and the sexy chubby one. However, although these bitches have less recognisable talents that Cassie and Brooke Holgan put together, they are pop at its best. Their new video is Work is FIRE! and they really push the boundaries on awkward provocative posing and air punching, you go girls!
For those of you who are unfamiliar, GET familiar because these girls are coming to a miniscule venue near you, with their universally infectious pop sound, model-esque good looks and wholesome vapidity they are sure to win the hearts of people all around the world:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IK4176nnQwc
In other news, I think i should take the time out to talk about someone whom we havent seen in a long time, Vicky B-Mama Becks, Victoria Beckham.
Now I have always like the Beckhams and find their unsubtle marketing ploys really cute, especially Victoria's, but for some reason something about Victoria doesnt sit right with me. Heres what it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSpM8sArmkg&feature=related
Victoria Beckham behaves as though shes a celebrity whose done something wrong and feels the need to redeem herself by acting up in faux documentaries like that one on ITV some time ago. Vicky baby, you've done nothing wrong so you dont need to try so hard. Victoria is smart though, bitch had a plan like HilClin, no way was she going to let some slutty groupie run her marriage and chances of becoming more famous which is Victoria did not leave David. She knew he was her ticket from the pits of D-list to the heights of the A-list because as soon as everyone noticed that she had the voice of a tone-deaf angel she really had nothing else to offer except various staged photo oppurtunities.
I also believe that although Papa Beckham is one of the best looking men in the world, he has very bad taste, i dont mean to hate on skinny bitches, but i dont see what a man would want on a bitch whose rockin ScareCrow chic, WHERES THE MEAT? what is he supposed to hold onto whilst he labouriously inseminates his sperm in her? Anyway, now they are leaving LA after failing to achieve whatever they set out to do there and are going to Europe again, by the time their kids are 13 they'll be able to speak more languages than was being spoken at the Tower of Frickin Babel.
Rihanna- Even More Talent + English Accents- World wide fame X 5= The Saturdays.
The Saturdays are like five little Rihannas, you have the Irish one, the dumb blonde, the one who your old brother wants to bone, the mixraced one and the sexy chubby one. However, although these bitches have less recognisable talents that Cassie and Brooke Holgan put together, they are pop at its best. Their new video is Work is FIRE! and they really push the boundaries on awkward provocative posing and air punching, you go girls!
For those of you who are unfamiliar, GET familiar because these girls are coming to a miniscule venue near you, with their universally infectious pop sound, model-esque good looks and wholesome vapidity they are sure to win the hearts of people all around the world:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IK4176nnQwc
In other news, I think i should take the time out to talk about someone whom we havent seen in a long time, Vicky B-Mama Becks, Victoria Beckham.
Now I have always like the Beckhams and find their unsubtle marketing ploys really cute, especially Victoria's, but for some reason something about Victoria doesnt sit right with me. Heres what it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSpM8sArmkg&feature=related
Victoria Beckham behaves as though shes a celebrity whose done something wrong and feels the need to redeem herself by acting up in faux documentaries like that one on ITV some time ago. Vicky baby, you've done nothing wrong so you dont need to try so hard. Victoria is smart though, bitch had a plan like HilClin, no way was she going to let some slutty groupie run her marriage and chances of becoming more famous which is Victoria did not leave David. She knew he was her ticket from the pits of D-list to the heights of the A-list because as soon as everyone noticed that she had the voice of a tone-deaf angel she really had nothing else to offer except various staged photo oppurtunities.
I also believe that although Papa Beckham is one of the best looking men in the world, he has very bad taste, i dont mean to hate on skinny bitches, but i dont see what a man would want on a bitch whose rockin ScareCrow chic, WHERES THE MEAT? what is he supposed to hold onto whilst he labouriously inseminates his sperm in her? Anyway, now they are leaving LA after failing to achieve whatever they set out to do there and are going to Europe again, by the time their kids are 13 they'll be able to speak more languages than was being spoken at the Tower of Frickin Babel.
Monday, 1 June 2009
June 1st news
Ive seen some pretty shocking things in my life, Michael Jackson turn white,Pink go faux rock, Heidi Klum go black, and i thought that the only ass Eminem licked was Dr. Dres but hey times are a-changing and at the MTV Movie Awards, Bruno (who sort of looks like Borat) was lowered from the ceiling and basically had his ass all over Eminem's pretty face.
At this point various things occured around the world:
1. Elton John got an erection.
2. Eminem got an erection.
3. Ciara remained an embarrasment to her entire family.
Ive always had the suspicion that Eminem is the kind of guy that has mancrushes, sort of like Michael Jackson has boycrushes but only with Eminem its legal, so im sure when Eminem's publicist told Eminem about what Bruno was planning to do, Eminem said something to the tune of, "I ain't gay! but its cool, i'll let some fictional European dude rub his balls on my face, im down with that." So it happened and for the next few weeks, people will debate whether it was planned or not, whether Eminem knew he was going to be tea-bagged, well- did Janet plan to expose her sagging tata? the answer to that question is also the answer to the question i asked before the question i just asked, any questions?
Drag me VIVIDLY;
In other news, Kim Kardashian said on Twitter that she thinks the film Drag Me To Hell is shit, personally i do not blame Kim for thinking any movie that does not contain black penises and does not result in her making millions from it, is shit.
SouljaBlog:
Souljaboy (lool) also has his own blogspot http://www.thedeandreway.blogspot.com/
i think its great, it'll give him something else to work on to take his mind off the fact that he will be an unsigned artist by the end of next year, (man im extra bitchy today, must be this heavy period.) I have nothing against one hit wonders, i really dont, however i have something against one hit wonders who dont realise they were only wonderful because of that one hit and NEED to go back to wherever they came from to wallow in isolation and rejection from the mainstream.
Pink Wants to Wear Kanye's Skin:
Black DOES go with anything and Faux Rock star Pink says she wants to wear Kanye's skin, here's what the wannabe rocker had to say :
“Kanye West is the person p***ing me off right now. “I was at STELLA McCARTNEY’s Paris fashion show with the vice president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, PAUL McCARTNEY and Kanye West. “The entire time Kanye is going, ‘They need more fur in this show’. He just wouldn’t shut up about how he loved fur. I mean, he’s saying this to me, the PETA guy and Paul McCartney! “I was just so grossed out by him. I’m like, ‘You’re an idiot!’ “There are so many people who I think are a waste of skin and he’s up there. I should wear him. “Go on, donate yourself Kanye. People can wear your fur"
Ouch, this isn't the first time Pink's lashed out at someone for liking fur, anyone remember her "I wish a chinchilla would bite Beyonce' in the ass" comment, so Pink here is my advice to you:
1. If you think calling out artists with more artistic credibility than you makes you seem edgier, rethink it bitch, it does not, ESPECIALLY when you use Max Martin (Britneys old writer) to write your records, so fuckin edgy right?
2. If you don't like fur, just dont buy it, if Kanye wants to skin a zebra alive and use the skin as a loin cloth thats up to him and his penis.
3. Isn't it time you changed the colour of your hair, Im aware your name is Pink but does it have to be so fuckin literal.
I think thats all for today.
See you betches.
At this point various things occured around the world:
1. Elton John got an erection.
2. Eminem got an erection.
3. Ciara remained an embarrasment to her entire family.
Ive always had the suspicion that Eminem is the kind of guy that has mancrushes, sort of like Michael Jackson has boycrushes but only with Eminem its legal, so im sure when Eminem's publicist told Eminem about what Bruno was planning to do, Eminem said something to the tune of, "I ain't gay! but its cool, i'll let some fictional European dude rub his balls on my face, im down with that." So it happened and for the next few weeks, people will debate whether it was planned or not, whether Eminem knew he was going to be tea-bagged, well- did Janet plan to expose her sagging tata? the answer to that question is also the answer to the question i asked before the question i just asked, any questions?
Drag me VIVIDLY;
In other news, Kim Kardashian said on Twitter that she thinks the film Drag Me To Hell is shit, personally i do not blame Kim for thinking any movie that does not contain black penises and does not result in her making millions from it, is shit.
SouljaBlog:
Souljaboy (lool) also has his own blogspot http://www.thedeandreway.blogspot.com/
i think its great, it'll give him something else to work on to take his mind off the fact that he will be an unsigned artist by the end of next year, (man im extra bitchy today, must be this heavy period.) I have nothing against one hit wonders, i really dont, however i have something against one hit wonders who dont realise they were only wonderful because of that one hit and NEED to go back to wherever they came from to wallow in isolation and rejection from the mainstream.
Pink Wants to Wear Kanye's Skin:
Black DOES go with anything and Faux Rock star Pink says she wants to wear Kanye's skin, here's what the wannabe rocker had to say :
“Kanye West is the person p***ing me off right now. “I was at STELLA McCARTNEY’s Paris fashion show with the vice president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, PAUL McCARTNEY and Kanye West. “The entire time Kanye is going, ‘They need more fur in this show’. He just wouldn’t shut up about how he loved fur. I mean, he’s saying this to me, the PETA guy and Paul McCartney! “I was just so grossed out by him. I’m like, ‘You’re an idiot!’ “There are so many people who I think are a waste of skin and he’s up there. I should wear him. “Go on, donate yourself Kanye. People can wear your fur"
Ouch, this isn't the first time Pink's lashed out at someone for liking fur, anyone remember her "I wish a chinchilla would bite Beyonce' in the ass" comment, so Pink here is my advice to you:
1. If you think calling out artists with more artistic credibility than you makes you seem edgier, rethink it bitch, it does not, ESPECIALLY when you use Max Martin (Britneys old writer) to write your records, so fuckin edgy right?
2. If you don't like fur, just dont buy it, if Kanye wants to skin a zebra alive and use the skin as a loin cloth thats up to him and his penis.
3. Isn't it time you changed the colour of your hair, Im aware your name is Pink but does it have to be so fuckin literal.
I think thats all for today.
See you betches.
Welcome, wipe your feet on the way in
Hello betches
and welcome to the pop whore's blogspot, if your stupid-press the x button- if your fat- press the xbutton- if your Hannah Montona- go play in Brandy Norwood traffic because here at Pop Whore we spare nobody. And that's a fact.
Here, we will try our damned hardest to give subjective commentaries on pop culture news stories but you should know now, unlike MediaTakeOut we here at PopWhore actually know what we're talking about, for example we won't dog on Keri Hilson one day and praise her irrelevant kitty the next, we keeps it consistent in this bitch.
First off, i would like to explain to you how i feel about the following artists so you have a clear idea of what my ideologies are;
Rihanna:
THANK GOD FOR THE BITCH. If Mr.Camel didnt' sign Rihanna who the fuck would Hannah Montana fans turn to when Miley Cyrus is too fucked up to walk around stage nodding her head to faux pop rock whilst trying to ensure that $3 wig doesnt fall off her head. Rihanna is good because she allows people to lower their standards, you know what to expect from Rihanna, posing, awkward umbrella twirling, a voice that sounds like a goat getting brain from a toothless eskimo and hot pop dance tracks. If you took a Hannah Montana fan to a Rihanna show, they'd be in awe, they wouldn't be able to get over the "innovation" and would spend the rest of their little existences recalling the day they saw Rihanna in concert. However, if you took a Hannah Montana fan to a Sasha Fierce concernt, those pre-teen bitches would fuckin shit themselves, "WTF, singing, dancing, stage humping, interacting, smiling, endorsing, actually being talented ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Oh heck no!Mommy take me home."
So that's how i feel about Rihanna.
Spencer Pratt:
Is douche bag spelt with a mother fucker at the end of it?
Heidi Pratt:
Erm- a person would need to be alive behind the eyes for me to comically assess them, erm, i think her new nose is cool?
Alicia keys:
playing the piano, looking constipated, being afro-centric, being bisexual AND fucking other womens husbands is not easy especially when you are also trying to forge a career as an actress, so i respect Alicia, bitch can multitask. Whilst she soothes you with her piano playing with her right hand shes giving your husband a rhythmic handjob with her left hand. Fuckin whore.
Bow Wow:
Omario's booty awaits you.
Perez Hilton:
The reason i live, the reason i breathe, i want to marry him ( was that ok? or is it obvious im only complimenting him to win over some of his fan base.)
Diddy:
A rapper who can't rap. An executive is only good at executing the careers of talentshow whores (wazzaaaaaaaaaaap Ebony and Ivory) Day 26, you are next. However if you remove the fat one, the black one and the one with the breasts (oh wait thats the fat one) and replace these members with slim, white justin timberlake looky likeys then perhaps you may have some shortlived mainsteam success, maybe.
Mariah Carey:
Whispering really fast and fucking unfunny exgigolos is a downgrade from getting put in a dick coma up in that steel tower but hey Mariah is our girl. E=Mc2 was the shit (yes, it really was) but for those of you who actually did well at maths, you will know that E=mc2 actually means nothing. If the Emancipation is equivelant to Mariah Carey to the power of two, all you are doing is promoting a record that you have already released because you are saying that The Emancipation of Mimi is like Mariah mutiplied by herself once (now thats a big Mariah) why the fuck would you make that the name of your NEW album, its like tatooing your ex boyfriends name on your husbands ass.
Chris Brown:
So you see at school, you have the guy that nobody really talks to but everyone smiles at just to be polite and for some weird "MARKETING" reason he starts "DATING" a popular girl and then tries to become one the guys by doing something really masculine, like- oh lets just say- biting, beating up, choking,kicking up his girlfriend, well that's what Chris Brown is to the music industry. Although he may have the fat ridden hearts of overweight undersexed and quasi lesbian black women, that skinny motherfucker has really ticked off the mainstream media.
He seems to be under the impression that leaking all those photos of him and Robyn F took will ruin her image and help his. AU CONTRAIRE Senor Limp Dick, Rihanna's career will be fine, you however are one more "im not a monster" home video away from joining Janet Jackson on Beyonceitis's list of irrelevant motherfuckers who have part time jobs at Popeye. Bastard.
Janet Jackson:
That'll be $456.96, thanks for ordering at Pizza Hut.
Britney:
Once upon a time there was a cute little girl from a town where sexual relations with ones cousin was seen as being in vogue who was taken to DisneyLand and then all of a sudden she became a Mickey Mouse Kid and then all of a sudden she got a record deal and then all of a motherfuckin sudden she was being sexed up by a team of publicists and A&R who really shouldve known better. After years of hit records, amazing "live" shows, countless awards and world domination (shut the fuck up, Britney dominated MY world) this little country girl who had become a hot sex kitten got so exhausted she ended up fucking dead beat dancers which then resulted in her eggs being fertilised which then resulted in her getting pregnant, which is when that little skeeze nature got hold of her, Britney put on a little "Kelly Clarkson" weight and it became apparent to all, including My Uncle Breanna that you can take a girl out of the country, but you cant take the country out of the girl, you can put a lacefront wig on a pig, but its still a pig, you can write vagina on a dick but it's a still a dick- you can put your fingers in my- well you get my point.
Now Britney makes around 3 mil a night from walking around the stage lip synching songs she cant remember ever recording whilst trying to stay awake whilst grinding on gay dancers whilst trying her best not to say "my clitora is hanging out." Now that's talent, fuck the singing and dancing and entertaining all at the same time, thats for losers, thats for idiots, dragging your tired pussy around an elaborate stage is where the money's at.
Ciara:
(crickets)
Lady Gaga:
All i have to say is- every once in a while God sends the Earth a popculture gift, a gift so special that even World leaders have to stop and say "now that's a fierce bitch" in the 1990s we got Beyonce' and Britney, in the 1890's we got Madonna and in the noughties (i know you like my lingo) we got Lady Gaga, that's all i have to say, except this- if a certain wailing, slutty, blonde haired marylin munroe, producer fucking singer thinks she got away of biting Lady Gaga's swagger, that bitch should know she is WRONG.
Fergie:
1. Nobody is trying to copy your swagger because for your swagger to be copied you would need to have a swagger in the first place. 2. When you finally get the courage to tell Will. I. AM ONLY GOOD FOR PRODUCING that you don't want to be in the Green Beans or is it Two Peas In a Pod (whatever their band is called) thats when i respect you, until then you can consider yourself nul in void, you dont matter, fuck off- betch.
Solange:
Mmm, at first i hated this creole bitch, more so than i hated my mother when she told me that my Uncle Albert had actually been my Aunty Alberta until an accident with a hot comb changed shit, but then after listening to her album on Youtube, i fell in love with her chilled out, retro, electric sound and ACTUALLY bought her record, not that helped her sales much- to date I have sold more copies of my grandmother's autobiography "The Life and Times of a PopCulture Whore's Illiterate Grandmother" than Solange had sold "Sol-Angel and The BillBoard Chart Dreams."
You really have to give this woman a chance because she is very good and although her attitude can seem stank, she means well, plus her father IS Mathew Knowles, my hero (all recycled sarcasm aside, the man inspires me so much.)
Kim Kardashian:
What a hoe. No, no, only kidding (to be said in a strong Indian accent) Kim is the shit and i dont care what anybody says. Anybody who hates Kim is just jealous that she made a sex tape, got famous from it, got a show out of it, got a black man out of it ( i think that kills you guys the most) and is still going on strong and proved what a great person she is in HER show (you hear that Khloe and Keisha?????). Ray J (the star of For The Love of An Irrelevant Hip Hop Singer Who Is Coincidentally the Less Talented Brother Of a Speed Driving Irrelevant R'n'b Singer Named After My Father's Favourite Liquer) tried to suggest that he was more "real" because had not benefited from the sextape. Nigger let me hollaatchu for a second, THATS BECAUSE NOBODY CARED WHO YOU WERE BEFORE THE SEX TAPE. The reason Kim is famous now is because the world did not know who she was before and so to the eyes of the world and E! she was a new marketable celebutante. Ray J had already been irrelevant six years before he was giving out golden showers and so nobody really cared, it could have been James Brown (God rest his spicy soul) in that sextape with Kim and nobody would have cared, people were just concerned about the azzzzzzzzzzzz.
Eminem:
3am made me shit myself with fear and if after five years you're releasing shit you could have released 5 years ago then maybe now would be a good time to check out that pension plan, homie. Oh and Vanilla Ice wants his unique selling point back, pronto.
Beyonce:
After close discussion with my psychiatrist and TyTy, i have been advised not to discuss Beyonce' on here until she has finished her I AM tour, however here is a video of what happens everytime Beyonce' comes back and what the affect is on the industry:http://www.youtube.com/watch?index=31&playnext_from=PL&feature=PlayList&p=672528C287E8C0D2&v=V0f85MlFcls&gl=US&playnext=1
and welcome to the pop whore's blogspot, if your stupid-press the x button- if your fat- press the xbutton- if your Hannah Montona- go play in Brandy Norwood traffic because here at Pop Whore we spare nobody. And that's a fact.
Here, we will try our damned hardest to give subjective commentaries on pop culture news stories but you should know now, unlike MediaTakeOut we here at PopWhore actually know what we're talking about, for example we won't dog on Keri Hilson one day and praise her irrelevant kitty the next, we keeps it consistent in this bitch.
First off, i would like to explain to you how i feel about the following artists so you have a clear idea of what my ideologies are;
Rihanna:
THANK GOD FOR THE BITCH. If Mr.Camel didnt' sign Rihanna who the fuck would Hannah Montana fans turn to when Miley Cyrus is too fucked up to walk around stage nodding her head to faux pop rock whilst trying to ensure that $3 wig doesnt fall off her head. Rihanna is good because she allows people to lower their standards, you know what to expect from Rihanna, posing, awkward umbrella twirling, a voice that sounds like a goat getting brain from a toothless eskimo and hot pop dance tracks. If you took a Hannah Montana fan to a Rihanna show, they'd be in awe, they wouldn't be able to get over the "innovation" and would spend the rest of their little existences recalling the day they saw Rihanna in concert. However, if you took a Hannah Montana fan to a Sasha Fierce concernt, those pre-teen bitches would fuckin shit themselves, "WTF, singing, dancing, stage humping, interacting, smiling, endorsing, actually being talented ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Oh heck no!Mommy take me home."
So that's how i feel about Rihanna.
Spencer Pratt:
Is douche bag spelt with a mother fucker at the end of it?
Heidi Pratt:
Erm- a person would need to be alive behind the eyes for me to comically assess them, erm, i think her new nose is cool?
Alicia keys:
playing the piano, looking constipated, being afro-centric, being bisexual AND fucking other womens husbands is not easy especially when you are also trying to forge a career as an actress, so i respect Alicia, bitch can multitask. Whilst she soothes you with her piano playing with her right hand shes giving your husband a rhythmic handjob with her left hand. Fuckin whore.
Bow Wow:
Omario's booty awaits you.
Perez Hilton:
The reason i live, the reason i breathe, i want to marry him ( was that ok? or is it obvious im only complimenting him to win over some of his fan base.)
Diddy:
A rapper who can't rap. An executive is only good at executing the careers of talentshow whores (wazzaaaaaaaaaaap Ebony and Ivory) Day 26, you are next. However if you remove the fat one, the black one and the one with the breasts (oh wait thats the fat one) and replace these members with slim, white justin timberlake looky likeys then perhaps you may have some shortlived mainsteam success, maybe.
Mariah Carey:
Whispering really fast and fucking unfunny exgigolos is a downgrade from getting put in a dick coma up in that steel tower but hey Mariah is our girl. E=Mc2 was the shit (yes, it really was) but for those of you who actually did well at maths, you will know that E=mc2 actually means nothing. If the Emancipation is equivelant to Mariah Carey to the power of two, all you are doing is promoting a record that you have already released because you are saying that The Emancipation of Mimi is like Mariah mutiplied by herself once (now thats a big Mariah) why the fuck would you make that the name of your NEW album, its like tatooing your ex boyfriends name on your husbands ass.
Chris Brown:
So you see at school, you have the guy that nobody really talks to but everyone smiles at just to be polite and for some weird "MARKETING" reason he starts "DATING" a popular girl and then tries to become one the guys by doing something really masculine, like- oh lets just say- biting, beating up, choking,kicking up his girlfriend, well that's what Chris Brown is to the music industry. Although he may have the fat ridden hearts of overweight undersexed and quasi lesbian black women, that skinny motherfucker has really ticked off the mainstream media.
He seems to be under the impression that leaking all those photos of him and Robyn F took will ruin her image and help his. AU CONTRAIRE Senor Limp Dick, Rihanna's career will be fine, you however are one more "im not a monster" home video away from joining Janet Jackson on Beyonceitis's list of irrelevant motherfuckers who have part time jobs at Popeye. Bastard.
Janet Jackson:
That'll be $456.96, thanks for ordering at Pizza Hut.
Britney:
Once upon a time there was a cute little girl from a town where sexual relations with ones cousin was seen as being in vogue who was taken to DisneyLand and then all of a sudden she became a Mickey Mouse Kid and then all of a sudden she got a record deal and then all of a motherfuckin sudden she was being sexed up by a team of publicists and A&R who really shouldve known better. After years of hit records, amazing "live" shows, countless awards and world domination (shut the fuck up, Britney dominated MY world) this little country girl who had become a hot sex kitten got so exhausted she ended up fucking dead beat dancers which then resulted in her eggs being fertilised which then resulted in her getting pregnant, which is when that little skeeze nature got hold of her, Britney put on a little "Kelly Clarkson" weight and it became apparent to all, including My Uncle Breanna that you can take a girl out of the country, but you cant take the country out of the girl, you can put a lacefront wig on a pig, but its still a pig, you can write vagina on a dick but it's a still a dick- you can put your fingers in my- well you get my point.
Now Britney makes around 3 mil a night from walking around the stage lip synching songs she cant remember ever recording whilst trying to stay awake whilst grinding on gay dancers whilst trying her best not to say "my clitora is hanging out." Now that's talent, fuck the singing and dancing and entertaining all at the same time, thats for losers, thats for idiots, dragging your tired pussy around an elaborate stage is where the money's at.
Ciara:
(crickets)
Lady Gaga:
All i have to say is- every once in a while God sends the Earth a popculture gift, a gift so special that even World leaders have to stop and say "now that's a fierce bitch" in the 1990s we got Beyonce' and Britney, in the 1890's we got Madonna and in the noughties (i know you like my lingo) we got Lady Gaga, that's all i have to say, except this- if a certain wailing, slutty, blonde haired marylin munroe, producer fucking singer thinks she got away of biting Lady Gaga's swagger, that bitch should know she is WRONG.
Fergie:
1. Nobody is trying to copy your swagger because for your swagger to be copied you would need to have a swagger in the first place. 2. When you finally get the courage to tell Will. I. AM ONLY GOOD FOR PRODUCING that you don't want to be in the Green Beans or is it Two Peas In a Pod (whatever their band is called) thats when i respect you, until then you can consider yourself nul in void, you dont matter, fuck off- betch.
Solange:
Mmm, at first i hated this creole bitch, more so than i hated my mother when she told me that my Uncle Albert had actually been my Aunty Alberta until an accident with a hot comb changed shit, but then after listening to her album on Youtube, i fell in love with her chilled out, retro, electric sound and ACTUALLY bought her record, not that helped her sales much- to date I have sold more copies of my grandmother's autobiography "The Life and Times of a PopCulture Whore's Illiterate Grandmother" than Solange had sold "Sol-Angel and The BillBoard Chart Dreams."
You really have to give this woman a chance because she is very good and although her attitude can seem stank, she means well, plus her father IS Mathew Knowles, my hero (all recycled sarcasm aside, the man inspires me so much.)
Kim Kardashian:
What a hoe. No, no, only kidding (to be said in a strong Indian accent) Kim is the shit and i dont care what anybody says. Anybody who hates Kim is just jealous that she made a sex tape, got famous from it, got a show out of it, got a black man out of it ( i think that kills you guys the most) and is still going on strong and proved what a great person she is in HER show (you hear that Khloe and Keisha?????). Ray J (the star of For The Love of An Irrelevant Hip Hop Singer Who Is Coincidentally the Less Talented Brother Of a Speed Driving Irrelevant R'n'b Singer Named After My Father's Favourite Liquer) tried to suggest that he was more "real" because had not benefited from the sextape. Nigger let me hollaatchu for a second, THATS BECAUSE NOBODY CARED WHO YOU WERE BEFORE THE SEX TAPE. The reason Kim is famous now is because the world did not know who she was before and so to the eyes of the world and E! she was a new marketable celebutante. Ray J had already been irrelevant six years before he was giving out golden showers and so nobody really cared, it could have been James Brown (God rest his spicy soul) in that sextape with Kim and nobody would have cared, people were just concerned about the azzzzzzzzzzzz.
Eminem:
3am made me shit myself with fear and if after five years you're releasing shit you could have released 5 years ago then maybe now would be a good time to check out that pension plan, homie. Oh and Vanilla Ice wants his unique selling point back, pronto.
Beyonce:
After close discussion with my psychiatrist and TyTy, i have been advised not to discuss Beyonce' on here until she has finished her I AM tour, however here is a video of what happens everytime Beyonce' comes back and what the affect is on the industry:http://www.youtube.com/watch?index=31&playnext_from=PL&feature=PlayList&p=672528C287E8C0D2&v=V0f85MlFcls&gl=US&playnext=1
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