Shut your mouth, close your legs, play a piano.

So i'm at home sitting behind my keyboard getting brain from some toothless bitch I met at the dentist and after I finished unloading in the toothless' bitches jaw, I asked myself, "Self, I wonder if Alicia Keys takes golden showers- it would explain that dirty yellow complexion". I tweeted this thought to my best friend (in my head) Lil Creole pimp who laughed, and then sighed and then went back to laughing at Solange's haircut and then I decided that today's post is going to be all about afrocentric piano playing husband snatching hoes.

When a producer looks into the eyes of his commercially unsuccesful wife and says "Mashonda- I promise to love you till death do us part" then that producer should mean it. That producer shouldn't then start giving facials to piano playing singers he has no business being in contact with especially when the music that producer produces has no link whatsoever to the music that the piano playing cum swallowing afro centric singer puts out.

To think that people like Kim Kardashian get called hoes when there are adulterating, abominating, discombombolating sluts like Alicia going the rounds on other women's husbands.
To think Swizz Beats had the cheek to DM me on Twitter calling ME out when he's the one who's been been unfaithful.

That shit don't sit right with me.
That shit shouldn't sit right with anybody.

And BET give this bitch a Humanitarian Award- aren't they the same cats who are always promoting family values? Yet they'll give an award to a bitch who has no problem spreading her chunky ass Pillars of motherfucking Babylon looking legs for a married man.

I'm not saying that Swizz Beatz isn't too blame- but I believe that as a woman you should always think "how would i feel if my fellow woman did that to me?".

Men are stupid- we all know that.

It's why Clinton saw no problem getting teabagged by that fat intern.
And it's why SuperHead is married (I'll leave the CumStained One alone now)
But as a woman you should think "You know what- I bleed like this bitch does- I go through the same struggles she does- so there's no way I can take her husband and a father away from a family."

Now I'm sure that if Swizz Beats wasn't having an affair with Alicia- he would have done it with somebody else, but this bitch is talking about how she thinks every woman is a SuperWoman and always talking about how important it is to support your fellow bitch- but yet she sleeps with a man with a ring on his finger.
She sleeps with a man with a child and a wife.

Slut.
Whore.
Bitch.
Beyonce' would never do that shit. Miss Tina will circumcise a bitch for doing that shit.

It seems to me that the black sub culture has become so smitten with Alicia's "Biracial and Proud Of it" persona that even when she commits a crime that results in their being an absence of a responsible father in the home of a young child, they turn a blind eye to it.
Would you buy her record if it was your man she stole?

And as for BET? I'm not suprised they were able to ignore Alicia's husband grabbing ways- after all- they are the pioneers of double standards- refusing to play Michelle William's Break The Dawn video because it was "too pop" but then dedicate entire shows to the release of 7 new pop singles released by LeCreoleFierceIconExtradonaireCarter.

So here is my advice for Alicia:
1. The next time you are possessed by whatever demon possesses your acne ridden body to bend over for married man- get a needle and thread and sew the pussy up- sew the pussy up. Hoe.

2. Swizz Beats- I sincerely hope you catch The Crabs or the Lobsters- whichever makes your dick itch more.

3. Mashonda- capitalise on this. Get on the cover of Ebony, start an "anti-aduletery" campaign, get into the studio, record a record, do shit, achieve shit, show your son what it means to be a responsible adult.

4. Estelle- talk shit about Rihanna again and you'll end up like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D__oa4NqP-c&feature=channel




Now I'm going to talk about Kim Kardashian:
It has come to my twittattention that Kim and Reggie- the King and Queen of Swirl Love have seperated.
Now- here are my thoughts on people who have negative stuff to say about Kim:

1. Are you mad that your boyfriend is too busy lubing up your mother's cobweb ridden pussy with vaseline to make an appearance on your tv show?

2. Are you mad that Kim has been able to capitalise on a mistake that she made, whilst you're still aren't sure how much your pussy warts will be worth on E-bay?

3. Are you a Ray J fan (sigh) whose mad that the sex tape still did nothing to help Ray J become any more relevant but helped propel Kim's career?

Don't be mad at somebody for being smart enough to make the best out of a bad situation, don't be mad at her for looking the way that you wished you looked and don't be mad at her for having a face and a body that makes you look like Ursula from the Little Mermaid.

If you can nod your head to a husband snatching harlot and moonwalk to a suspected pervet then you can sure as hell find it in your hearts to stop hating a woman whose done nothing wrong.