Since The Jackson family were too busy wondering how they were going to raise three strange Caucasian children that are not even biologically related to them to notice that they hadn't invited Beyonce' to sing (or dry hump the stage) for Michael Jackson's service, I decided that like all black people, the Jackson's dont appreciate shit.
After all those tributes Sasha And Them did for Senor Kiddy Fiddler and they couldnt even ask her to perform YET they called Usher, who for some reason thought it would be cool if he got down on his knees and tried to beg Katherine Jackson for forgiveness, "I'm sorry I didn't bring my kids to Neverland when Mike was alive- Tameka said not to, she said bad shit goes down there."
I've digressed.
So anyway, since The Jacksons were too ungrateful to call up Beyonce' and have her and The Mamas work it out for Michael, I have created my own program of what Michael's service SHOULD have been like.
1.05pm- 1000 little boys from local neighbourhood marchdown to Neverland and jump in Michael's bed (He would have liked that). As they jump around playing with Michael's fleshlight, Deja Vu begins to play and Beyonce' performs (crazy African choreography and all) whilst on rollercoaster. Then entire Jackson family and fans walk in and take their seats in The Staples Centre whilst Ciara performs Heal The World (0ff beat and off key whispering and all) whilst trying her best to fuse Janet and Michael's style but ends up failing, as per usual.
1.06pm- Video montage of Beyonce's various tributes to Michael Jackson and a half an hour interview where Beyonce' describes the influence Michael had on her career, R.Kelly and Gary Glitter then appear on stage dressed as Michael and performs PYT and then a rendition of Age Ain't Nothin' But A Number.
1.10pm- Al Sharpton delivers speech on the importance of remembering that Michael (just like a confused Oreo) was black inside and gives his PFP (Prayer For a Pervet) speech, which is then followed by half an hour of applause by people who see nothing wrong with pretending that Michael Jackson didnt have a thing for the petite garcons of the world.
2.00pm- Beyonce' and Mariah arrive on stage and do a sing-off to the song Dirty Diana, Beyonce' then says "hit it Bibi" and her all female band rise up from under the stage and play Liberian Girl as Beyonce' performs it. Mariah exits stage. Beyonce' then sits on stage and discusses how she intends to add a further 150 more dates to her I AM... 80 Times Better Than All Of You Put Together Multiplied By 39 World Tour and then Juelz arrives on stage from the ceiling whilst sitting in a bedazzelled baby stroller rapping the lyrics "Never Ever Going To That Land". Mathew Knowles watches from the audience smiling as he notices the Pepsi Brand on Juelz microphone, he thinks "so even my grandbaby knows the power of endorsements? you done a good job Matty, a mighty fine good job".
7.30.pm- Janet Jackson gives speech.
7.30pm- Janet Jackson ends speech.
HOUSE OF DEREON COMMERCIAL FOR NEW SHEEPSKIN COLLECTION.
7.35- The Staples Centre is emptied as LaToya Jackson performs Black or White alongside Lil Kim as this is going on video montage of Beyonce' posing in photoshopped edited photos with Michael Jackson is played on the big screen. Michael Jackson smiles from wherever he is.
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