Gold, Frankincense and Mariah

Disclaimer Alert:
If youhaven't gotten your vaccination to immunise you from PopSlutFever, then please press the X button. If you just came back from the clinic, then come through.

Mimi:
You didn't have a lot to say in 2002 but now you've got to shit to say now you've got a ring on your finger, so I think you deserve this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp1Q6nYoI80&feature=player_embedded

I knew this would happen, I actually said it in an earlier post, but Mariah- I'm glad it did, because you had it coming. "Icons" don't respond to disses made by immature and irrelevant artists like Eminem, "Icons" dont make entire videos for diss tracks aimed at immature and irrelevant artists who made claims about them almost a decade ago.

You ever hear Beyonce' respond to anybody?
Let's think back to earlier on this year when Keri Hilson (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4WXuqpiM4U) dissed Beyonce' (calm down PopSlut, calm down girl- it was a long time ago). I am very sure that as soon as Solange found out that some ghost writer was hating on Beyonce, she called Sasha up and asked her to pack her razors, her lemon juice and a shovel because "we about to bury a bitch under Hadley Street Ta-Nite!".
But Beyonce' being the ICON that she is thought to herself, "Although I could ruin this bitches career by putting out a new record on the same day she releases a new record, forcing her into obscurity and back to writing songs for artists who by the way I also shit on, there's no way I'm going to give this bitch any publicity for free by responding because that would give her more publicity in one week than if she spent ten years shaving her head and sticking cucumbers up her pussy on 106 and Park- oh no ma'am- I'll just go back to making Shawn some Hamburger Helper, oh who the fuck is pulling up in the driveway- that better not be Neyo asking for those cheques again."

That's what Icons do.
Icons dont diss other artists or even other Icons because that's what the Icons fans are for.
Mariah Carey responding to a diss track.
Mariah Carey- the woman who has spent nearly 20 years on the top of the charts dissing somebody.
What- is your first name Etta and your last name James?
What you need to do is go back into vocal training so your voice doesn't sound like your constantly telling secrets.
You need to be concerned about the fact that you can barely raise a smile without your eyebrow turning into your hairline.
If you were REALLY concerned about Eminem's "Obsession", you would have asked someone to speak with him privately to sort it out, but since your husband's pussy is bigger than yours, that never happened.

Because you responded he's exposing shit that he would have never exposed in the first place. And it's no suprise to me that Perez is defending you- he's just scared those pictures of him getting fisted by Bow Wow are going to leak anyday soon.
In fact- I can't even call Eminem immature for saying what's true- and I'll tell you why:

Eminem would have to be very creative to fabricate those stories about Mariah and judging from his last album, creativity isn't his thing.




Now For Joe Jackson:
You know your son? The dead one? He didn't fuck anybody over the age of 13.
So the kid is not his son.
Neither is Prince.
Or Paris.
Duvet or Quilt.
Not none of them.
How can you say that the three white kids are his kids and then turn to a black man and say that's his son too, wouldn't whatever made the three white kids white make the black man white too?
You need to stop wearing those shirts that make your stomach look like it's trying to fight somebody.
You look like an Owl.
Jermaine's face looks like burnt wax.

Ciao.

So you want to know who I really am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzLKW9mH2Iw&feature=related

5:24

Earth, Wind and Fever

Your face looks like it was put together by Frankenstein's creative director.
The last time you had sex was when both your hands were functioning properly.
You spent your prom night sitting alone at a table dressed in your mothers multicolored wedding dress watching all the hot guys and girls bump and grind to this song:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU

You're late.
You're tired.
You're never on time
Don't talk to me like that- have you lost your mind.

?
Mean? Me? Oh no honey? I'm just doing my job- sweetie.
And you? You spend your entire day watching The Kardashians hoping to prove your "Kim's Azz is fake" theory so you can hop onto Twitter to share your findings with other ugly ass Sandra Rose tribute acts.

I already discussed this briefly, but you bitches are stubborn, you still want to talk smack about she who shall not be talked smack about.

If Kim's ass is fake- that is HER business- why do black girls think that only they are entitled to extremely large derriere's and get mad when someone who isn't black has a bigger bootay than them.
Even if her ass is fake- she still looks better than you- your face is so flat that Cassie's voice is jealous of it. Your ass is covered in so much cellulite you might as well stick a COTTAGE CHEESE HERE sign on it.
Your pussy lips look like they've had botox.
Your teeth look like a scattered fork.
When you open your legs- people assume the fish market is open.
That's what I think of you. That's what your mother thinks of you. And if Oprah met you- that's what she would tell you.


And to that FoxxFiles guy on Twitter:

1. Nothing stopped anybody (not even your tangy ass) from buying Kelly's records.
2. If you knew about the records and didn't buy them, then the same reasons you came up with not to buy them were the same reasons that everybody else came up with not to buy them.

3. Because you dissed Beyonce' on Tuesday which is only two days from Sunday, I couldn't get spicy on your ass because it was only two days from Church but today is Wednesday and I am willing to put aside my Christianity for one hour to throw a shade bomb straight out of Hell on your overweight ass, your face is so wide it's giving the frame around your photo stretch marks.
Mmmkay.


That's enough spice for one day. Until then I'd like to introduce you to a good friend of mine and and old accquaintance of Chingy's:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0K84NFBJ5M

(DISCLAIMER: Anybody allergic to Spice and Fever should turn away now)

If you value your ass hole you'll do what I say

Rashanda: I fucking hate Beyonce- she so fake.
Beyonce Fan: Whatever- she still shits on all 15 of your favourite artists and their mommas.
Rashanda: If she wasn't lite skinned, ain't nobody would want her- she so fake.
Beyonce' Fan: Cool- she still shits on the artists you grew up listening to.
Rashanda: I'm glad Jennifer Hudson won the Oscar and not FakeOnce', JHud is the best and a better singer than wigonce'
Beyonce Fan: Oh is it? bring out Jennifer's record- i want to listen.
Rashanda: I don't have it.
Beyonce' Fan: Didn't you say she was the best.
Rashanda: Yes.
BeyonceFan: And didn't you say she's better than Beyonce'.
Rashanda: Oh hell yeah.
BeyonceFan: But you didn't buy her record?
Rashanda: No.
BeyonceFan: I see.


You see the fuckery.
Yous see the dumbass bullshit.

That's all I have to say about that- you find your own meaning in that conversation.

But now for the shade (Mya look away)

Mya announced JUST NOW on Twitter that she will be releasing a new record called Sugar And Spice.
Now you see, I honestly believe there are some people who like making a fool out of themselves, who like being the butt of all the jokes, so Mya because I lost 13 pounds doing the routine you did in Case Of The X in my room and because you've succesfully beaten Brandy in being the most outdated and unsuccesful 90s diva (since the 90s). I'm going to give you some advice:








































TURN THE FUCKING MIC OFF!

Bitch is you crazy- you know what happened the last time. A flop single, a record which noone is even sure came out, getting laughed at by Dick, Tom and Harrison Ford, why do it yourself, why go through it again?
Mya (sigh) nobody wants to see you get hurt, you don't need any more embarrasement, if you release a record, I'll be forced to post your first week sales which will be so low that a man with three fingers would have no problem counting how many records you sold on one hand.
I'm begging you girl- don't do it. If you're looking for a job I can help you out, here's what you have to do.


This evening, Keri Hilson is performing in the same venue that my Uncle Alberta had his wedding reception, you will buy this product :http://www.gericarepharm.com/images/441-25.gif and slip it into Ms.Hilson's Kool Aid, stir twice and chant "hakunamatata" ten times and then wait for her to come back to her dressing room.
When her clown looking ass sees you she will assume you are there to ask if you would like to join her on her Keri Hilson Experience Tour Sponsored By Chicken Inn, you will smile and say something like "oh girl im so busy" and then you will encourage her to drink the drink, you will then watch as her stomach gets looser than Lil Kim's labia and shit uncontrollably. She'll be shitting so hard, her asshole would look like all the colors of the motherfucking rainbow.
You will then twitpic this and send it to me so my Twitter friends and I can laugh at it and then blackmail Keri with this letter.

14 Ass BackWard House

Irrelevant Hating Ass Hoe Alley

Commercially Unsuccesful Street

"insert satirical zipcode"

Dear Keri "Big Bird" Hilson.

This letter is regarding some photos of you we have obtained shitting recklessly in your dressing room, I have these pictures saved and stored on my Acer and have Necole Bitchie's email adress saved in my inbox from the time I sent in those photos of Ciara tucking her cock in between her legs and then using ducktape to keep it attatched to her stomach. I swear on the muticolored tombstone of James Brown that I will send these photos to Necole IF you do not write an entire song apologising to Mrs.KFC (Knowles Carter Fierce) for those assbackwards comments you made about her in your song- whatever the fuck it was called.

If you do not comply, we will send these photos in to MediaTakeout, Bossip and even to Perez whom I have heard is into that kind of shit.

I will also write a formal letter of complaint to your mother requesting an explanation as to how and why she allowed herself to be insemintated with your father's sperm which created you when that sperm could have been used to dry Alicia Key's acne. Also- if you do not cooperate, I will have Barney, Spongebob Square and Sheila E arrive at your place of work everyday. I will give them clear instructions to throw the carcasses of deceased domesticated animals at you until you apologise.

If you still refuse to apologise, I will simply lace your drink with Mz.Tina's Love To Love You Baby Love Potion and when you drink it you will fall in love with the first person you see who I will make sure will be Rick Ross.

I am sorry to be so harsh and cruel, but a PopSlut's got to do what an evil bitch has got to do.

If you would like more information about my demands please contact the following:

That'sAGoodLookBetterYetAGoodLook@PussyConnect.Com

Thankyou.

Shut your mouth, close your legs, play a piano.

So i'm at home sitting behind my keyboard getting brain from some toothless bitch I met at the dentist and after I finished unloading in the toothless' bitches jaw, I asked myself, "Self, I wonder if Alicia Keys takes golden showers- it would explain that dirty yellow complexion". I tweeted this thought to my best friend (in my head) Lil Creole pimp who laughed, and then sighed and then went back to laughing at Solange's haircut and then I decided that today's post is going to be all about afrocentric piano playing husband snatching hoes.

When a producer looks into the eyes of his commercially unsuccesful wife and says "Mashonda- I promise to love you till death do us part" then that producer should mean it. That producer shouldn't then start giving facials to piano playing singers he has no business being in contact with especially when the music that producer produces has no link whatsoever to the music that the piano playing cum swallowing afro centric singer puts out.

To think that people like Kim Kardashian get called hoes when there are adulterating, abominating, discombombolating sluts like Alicia going the rounds on other women's husbands.
To think Swizz Beats had the cheek to DM me on Twitter calling ME out when he's the one who's been been unfaithful.

That shit don't sit right with me.
That shit shouldn't sit right with anybody.

And BET give this bitch a Humanitarian Award- aren't they the same cats who are always promoting family values? Yet they'll give an award to a bitch who has no problem spreading her chunky ass Pillars of motherfucking Babylon looking legs for a married man.

I'm not saying that Swizz Beatz isn't too blame- but I believe that as a woman you should always think "how would i feel if my fellow woman did that to me?".

Men are stupid- we all know that.

It's why Clinton saw no problem getting teabagged by that fat intern.
And it's why SuperHead is married (I'll leave the CumStained One alone now)
But as a woman you should think "You know what- I bleed like this bitch does- I go through the same struggles she does- so there's no way I can take her husband and a father away from a family."

Now I'm sure that if Swizz Beats wasn't having an affair with Alicia- he would have done it with somebody else, but this bitch is talking about how she thinks every woman is a SuperWoman and always talking about how important it is to support your fellow bitch- but yet she sleeps with a man with a ring on his finger.
She sleeps with a man with a child and a wife.

Slut.
Whore.
Bitch.
Beyonce' would never do that shit. Miss Tina will circumcise a bitch for doing that shit.

It seems to me that the black sub culture has become so smitten with Alicia's "Biracial and Proud Of it" persona that even when she commits a crime that results in their being an absence of a responsible father in the home of a young child, they turn a blind eye to it.
Would you buy her record if it was your man she stole?

And as for BET? I'm not suprised they were able to ignore Alicia's husband grabbing ways- after all- they are the pioneers of double standards- refusing to play Michelle William's Break The Dawn video because it was "too pop" but then dedicate entire shows to the release of 7 new pop singles released by LeCreoleFierceIconExtradonaireCarter.

So here is my advice for Alicia:
1. The next time you are possessed by whatever demon possesses your acne ridden body to bend over for married man- get a needle and thread and sew the pussy up- sew the pussy up. Hoe.

2. Swizz Beats- I sincerely hope you catch The Crabs or the Lobsters- whichever makes your dick itch more.

3. Mashonda- capitalise on this. Get on the cover of Ebony, start an "anti-aduletery" campaign, get into the studio, record a record, do shit, achieve shit, show your son what it means to be a responsible adult.

4. Estelle- talk shit about Rihanna again and you'll end up like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D__oa4NqP-c&feature=channel




Now I'm going to talk about Kim Kardashian:
It has come to my twittattention that Kim and Reggie- the King and Queen of Swirl Love have seperated.
Now- here are my thoughts on people who have negative stuff to say about Kim:

1. Are you mad that your boyfriend is too busy lubing up your mother's cobweb ridden pussy with vaseline to make an appearance on your tv show?

2. Are you mad that Kim has been able to capitalise on a mistake that she made, whilst you're still aren't sure how much your pussy warts will be worth on E-bay?

3. Are you a Ray J fan (sigh) whose mad that the sex tape still did nothing to help Ray J become any more relevant but helped propel Kim's career?

Don't be mad at somebody for being smart enough to make the best out of a bad situation, don't be mad at her for looking the way that you wished you looked and don't be mad at her for having a face and a body that makes you look like Ursula from the Little Mermaid.

If you can nod your head to a husband snatching harlot and moonwalk to a suspected pervet then you can sure as hell find it in your hearts to stop hating a woman whose done nothing wrong.

A Hoe In Need is a Hoe Indeed

If a hoe decides that she wants to get spitroasted in a public toilet. That is her business.
If a hoe decides that she wants to give it up to some old guy for cash. That is her business.
And if a hoe decides that she wants to stick a turkey baster in her ass and scream "stick it to me fo'ward". Then that is her business.
But when a hoe decides that she wants to write a book about all the famous people she has blown, fucked, bashed and eaten out and release it for public viewing- then it becomes everyone's business.

If you don't want people to call you a hoe, dont write books about being a hoe and then get your pantyhose in a kerfuffle when you are reminded that the only reason people know who you are is because you are a hoe.
Don't say shit like "I wrote it as therapy to help younger girls" because the only thing younger girls need to know what to do with their mouths is to sing the Lord's praises, not swallow two pints of urban cum.
A hoe by any other name is still a hoe.
To put your sons face in the book in which you explicity describe how you fucked your way through Hollywood shows how negligent and selfish you are. What happens in ten years time when your son brings his friend's home to play his PS10.5 and they realise that his mother is the same hoe their older brothers used to jack off too.
You can write as many books as you like with as many graphic illustrations as you please- but your pussyhole is still wider than the circumference of Robyn F's forehead.

When it comes to you fucking with married men- I don't agree with that- it's wrong on both parts, but all you are doing is showing how stupid and desperate the wives of these rappers are when they stay with the men and say shit like "you may have had him for the night- but i've got the ring".
I'm sure you do:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiMoYrchbhs

Karrine- you're a slut. Embrace it. It's what made you your money. You've managed to get married, you've managed to clean out all of Da Brat's pubic hair from your teeth and you actually look quite respectable.
But you're still a hoe. So get on your knees- suck some more dick- write about it and accept what you are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0fZD3mlWw8

And you can tell your mother I said that.

It has come to my attention that some people didn't appreciate the way I called Bow Wow's mother overweight in my last blog and how i called Chris Brown's mother a "dumb- ass country bitch" (i think that's what I said) in the post before that.

Here were some of things I was told about those particular examples:

"I don't LIKE they way you called out their moms- it was mean- they ain't done nuthin 2 u"

"Why you think you gats the right to call people's mamas fat bitches- i don't LIKE your sorry ass"

"Fuck you and your blog- ain't nobody LIKE you anyway".


Notice the key word in all three of those fictional but representative comments "LIKE". Some people didn't LIKE it. Well let me tell you something about your like.

If what you liked mattered- Christina Milian wouldn't be eating out The Dream's hairy ass hole as we speak.

If what you liked mattered- Beyonce' would be laying underneath some overweight, overpaid and underendowed producer trying to get him to give her beats for free:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx_pDUFYD_Y

And my dear- if what you liked mattered En Vogue and TLC would currently be on their "OutDated and Lovin' It" World Tour for which the supporting acts would be Adinah Howard and Foxy Brown (is it with 1 x or 2x's- or is it just more fitting of her persona to just use 3xxx's).


I don't care if you don't like me.
I didn't care when Rihanna fired me
And I sure as hell didn't care when Shontelle hired me.

But i'll tell you what I do care about: http://www.youtube.com/user/Bee318ti
Man- I've been turning tricks for this dude in my dreams ever since that Keri Hilson video and since then we have become lovers on Twitter, i say something like "would you like to put it in my mouth" and he replies something like "lol".


I know what "lol" means.


It means "I want to do it but my other bitches might get jealous so I'll need to meet this PopBitch in some secret location tonight at 8" (please?)

But I've digressed.
Let's get back onto people's mommas.
Since talking slick about the mother's of artists who couldn't even sell underage genitalia to Michael Jackson has gotten me some much deserved attention- I'm just gonna keep on doing it for the rest of this post.


Ashanti's Mom:
Mrs. Douglas- we know you love your girls, you proved that when you tied yourself to the car of Irv Gotti and offered your dignified vagistiana to him so he would sign Ashanti to 15MinutesUp.Inc but overfeeding your children is not only dangerous but selfish:http://www.pastrykicks.com/v5/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/ashanti-and-shia-doua1b6391.jpg
Are you happy that both your daughters look like bloated Turkey's, huh? Are you?.
Don't you realise that there are kids in Africa who ain't got shit to eat until that white witch swoops down from the skies once a year and adopts one of them and re-names them:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgGLjNMEVR4.
Obesity is a crime Mrs.Douglas - get your shit together.


Omar"TangGamePrecise"Rion's Mom:
If your sons come home limping every time they come back from a playdate with their manager and you don't see anything strange then you deserved to be slapped, or kicked or whatever it is you do to exact revenge in that town of yours.
That shit is filthy and it was going right underneath your nose- is you dumb bitch? or were you just blinded by the money that was being thrown at you. The worst part about it is that they got fucked in the ass for nothing- both your sons chart at number 6. and 7 on the list of r'n'b male artists who are more irrelevant to pop culture than Mario.
In case you don't get what I'm talking about:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q51iSywdoec

Beyonce's Mom:
God Bless You. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfY0k3NeOF0

K.Coles Mom:
So you see when you go to a club and then a song that everyone loves comes on and you and your homebody Raquan decide to do the choreography you learnt to Circumcise Dat Hoe in the middle of the dance floor but when you get there you see some old fool making a fool of themselves in the spot you hoped to dance in: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kRVkFPqZBc
If K.Cole wasn't so important to r'n'b music I would have said more.

Brandy's Mom:
An irrelevant daughter with a heavy foot and an irrelevant son who holds the record for consistently being an embarrasment in whatever he does for more than a decade. You must be so proud.

New York's Mom:
I knew I recognised her from somewhere and I couldn't place it, until: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64M6Ur6NfQ4&feature=related



Before I go, I'd like to send an urgent message to Christina Milian:

Congratulations on your wedding proposal, but please dont for a second get to thinking that being married to one of the world's best writers is going to do anything for your dead career. Stick to having your friends take photos of you and your man leaving restaurants dressed in shit that Big Bird throught out to GoodWill and then have them send the photos to Bossip.

Kindest Regards

The Pop Whore.

He who lives in an irrelevant house should not throw stones

A bitch decides to shave off her hair.
You complain when a bitch has too much hair:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj-K6ysoZOI
You complain when a bitch has too little hair:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOhBlCuKSBQ

That's cool.
But I tell you what else would be cool- if people who actually mattered to anything commented on bitches cutting off their hair instead of irrelevant "rappers" who spend their entire day on Twitter and their entire night sending photos of themselves to MediaTakeOut in the hope it will increase their relevance:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1YaxX5noFg

So here's where I get a whole load of shit and put it in front of a motherfucking wind turbine.

Bow Wow:
When you release a record that doesn't go Triple Cardboard that's when you can comment on somebody cutting their hair on Twitter. When you're biggest achievement stops being posting videos of yourself talking about sluts with your fellow male irrelevants- that's when you can talk about somebody cutting their hair on Twitter. And when you realise that your only fans consist of that overweight mother of yours, your absent father who is jacking off to your album art work, Omar"TangGamePrecise"Rion and Soulja Boy- that's when you comment on Solange cutting her hair off.

You want to know why:
http://www.therundown.tv/headlines/music-headlines/bow-wow-flops-hard-with-new-jack-city-ii-album/
http://sandrarose.com/2009/04/07/bow-wow-a-flop-of-epic-proportions/
http://www.hiptics.com/2009/04/09/bow-wows-rap-career-is-over-3-reasons-why-new-jack-city-ii-flopped/
http://globalgrind.com/content/571778/We-Run-sht-Bow-Wow-Flops-Like-a-Fish-Out-Of-Water/
http://portal.musicmakerecording.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=377:bow-wows-latest-album-major-flop-&catid=1:latest-news&Itemid=50
http://vodpod.com/watch/957769-bow-wow-responds-to-game-clowining-big-time


Soulja Boy:
I'm not suprised that it was MediaTakeOut who posted your Tweets about Solange today- after all it is YOU who sent them in directly to them- same way all those photos of you with your mother's strap on attatched to your size 20 waist got sent to them. What you need to do is focus on how you can start making music that doesn't depend on the ignorance and stupidity of a minority group within the black sub culture to chart. What you need to do is be concerned about the fact that the most succesful chart position you've had in the past year was on 106 And HoodRat. The Tattoos don't make you look like a man.
Your face looks like a swollen placenta.
Your body looks like a twiglet on steroids.
And your music is- I won't go there.
In case you don't get what I'm saying here, please click on any of the below links and feel free to join hands with Bow Wow and stick your heads into a gas filled oven:

http://showhype.com/story/soulja_boy_s_platinum_in_a_week_campaign_flopped_in/
http://blogs.sohh.com/atlanta/2008/12/soulja_boys_15.html
http://allhypenohope.blogspot.com/2008/12/only-955000-more-to-go-soulja-boyflop.html
http://www.industryfinest.com/news/headlines/soulja-boys-new-album-expected-to-flop.html
http://www.rapbasement.com/soulja-boy/021809-soulja-boy-says-he-will-make-money-from-ringtones-instead-of-album-sales-as-his-album-flops.html



And as for you LaTavia:
You're still walking in the Boulevard Of Broken Dreams:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmcMepDC5x8
Your career is as lifeless as Joe Jackson's lower face and the last time you were on stage it was Open Mic Night at Club SAD (SUCK A DICK)



You tried to start your own group but that failed.
You tried to release a record but that failed.
You tried to lose weight but:http://concreteloop.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/latavia6.jpg
And then you tried to hate on little Solange- the Solange you used to help Beyonce' babysit whilst Tina was out playing bingo with The Our Lady Of Creole Soul 45 Piece Choir of Houston, Texas- you dead azz wrong LaTavia, but it's cool but this is how you're going to end up:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Ballard

Stupid Shit Part Deux.

Diss Tracks are for Newbies whose records are released a year after originally scheduled.
Diss Tracks are for people who have nothing to talk about.
Diss Tracks aren't for women who are supposed to be icons.
Number 11 Mariah?
Number 23 Mariah?

You see- when you decided to respond to an artist who isn't half as iconic as you- you paid the price with a single with dissapointing chart performances.

I actually thought it would debut at Number 1.
But I also thought it was impossible to get pregnant after getting fucked in the ass until last month.
I actually thought it would debut in the top ten EVEN after you made a jackass out of yourself at that guy's memorial service.
Get a clue Mimi.
Cut the crap Mimi.
Fuck The Whisper Register Mimi.

I guess you want us accept your apology, right.

You didn't seem so sorry when you and that fake ass no talent excuse for a music executive/"rapper" leaked to the press that you and her would be meeting at that fake ass no talent excuse for a music executive/"rappers" house.

You didn't seem so sorry when you said "I'm Not a Monster" in your Vlog.

You didn't seem so sorry when a few days later after choking, biting, pulling, punching a 21 year old lady, you were seen hanging out and joking around with your fellow fake ass r'n'b thugs on some beach checking out the asses of dumb bitches your publicists paid to be on the beach so they could take pictures of you looking at the asses of the dumb bitches so people would stop calling your fake ass r'n'b thug friends gay.

And you didn't seem so sorry in your fake ass apology.
You were reading it.
You had rehearsed it.
You and Tina chopped, screwed, worked, reversed and twerked it.
You think I'm stupid?
You think everybody is stupid?
Let me tell you what you should with your sorry.




































You can stick it up your anustacia. Stick it up your fucking anustacia.
You can take your fake ass apology, use it to lube your dick and stick it in Teyana Taylor's hairy mouth.
You can take your fake ass apology, turn it into a song and put Ike Turner on the credits.


And Rihanna:
That's what you get for trying to use a relationship as a promotional campaign. When you lie with a dog- you'll get fleas. And when you exploit your relationship to gain attention- it will turn around and bite you in your ass.
And as for Chris' mother- if you were a real woman you would come out and talk about what your son did- talk about how dissapointed you are in your son, how much it hurt to hear your son had did to his girlfriend what a man had done to you many years before- dumb ass bitch.


And ladies- reserve your pussy for a real man.
A real man who takes care of you- who loves you.
A real man who puts it in the ass because you really like it even though he would rather put it in the fish tank.

So that's your excuse for being ugly?

"Oh you should see her without her makeup on"
"Girl- she ain't that hot without her weave"
"They can make anybody look like Cinderella in Hollywood"

Go to any school in any major Western City where the ratio of girls with names that end with the suffix- Esha to girls who do not have a name with the suffix-Esha is 5:1 and you'll find a group of people who have convinced themselves that every single female artist of color looks like Ursula without make up and that they're only pretty because of teams of magicians and stylists turn them into covergirls.

For real?

Is that your excuse for being 5 foot nothing and looking like the love child of T-Pain and Ivana Trump?

You see- if artists had some secret that made them turn from the ugly duckling into a Beyonce'- you don't think they would have packaged it up and have Rihanna squirt her CoverGirl juices all over it?
Artists are signed because they are naturally beautiful, we know this because if record labels wanted to sign ugly girls so they could turn them into beautiful megastars- YOU would have a record deal but since you're reading this whilst breastfeeding 9 month old baby Rashambalaqua, we both know that is not the case.

Record labels dont just sign pretty girls- they sign stunning girls- girls you wouldn't usually see walking down the street to make it easier to present the idea that the star is some sort of super-human because the average consumer does not go to school with someone as stunning as Lady Gaga or Jennifer Lopez or dare i say- Keri Hilson.

Every single artist you see was signed because of their natural image AS WELL as other factors which is why you'll find that a lot of new artists are already well known and respected in certain social scenes because of their astounding look.

These hot girls are signed because in a society which judges people according to their physical appearance it make sense to sign hot girls and dudes to sell lots of records (perhaps J.lo and Keri Hilson were bad examples), so when I hear ugly people say shit like "Beyonce' would be so ugly without that wig, she think she's white- thats why the wig is always blonde or light brown- you know she's bald right?" I say the following:

1. Beyonce' is hotter than ten of the hottest girls on the charts put together- so even with out without her lace de la front, she's still shitting on you.

2. You wear a weave- do you look "so ugly" without it?

3. So the color of someone's hair determines the race they want to be?

Listen, what an individual decides to do with their own scalp is their business, but i will say this- everybody and I mean EVERYBODY does shit to enhance their appearance, so i'm not suprised that you are mad that after you permed your shitlocks, cleared your cum stained face, found a way to hide your stretch marks and dropped down three jean sizes- you are mad at Beyonce' for being beautiful naturally.
The girls in the music industry are the girls you hated at school- the girls who looked like they were dressed by a team of stylists before they came to school and made you look like shit even on a bad day, you hate these girls- they made your life hell- any guy you liked wanted to fuck THEM.
THEY are the girls everyone was desperate to sit next to in class.
THEY are the girls who you'd stalk on Myspace to see what party they were at and who they were bumping vaginas with.
And now THEIR music is charting at number 1 on the charts, their face on the cover of magazines and cosmetics you can't afford to buy and that's why you hate them. You know they're beautiful with or without the weaves, the lipgloss, the mascara, the neck, the back, the pussy and the crack and it kills you that there's nothing you can do about it.


That's why you're a hater.
That's why you rush home everyday from school and run onto Bossip in the hope that THEY were caught leaving somewhere without anything on their face so you could feel a little better about yourself.
If you spent a little more time perfecting yourself instead of worrying about what THEY look like then maybe you wouldn't be combing out cobwebs from your pussy hair.
Confused?
Perplexed?
Discombombolated?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMg5SRr8gZQ

Stupid shit

It's The 2008 Grammy's, Rihanna is announced as the winner of the BestSung/Rap Colloboration and she runs to Jay Z, pulls him from next to his wife and Sasha (who has at this point taken the form of Solange).
What would you have done if you were Beyonce'?

Grab that little Basian Bitch by her hair, run up and collect her award and smash it against your thigh?

Smile and wait for her in the parking lot after the show and alongside Tina Turner give her a Rolling In The River Beat Down.

Or option C: Wait till she has an album coming out and release yours on the same day- forcing her to go back to Bar-bay-dose and take up the life of a weed-smoking pig choking dutty whining housewife.

You see, to hate on Rihanna for not being on the level of Beyonce' is stupid when NOBODY or NOTHING will ever be on Beyonce's level.
How can you pride yourself in being the fan of the best entertainer of the last decade because nobody can compete with her and then hate on someone for not being able to live up to an impossible standard.

This current pop culture era was not made for Beyonce- it was made for Rihanna because if it was made for Beyonce', the only artists who would be competing with Beyonce' on the charts would be artists who could sing, dance, entertain, smile, endorse, grunt, act, achieve shit, flick their hair and scratch their pussies all at the same time, but that is not the case.

This current pop culture era has been dumbed down so much that the kids of today think that Hannah Montana is the greatest entertainer around because they've been taught not to expect much.
If the kids of today had a lick of good sense- Disney Channel would not exist- neither would Soulja Boy and neither would Rihanna but because some media industries have succeeded in exploiting the stupidity of modern audiences, Disney Channel thrives, Rihanna is relevant and Soulja Boy is.... I'm sorry- i tried.

This current pop culture era is full of artists who are good at one thing but really bad at the other or just bad at everything. See list below.


Ciara
Beauty: 10/10
Dance Technique:10/10
Commercial Appeal:N/A
Vocals: See Janet Jackson
Quality of Music: N/A
Acting: N/A

As you can see Ciara is indeed very beautiful- which is why she has a modelling contract not because she is commercially appealing, (81,000 units in first week sales is anything but commercially appealing) but because she is beautiful. Ciara has her dance technique down but like Janet Jackson, Ciara is obsessed with telling secrets because all she seems to do is whisper.
The Quality of her music is Non Applicable because Ciara does not have music, she just has sounds, Ciara after five years has not been able to find a sound that works and sells for her which is why people can't take her seriously. Which is why she still hasn't had her own tour when Lady Gaga and Katy Perry who both debuted last year- both are currently headlining their own tours as well as opening up for the other artists. I can't tell you if Ciara can act because like 89% of the world's population, I have not seen Mama I'm Trying To Sing

Mariah "Glitter" Cannon
Beauty: Plastic
Dance Technique: Pardon?
Commercial Appeal: Uncertain
Vocals: 1990-1999
Quality of Music: 10/10
Acting: Why you got to goes there?

Mariah was beautiful and was as fresh as Shontelle's accent but since the beginning of the decade Mariah has been looking more like Malibu Barbie (The Overweight Edition) than the Mariah who could make old men want to trap her up in steel towers. Her dance technique is to not move at all which is why I was almost arrested by my cardiac when I saw her in that Obsessed video actually walking more than five paces without exploding.
Her quality of music is versatile, to go from Vision of Love to Touch My Body effortlessly is commendable as only a few artists can do that, so bravo Mariah but that won't stop your new record slipping off the charts in its second week of release.
Mariah's acting is erm- the only way Mariah can get away with acting is if she says very little- very slowly like in her new movie, Precious which looks amazing even more so now that I know Sandra Rose is playing the title role:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx-3jYJkUWQ


Rihanna
Beauty: 10/10
Dance Technique: The Umbrella Twirl and The Side Eye
Commercial Appeal: 10/10
Vocals: Eh-eh
Quality of Music: Predictably Unpredictable
Acting: We'll find out next year.

Since Mellisa still hasnt paid me for all those compliments i've been bestowed upon Rihanna, I refuse to evaluate her any further- however I will say this, if there was an award going for the artist who has succesfully been able to get to the top ten with vocals that sound like a goat being fisted by The Hulk over hot dance tracks- Rihanna would win it.


Beyonce
Beauty:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGrq1SzkHs0&feature=channel
Dance Technique:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj3GjwAxeXw
Commericial Appeal:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QVWwrZyz7o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beMeO6HELDI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FNle_yPCLQ&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1RYGmGWfQI&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1L2CF3YDMcs&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLQZ1mSiIgA&feature=related

Vocals:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj3MlWjwL9w
Quality of Music:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ns3GN5VAcVc
Acting:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8fiKuM-eN4&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEE44O0Ma6Q

You is making this bitch very proud

I won't say much- but i will say this.
A bitch doesnt have to have talent or artistic credibility to be a bad bitch in this era, you have to have talent, artistic credibility and the surname KFC (Knowles-Carter Fierce) to be Bad Ass, Kick Ass Pop Icon MegaBeast Extradonaire.
But i know a bad bitch when I sees one.
You see how i'm talkin in ebonics- that's how bad I am.
This bitch who Im talking about just upped the ante of the fever scale today.
To look at an artist less succesful and less talented than you and take the style she tried to make famous and use it to gain publicity over yourself is the kind of shit that a bad bitch does.

Cassie is probably too busy lubricating Diddy's ass for Que to notice that she has been swagger-jacked.

Papa Camel knew what he was doing when he signed you girl.
http://www.mediatakeout.com/2009/34195-rihanna_pulls_a_cassie__shaves_the_side_of_her_head.html

The Douglas/Harris Centre For The Development Of .....

Is your career flopping harder than an 87 year old man who has run out of little blue pills.

When you announce you're releasing a new record- do Makael and Skorpion burst out into laughter and then sigh.

Was your last hit single released before Effie at all the cakes in DreamGirls.

Is your name T-Boz?

If so, then welcome to The Douglas/Harris Centre For The Development Of... - a foundation created by Sister Douglas (the mother of Eddie Monster) and Mrs. Harris (the proud of mother of the first pre-op transexual in Contemporary R'n'b Music)

The Centre- which is based in lower Yugoslavia was founded after both mother's realised the careers of their daughters were going nowhere after 2004 and decided to help other fallen "divas".
At the Douglas/Harris Centre expert advice and care is provided to the artists of the world who have faced either a lack of fan belief, record label belief or self belief. We also provide an after care service- which includes:

1. Accompanying artists to The Bet Awards and consoling them as they watch Rihanna spend all the money set aside for their album on an elaborate set and recycled hair cuts.

2. Assisting artists in getting jobs on Hot 97 so they can air their ignorant views on Beyonce' and other artists more succesful than themselves.

3. Getting them small cameo appearances in the music videos of rappers who are just as unfortunate as themselves.

Past and Present Artists Who Have Spent Much Needed Time At The Centre Are:

1. Miss Jones (who was at the time Miss Jones In The Evening due to her insatiable love for midnight snacks)
2. T-Boz
3. Chilli (Left Eye actually got to release solo material)
4. Brandy
5. Monica
6. Cam'ron
7. The Vandellas of Martha and The Vandellas.
8. Tweet
9. Blu Cantrell
10. Meagan Rochelle
11. Mya
12. Sheila E.
13. All three members of Vanity 6.
14. Paula Abdul
15. LaToya Jackson
16. Mario
17. Bow Wow
18. Lil Romeo
19. Rock Steady Cru
20. Shontelle (To enter ending of August)
21. Billy Ocean
22. Betty River
23. Beatrice Waterfall


We also equip our clients with the neccesary skills to survive Beyonceitis such as a list of things NOT to say in an interview with Pride Magazine such as:

"Singers should stick to singing so embarrasing actors like me can get some much needed attention because my mortgage needs paying"

We also show our clients the consequences of such ass backwards comments:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufltlRgREoY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4WXuqpiM4U&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_EPgzAa98c&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLXDMOfDgXc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lg451hKIIo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ToH-2Qfy5I&feature=fvsr

So It's Come To This.

So you thought what you said would make a difference.

But you're still number 14 on the list of people you WOULDN'T recognise unless your .name ended with suffix- Quana.

I'm not suprised.

It was too be expected.

Nas did it, Santana's bitch did it and now you did it- you wanted to play the Game, but you'll end up the same way they did- irrelevant.

You spent your entire Christmas on Media Take Out and Bossip gathering enough faux information about him, about his lips, broke into New York's OutOfTheHood and Lovin' It computer system to find out how old he was, you even went on Maury to find out who his father was so you could interview him and ask questions like "So did your son show any signs of faggotry when he was a baby?".
And after all your hard work, all that schemeing, styling and profilin'- you decided to get at him, even offering to let him suck your dick and when that didn't work- you did the unthinkable, the dumbest shit anybody who wants to stay employed in this business can do, you got at Beyonce- is this how you want to end up:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmcMepDC5x8


You claimed that Beyonce' was as loose as the skin on your face by suggesting that she was getting dickdowned by every basketball team in Texas. Now since your main source of news is MediaTakeOut I am not suprised that this is the diss you came up with, but let me spray you with some facts:


1. Beyonce' can afford to have your hoodrat ass dropped.
2. Even if Beyonce' was a hoe and did fuck all those guys- it would have happened more than a decade ago around the same time Brandy stopped achieving shit, to use something which might not be true AND which is more than a decade old to get at someone only shows the height of your ignorance.

3. I'd be mad too if i was dating Mya. Think about how mad you'd be if you woke every morning next to Mya and when you asked, "so whatchu doin today?", she replied, "erm- I think I might just watch some of my old videos on Youtube and scratch my pussy all day", knowing full well that when Jay Z asks Beyonce' on how she plans to spend her day, her reply is, "I don't even have time to answer this question- I've got to get my hair sprayed by Ashanti whilst I'm in the Limo on my way to the airport- where I will fly to Bengal and put on a free show for all the little poor ethnic kids whilst promoting my new Bollywood record- Curried Creole, then I'll jump back on the jet and fly out to New York where I will premiere 7 new singles and then sit on Tyra's couch pretending to be flattered by endless compliments- I just hope that bitch doesnt touch my hair like she the last time I was there- does she know how long it takes to keep that thing neat- then I'll go into the studio with Jonte' and learn a complex routine on the first go and then shoot another 6 new songs which i will leak to get my legions of fans to get their fruity asses wet in the pup for my next record which will come out two weeks after my Oscar nominated bio-pic called Beyonce- Too Good To Be True, then I'll think I'll come home and ride your disco stick, how about you?".


The Game, instead of concentrating on the lip size of someone who is more succesful, more relevant and far more influential than you- you need to worry about the fact that your new album is going to go Triple Polystyrene.



Bitch.

DeNia- ILE

I'd be mad too.
She shits on all her contemporaries in the music industry and just when you thought you career was safe, she started shitting on you too. Don't hate the player Nia- hate the game. Let me give you an equation.

Nia + Movie= Straight To Dvd.
Beyonce+ Movie= Box Office Number 1, Oscar Nominations, Rave reviews (shut the fuck up-Obsessesd was a great movie).

You see Nia, Beyonce' has what you call the relevant factor, you however are the thesbian version of Brandy, you're relevance has been dead since before Clinton was getting tea bagged by that intern.
If Beyonce' couldnt act- they wouldn't cast her in movies because a big name doesnt always equal to a big movie- for example Halle Berry in Catwoman/J.lo in Gigli/ Alicia Keys and Jennifer Hudson in The Secret Life Of AfroCentric Outdated Divas.

You're angry because it would be easier to hate someone who couldn't act because then you could walk away with your artistic credibility- but you can't because Beyonce' can act and Nia- I don't blame you for being mad at someone doing what you're used to doing and doing it better and making more from it. I'd be mad too.

Michael was innocent- I just know it.

I state a fact.
I state the obvious.
I state the shit that you spent 15 years trying to ignore. That's why you're mad at me. That's why you unfollowed me. That's why I am the Pop Whore, I wouldn't call just anybody a paedophile, but I know what I know and I know what I believe. I know what I would do if my son told me somebody had been hurting him and you know what you would do to, so it's beyond me that some people are willing to get rid of all logic when it comes what I said.

If the kids were black, would you call them liars?
You see,it's so much easier to accuse someone of being a liar when you find a way to rationalise the strange behaviour of the person being accused.
Are you unsure?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h1euQKJsr4

If you don't like this blog, leave a comment on here saying why- dont read it and run to www.wigcrypt.blogspot.com and say shit like "this blog is just like Cassie- irrelevant", that shit is rude. I work really hard on this blog, I come up with my own material and everything. I respect Beyonceitis- Beyonceitis even once said "Your blog is too hot for Tv". I was so proud. It was kind of like when Beyonce' said Rihanna was like family when we all know that the word she was actually looking for was staff, "Rihanna is like staff."

A paedophile by any other name is still a paedophile.
Those kids aren't yours.
That skin sure as hell isn't yours.
Neither was the nose.
The lips.
The Lacefront.
Or even the wives- love had nothing to do with it.

I am sorry for stating my opinion on MY OWN blog.
I am sorry that you have double standards.
I am sorry that you see nothing wrong with a grown man building a theme park for children in his backyard even after a child accused him of abusing him, and then after building the theme park, another child accuses him.

I am sorry your a dumbass
I am sorry that in your head "not guilty" means innocent. Can you say OJ?

SuperSexyContemporary R'n'b FemBots

The year is 2013. Beyonce' has just given birth to Cajunsha and is planning to take five years off to train baby Cajunsha how to do all the shit Beyonce's mother taught her to do, sew, stitch, embarrass people less talented as yourself.
The world is in despair, now Beyonce' is taking a long deserved break, we are stuck with 10 non live singing- non dancing posing female artists all hoping to be the next Rihanna but since Rihanna spent too many years perfecting the art of posing awkwardly in front of high fashion backdrops whilst singing the lyrics to songs that Britney was too busy finding out what day of the month it is to record, she refuses to take a break. So there we have it- dumb bitches ruling the charts, dumb bitches who think re-invention means popping some shoulder pads in a blazer or putting a few guitar riffs in their banal tracks to give it an "edge."

So what do we do? What do people like us who experienced Beyonce' do when she is too busy breast feeding spiced milk to Jay Z's babies.
It's time to introduce the supersexycontemporaryr'n'b fembots.

The SSCRNBFC's are an army of FemBots created by myself and the Pop Gigolo to take care of people who actually enjoy real entertainment in case Beyonce' decides she needs a break. These fembots have been programmed to sing on beat, dance on beat, write, act, product, model and even say phrases like "There's a reason it's my ass all over the billboards and not yours Ciara".
The FemBots are mostly hybridized for example:


FemBot 1:
Hybridized version of Janet Jackson and Jennifer Hudson equipped with Jennifer Hudson's voice and Janet Jackson's dance technique and physique circa Rhythm Nation 1814. Also comes with dieting booklet as you know these two ladies both enjoy the odd dozen CreamPuff and also comes equipped with expandable waistlines and stretchmark remover. Also comes equipped with nipple ring and overbuilt and over tanned fame hungry reality show whore boyfriend with stage name which ironically fits his behaviour perfectly.

FemBot 2:
Rihanna. Hybridized version of Fefe Dobson's style and Madonna's commercial appeal. This FemBot already exists,please see www.CarribeanCuntConnection.com for more information on how to purchase.

FemBot 3:
Hybridized version of Lady Gaga and Sasha Fierce. As this FemBot is too fierce, too avant garde and too hyper fantastic for just anybody to use, only one version of this fembot was created and will go to the highest bidder. Fem Bot comes with interchangeable lace front wigs in 10 different colours and 14 Thierry Mugler get-ups. This fembot is programmed to scratch, pose and do the Patti LaBelle howl at the snap of a gloved finger.

FemBot 4:
Hybridized version of Ciara and Keri Hilson. Discontinued.

Mama, I got in a fight today.....

Today I got in a fight.
I said something mean about Michael Jackson on www.wigcrypt.blogspot.com and people didn't like what I said.

"fuck you- you haven't even got any followers."

"fuck you- you ain't nothin but a Beyonceitis wannabe."

"feck you- you look like a cross breed between Rita Revolta and Debbie Rowe."

Shit like that could lead someone like me to a knife. Shit like that could lead someone like me to depression.

The worst part about it was, I was arguing with people that I loved, people who I respected and whose ideas and thoughts on pop culture fuelled my thirst to let the world know about my thoughts and my pop culture values. People who I used to rush home to talk with after turning tricks at the senior citizens home and they were mad at me.

Beyonceitis- I am sorry.
Crunk And Disordely: I am sorry.
Mama: I am gay.


I love my fellow Sasha Fierce Representatives with all my heart and it kills me to think they are mad at me. I won't ever talk bad about Michael again. Just let me come home.

Beyonce'- The Lioness of Feminist Pop

Since before Neyo was trying to convince us he was straight and from before Justin kicked Jc And The Others to the curb, there was a young girl, a young beautiful, talented, spicy wealthy girl who could write music. She had just released her first record with her backing vocalists and was in the studio with the likes of DarkChild and one day whilst eating on the leg of a deceased pig, she said aloud, "I want to be a feminist icon."
At the time- because she wasn't even a pop icon, the idea seemed stranged but when her second record was released, and spawned countless hits empowering females to kick their "bugaboos" to the curb if they couldn't RE-pay her "bills", then that girl finally realised the power of such songs inspired bitches from Walmart to WallStreet. The bitch was on fire. The bitch was starting to shit on hoes, even the hoes that inspired her, she began to shit on hoes so much- people tried to put her in a diaper but hell no- you wanted a new legend- you got a legend.

Beyonce'.
Since 1999, Beyonce' has been making it rain on these messageless hoes. Whilst Janet asked "what have you done for me lately" Beyonce' asked, "What am i going to do for myself?". Beyonce is now a feminist icon and I will explain why. (If you dislike pop culture commentaries which don't lick the ass of your favourite artist who is either colloborating with hoodrats like Keisha Cole or fucking midgets for beats, then turn away.)

Although Beyonce' first started showing signs of a feminist swagger in songs like Bills Bills Bills, Say My Name, Nigga Why Is You Hollerin' and Jumpin' Jumpin', her real definitive moment was when management kicked LaDonda and La Faecia to the curb for being too ghetto and wanting their own seperate manager and shit (i'll go into that story as soon as LaTavia's book comes out).
When the world blamed Beyonce' for all of this, they didnt realise that they were elevating her image for her, when they blamed Beyonce' for "kicking out those girls" they unknowingly were actually saying "This bitch is powerful enough to throw two girls out a group and her label couldn't even say shit to her- that's one bad bitch."

Beyonce' was presented as being some sort of Svengali in a Freakum Dress, stories of her bullying her group members gave her a sort of a backstabbing two faced persona coupled with her fair skin and light hair- she became the object of hate for every fat,ugly dark skin girl with hair nappier than Kunta Kente's on a hot day. This then made Beyonce' seem all powerful, this 18 year old girl from Texas calling the shots in her very own group. That was stage 1 of Beyonce's transition to becoming a feminist icon.

So with this supposedly negative image of her circulating around the press- Beyonce' did the unthinkable and played a bitch in her first movie, Carmen as if she was taunting her critics, "you wanna see what a real bitch looks like, bitch." And after this television movie was released, the black media rejected Beyonce' and her family as being money hungry ruthless monsters, giving Beyonce' the oppurtunity to cement herself in mainstream pop culture. She then co-wrote the song Independent Women (her second biggest feminist pop song after Single Ladies) the soundtrack to a film all about female empowerment, Charlies Angels. (do you see where i'm going with this.)

Then we hear that she and Jay Z are knocking boots, usually when an older man begins seeing a younger woman, the woman often is seen as being inferior to the man and the man seen as being her sugardaddy but because Beyonce' already had a powerful image already, we all know that wasn't the case. Instead- it was the man who was inferior as she was giving him mainstream credibility because pre-Beyonce', Jay Z was only discussed in the hip hop sub culture when he started spitting on Beyonce's track, his voice got mainstream radio play which familiriased pop audiences with his voice making it possible for him to colloborate with Rihanna on Umbrella without sounding out of place on a pop track.

So now Beyonce' is upgrading her man- we see her travelling the world, become a pop icon, shit on the "careers" of over 13 different irrelevants and raise the level for pop music but no other artist did what she did- she could actually sing better than the hoes who were known for just singing- she could outdance her dancers, she was getting cast in big budget movies and drawing in huge crowds resulting in all of her movies (except Cadillac Records which ironically is her best) becoming Box Office Number 1s. She was selling out tours- endorsement deal after endorsement deal, she was becoming so powerful that even Africans were making entire movies out of rumours about her that weren't even true:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ndawsxg2b10&feature=PlayList&p=5A1E6EA0CE92A11C&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=12


Then Beyonce' released If I Were A Boy and Single Ladies, then this happened:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mur6zIJGHA

With one single she cemented herself as being a Pop Culture Phenomena/Feminist Icon. Beyonce' dealt with and discussed the problem that all good looking, succesful highflying multimillionairesses face, marriage. In the video, Beyonce' wears a mettalic glove on one hand whilst the other hand is free, the mettalic glove symbolises the hold that marriage places on has on modern women whilst the hand that is free symbolises Beyonce's ability to be a conventional wife as well as being her own person, promoting the idea that individualism does not need to be forfeited the second you say "I do."

Out of all her contemporaries, she is the only one who has maintained her sanity, credibility and success because as a woman she is aware of the social issues that affect her female audience, which is why she is also a gay icon for the black subculture because extremely feminine and fierce stars like Beyonce' attract the Benny Ninjas of the world especially as she is a woman of color.

Beyonce'- God bless you and your socially aware vagista.

Slow Down Irrelevant Bitch

Do you have problems trying to convince the media that your concepts are original? Do you have problems trying to convince people to buy your records? Is your name Heidi Montag, Ciara, Ashanti, Amerie, or Keri Hilson.If so you need SLOW DOWN IRRELEVANT BITCH, from the makers of SLOW DOWN FUNNY GUY and SLOW DOWN MAMA, YOU ABOUT TO CRASH THIS CAR.

For $35.99 you can have Slow Down Irrelevant Bitch to stop you from biting concepts that artists who are more succesful than you have already used and if you order today we'll throw in 40 copies of The Declaration (The Aww Baby Edition) and 30 copies of Fantasy Ride (The Failed Alter Ego DVD Deluxe Edition), as if that wasn't enough, SDIB also includes 5 pages of original concepts that you could use taken from Janet Jackson's Rock Wit U tour.

The pack also includes song concepts that have already been used and already used"why i've been dropped by my label" excuses edited by Christina Milian.

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Mz.Piggy-Notorious P.I.G news.

So as you know, I recently did an interview with always spicy Mz.Piggy who revealed she would be releasing her 10th record The Notorious P.I.G. sometime around 2014 via Island Def Jam to be released in unison with Amerie's new record Horns And Shit, however after getting into a brawl with LA Reid who ordered pork whilst eating dinner with her, Mz.Piggy has parted way with Island and signed a contract with Tina Knowles' newly formed record label, Jumbo Jams.

In a press release with CreoleConnection Tv, Mrs. Knowles explained that "signing Mz.Piggy was the best decision i've made since deciding to add cinnamon to my homemade potatoe salad, we're going for a more soulful, upbeat dance record which shows off Mz.Piggy's undeniable talent and sex appeal, bitch is fierce."

Mz.Piggy reportedly requested that her new label who recently signed pop megastar Samwell:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU, ensure that no meat would be served when Mz.Piggy was around, she also indicated that she plans to continue on her Porky Perfection World Tour Sponsored by FrankFurters for which Ciara is the opening act.

Mz.Piggy explained during an assbackwards interview with Rocsi and Terrence on 106 and Hoodrat, "This record is going to put every single on of those U-List r'n'b singers on blast, from Keri Hilson to Kunta Kente- they all gon get it."


The Notorious P.I.G. is due out on November 12th followed by the release of the single "DivaCode" named after her best selling book. DivaCode is a diss track to all those "wannabe divas who need to know that like Da had the code for Vinci I have the code for Diva."

Notorious P.I.G album tracklist.
1. DivaCode ( composed by: M.Piggy, Makeba, S.Garret, Big Bird)
2. Careless Whisper(composed by: M.Piggy, backing vocals by Ciara)
3.K.E.R.M.I.T (composed by: Stargate, T.Shakur, M.Piggy)
4. F.U.R (Fuck U Rihanna composed by C.Harris, M.Piggy, T.Marie, J.Smith, Shontelle)
5. Burger Queen- The Aretha Diss Track (composed by: M.Piggy, N.Cole, T.Turner)
6. Sasha False- The Beyonce diss track (composed by: writer wishes to remain annonymous)


DivaCode lyrics to be performed to

The only Pig in this shit to knife a bitch up in pen
Miss Piggy on the track, so let the story begin

Verse1:
P.I.G bitch
What it be bitch
I'm the sugar honey caramel tea bitch
If I see that bitch
Imma hurt her
I'm a dude bitch
Call me Frank Furter
Fuck MJ- i'm superbad
Put laxative in you sa-lad
Talkin shit and didn't think i heard it
Why you think ain't nobody fucking with Kermit

Ive got that
Diva Code
Diva Code
Diva Code
I've got that
DivaCode
DivaCode
Diva Code
And Now i think it's time for a apple-pie la mode


Verse 2:
You ain't shit bitch
You a pussy bitch
You need some FemFresh
Because your pussy itch
I roll with big toys
I roll with big boys
If i sold my pussy
Y'all couldn't touch it
No strings attatched
Cos i ain't a fucking Muppet.


I've Got That
DivaCode
DivaCode
DivaCode
I've Got that
Diva Code
DivaCode
DivaCode
You call me sapien- cos i love homos.

Ain't nothin' strange about cho daddy!!

Since The Jackson family were too busy wondering how they were going to raise three strange Caucasian children that are not even biologically related to them to notice that they hadn't invited Beyonce' to sing (or dry hump the stage) for Michael Jackson's service, I decided that like all black people, the Jackson's dont appreciate shit.
After all those tributes Sasha And Them did for Senor Kiddy Fiddler and they couldnt even ask her to perform YET they called Usher, who for some reason thought it would be cool if he got down on his knees and tried to beg Katherine Jackson for forgiveness, "I'm sorry I didn't bring my kids to Neverland when Mike was alive- Tameka said not to, she said bad shit goes down there."

I've digressed.
So anyway, since The Jacksons were too ungrateful to call up Beyonce' and have her and The Mamas work it out for Michael, I have created my own program of what Michael's service SHOULD have been like.

1.05pm- 1000 little boys from local neighbourhood marchdown to Neverland and jump in Michael's bed (He would have liked that). As they jump around playing with Michael's fleshlight, Deja Vu begins to play and Beyonce' performs (crazy African choreography and all) whilst on rollercoaster. Then entire Jackson family and fans walk in and take their seats in The Staples Centre whilst Ciara performs Heal The World (0ff beat and off key whispering and all) whilst trying her best to fuse Janet and Michael's style but ends up failing, as per usual.

1.06pm- Video montage of Beyonce's various tributes to Michael Jackson and a half an hour interview where Beyonce' describes the influence Michael had on her career, R.Kelly and Gary Glitter then appear on stage dressed as Michael and performs PYT and then a rendition of Age Ain't Nothin' But A Number.

1.10pm- Al Sharpton delivers speech on the importance of remembering that Michael (just like a confused Oreo) was black inside and gives his PFP (Prayer For a Pervet) speech, which is then followed by half an hour of applause by people who see nothing wrong with pretending that Michael Jackson didnt have a thing for the petite garcons of the world.

2.00pm- Beyonce' and Mariah arrive on stage and do a sing-off to the song Dirty Diana, Beyonce' then says "hit it Bibi" and her all female band rise up from under the stage and play Liberian Girl as Beyonce' performs it. Mariah exits stage. Beyonce' then sits on stage and discusses how she intends to add a further 150 more dates to her I AM... 80 Times Better Than All Of You Put Together Multiplied By 39 World Tour and then Juelz arrives on stage from the ceiling whilst sitting in a bedazzelled baby stroller rapping the lyrics "Never Ever Going To That Land". Mathew Knowles watches from the audience smiling as he notices the Pepsi Brand on Juelz microphone, he thinks "so even my grandbaby knows the power of endorsements? you done a good job Matty, a mighty fine good job".

7.30.pm- Janet Jackson gives speech.
7.30pm- Janet Jackson ends speech.
HOUSE OF DEREON COMMERCIAL FOR NEW SHEEPSKIN COLLECTION.

7.35- The Staples Centre is emptied as LaToya Jackson performs Black or White alongside Lil Kim as this is going on video montage of Beyonce' posing in photoshopped edited photos with Michael Jackson is played on the big screen. Michael Jackson smiles from wherever he is.

America's Next Top Failed Pop Star Cycle 5.

It's that time of the year again and Janet Jackson and her team of expert failed pop stars destined to become amateur models are on the search for the latest America's Next Top Failed Pop Star Destined To Be An Amateur Model . After Cassie won Cycle 4 last year beating Amerie, Keri Hilson and Bow Wow in The 106 and Park Challenge, the cycle 5 auditions were teeming with aspiring failed pop stars making jackasses of themselves in order to get a place in the competition.

Audition Tape 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r0jKaX10sw

Audition Tape 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9M-i0eWPjc

Audition Tape 3:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzb-2yJWFKU&feature=related

That's Ms. Fenty If you Can Afford to Fund all 14 of my singles taken from my soul-less record which people call R'n'b just because I'm black

Rihanna.
What's not to love about her. Homegirl is beautiful, she's hot, bitch is fierce, bitch could outsideye Rupual, but my dear friends, this is not America's Next Top Model, this is the music industry.
Rihanna was signed by a man who wanted to create a beautiful, sexy, foreign far less talented teen version of his fiance', and he succeeded, now Rihanna is a pop star, shitting on all her contemporaries with her infectious Britney reject singles, her fire accent, her fire engine no.5 lipstick and a hair style that Kelis was rocking since before Nicole Scherzinger knew how to say "así que cuando mi álbum es realmente van a salir?".
Rihanna proves that it takes more than looks to be succesful, if beauty was the key to mainstream success then Janet wouldn't eating corndogs out of Jermaine's asshole and Ashanti wouldn't be doing the late shift down at ChickenSkinShack. Rihanna proves that you need to have a team of hot writers, good production, sex appeal looks and phrases like "I had to fyteee for dat song before de writer let me have it."
But Rihanna put me to shame in February. I could no longer go on down to the UntalentedPopArtistAppreciationCentre with my head help up high because Rihanna took a rolling in da river beat down and didn't do shit.

I thought you was a bad girl RiRi.
I thought you was from Barbaydose.

To think that Rihanna let that skinny ass, scrawny motherfucker knock her about and then say nothing about really pissed me off because I knew that she could have made a fortune out of selling her story to Vogue and then making an appearance on Dr.Phil armed with a box of Kleenex's (who would have paid Rihanna for the endorsement), but Rihanna did nothing. So being the pathetic, pop culture Rihanna lover that I am (note that I can love Rihanna because there is a part of me that is stupid, i dedicate my intelligent part to Beyonce, penises and Madonna (sometimes) ) I decided to create a schedule for Rihanna which she would have used if she had decided to speak out against the dirty skinny bastard.

Schedule for Ms.Rihanna Fenty
4.00am- Wake up next to Mellisa in swanky New York hotel to find that her right hand is in between your vagizzle. You say nothing and get into the shower.

4.01am- Get out of the shower and put on Samsung cell phone and see that you have 14 missed calls from TMZ wanting to know how much you'd like for the photo you sent to them of your battered and bruised ace. You then see you have a text from Neyo wanting to know if he can borrow your CoverGirl "Shimmer Before You Suck" lipgloss because he's meeting Bow Wow later on that night. You don't reply.

5.00am- Call Vogue to confirm 11 page interview and photoshoot and then call members of the press to ensure that they catch you leaving hotel.

6.00am- Whilst in car on the way to Vogue you receive a heartfelt video message from Tina Knowles inviting you to spend a couple of days with her and Juelz in order to help you get over getting beat the fuck up, but since you're aware that Juelz told members of the press that he wished that it was him that fucked you up, you decline the invitation and get to Vogue.

6.05am- Leave Vogue and make your way to Jay Z's apartement to find that he is unable to speak or hear you due to the fact that Sasha put him in a pussy coma before she left to ruin the careers of more d-list Vanity 6 tribute acts. Because Jay Z's speech is inaudible you cannot hear him telling you that Solange will be stopping by soon and if she catches you there, she'll show you a clip of a movie that she directed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo-45pQpELY&feature=related

A Girl Called M

Once upon a time there was a young girl. For the sake of this story (which has a clear yet annoyingly ambigous moral behind it) let's call this young girl "M". When M first came out, M was the shit. M could sang, M was hitting notes so high even the Angel Gabriele was getting down to M's jams. M was hitting notes so high and so unique that even Whitney-The Queen of High had to take off her $0.99 wig to her.
Then shit happened. M lost her damn mind (which is debateable as some question whether M really had a mind to begin with). M started doing shit like putting on lots of weight all unannounced and shit, M started making up fictional characters during interviews and shit (Sasha Fierce is an altergo not a fictional character, so shut the fuck up). M then did some more crazy ass shit then dissapeared, and whilst she was gone we got a lot of new artists and even saw the making of a few icons, some of who are still icons, some of who drag their tired vaginas around an elaborate stage everynight in order to pay child support to a dead beat money hungry ex husband.

When M came back everybody was excited, her music was new, fresh, sexy, hot, but M wasn't sanging like she used to, instead M became Obsessed with whispering, and then even took to lip-synching which led to M having high first week sales and then seeing her records slide slowly off the charts like diarrhea sliding down Usher's greasy face, then she got married to an d-lister, a hood rat icon, a motherfucking irrelevant and then M decided to get brave by confronting a particular dude who claims to have given M a golden shower. The song sucks but because M has such loyal fans who haven't seem to noticed that there is big difference between the M of today and the M of the 90s, the song will get to number 1. for a while until one of ItGirls releases a single which will dethrone M's song. The M will release four other singles that nobody will care about.
Confused?
Perplexed?
Take a gander at this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLTdr2xnFLA&opt_out_ackd=1&persist_gl=1&gl=US

Every once in a while, something out of this world and supernatural occurs, in the last cenutry three examples are the invention of viagra, the vibrator and this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLeVlBca5lg.
But yesterday after having a heated debate over some Oreos with my Uncle La Q'uarias I discocvered another new and supernatural occurence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrlfRYXMthg&feature=fvsr .

(breathe)
(stretch)
(shake)
(let it motherfucking go)
Are people that stupid that it takes all these years to realise this shit. A black man and a white lady don't make no Brady Bunch looking kids, especially when that black man is Michael Jackson. I for one- have trouble believing that Michael was even capable of having an erection without blushing (or peeling) with embarrasement.

Everybody knows that Michael only got married for getting married's sake, If you ask me he was a-sexual, neither straight or gay but rather enjoyed the company of unsuspecting latino kids with a terminal diseases (how you doing Gavin?). Michael Jackson wanted to be caucasian and so having three white kids helped fulfill his twisted ambition to be perceived as a white man, VERTILIGO MY ASS. That dude was bleached more times than GaGa's weave and he expected people to believe just because his skin was the colour of pale semen that he was a white man. What bullshit. What stupidity. What motherfucking trash.

BET and their ignorant asses should have ignored Michael's death because this was a man who like Elvis used African American Culture to gain mainstream fame and then turned its back on it the second he was done with it. The man wore a lacefront wig (which there is nothing wrong with because I myself am partial to the occasion lace de la front myself) but he wore the wig to appear more Caucasian, now that was his business, thats got nothing to do with me and my ranting ass but I find it shocking that there are people out there who are convinced that those kids were conceived by Michael, when let's be real- can YOU really see Michael having sex with anybody who doesn't spend hours deciding which Power Ranger they'd rather be.

And when it comes to Jordy Chandler, there is no way he would "admit" to lying because if he "admitted" that he and his parents lied then dude would either have to be very stupid or would want to die. Jordy never admitted to lying about anything- some die hard fans thought it would be a good idea to start up that rumour to try and make Michael look better. Failed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VlNC_EXjxA
2 Minutes 30 is priceless.

BET Awards- can you say shambolic?

Before I start, I would like to shout out that homeless lady who defended me against those three tranny's this morning on the way to my doctor's house, I couldn't have fucked up those Sister Patterson look alikes without you.

Now onto the main topic- I am so pissed off with a lot of things, my period started today on the very day i decided to wear white underwear and a white dress, I had the shits and whats more I just found out that http://www.wigcrypt.blogspot.com/ still has not called me out for those quasi smart ass comments I made about it, what does it take to get a little shameless attention around here, just as I was thinking that I got a call from my homegirl Cassie who was just crowned America's Next Top Failed Pop Artist Destined To Be A Model beating out Ciara (who came 2nd) and Amerie who came third.
Cassie explained to me that a friend of hers had read the blog and wanted to do an exclusive interview with me, to be honest I didn't know what to expect :http://insaneramblingsitcomzombie.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/miss-piggy-poses-for-playboar.jpg

As soon as I saw that fierce bitch work the camera, I knew I just had to get an interview with her, so I met up with her at T.I's house to discuss her thoughts on pop music, her relationships and her new record.

PS: What's good with you Miss.Piggy.

Miss Piggy: It's Mz Piggy, and yes I'm fine.

PS: Sorry, tell us about your recent cover for PlayBoar magazine, why did you do it?

MzPiggy: I did it to show those other bitches that I'm still around and I'm still hotter than all of their skinny asses, these new bitches got no respect for my hustle, I was grinding and making my cheddar long before Janet Jackson started her period and I was the original video chick, but nobody wanted to acknowledge that, so them bitches had to be reminded.

PS: I see, what are you thoughts on the tragic death of Michael Jackson?

MzPiggy: I'm sorry but I've got enough troubles of my own without having to worry about some deceased skinny guy- no no- do you know the kind of shit I've been going through with some dumbass interviews about this whole swine flu shit. I cant even leave the motherfucking crib without people trying to spray my unsuspecting ass with disinfectant.

PS: Let's talk about your new record.

MzPiggy: Yes, well after being dropped by Columbia, I got signed by Island Def Jam and i'm right behind Amerie on LA Reid's list of priorities, so I can safely say my album wont be out till 2014, but what I can tell you is that I've been working with some new producers who are really bringing home the bacon. After Kermit passed away and getting into beef with she who shall not go on a diet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7c2lC9JlJo I wanted to go for a more hoodrat, cheap and highly irrelevant direction so I have Keri Hilson writing all the songs, Swizz Beats doing all the production and Ciara recycling the choreography from Janet Jackson's If video for my One Night With Mz Piggy Brought To You By Frankfurters World Tour. I'm so tired of being compared to Beyonce' when everybody knows Beyonce' got her style from me! who you think Sasha Fierce is based on?! Me! So this new record is gonna put an end to all the fuckin comparisons to the bitches out there who couldnt carry a tune in a Comme De Garcon ManBag.

PS: So you're saying Beyonce' cant sing?

MzPiggy: Now wait a minute- I never said that, me and Celestine go way back, what I mean is that me and B are on two different levels, i'm a REAL diva, shes nothing but a superhuman rich girl TRYNA be a diva, ya feel me? When my record drops, y'all gon know what I mean, I'm comin hard on this one, I've been through shit and y'all know it, I did time for shit I knew nothing about:http://fascinatingtales.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/bad-miss-piggy-413232.jpg and so thats why I'm a real female version of a hustla.

PS: What's the record called?

MzPiggy: The NoTorious P.I.G, like I said its a hip hop record, and i'm coming hard, I even got a track where I get at those mother fuckers who say I'm too disgustng to eat: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQakPFaXwcLqFaLDFmonp3NBzNBNAJCYOYxW70dsdfhwoz40t2T9JcuxJSu7mNf0xRAT90k_lm-X0OwRumo44qdNtCr9NiFkJS8j2W2KjKVWEVChnHCOxAW1zRTbtHqAbSl-8IP_O_7dQ/s1600-r/piggyburkaweb.jpg.

PS: Thankyou very much.

MzPiggy: No-thankyou.


MzPiggy's album will be out as soon as LA Reid figures out a way to tell Amerie that signing her was just a practical joke gone too far.