PTA

Ms. Butterscotch: Hello- you must be Tina, Daniel's grandmother.

Miss Celestine: It's Miss Celestine and I am Juelz grandmother. If you don't know you better ask somebody.

Juelz: That's right gran'ma.

Ms.Buttersotch: Oh i see- well I'm so glad you could come- I thought his mother would be here- Juelz explained you have a busy schedule.

Miss Celestine: Solange is on Twitter but yes I do indeed have a busy sche-du-al,in fact before I came here I had to hunt down a rare breed of fox in my backgarden- The Dereon Winter Collection is approaching.

Ms.Butterscotch: Oh wow- well we've been learning about foxes in class haven't we Juelz.

Juelz: Bitch- don't try come at me with that sweety sweet sweet shit jus' cos my nana is here.

Ms.Butterscotch: Miss Celestine- this is what I wanted to discuss you- Dan-I mean Juelz' language- just today in class he asked a class member of the Chinese persuasion to "open his fucking eyes." (Miss. Celestine turns to Juelz.)

Miss Celestine: Pourquoi?

Juelz: She lyin'

Ms.Butterscotch: He also suggested this morning when he came in that he and I should go to the reading area for a PTA meeting whilst all the other children were having nap time.

Miss Celestine: What's wrong with PTA meetings?

Ms.Butterscotch: I overheard Daniel tell one of his fellow classmates that PTA stood for Penetrate That Anustacia.

Miss Celestine:Is it a crime that my grandson is a real man- huh- don't be hatin' cos Creole boys develop early. Listen- why don't we get to the important shit- how he's doing in class?

Ms.Butterscotch: Well- Juelz has a passion for Math- which he has improved in since last year- have you or anybody at home been working on it with him?

Miss Celestine: Oh yes- Juelz can work out sums like his name is Bernard Madoff- he even has his own little rhyme to help him with his timetable, do it for her Juelz- show her what you made up.

Juelz: (clears throat.)
2 times 2 is four- thats how many times I'm gonna kick down ya door.
3 times 3 is six- I got Ming Lee and Aoki in the crib turning out tricks.
4 times 4 is 8- somebody better tell Janet that her period is ten years late.
5 times 5 in ten- I roll ten blunts when I kick it in my Dora play pen.
6 times 6 is 9- Fuck Hilter cos y'all know that the Kampf is Meine.

Miss Butterscotch: Juelz- 6 times 6 is not 9.

Juelz: Bitch- I will stick this Barney the Dinosour action figure so far up you- your heartbeat will be the fucking theme tune. (Miss Celestine smiles.) I mean- all you do is cry and talk 'bout how much you love kids when you s'posed to be teachin' us about colors and shit.

Miss Celestine: Listen up Miss. Thang- my gran'son is a creative genius jus' like his mo-aunt, I want to know what Juelz is doing in Art.

Miss Butterscotch: Erm- art isn't in the syllabus- but Juelz has taken a keen interest in Biol-

Miss Celestine: STAP! just STAP! I didn't send my gran'baby to school to learn about how plants grow and shit- the only thing my gran'baby needs to know is how to reproduce- are you teaching them that?!

Miss Butterscotch: Well this is only kindergaten-

Miss Celestine: Stop with all that shit- your obviously trying to entice the children yourself- what kind of name is Miss.Butterscotch anyway- are you trying to give the children cavities? Are you?!and why are you wearing such a low cut top which makes your tetas look like two tennis ball at the bottom of a sling- bitch you need to hitch those tits up- gravity dun got to them.

Miss Butterscotch: Excuse Me?

Miss Celestine: You're excused- how dare you try and put it on my gran'baby- whatchu you tryna do Michael's job for him now he dead and buried- oh hell naw! oh hell to the naw! Bitch I'm reporting your ass to the school board.

Miss Butterscotch: For what?

Miss Celestine: Gross Misconduct- those shoes are making me throw up in my mouth. (Miss Celestine and Juelz then leave, not before Juelz points makes the Nazi salute at Miss Butterscotch, as Miss Celestine and Juelz leave the building- they see Rihanna picking up her dog (Shontelle) from school.) Juelz get in the car- I got to speak to this bitch. (Juelz winks at Rihanna and hops into his safety chair and rolls down the window.)

Rihanna: Miss Celestine.

Miss Celestine: Robyn. How you been- last time I saw you you looked like you were auditioning for What's Love Got To Do With Part 2.

Rihanna: I've been good- just working on my own fragrance line- I actually just finished shooting the commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpHamlvwRx0

Miss Celestine: Eu Dou Trollope?

Rihanna: Why you fuckin bi-atch- dont make me get ragga on your bludkleet.

Miss Celestine: Bitch I will backhand you so hard, the Dereon logo will be forever imprinted in your cheek.

Rihanna: Me na fi scurred of you- me a knock down bigger bitches dan you back home.

Miss Celestine: Somebody call a fuckin translator- you better learn how to sell pussy in Iceland by the time I'm done witchu. (Rihanna pulls razor, Miss. Celestine pulls out Juelz' report card, Miss.ButterScotch pulls out thong from her ass.)

Miss Celestine: You might as well as call me The Texas Chain Saw Mascara cos I'm about slice you up like my name is Papa John's. (Just as Rihanna prepares to attack with her razor, Juelz jumps out of the car and smashes his bottle against the boot of the car, he points the bottle at Rihanna)

Juelz: You better take your dutty winin' pussy out of here quicker than I can say Swiper No Swipin' or else I'll slam this bottle so far down your mouth- you'll be pissing formula. (Rihanna puts down razor and slowly walks away, Juelz gives Miss Celestine a high five.)

Miss Celestine: You the best friend I ever had.

Juelz: Let's go home and prank call Cassie

Miss Celestine: You got her number?

Juelz: Uurbody got her number..