Barbadose Instinct

We got talking to Pop Superstar Rihanna about a movie which she is both starring in and producing titled Barbadose Instinct.

PopWhore: Hello.

Rihanna: Ello.

PopWhore: So tell us about your movie, Barbadose Instinct.

Rihanna: Well de movie is about a gyal like me who kill all de mudderfuckers who ever hurt her in da past.

PopWhore: So it's a violent movie then?

Rihanna: Oh yes- dis movie is going de show all dem fuckers who da real bad bitch is- believe dat- believe dat- me gon kill all de chichi man pon de place.

PopWhore: ChiChi Man?

Rihanna: Yeah you know- all de batty boys- all dem pussy o' faggots, me gon kill dem all in de movie.

PopWhore: So the movie has homophobic undertones?

Rihanna: What's that word? Home-Phobic, why me gone be afraid of me own home- tarass!

PopWhore: How have you been preparing for the role?

Rihanna: When I'm not out and about getting my photo taken on de streets, I watch lats and lats of movies about women who kill MOTHERFUCKING BUMBERKLUTS who beat on women.

PopWhore: Have you spoken to Chris since the incident?

Rihanna: That likkle fucker been belling of me line, but me never gon forgive him, he gave me a HIYAH! and and HAYOGEN! and then a UPPERCUT! He jus' lucky me had my seatbelt on, oddawise I would have run a blade chru his likkle chichi boy ass.

PopWhore: And has Beyonce' reached out to you.

Rihanna: Who dat?

PopWhore: Beyonce'.

Rihanna: You mean dat likkle bi-atch who had her nephew call me up and chreaten to stick a rattle in my cooch- oh hell no dat bitch ain't called- but Mellisa said she saw her sister at a club and she was makin' jokes about me- she nah know who she messin' wit- I'll fuck her up, her mother AND her cousin too. Don't tes' me.

PopWhore: Are you seeing anybody at the moment?

Rihanna: Yes me vision is very clear.

PopWhore: No no, as in sexually.

Rihanna: Oh yes- me is. Ya wan me to lis' dem.

PopWhore: Ok.

Rihanna:
Jermaine Jackson
Randy Jackson
Joe Jackson
Chris Brown (but dont tell de feds)
Bobby Brown
Drake
My middle finger
Jay Z
Marilyn Ma-

PopWhore: Sorry?

Rihanna: Marilyn Manson.

PopWhore: No before that.

Rihanna: Who Jey Zay? Oh girl don' act suprised. You know he been spicin' up my curried goat since de day I got my GreenCard. He nah love dat wife of his- she never home to cook for him- she too busy singing on beat and achieving shit- me would be a much better wife- foreign pussy is de best kind.

PopWhore: I see.

Rihanna: Anways- I've got to go to de clinic for my test results. I hope me do well, me wasnt very academic backhome

PopWhore: I don't think its that kind of test.

Rihanna: I'll see you around.