Since all these irrelevants are flocking to reality tv like Wendy Williams to a Botox Needle, I think that its a shame that Ciara isn't doing the same.
Could you imagine Ciara on Dancing With The Stars? That bitch would be popping it, locking it, backflipping it and kicking it all the way to the finals and since she was fired from the Britney gig she has a lot of time on her hands when she's not trying to convince us that she's a mainstream artist with mainstream relevance.
There should be a new show- called The Relevant Factor, here's how it will work:
10 irrelevant and outdated female artists will enter a house and must complete a sequence of challenges and tasks in order to win the fan bases of their "competitors" and the budget that would have been spent on the ass backward records of their "competitors".
You see- this the only way these nul in void bitches have a chance at competing with Rihanna, I mean let's be real, even if you combined the fan bases of Brandy, Mya, Keri Hilson, Janet, T-Boz and Minty it couldn't even match half of Rihanna's because whether we like it or not, Rihanna is a bad bitch.
Yes her voice sounds like a goat getting assfucked by Kobe Bryant.
Yes she has little artistic credibility.
Yes she is more renowned for her personal appearance and yes the bitch is uneducated, but if it was easy to rack up countless top ten hits, a European Tour and profitable endorsements, YOUR favourite artist would be doing it to.
We need some more black bitches up in this shit- fierce black bitches who actually sell records instead of spending all their time on pirate radio stations engaged in banter with fat "radio hosts".
We need black bitches with singles on the top ten, movies in the box office, faces on Vogue and a hot body on a big stage.
What are we going to do when Beyonce' unfreezes Mr. Carter's sperm and inseminates herself with it- what do we do then, yeah I know we have The FemBots, but what happens when those bitches run out of battery.
Dear Mr. A&R
Please do your job. Please stop signing cheaper variations of artists that already exist and be suprised when those artists sell less records than Marilyn Manson could sell Holy Water. If you did your job you'd find that your life would be happier- sitting behind your computer hoping the next Beyonce' is going to fall into your laps go out and look for her (you won't find her) but go out and look for a bitch who actually has potential to be an icon after a decade, please. I'm so tired of having to sigh and predict how bad the new artists that you and your colleagues since will sell. I want to be afraid of new artists, I want those bitches to be mysterious, I want to be sick of them, I want to be able to wake up and get out of the bed which they designed, then get in the shower and use the shower gel which they endorse and then spray the fragrance that they created and then get dressed in their clothing line, call my friends with the phone that endorses them and then get into the car and go and see one of their movies.
I know this costs money, but if you signed artists with mystery and who released quality music people would buy their records. Fans want to buy into a lifestyle, they want to feel as though there is a seperation between their favourite artist and themselves, but how can they do that when they can talk to their favourite artist on Twitter. I want to overanalyse their simple lyrics and think of a backstory for every single performance they put on.
Please sign a bad bitch.
Develope her.
Upgrade her.
Then release her.
Sign some more bad bitches so that there is REAL competition on the charts, we need a League Of Fierce Pop Bitches to stan for, to curse out and to spend all our money on.
Then drop all the money wasters.
How much did you spend on all of Keri Hilson's videos and where did they chart? Her biggest charting single only did the way it did because it had Kanye and Neyo in it, what would have happened if they weren't in it, huh?
How much did you spend on Ciara's shit- and how much did you make back from it? Drop her!
How much did you spend on that DeBarge hoe, how much did you make back from it? END THE CONTRACT.
I'm not a hater, but i'm lonely, I know Beyonce' is going to go on "vacation" for a year and a half and in that time what am I going to do, talk about Britney all day long? Follow Rihanna's latest haircut on Media Take Out? Laugh at Bow Wow for thinking signing to a new label will do anything for him?
I can't- I just can't?
Until I'm forced to do all that- I'll just watch this on repeat:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_UiIW0HsRM
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