Janet: Are we all present?
Alicia: Girl do a roll call.
Janet: Ok so Keri's here, Mya's here, Brandy's in traffic, Miss Harris is...here,Ashanti's in the kitchen, Alicia-hey girl, is that all? Where's Michelle?
Alicia: She just found out that she actually has an album worth buying so she won't be joining us anymore.
Janet: Whatever- that just means more cake for us. So in our last meeting we discussed what to do when your Twitter account is bombarded with hate mail from fans of she who shall not be named.
LaToya: Beyonce?!
Ashanti: Yes (inhales) Beyonce'- but LaToya why are you here- you need to have been relevant at one point and then a flop another to be a part of this league- you've never even opened up for anybody- Ciara how's that going?
Janet: Ciara you don't have to answer that. Anyway so today I have something to announce, we are going to GET Celestine, Keri could you please explain what happened to you at the BET awards. (Keri Hilson rises.)
Keri: So after my ass backwards peformance where I tried my best to sing and dance at the same time but ended up looking like my pussy was having a heart attack- I ran backstage to get changed into my outfit- when I got there i found Miss Celestine sitting in my dressing room, her left arm under her chin and her right arm clutching a revolver.
Mya: Shit- what happened?
Keri: She said something in Creole and then said "You want to me to make your face a little bit more colorful bitch", I was so afraid, then she said "Talk shit about my picne again and I will stick this gun so far up your ass you'll be spitting out bullets." Then she hissed and then she left.
Janet: So as you can see, Miss Celestine is going on dangerous, I knew her way back when she was Sheila E's understudy. I'll never forget the day she rammed a ten inch stilleto up Appollonia's ass for not putting enough seasoning in her Fruit Loops- she has to be dealt with.
Alicia: Before we go on- are any of you married? (All shake heads.) Ok- please go on Damita.
Janet: Every Thursday Miss Tina, Miss Turner and Miss Jay go out for drinks at Club Vouz Le Vouz, I know this because Jermaine works the night shift there- so here's what we're going to do, we're going to roll up in Mya's Hummer....
Mya: Repossesed.
Janet: We're going to roll up in Alicia's Hummer and kindap Miss Celestine and hold her for ransom and demand that that bitch daughter of hers retires so we can get a chance to get into the charts (hopefully)
Ashanti: I don't think this is a good idea- Miss Tina don't fuck about- look what she had done to Robyn.
Keri: She paid Chris to do it? Why? Because she thinks Robyn's competition?
Ashanti: No. Because she has a hatred for all Carribeans, who you think shot Bob Marley.
Ciara: Bob Marley wasn't shot.
Ashanti: Shut the fuck up you dick swinging smut.
Janet: Now Now girls, let's not fight- Ashanti I see where you're coming from but something needs to be done, we need someone on the inside to get close to her.
Alicia: Whatchu Tolm Bout Jo?
Janet: We need to go undercover in The Wig Crypt.
TBC.
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I wish I had an extra hand so I could give it three thumbs up!
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