Sometimes when I'm alone in my apartement I find myself having debates with myself. The other night myself and I debated whether people with multiple personalities should be sectioned and institutionalised and myself and I resolved the debate by simply putting on 106 and Park and watching Terrence and Rocsi pretend to like the shit they interview. Then I saw Nicki Minaj.
Now I tried for some time to avoid the hype surrounding her and then I realized something- people like me are always dogging on people like Ciara and Kelly Rowland for not being good enough or not trying hard enough to "put their name" out there and so it was hypcrotical for me NOT to give this Minaj character a look and a listen.
So I Youtubed her and watched a couple of interviews and came to a conclusion which my dear friends at the WigCrypt had come to many years ago.
In this world if YOU want something YOU need to get up and GO get IT.
I realized whilst studying Minaj that this bitch has DEFINED WHO SHE IS. I'm sure there are 100s of bitches on Twitter who can spit harder than Alicia after sucking the tip of that married man's love pistol but there's a reason it's Nicky Minaj whose on everyone's lips. When I began to understand her purpose,I understood how phenomenal she actually is. Here is a black girl from Brooklyn referencing Japanese street fashion and forcing a culture which is ignorant to anything which doesn't sag low to pay attention.
THAT's how you get people's attention.
You dont say "Im not getting anywhere cos im dark skin" or "if i was slimmer i'd be where Beyonce' is," get up and do something about it. If you want to prove that dark skin is just as beautiful as light skin then you need to come up with a gimmic to exploit that. Too many people use stereotypes when it suits them and get mad when stereotypes do not work to their advantage.
"Black Girls have bigger butts than girls from all other races." Correct.
"Black Girls are rude, obnoxious and hate on white girls." FUCK YOU MEAN.
If you allow yourself to be grouped into stereotypical segmentations, do not be suprised when those stereotypes work to your disadvantage.
"Are you sure you want to hire the black girl- she looked pretty rude."
"Are you sure you want to give the blonde the mangerial positition- she probably sucked, fucked and timmytucked her way to this company- let the man have it."
The reason I am doing this post is because I have a lot of debates regarding the media's unfair portrayal of black women in society.
It seems to me that what black means to the Media isn't what black means to black people. As much as I love the variations that black people have, European Creole, African, African American, Coolie it seems to me that the only representation that is perceived to be beautiful is this one:
http://static.gossipgirlinsider.com/images/gallery/tyra-banks.jpg
Tyra Banks isn't any less blacker because her "hair" is fair and her eyes are green but what's a chocolate skinned mami to do when she feels that her beauty will never be respected. What's she to do when the world won't call her beautiful like they do to her fairer counterparts.
Stop wanting to be called beautiful.
Stop expecting your beauty to be respected.
Acknowledge on your beauty, acknowledge your own skin color and acknowledge your own hair type because this is the body God gave you and it's the body you are going to die with. You can put plastic in your nose but itll biodegrade in the grave and you can put relaxer in your but that won't make it rain-proof.
Bitches who acknowledge their beauty get further because they know that looks can only get you so far.
For example:
http://iwantmysexyback.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/ciara1.jpg
http://popdynamite.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/lady-gaga-ugly.jpg
If being conventionally beautiful was the answer to everything then Princess Super C wouldn't be handing in her resumee at Sears right now. It's the weird looking bitch whose an icon one year after debutin and it's the weird looking bitch that everyone respects because that weird looking bitch knows what she's about and defined her own beauty instead of depending on Janet Jackson and Aaliyah to do it for her.
That's why I officially fucks with this Minaj character- instead of doing what Lil Kim and Foxxy did, she is going to do with what Nicki Minaj needs to do to make sure she's the one that we're all talking about and respect. That's how you get your name out there- it's how you promote yourself and it's how you make sure that even after 12 years of being signed people don't have a reason to respect anything you've done in your OWN right:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoJSnuyrj8w&feature=video_response
Monday 14 December 2009
Monday 7 December 2009
Grrrr Baby Grrrrr
Since my little vacation to an Island in the sun, I haven't had time to blog- yes call me whatchu want I have time to tweet but no time to blog, sue me.
However, this incident was making spirits do all kinds of dips, flips and samurai kicks when I heard about it.
To begin with I'd like to say that violence is not gender specific, a woman beating a man is just as bad as a man beating a woman, although the outcome will always be different its just as bad.
However.
When I heard that Tiger Wood's wife may have gone Glenn Close on his ass for dickdowning some other bitches I just had to applaud and called on the spirit of Pepper Labeija to send me a hiss so wicked that even Neyo would have to step back.
When someone gets married-that person dedicates their entire being and existance to that person, they dedicate their time to that person and share aspects of their soul with that person which may be very hard to.
So when that person betrays you by fucking ANOTHER woman and THEN comes home and eats YOUR cooking and then uses YOUR pussy after he's already had some OTHER pussy I believe this causes for some Celestininity.
Celestininity is the art of making a motherfucker pay for a wrong they have commited by making life as difficult as possible for them http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PmV_vsYgPI
Only when that person is truly sorry must the Celestiniasation of that person end. The art of Celestininity is not to get your ass in trouble whilst getting your revenge, this is why Tiger Woods wife isn't all that smart.
You see, when fucking with a rich dude you must learn that the only mouth that speaks is money- hit that motherfucker where it hurts- his account!
What that hoe should have done is told that cheating scoundrel "Looky here- you done cheated on me- you better find a way to cancel our prenuptial agreement OR I will take the kids and drag your name so low even Cassie will start sucking on it."
From Tiger Woods leaked calls to one of his side pieces it is evident that his pussy stinks more than Precious' on a summers day and so the idea of losing his wife and kids would scare him shitless. He would have no choice but to comply http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8doUht3SEM , fucking bastard.
What she shouldnt have done is beat his car with one of his own clubs because that's just rude. What she should have done is hit him with a baseball bat and say "You think I don't know how to play for the other team?".
And when it comes to those cum guzzling, scandalous ass, dick inhaling, anal friendly pussy leasing stretch marked mouthed harlots who want to fuck with a married man- you better thank your lucky stars that it wasn't a black woman who Tiger was married too. I hate racial stereotypes just as much as the next ex KKK member BUT we all know how black girls get down.
If this was a black woman, Shenaysha, Randaqua and Discombombalayniatiarnaqua would have driven by your house by now and shot bullets into your motherfucking window- that's right- they're ghetto and maybe that's what your dirty ass needs to teach you to close your legs to married men.
For those of you who have slept with married men or intend to- here's what I hope DOESN'T happen to you: http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZdRN_QXvm4&feature=related
Fucking whores.
However, this incident was making spirits do all kinds of dips, flips and samurai kicks when I heard about it.
To begin with I'd like to say that violence is not gender specific, a woman beating a man is just as bad as a man beating a woman, although the outcome will always be different its just as bad.
However.
When I heard that Tiger Wood's wife may have gone Glenn Close on his ass for dickdowning some other bitches I just had to applaud and called on the spirit of Pepper Labeija to send me a hiss so wicked that even Neyo would have to step back.
When someone gets married-that person dedicates their entire being and existance to that person, they dedicate their time to that person and share aspects of their soul with that person which may be very hard to.
So when that person betrays you by fucking ANOTHER woman and THEN comes home and eats YOUR cooking and then uses YOUR pussy after he's already had some OTHER pussy I believe this causes for some Celestininity.
Celestininity is the art of making a motherfucker pay for a wrong they have commited by making life as difficult as possible for them http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PmV_vsYgPI
Only when that person is truly sorry must the Celestiniasation of that person end. The art of Celestininity is not to get your ass in trouble whilst getting your revenge, this is why Tiger Woods wife isn't all that smart.
You see, when fucking with a rich dude you must learn that the only mouth that speaks is money- hit that motherfucker where it hurts- his account!
What that hoe should have done is told that cheating scoundrel "Looky here- you done cheated on me- you better find a way to cancel our prenuptial agreement OR I will take the kids and drag your name so low even Cassie will start sucking on it."
From Tiger Woods leaked calls to one of his side pieces it is evident that his pussy stinks more than Precious' on a summers day and so the idea of losing his wife and kids would scare him shitless. He would have no choice but to comply http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8doUht3SEM , fucking bastard.
What she shouldnt have done is beat his car with one of his own clubs because that's just rude. What she should have done is hit him with a baseball bat and say "You think I don't know how to play for the other team?".
And when it comes to those cum guzzling, scandalous ass, dick inhaling, anal friendly pussy leasing stretch marked mouthed harlots who want to fuck with a married man- you better thank your lucky stars that it wasn't a black woman who Tiger was married too. I hate racial stereotypes just as much as the next ex KKK member BUT we all know how black girls get down.
If this was a black woman, Shenaysha, Randaqua and Discombombalayniatiarnaqua would have driven by your house by now and shot bullets into your motherfucking window- that's right- they're ghetto and maybe that's what your dirty ass needs to teach you to close your legs to married men.
For those of you who have slept with married men or intend to- here's what I hope DOESN'T happen to you: http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZdRN_QXvm4&feature=related
Fucking whores.
Thursday 5 November 2009
DEAR MTV
To Whom It May Concern
I am a peaceloving person, I give to charity, I put dollar bills in the collection box, I even let a homeless man eat me out when he told me hadn't had a meal in weeks. As a peaceloving person I believe that we as individuals should spread peace as easily as Alicia Keys spreads her legs.
Mtv- It's important you understand what your name is. Music. You are called Music Television, so like you are meant to be a channel which plays music.
So when two icons decide to put their creative brains together and create something amazing like let's say a music video, you would think that as a channel which calls itself Music Tv would play that video when they said they would.
It's not nice to cheat people, it's not nice to advertise falsely. How would you feel if someone promised you something for weeks and then decided not to give it to you. Huh?
YOUR ASSES BETTER HOPE I DON'T CATCH ONE OF YOUR FUCKING EMPLOYEES COS IF MY CRAZY BLACK ASS DOES I WILL CHARGE MY VIDEO PHONE IN THEIR FUCKING ANUSES YOU FUCKING LIARS. YOU FUCKIN MADE ME TAKE A DAY OFF WORK FOR THIS VIDEO JUST TO TELL ME YOUR FUCKIN ASSES ARE GOING TO AIR IT AT A LATER DATE.
YOU PUT ON THE HILLS ON TIME.
YOU GIVE DULL COUNTRY SINGERS AWARDS THEY DONT DESERVE.
YOU EVEN GIVE BRITNEY GOOD REVIEWS.
YET WHEN TWO ICONS DECIDE TO CREATE AN ICONIC MUSIC VIDEO YOU DECIDE TO TAUNT US AND MAKE US WATCH US SOME DUMASS DATING SHOW INSTEAD.
FUCK YOU MTV.
FUCK YOUR MOTHER.
FUCK YOUR SISTER.
FUCK YOUR GODDAMN NETWORK.
YOU HAVE PISSED OFF THE GAYS!
YOU HAVE PISSED OFF THE STANS!
YOU HAVE PISSED OF TYRA!
WE WILL COME TO YOUR HEADQUARTERS AND HISS AND SNAP AND VOGUE OUR WAYS INTO YOUR BOADROOM AND FORCE YOUR EXECUTIVES TO CHEW ALL 900,000 UNSOLD COPIES OF MISS KELLY- THE FORGOTTEN MEMBER EDITION.
Kind Regards
The Pop Whore
I am a peaceloving person, I give to charity, I put dollar bills in the collection box, I even let a homeless man eat me out when he told me hadn't had a meal in weeks. As a peaceloving person I believe that we as individuals should spread peace as easily as Alicia Keys spreads her legs.
Mtv- It's important you understand what your name is. Music. You are called Music Television, so like you are meant to be a channel which plays music.
So when two icons decide to put their creative brains together and create something amazing like let's say a music video, you would think that as a channel which calls itself Music Tv would play that video when they said they would.
It's not nice to cheat people, it's not nice to advertise falsely. How would you feel if someone promised you something for weeks and then decided not to give it to you. Huh?
YOUR ASSES BETTER HOPE I DON'T CATCH ONE OF YOUR FUCKING EMPLOYEES COS IF MY CRAZY BLACK ASS DOES I WILL CHARGE MY VIDEO PHONE IN THEIR FUCKING ANUSES YOU FUCKING LIARS. YOU FUCKIN MADE ME TAKE A DAY OFF WORK FOR THIS VIDEO JUST TO TELL ME YOUR FUCKIN ASSES ARE GOING TO AIR IT AT A LATER DATE.
YOU PUT ON THE HILLS ON TIME.
YOU GIVE DULL COUNTRY SINGERS AWARDS THEY DONT DESERVE.
YOU EVEN GIVE BRITNEY GOOD REVIEWS.
YET WHEN TWO ICONS DECIDE TO CREATE AN ICONIC MUSIC VIDEO YOU DECIDE TO TAUNT US AND MAKE US WATCH US SOME DUMASS DATING SHOW INSTEAD.
FUCK YOU MTV.
FUCK YOUR MOTHER.
FUCK YOUR SISTER.
FUCK YOUR GODDAMN NETWORK.
YOU HAVE PISSED OFF THE GAYS!
YOU HAVE PISSED OFF THE STANS!
YOU HAVE PISSED OF TYRA!
WE WILL COME TO YOUR HEADQUARTERS AND HISS AND SNAP AND VOGUE OUR WAYS INTO YOUR BOADROOM AND FORCE YOUR EXECUTIVES TO CHEW ALL 900,000 UNSOLD COPIES OF MISS KELLY- THE FORGOTTEN MEMBER EDITION.
Kind Regards
The Pop Whore
Make up your own fucking heading!
I won't waste time with a witty introduction or humorous haha content probably bitten off the Beyonceitis message board, I'll just hop right into this bitch.
As you know I am one of the only people in this world who appreciates how important Miss. Fenty is- in every generation there must be a pop tart who poses, gives us great tracks, has a wicked style and poses some more and her "nemesis" must be an pop artist who innovates, give us legendary tracks, has a wicked style and poses alot.
In the 80s, Madonna was that pop tart and Cyndi Lauper was that pop artist.
In the late 90s, Britney was that pop tart and Beyonce' was that pop artist.
In the noughties, Britney and Rihanna are those pop tarts and Lady Gaga and Sasha Fierce are those pop artists.
Now i'm not throwing shade on Britney or Rihanna- collecting music written by European producers whose names you can't pronounce can't be easy and going on tours where the least interesting aspect of that tour is yourself can't be easy either but for some reason we love them because in everybody's mind lies what I call The Stupido.
Whilst watching awards shows our Stupido works overtime switching itself on and off everytime a new artist gets on stage. For example, here is how the stupido will work on an upcoming award show.
8.20pm- Ciara opens up the show- (ignoro turns on)
8.35 pm- Rihanna takes to the stage to perform Pussy Like This (stupido turns on)
9.00 pm- Janet Jackson performs Michael Jackson tribute.
9.00:32pm- Beyonce' takes to the stage (stupido turns off- orgams turns on)
10pm- Lady Gaga takes to the stage (intrigue turns on)
11.00pm- Kylie Minogue takes to the stage alongside the Madonna tribute act to perform 50 Y.O (stupido turns on.)
Our Stupidos tell us there's nothing wrong with Tyra Banks defending gay people and then has Bow Wow on the show even though he hasn't got a record, cologne or height assisting machine to promote.
Our stupidos tell us that the reason your favourite artist flopped is because of lack of promotion.
Our stupidos tell us there's nothing strange about Mr.Carter signing artists who look like cheaper variations of his wife.
Our stupidos convince us that En Vogue are going to make a comeback.
However our stupidos aren't all that stupid- if they were we would have noticed that although Ciara had a record out this year she was not asked to perform at he VMAS. We use our ignoros when watching Ciara- our minds process a Ciara video or interview and then force our brains to ignore the content of that video or interview.
Yesterday, my stupido stopped working and then i just got pissed off.
Rihanna.
The Wait is Ova.
What we're we waiting for- it's not as if there's a shortage of posing foreign exports releasing songs that 11 year old girls raised on Hannah Montana think is the best thing since African dick.
I always knew Rihanna was a poser but this video took the biscuit, she didnt even bother to pretend as if she can do anything else.
In Take A Bow, she demonstrated hand-eye coordination when she was driving that nice car really really slow trying to get away from that biracial guy who runs in slow motion.
In SOS, we saw her get her Alicia Keys on and spread her legs.
In Run This Town, she even pointed.
But in The Wait is Ova- she just poses and poses and then poses some more and my stupido just didnt know what to do- my stupido only works when some effort is taken to fuel its stupidity but there was none- just posing and pussy touching.
Rihanna's new record will be hot no doubt, especially now that she's gotten so deep, I mean did you see the way she was bobbing her head and pointing at the camera- that shit is deep. However, I'm going to say this: If i was a straight male with a throbbing penis and Rihanna knocked on my door to borrow some sugar- she could get it.
As you know I am one of the only people in this world who appreciates how important Miss. Fenty is- in every generation there must be a pop tart who poses, gives us great tracks, has a wicked style and poses some more and her "nemesis" must be an pop artist who innovates, give us legendary tracks, has a wicked style and poses alot.
In the 80s, Madonna was that pop tart and Cyndi Lauper was that pop artist.
In the late 90s, Britney was that pop tart and Beyonce' was that pop artist.
In the noughties, Britney and Rihanna are those pop tarts and Lady Gaga and Sasha Fierce are those pop artists.
Now i'm not throwing shade on Britney or Rihanna- collecting music written by European producers whose names you can't pronounce can't be easy and going on tours where the least interesting aspect of that tour is yourself can't be easy either but for some reason we love them because in everybody's mind lies what I call The Stupido.
Whilst watching awards shows our Stupido works overtime switching itself on and off everytime a new artist gets on stage. For example, here is how the stupido will work on an upcoming award show.
8.20pm- Ciara opens up the show- (ignoro turns on)
8.35 pm- Rihanna takes to the stage to perform Pussy Like This (stupido turns on)
9.00 pm- Janet Jackson performs Michael Jackson tribute.
9.00:32pm- Beyonce' takes to the stage (stupido turns off- orgams turns on)
10pm- Lady Gaga takes to the stage (intrigue turns on)
11.00pm- Kylie Minogue takes to the stage alongside the Madonna tribute act to perform 50 Y.O (stupido turns on.)
Our Stupidos tell us there's nothing wrong with Tyra Banks defending gay people and then has Bow Wow on the show even though he hasn't got a record, cologne or height assisting machine to promote.
Our stupidos tell us that the reason your favourite artist flopped is because of lack of promotion.
Our stupidos tell us there's nothing strange about Mr.Carter signing artists who look like cheaper variations of his wife.
Our stupidos convince us that En Vogue are going to make a comeback.
However our stupidos aren't all that stupid- if they were we would have noticed that although Ciara had a record out this year she was not asked to perform at he VMAS. We use our ignoros when watching Ciara- our minds process a Ciara video or interview and then force our brains to ignore the content of that video or interview.
Yesterday, my stupido stopped working and then i just got pissed off.
Rihanna.
The Wait is Ova.
What we're we waiting for- it's not as if there's a shortage of posing foreign exports releasing songs that 11 year old girls raised on Hannah Montana think is the best thing since African dick.
I always knew Rihanna was a poser but this video took the biscuit, she didnt even bother to pretend as if she can do anything else.
In Take A Bow, she demonstrated hand-eye coordination when she was driving that nice car really really slow trying to get away from that biracial guy who runs in slow motion.
In SOS, we saw her get her Alicia Keys on and spread her legs.
In Run This Town, she even pointed.
But in The Wait is Ova- she just poses and poses and then poses some more and my stupido just didnt know what to do- my stupido only works when some effort is taken to fuel its stupidity but there was none- just posing and pussy touching.
Rihanna's new record will be hot no doubt, especially now that she's gotten so deep, I mean did you see the way she was bobbing her head and pointing at the camera- that shit is deep. However, I'm going to say this: If i was a straight male with a throbbing penis and Rihanna knocked on my door to borrow some sugar- she could get it.
Tuesday 27 October 2009
I betchu wish this was 1983
I find myself learning new shit everyday.
Yesterday I learnt that if you stab Black Eyed Peas record it will start leaking strawberry scented shit.
The day before I discovered that you can't catch Aids from someone who has died from Aids and the day before that someone sent me this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5g3WpE5eWY
Just look at this fool.
You see how I'm always talking about celebrity delusion- how someone can be as shitty as shit itself yet will live their life acting as though they're that bitch because everyone around them laughs and applauds at what they do.
Bobby ain't got shit to do with this.
Your stylist is the same motherfucker who greased the stairs on the Beyonce' Experience and that "Evian" that Clive gave you wasn't Evian at all- but you can't even blame it this shit on the alcohol.
Your finished.
Instead of coming back you need to be going home.
You have been reduced to a studio singer.
You see what drugs can do a bitch kids.
You see what delusion can do to a hoe.
My mother was so embarrased by you when I showed her the link she clutched her pearls, snatched my laptop and prayed that God would bring Phyliss Hyman back from the dead (God you can ignore that part-thanks)
Imagine my horror when I watched the woman who inspired so many make a total aboffoonery of herself on FOREIGN tv, I mean its one thing to fuck up in your home because then you can enjoy respect elsewhere but like swine flu nobody wants your dirty ass anywhere.
We have to remember that what we were seeing was an image, contrived, packaged and sold to us.
Stars are just like us- they shit like YOU do, they have periods like WE do and even lust for the dick like NEYO does.
This is why you shouldn't look to stars for your answers because they're too busy trying to figure out what they need to figure out.
I am aware that Beyonce' fakes her smiles when asked whether she'll be spitting or swallowing.
I am aware that Lady Gaga sometimes looks in the mirror and wonders what life without make up is like and I am aware that Michael Jackson was a moonwalking, kindergaten stalking bleached pervert.
You need to look within yourselves for the answers and realize that YOU DO NOT KNOW your favourite artists, think about the city you're from and the city that you're favourite artist is from- if that artist wasn't an artist would you even know they existed and EVEN if you are from the same city, do you know EVERYSINGLE person in that city. The sooner we realize that stars are nothing but images being created by experts who think they know what we think we need the sooner we'll stop having debates about Michael Jacksons innocence and whether Rihanna can deepthroat or not.
Bye.
Yesterday I learnt that if you stab Black Eyed Peas record it will start leaking strawberry scented shit.
The day before I discovered that you can't catch Aids from someone who has died from Aids and the day before that someone sent me this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5g3WpE5eWY
Just look at this fool.
You see how I'm always talking about celebrity delusion- how someone can be as shitty as shit itself yet will live their life acting as though they're that bitch because everyone around them laughs and applauds at what they do.
Bobby ain't got shit to do with this.
Your stylist is the same motherfucker who greased the stairs on the Beyonce' Experience and that "Evian" that Clive gave you wasn't Evian at all- but you can't even blame it this shit on the alcohol.
Your finished.
Instead of coming back you need to be going home.
You have been reduced to a studio singer.
You see what drugs can do a bitch kids.
You see what delusion can do to a hoe.
My mother was so embarrased by you when I showed her the link she clutched her pearls, snatched my laptop and prayed that God would bring Phyliss Hyman back from the dead (God you can ignore that part-thanks)
Imagine my horror when I watched the woman who inspired so many make a total aboffoonery of herself on FOREIGN tv, I mean its one thing to fuck up in your home because then you can enjoy respect elsewhere but like swine flu nobody wants your dirty ass anywhere.
We have to remember that what we were seeing was an image, contrived, packaged and sold to us.
Stars are just like us- they shit like YOU do, they have periods like WE do and even lust for the dick like NEYO does.
This is why you shouldn't look to stars for your answers because they're too busy trying to figure out what they need to figure out.
I am aware that Beyonce' fakes her smiles when asked whether she'll be spitting or swallowing.
I am aware that Lady Gaga sometimes looks in the mirror and wonders what life without make up is like and I am aware that Michael Jackson was a moonwalking, kindergaten stalking bleached pervert.
You need to look within yourselves for the answers and realize that YOU DO NOT KNOW your favourite artists, think about the city you're from and the city that you're favourite artist is from- if that artist wasn't an artist would you even know they existed and EVEN if you are from the same city, do you know EVERYSINGLE person in that city. The sooner we realize that stars are nothing but images being created by experts who think they know what we think we need the sooner we'll stop having debates about Michael Jacksons innocence and whether Rihanna can deepthroat or not.
Bye.
Saturday 10 October 2009
I Am A Woman In Love
So its happened.
My unsuspecting ass never thought I'd see the day.
The dramatic guinea pig had to quit acting class.
Semenya had to stop shaving.
Ike J-setted in his grave.
I wish I could say I was suprised by this all.
I wish I could say haha, but I can't but it seems as though I have another flop to kick.
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tESSkDz9uio
You see, when an artist is surrounded by people who continuously tell that artist that their shit is made of gold that artist will make decisions which are based on delusion rather than common sense. It's why Kelly Rowland still thinks lack of promotion is the reason for her commercial short comings and it's the reason Alicia Keys still thinks anybody is convinced by anything she does.
When an artist has a bad patch in their career and comes back succesfully, that artist may feel the need to milk the moment just in case it doesn't last. Because it doesn't last.
Memoirs Of An Imperfect Vocalist.
Memoirs of An Imperfect Icon.
Memoirs of an Imperfect Delusionist.
When you have lower first week sales than Janet Jackson you know your boat is sinking harder than Titanic with Sean Kingston on board.
Mariah fans have indeed had enough- and I've been saying that for years- when someone grows up on Vision Of Love and is then forced to accept Obsessed the immediate reaction of anybody with a head is to reject it and so they have.
Mariah has succesfully cheapened herself by having Twitter, marrying a D-Lister and creating diss tracks.
When a celebrity is mysterious and silent about certain things it creates a mystery around the artist and so the fans purchase whatever that artist puts out so they can feel as though they own a part of that artist- it's why Britney is still selling out shows.
It's why Rihanna is so sensual and so exotic.
It's why we watch Jay Z interviews, Jay Z was rapping since before I was born yet I had no interest in him until he started jizzing on Sasha's face- when we watched him on Oprah we were hoping he'd say the things Beyonce' wouldn't and the feeling the obsession we have with celebrity privacy fuels our respect for them.
When we know too much- when we know you had quasedillas for breakfast and that you and Kimora are downloading African porn whilst breastfeeding your foreign exports all the mystery your publicists spent years creating is thrown out of the window.
This is why we see nothing wrong with watching Michael Jackson interviews when we know all he ever did was lie, we knew he wasn't straight but we convinced ourselves that he was because if we denied ourselves that image of him spooning that white lady we'd have nothing else to base our love of his private life on.
Mariah dear- it's over.
Your acting career isnt going to kick off just because you got a role which doesnt require facial expression or physical movement. You are only edible in that role because you speak really really really slow meaning that every word you say is given the chance to breathe, a good actress can stammer, scream, yell and fart whilst giving a monologue
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7sIkj4nuh8
Mariah will never be able to use her name to sell anything and so now she will require flawless live shows just like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlHyN1eJgTI
My unsuspecting ass never thought I'd see the day.
The dramatic guinea pig had to quit acting class.
Semenya had to stop shaving.
Ike J-setted in his grave.
I wish I could say I was suprised by this all.
I wish I could say haha, but I can't but it seems as though I have another flop to kick.
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tESSkDz9uio
You see, when an artist is surrounded by people who continuously tell that artist that their shit is made of gold that artist will make decisions which are based on delusion rather than common sense. It's why Kelly Rowland still thinks lack of promotion is the reason for her commercial short comings and it's the reason Alicia Keys still thinks anybody is convinced by anything she does.
When an artist has a bad patch in their career and comes back succesfully, that artist may feel the need to milk the moment just in case it doesn't last. Because it doesn't last.
Memoirs Of An Imperfect Vocalist.
Memoirs of An Imperfect Icon.
Memoirs of an Imperfect Delusionist.
When you have lower first week sales than Janet Jackson you know your boat is sinking harder than Titanic with Sean Kingston on board.
Mariah fans have indeed had enough- and I've been saying that for years- when someone grows up on Vision Of Love and is then forced to accept Obsessed the immediate reaction of anybody with a head is to reject it and so they have.
Mariah has succesfully cheapened herself by having Twitter, marrying a D-Lister and creating diss tracks.
When a celebrity is mysterious and silent about certain things it creates a mystery around the artist and so the fans purchase whatever that artist puts out so they can feel as though they own a part of that artist- it's why Britney is still selling out shows.
It's why Rihanna is so sensual and so exotic.
It's why we watch Jay Z interviews, Jay Z was rapping since before I was born yet I had no interest in him until he started jizzing on Sasha's face- when we watched him on Oprah we were hoping he'd say the things Beyonce' wouldn't and the feeling the obsession we have with celebrity privacy fuels our respect for them.
When we know too much- when we know you had quasedillas for breakfast and that you and Kimora are downloading African porn whilst breastfeeding your foreign exports all the mystery your publicists spent years creating is thrown out of the window.
This is why we see nothing wrong with watching Michael Jackson interviews when we know all he ever did was lie, we knew he wasn't straight but we convinced ourselves that he was because if we denied ourselves that image of him spooning that white lady we'd have nothing else to base our love of his private life on.
Mariah dear- it's over.
Your acting career isnt going to kick off just because you got a role which doesnt require facial expression or physical movement. You are only edible in that role because you speak really really really slow meaning that every word you say is given the chance to breathe, a good actress can stammer, scream, yell and fart whilst giving a monologue
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7sIkj4nuh8
Mariah will never be able to use her name to sell anything and so now she will require flawless live shows just like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlHyN1eJgTI
Monday 5 October 2009
That baby should jus' go head and abort itself
Ive been told by my pimp that I beat around the bush so Im just going to hop right in on it like my name is motherfucking Tigger-however instead of TTFN I will say TTTS (Time To Throw Shade.)
If MTO are correct (lawfagivemefareferencingthosehoes) and Mathew is indeed the father of a child which is to be conceived by some bafoon- I want to everyone to know that as long as Beyonce' uses Ciara's album booklet as a period pad Mathew and the supposed mother will NEVER find peace.
That baby might as well take its umbilical cord and hang itself if it is Mathews because we Sasha Fierce Representatives will NEVER accept a Knowles unless it is made up of the spicy womb of Celestine and the ATM dick of Mathew.
If all this is true- Juelz will have an uncle younger than him
Juelz dont play that.
Juelz dont even respect the niggers that work the rides at the fair- you think hes going to accept some illegit?
And to the trollope herself- so I guess you thought you were going to conceive the secomd Beyonce'- BY GOD I hope you conceive a 45th Gary Coleman.
And Celestine- for your sake I hope this isnt true- I am part Haitain myself and I know how much vengeance potions cost too make, if Mathew did indeed dick down that whore then I want you to know that I will create an entire blog documenting your life as a single gal about town and your endevours with men much younger than yourself.
I'll call it:
Celes-Teen.
If MTO are correct (lawfagivemefareferencingthosehoes) and Mathew is indeed the father of a child which is to be conceived by some bafoon- I want to everyone to know that as long as Beyonce' uses Ciara's album booklet as a period pad Mathew and the supposed mother will NEVER find peace.
That baby might as well take its umbilical cord and hang itself if it is Mathews because we Sasha Fierce Representatives will NEVER accept a Knowles unless it is made up of the spicy womb of Celestine and the ATM dick of Mathew.
If all this is true- Juelz will have an uncle younger than him
Juelz dont play that.
Juelz dont even respect the niggers that work the rides at the fair- you think hes going to accept some illegit?
And to the trollope herself- so I guess you thought you were going to conceive the secomd Beyonce'- BY GOD I hope you conceive a 45th Gary Coleman.
And Celestine- for your sake I hope this isnt true- I am part Haitain myself and I know how much vengeance potions cost too make, if Mathew did indeed dick down that whore then I want you to know that I will create an entire blog documenting your life as a single gal about town and your endevours with men much younger than yourself.
I'll call it:
Celes-Teen.
Friday 18 September 2009
Stupid Shit Part Trois
If your face looks as though it is an eight sided shape, you should have stayed home.
If you look like Bow Wow after getting the hook up at Hotel Sew-Wanda, you should have stayed home.
And if you look as though you got your outfit from the 69 cence store, you should have stayed on twitter.
I didnt blog about this straight away because I didn't know how, I was so shocked, and as I get older I've noticed that like Beyonce' when I'm shocked I really dont know how to act and do this weird thing where it looks like my mouth is attacking my cheeks.
What posessed that munchkin to jump on stage with art personified (Jay Z) and Homewrecker Director (Alicia) is beyond me. Where the fuck was Julius? Where the fuck was any security, what if it had been Mashonda who ran up on the stage and smashed her son's glass baby bottle across Alicia's pretty little biracial head.
These kids ain't go no respect.
"I was fillin da moment ya-no cos dis i new yawk- im fram new yawk and so like i was fillin da moment and had to get on da stage."
You octagon faced fool.
You short and stupid whore.
You flop.
The last thing you released was a Direct Message and you think you have the right to jump on stage with legends.
The worst thing was that Jay actually tried his best to push her off by first tapping her and then getting real close to Alicia (back the fuck up) to show the audience that the only two people that should have been on that stage where he and Alicia.
If it had been Rihanna- I would have been like oh hell to the motherfucking yeah- if it had been Beyonce' I would have jizzed in my pants- if it had been Blu Cantrell I would have drawn for my shank.
To me- Lil Mama's actions only prove how even the most unsuccesful of "artists" can be delusional.
Delusion tells you that wearing some cheap ass pink loin cloth as a top is normal. Stupid whore.
Delusion tells you that anybody who thinks what you did was stupid is "hater."
Nobody has time to hate you because there is nothing to hate with your unsuccesful ass. Stupid whore.
Aren't you worried you haven't released a record since 2007- aren't you concerned that your face looks like it could break the ice.
Whore.
If you look like Bow Wow after getting the hook up at Hotel Sew-Wanda, you should have stayed home.
And if you look as though you got your outfit from the 69 cence store, you should have stayed on twitter.
I didnt blog about this straight away because I didn't know how, I was so shocked, and as I get older I've noticed that like Beyonce' when I'm shocked I really dont know how to act and do this weird thing where it looks like my mouth is attacking my cheeks.
What posessed that munchkin to jump on stage with art personified (Jay Z) and Homewrecker Director (Alicia) is beyond me. Where the fuck was Julius? Where the fuck was any security, what if it had been Mashonda who ran up on the stage and smashed her son's glass baby bottle across Alicia's pretty little biracial head.
These kids ain't go no respect.
"I was fillin da moment ya-no cos dis i new yawk- im fram new yawk and so like i was fillin da moment and had to get on da stage."
You octagon faced fool.
You short and stupid whore.
You flop.
The last thing you released was a Direct Message and you think you have the right to jump on stage with legends.
The worst thing was that Jay actually tried his best to push her off by first tapping her and then getting real close to Alicia (back the fuck up) to show the audience that the only two people that should have been on that stage where he and Alicia.
If it had been Rihanna- I would have been like oh hell to the motherfucking yeah- if it had been Beyonce' I would have jizzed in my pants- if it had been Blu Cantrell I would have drawn for my shank.
To me- Lil Mama's actions only prove how even the most unsuccesful of "artists" can be delusional.
Delusion tells you that wearing some cheap ass pink loin cloth as a top is normal. Stupid whore.
Delusion tells you that anybody who thinks what you did was stupid is "hater."
Nobody has time to hate you because there is nothing to hate with your unsuccesful ass. Stupid whore.
Aren't you worried you haven't released a record since 2007- aren't you concerned that your face looks like it could break the ice.
Whore.
Monday 14 September 2009
Team Taylor
"And the award goes to...."
Celestine pops open the champagne, Mathew writes Nava a cheque, Juelz starts Jerking out, Mary J hands in her notice.
"Taylor Swift."
I'm actually not suprised that Taylor Swift beat Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Pink to the award after all Taylor is the best performer out of all of them, she is the most talented and innovative and to be honest- i think that Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Pink are simply carbon copies of the bright eyed blonde haired formula that labels have been manufacturing since they saw how it worked for Britney.
What does Kanye know about music videos anyway? How DARE he claim Single Ladies was one of the best videos of all time- didn't he see Taylor's video, didn't he see the care, thought and attention given to Taylor's splendiferous vocals and performance.
Taylor you did indeed deserve that award over Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Pink and Katy Perry. Kanye's just jealous because he wishes he was a blonde haired country music singing mechanical dummy like you are- Beyonce' is just another untalented bitch who hates you for being more talented than she is.
Thankyou MTV for showing those dumb Beyonce' fans that just because a woman spends a decade tearing up stages, singing live and putting on a show doesnt mean she deserves to win anything.
Thankyou very much to Kanye West who totally made a fool of himself by claiming Single Ladies deserved to win the award for Best Female Video.
Can't wait to see Britney perform next year!!!!
Celestine pops open the champagne, Mathew writes Nava a cheque, Juelz starts Jerking out, Mary J hands in her notice.
"Taylor Swift."
I'm actually not suprised that Taylor Swift beat Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Pink to the award after all Taylor is the best performer out of all of them, she is the most talented and innovative and to be honest- i think that Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Pink are simply carbon copies of the bright eyed blonde haired formula that labels have been manufacturing since they saw how it worked for Britney.
What does Kanye know about music videos anyway? How DARE he claim Single Ladies was one of the best videos of all time- didn't he see Taylor's video, didn't he see the care, thought and attention given to Taylor's splendiferous vocals and performance.
Taylor you did indeed deserve that award over Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Pink and Katy Perry. Kanye's just jealous because he wishes he was a blonde haired country music singing mechanical dummy like you are- Beyonce' is just another untalented bitch who hates you for being more talented than she is.
Thankyou MTV for showing those dumb Beyonce' fans that just because a woman spends a decade tearing up stages, singing live and putting on a show doesnt mean she deserves to win anything.
Thankyou very much to Kanye West who totally made a fool of himself by claiming Single Ladies deserved to win the award for Best Female Video.
Can't wait to see Britney perform next year!!!!
Saturday 12 September 2009
Sigh
Irrelevance.
Just because the livest audience anywhere scream when you make an appearance on 106 and Park does not mean you are relevant to anything.
Just because you get 100 followers a day on Twitter doesn't mean you are relevant to anything.
And just because the people you role with have been able to convince you that Neyo hasn't taken your seat on the R'n'b Thug train does mean you are relevant to anything.
Getting fucked in the mouth by a geri curled oompaloompa can fuck with a niggers head, I don't blame you trying to come at me on twitter Marques- I mean i'd be mad too if my last few records sold less units than Semenya could sell cosmetics.
I'm sure that you're a great person but if you really can't see that you are indeed irrelevant then it just proves how delusional even F-Listers like you can be. To put things into perspective for you I've put together a game.
Beyonce
Rihanna
Jay Z
Neyo
Lady Gaga
Madonna
Lil Wayne
J.Boog
Brandy
Mariah
Kelly Rowland
50 Cent
Kanye West
Bow Wow
Omarion
Britney Spears
Whitney Houston
Marques Houston
I'd like you to arrange all of these artists in order of relevance with the most relevant being at the top and the least relevant right at the bottom. If you're not too busy washing Chris' cum off your tongue- Id appreciate it if you could DM your list via Twitter.
Thankyou.
Just because the livest audience anywhere scream when you make an appearance on 106 and Park does not mean you are relevant to anything.
Just because you get 100 followers a day on Twitter doesn't mean you are relevant to anything.
And just because the people you role with have been able to convince you that Neyo hasn't taken your seat on the R'n'b Thug train does mean you are relevant to anything.
Getting fucked in the mouth by a geri curled oompaloompa can fuck with a niggers head, I don't blame you trying to come at me on twitter Marques- I mean i'd be mad too if my last few records sold less units than Semenya could sell cosmetics.
I'm sure that you're a great person but if you really can't see that you are indeed irrelevant then it just proves how delusional even F-Listers like you can be. To put things into perspective for you I've put together a game.
Beyonce
Rihanna
Jay Z
Neyo
Lady Gaga
Madonna
Lil Wayne
J.Boog
Brandy
Mariah
Kelly Rowland
50 Cent
Kanye West
Bow Wow
Omarion
Britney Spears
Whitney Houston
Marques Houston
I'd like you to arrange all of these artists in order of relevance with the most relevant being at the top and the least relevant right at the bottom. If you're not too busy washing Chris' cum off your tongue- Id appreciate it if you could DM your list via Twitter.
Thankyou.
Monday 7 September 2009
Oprah come get this ba'y
"Do you remember beating up Rihanna?"
"Erm- like I never been vah-lent before- y'nawaddamean."
"How do you feel when you see that picture of her?".
"Like i wasn't sure if it was altered- it was like ...wow."
I would say dumb nigger but I spend all my time trying to prove to people how stupid it is for black people to call each other nigger's and then turn around and say how much they are against slavery but in this case i'm going to have to let Uncle Tom out. Dumb Nigger.
Dumb niggers can't tell when they are being patronized.
Dumb niggers bring their lawyers onto Larry King because they can't answer questions about shit that THEY did.
Dumb niggers find a way to incorporate 90210 into their vocab when discussing domestic abuse, "It was like...wow."
Yes it was like wow when you thumped, jumped and discombumbed Rihanna and her covergirl face and though there is no excuse for a man or boy to hit a woman, there is no denying the fact that when a bitch signs up to fuck with a dumb nigger that is what she is asking for.
His speech or lack of it would be enough to put any intelligent woman off, either his tongue is too big for his mouth or they didn't teach grammar in his school because that dumb nigger couldn't put a sentence together even if the words were dipped in glue.
His mother is another joke shedding her crocodile tears and talking about how she has no idea where he got the urge to beat, bite, kick and punch women from. Take a look in the family portrait you dumb bitch- it's clear to see that he was taking notes from that woman beater you once called a boyfriend. Dumb nigger.
And Chris is not the only person at fault here. All those celebrities who could have said something but didn't are just as bad as he is.
Beyonce- sitting, smiling and nodding on Larry King when asked about it just isn't good enough. You are THE MOST POWERFUL Icon of our time and there are a lot of dumb kids out there who don't have older brothers and sisters to preach the importance of being anti-domestic abuse that need Powerful Icons like you to enforce how wrong it is to be violent. If you're always talking about female empowerement what would have been more empowering for women if they saw Beyonce' openly supporting and defending her husband's employee.
Rihanna was hiyaahhed, kazaamed, and rastalombombarded and nobody- not even someone as intelligent or as outspoken as Alicia Keys said anything to speak out against the sickening nature of her attack. When I think of how frightening it must have been for Rihanna to be under those merciless sucker punches it makes me cry, she must have thought she was auditioning for What's Love Got To Do With It Part Deux.
This only proves my point about the importance of having constant discussions with younger members of your family to enforce a sense of self confidence into them so that they 1.stay away from dumb niggers and 2. they react in a responsible way if they are K.O'd by a dumb nigger.
It is not the job of dumb niggers in the mainstream to raise our kids but in a society where contrived images seep through the most unsuspecting mediums it is important to remind our children of what is right and what is wrong just in case the people we expec to speak out against what is wrong are too afraid to.
"Erm- like I never been vah-lent before- y'nawaddamean."
"How do you feel when you see that picture of her?".
"Like i wasn't sure if it was altered- it was like ...wow."
I would say dumb nigger but I spend all my time trying to prove to people how stupid it is for black people to call each other nigger's and then turn around and say how much they are against slavery but in this case i'm going to have to let Uncle Tom out. Dumb Nigger.
Dumb niggers can't tell when they are being patronized.
Dumb niggers bring their lawyers onto Larry King because they can't answer questions about shit that THEY did.
Dumb niggers find a way to incorporate 90210 into their vocab when discussing domestic abuse, "It was like...wow."
Yes it was like wow when you thumped, jumped and discombumbed Rihanna and her covergirl face and though there is no excuse for a man or boy to hit a woman, there is no denying the fact that when a bitch signs up to fuck with a dumb nigger that is what she is asking for.
His speech or lack of it would be enough to put any intelligent woman off, either his tongue is too big for his mouth or they didn't teach grammar in his school because that dumb nigger couldn't put a sentence together even if the words were dipped in glue.
His mother is another joke shedding her crocodile tears and talking about how she has no idea where he got the urge to beat, bite, kick and punch women from. Take a look in the family portrait you dumb bitch- it's clear to see that he was taking notes from that woman beater you once called a boyfriend. Dumb nigger.
And Chris is not the only person at fault here. All those celebrities who could have said something but didn't are just as bad as he is.
Beyonce- sitting, smiling and nodding on Larry King when asked about it just isn't good enough. You are THE MOST POWERFUL Icon of our time and there are a lot of dumb kids out there who don't have older brothers and sisters to preach the importance of being anti-domestic abuse that need Powerful Icons like you to enforce how wrong it is to be violent. If you're always talking about female empowerement what would have been more empowering for women if they saw Beyonce' openly supporting and defending her husband's employee.
Rihanna was hiyaahhed, kazaamed, and rastalombombarded and nobody- not even someone as intelligent or as outspoken as Alicia Keys said anything to speak out against the sickening nature of her attack. When I think of how frightening it must have been for Rihanna to be under those merciless sucker punches it makes me cry, she must have thought she was auditioning for What's Love Got To Do With It Part Deux.
This only proves my point about the importance of having constant discussions with younger members of your family to enforce a sense of self confidence into them so that they 1.stay away from dumb niggers and 2. they react in a responsible way if they are K.O'd by a dumb nigger.
It is not the job of dumb niggers in the mainstream to raise our kids but in a society where contrived images seep through the most unsuspecting mediums it is important to remind our children of what is right and what is wrong just in case the people we expec to speak out against what is wrong are too afraid to.
Thursday 3 September 2009
Where my money at Micky?
After working her way through a KingSized Box of Kleenex's on E! Mrs. Aguilera decided to hop up on the PopWhore's satirical lap and have a one to one on love, sex and marriage.
PW: So the last time you were number 1 was when you were helping Mya and Pink spread some Lady Marmalade all over your toast, what have you achieved since then?
Baby Jane: I got married and had a son.
PW: So you basically got fucked, that's all you really did. Anyways- so what are your thoughts on Britney's current state in the industry.
BJ: It's no suprise, those fuckers were stupid when I came out and stupid now- only stupid people would pay to see someone drag their camel toe around stage lip synching repetitive and stupid lyrics, so fuck Britney- that's how I feel about that slut.
PW: I agree.
BJ: You do?
PW: Oh yes, she is indeed the original Pop Culture whore, Pop Culture uses her as a poster child for anything it wants to, success or a melt down, beauty and then ugliness. Pop Culture fucked Britney so hard that she still hasn't caught her breath which is why singing live is virtually impossible for her to do and since she is sucking Pop Culture's dick Pop Culture sees no problem with discriminating against artists who actually do their job in favour of Britney who hasn't actually promoted a record since her toxic was running under.
BJ: And what am I?
PW: You're the whore that isn't actually a whore because nobody ever comes to you for shit, Pop Culture never wanted you but you forced your way and have been forced to accept the fact that you will always be the last resort, for example-the only time an award show organiser would call you to perform in 2005 was if Beyonce' is too pretending to be impressed by the artists that her husband keeps signing and Britney was too busy figuring out how holding notes worked.
Today- the only time an award show organiser would call you up is if Beyonce' is too busy draining millions out of her disciples on tour and if Britney was too busy trying to figure out how holding notes worked and if Rihanna was too busy thinking about what to wear to that award show and if Lady Gaga was too busy writing a thesis on Pop Culture Pussy to perform on the show.
BJ: How dare you?! I'm a fucking legend, I've been around for more than a decade, everyone knows my name and everyone is scared of me.
PW: Like HIV. You don't automatically become an Icon or a living legend the second the tenth anniversary of your first number 1 comes around, turning into an Icon means you are iconic of the time your art exists in.
Per example, even if the only video Michael Jackson ever released was Smooth Criminal, he would still be an icon because that video symbolised every single aspect of his creative genius which then became iconic of the time that he existed in, in the same way Lady Gaga is iconic because of her domination and her succesful exposure of Avant-Garde High Brow Pop Music.
Beyonce' is an Icon because she leads and revolutionises the way in which we as consumers view Contemporary Pop Music and performance style. Like Janet Jackson you will never be/are no longer an Icon because you stopped/never were iconic of your time. Like Janet Jackson your foolish pride is the reason you can't announce a new release without being heckled at.
Janet is no longer an Icon because she was only an Icon because her music meant something, when it stopped meaning shit so did she and her fans alongside mainstream media abandoned her. Because Janet Jackson hasn't got any notable talent such a good singing voice, it became impossible for her to do anything about her being blacklisted because the only thing she was good for was dancing and since nobody was giving her stages to dance on- she simply became an expiring has been artist who we really should have ignored the second the new millenium arrived.
You on the other hand can sing, but so can a lot of artists, you've never gone on a tour which people foam at the mouth about, you've never released an MTV video (see definition at end of post), you've never even given a performance which your fans can reference when in an argument with over zealous Mariah fans. You're just a joke.
BJ: I don't give a fuck what you say- and those other artists you mentioned like Lady Gaga can go eat a pussy- i don't even know who that is.
PW: When you said that around this time last year you cemented the idea in everyone's minds that you will never be recognised as an Icon. The largest consumers of popular music are teenagers, if it was OAPS it would be your grandmother and not Rihanna on the cover of Rolling Stone. When you say that you don't know who an artist who is extremely popular with teenagers is all you are doing is confirming that you are out of touch with everything which then makes you unattractive and then means that your fan base will simply age without being rejuvanted by a injection of younger fans. You bit Lady Gaga's style because when she first came out in the US The Fame was a commercial failure and so you and your team of overweight stylists thought that Lady Gaga would simply remain an underground artist who you could rip and tear off when you felt like it, little did you know that an international audience would propel Lady Gaga into US Pop Culture which resulted in higher sales and bigger singles which flaunted off her individual style which then made it apparent that your dusty was indeed a swagger thief.
BJ: I'm gonna go, I've got studio time to waste.
PW: I hope you learn't something from today.
BJ: Go suck on a spiced foreskin.
MTV Video: Single Video or series of Videos released by an artist or band which are of a memorable and iconic nature worthy of MTV respect as MTV is the official home of all music videos (www.youtube.com being the younger, sexier, cheaper alternative.)
Example:
"That new U2 Video is such an MTV Video."
"I'm kinda mad that Lady Gaga's Paparazzi got leaked on the internet- that video is such a MTV Video it deserved its own premiere."
PW: So the last time you were number 1 was when you were helping Mya and Pink spread some Lady Marmalade all over your toast, what have you achieved since then?
Baby Jane: I got married and had a son.
PW: So you basically got fucked, that's all you really did. Anyways- so what are your thoughts on Britney's current state in the industry.
BJ: It's no suprise, those fuckers were stupid when I came out and stupid now- only stupid people would pay to see someone drag their camel toe around stage lip synching repetitive and stupid lyrics, so fuck Britney- that's how I feel about that slut.
PW: I agree.
BJ: You do?
PW: Oh yes, she is indeed the original Pop Culture whore, Pop Culture uses her as a poster child for anything it wants to, success or a melt down, beauty and then ugliness. Pop Culture fucked Britney so hard that she still hasn't caught her breath which is why singing live is virtually impossible for her to do and since she is sucking Pop Culture's dick Pop Culture sees no problem with discriminating against artists who actually do their job in favour of Britney who hasn't actually promoted a record since her toxic was running under.
BJ: And what am I?
PW: You're the whore that isn't actually a whore because nobody ever comes to you for shit, Pop Culture never wanted you but you forced your way and have been forced to accept the fact that you will always be the last resort, for example-the only time an award show organiser would call you to perform in 2005 was if Beyonce' is too pretending to be impressed by the artists that her husband keeps signing and Britney was too busy figuring out how holding notes worked.
Today- the only time an award show organiser would call you up is if Beyonce' is too busy draining millions out of her disciples on tour and if Britney was too busy trying to figure out how holding notes worked and if Rihanna was too busy thinking about what to wear to that award show and if Lady Gaga was too busy writing a thesis on Pop Culture Pussy to perform on the show.
BJ: How dare you?! I'm a fucking legend, I've been around for more than a decade, everyone knows my name and everyone is scared of me.
PW: Like HIV. You don't automatically become an Icon or a living legend the second the tenth anniversary of your first number 1 comes around, turning into an Icon means you are iconic of the time your art exists in.
Per example, even if the only video Michael Jackson ever released was Smooth Criminal, he would still be an icon because that video symbolised every single aspect of his creative genius which then became iconic of the time that he existed in, in the same way Lady Gaga is iconic because of her domination and her succesful exposure of Avant-Garde High Brow Pop Music.
Beyonce' is an Icon because she leads and revolutionises the way in which we as consumers view Contemporary Pop Music and performance style. Like Janet Jackson you will never be/are no longer an Icon because you stopped/never were iconic of your time. Like Janet Jackson your foolish pride is the reason you can't announce a new release without being heckled at.
Janet is no longer an Icon because she was only an Icon because her music meant something, when it stopped meaning shit so did she and her fans alongside mainstream media abandoned her. Because Janet Jackson hasn't got any notable talent such a good singing voice, it became impossible for her to do anything about her being blacklisted because the only thing she was good for was dancing and since nobody was giving her stages to dance on- she simply became an expiring has been artist who we really should have ignored the second the new millenium arrived.
You on the other hand can sing, but so can a lot of artists, you've never gone on a tour which people foam at the mouth about, you've never released an MTV video (see definition at end of post), you've never even given a performance which your fans can reference when in an argument with over zealous Mariah fans. You're just a joke.
BJ: I don't give a fuck what you say- and those other artists you mentioned like Lady Gaga can go eat a pussy- i don't even know who that is.
PW: When you said that around this time last year you cemented the idea in everyone's minds that you will never be recognised as an Icon. The largest consumers of popular music are teenagers, if it was OAPS it would be your grandmother and not Rihanna on the cover of Rolling Stone. When you say that you don't know who an artist who is extremely popular with teenagers is all you are doing is confirming that you are out of touch with everything which then makes you unattractive and then means that your fan base will simply age without being rejuvanted by a injection of younger fans. You bit Lady Gaga's style because when she first came out in the US The Fame was a commercial failure and so you and your team of overweight stylists thought that Lady Gaga would simply remain an underground artist who you could rip and tear off when you felt like it, little did you know that an international audience would propel Lady Gaga into US Pop Culture which resulted in higher sales and bigger singles which flaunted off her individual style which then made it apparent that your dusty was indeed a swagger thief.
BJ: I'm gonna go, I've got studio time to waste.
PW: I hope you learn't something from today.
BJ: Go suck on a spiced foreskin.
MTV Video: Single Video or series of Videos released by an artist or band which are of a memorable and iconic nature worthy of MTV respect as MTV is the official home of all music videos (www.youtube.com being the younger, sexier, cheaper alternative.)
Example:
"That new U2 Video is such an MTV Video."
"I'm kinda mad that Lady Gaga's Paparazzi got leaked on the internet- that video is such a MTV Video it deserved its own premiere."
Tuesday 1 September 2009
Can we black it up please?
Tyra Banks.
Model.
Mogul.
Good Samaritan.
Owner of a shoulder to cry on.
President of The Knowles De La Familia Fan Club.
Condescending double standard promoting bitch.
I love me some Tyra Banks, I really do- in fact Tyra Banks is one of the most important figures in the world because she shows that not all black women look and act the same and that for every ghetto finger pointing hoodrat competing for "love" on VH1 there is a proffesional well spoken lady proving that black is a shade not a lifestyle.
But I can't help but be mad at Tyra, I wish I could leave Tyra's pussy to be great, but I can't because then I'd be a hypocrite, I mock everyone else for promoting double standards and then try and turn a blind eye to Tyra who is guilty of most double standards.
Like Beyonce, Tyra often plays a game where she will "street it up" when she needs to appear down with the kids and appear to be more "stereotypically black." It's why Beyonce' will intentionally incorporate slang words into her vocab when appearing on 106&Park and its why Tyra Banks said "Kiss my fat BLACK ass."
What has you being black got to do with you not being able to control your weight?
Tyra Banks said "BLACK ass" because she was playing the race card, what she was actually saying was, "If you laugh at me because I look like a beached lace fronted whale you're actually laughing at black people because most of my fellow black mamas have curves, right?".
No Tyra- you only said black because it was the pussy way out.
You being black has got nothing to do with you putting on weight and I'm so fucking tired of black women being perceived as the "mamas".
That racial stereotype of the black woman being a"mama" comes from when the most maternal black women would be in charge of raising the white chi'ren on the mas'ers plantation, now it is exploited so all big black women in film and tv have to be maternal, warm, loving and smiling, "come here cha- mama's here now cha."
Tyra Banks also puts on her "mama" act when on ANTM, she is given the authority to yell and embarass girls because "when my mama shouts at me like this it's because she cares." Shut the fuck up- you were mad at Tiffany because she didn't cry when YOU kicked her off the show and since you get kicks out of watching other people cry it pissed you off that she didn't.
Tyra Banks for some reason is under the impression that she also has the right to act the mediator in situations that do not involve her, like when she had the bitches from Bad Girls Club on the show.
She has succesfully manipulated various racial stereotypes to present herself a scolding/loving mama when all she actually does is embarass them when they do not react in the way that she wants them to.
She is also guilty of double standards when she joked and laughed with Ray J about the sex tape even though he admitted that it was HIS idea but then gave Kim Kardashian a hard time about the same tape.
Aren't you always talking about female empowerment?
Vrai or Faux?
Tyra Banks did not realize that she was saying "its ok for a guy but not for a girl" when she grilled Kim about why and how she did the sex tape but then discussed penis sizes with Ray J.
Like I always say, if Tyra Banks is REALLY concerned with loose women why doesn't she get Alicia Keys on the show.
When it comes to Beyonce', her "mama" antics came to a head when she only decided to mention that her father had to be escorted to school when he was younger due to racism when she needed a reason to support Obama in the election. Although I'm sure Beyonce' cared very deeply about Obama's cause, she was not able to give a clear reason as to why she was supporting Obama.
"He's so intelligent" doesn't mean shit.
Hitler was intelligent.
Saddam Hussein was intelligent.
George Bush is int-
Mariah is another perpetrator, only announcing that her daddy was chacklet when it was deemed as being cool to be black with emergence of Boyz 2 Men and Aaliyah.
Now I am very aware of the importance of women like Beyonce' and Tyra Banks in pop culture as they prove alongside Naomi and Oprah that not all women of color come from the same background or have the same views or even share the same culture, but it is very annoying when negative racial stereotypes are used to enhance or "sweeten" their own personal image.
You may accuse me of black female bashing, but I think black people as a culture have come far enough without us all having to constantly compliment each other just in case mainstream media forgets to.
Yes Beyonce' is THE BEST FEMALE ENTERTAINER OF ALL TIME.
And Yes Tyra Banks existance is crucial to the image of black women in pop culture but until we stop expecting every single black women we see to be the comforting sweet mama or the ghetto uneducated slut we will forever be stuck in boxes.
When it comes to BET, they are a joke.
"This song is too pop".
To suggest that a song is "too pop" for BET only promotes the idea that the only genre of music black artists should be doing is "R'n'b," when we know for a fact that the majority of these "r'n'b" stars haven't released an "r'n'b" single a day in their fabricated careers. How would BET feel if MTV decided that Keisha Cole was too "r'n'b" for them, there would be an uproar.
Although there was once a time where being black worked to ones disavdantage, it seems as though people are exploiting their "blackness" to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
Model.
Mogul.
Good Samaritan.
Owner of a shoulder to cry on.
President of The Knowles De La Familia Fan Club.
Condescending double standard promoting bitch.
I love me some Tyra Banks, I really do- in fact Tyra Banks is one of the most important figures in the world because she shows that not all black women look and act the same and that for every ghetto finger pointing hoodrat competing for "love" on VH1 there is a proffesional well spoken lady proving that black is a shade not a lifestyle.
But I can't help but be mad at Tyra, I wish I could leave Tyra's pussy to be great, but I can't because then I'd be a hypocrite, I mock everyone else for promoting double standards and then try and turn a blind eye to Tyra who is guilty of most double standards.
Like Beyonce, Tyra often plays a game where she will "street it up" when she needs to appear down with the kids and appear to be more "stereotypically black." It's why Beyonce' will intentionally incorporate slang words into her vocab when appearing on 106&Park and its why Tyra Banks said "Kiss my fat BLACK ass."
What has you being black got to do with you not being able to control your weight?
Tyra Banks said "BLACK ass" because she was playing the race card, what she was actually saying was, "If you laugh at me because I look like a beached lace fronted whale you're actually laughing at black people because most of my fellow black mamas have curves, right?".
No Tyra- you only said black because it was the pussy way out.
You being black has got nothing to do with you putting on weight and I'm so fucking tired of black women being perceived as the "mamas".
That racial stereotype of the black woman being a"mama" comes from when the most maternal black women would be in charge of raising the white chi'ren on the mas'ers plantation, now it is exploited so all big black women in film and tv have to be maternal, warm, loving and smiling, "come here cha- mama's here now cha."
Tyra Banks also puts on her "mama" act when on ANTM, she is given the authority to yell and embarass girls because "when my mama shouts at me like this it's because she cares." Shut the fuck up- you were mad at Tiffany because she didn't cry when YOU kicked her off the show and since you get kicks out of watching other people cry it pissed you off that she didn't.
Tyra Banks for some reason is under the impression that she also has the right to act the mediator in situations that do not involve her, like when she had the bitches from Bad Girls Club on the show.
She has succesfully manipulated various racial stereotypes to present herself a scolding/loving mama when all she actually does is embarass them when they do not react in the way that she wants them to.
She is also guilty of double standards when she joked and laughed with Ray J about the sex tape even though he admitted that it was HIS idea but then gave Kim Kardashian a hard time about the same tape.
Aren't you always talking about female empowerment?
Vrai or Faux?
Tyra Banks did not realize that she was saying "its ok for a guy but not for a girl" when she grilled Kim about why and how she did the sex tape but then discussed penis sizes with Ray J.
Like I always say, if Tyra Banks is REALLY concerned with loose women why doesn't she get Alicia Keys on the show.
When it comes to Beyonce', her "mama" antics came to a head when she only decided to mention that her father had to be escorted to school when he was younger due to racism when she needed a reason to support Obama in the election. Although I'm sure Beyonce' cared very deeply about Obama's cause, she was not able to give a clear reason as to why she was supporting Obama.
"He's so intelligent" doesn't mean shit.
Hitler was intelligent.
Saddam Hussein was intelligent.
George Bush is int-
Mariah is another perpetrator, only announcing that her daddy was chacklet when it was deemed as being cool to be black with emergence of Boyz 2 Men and Aaliyah.
Now I am very aware of the importance of women like Beyonce' and Tyra Banks in pop culture as they prove alongside Naomi and Oprah that not all women of color come from the same background or have the same views or even share the same culture, but it is very annoying when negative racial stereotypes are used to enhance or "sweeten" their own personal image.
You may accuse me of black female bashing, but I think black people as a culture have come far enough without us all having to constantly compliment each other just in case mainstream media forgets to.
Yes Beyonce' is THE BEST FEMALE ENTERTAINER OF ALL TIME.
And Yes Tyra Banks existance is crucial to the image of black women in pop culture but until we stop expecting every single black women we see to be the comforting sweet mama or the ghetto uneducated slut we will forever be stuck in boxes.
When it comes to BET, they are a joke.
"This song is too pop".
To suggest that a song is "too pop" for BET only promotes the idea that the only genre of music black artists should be doing is "R'n'b," when we know for a fact that the majority of these "r'n'b" stars haven't released an "r'n'b" single a day in their fabricated careers. How would BET feel if MTV decided that Keisha Cole was too "r'n'b" for them, there would be an uproar.
Although there was once a time where being black worked to ones disavdantage, it seems as though people are exploiting their "blackness" to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
Sunday 30 August 2009
This bitch might as well be called Alexis cos her scheming ass is just too much.
Milian? Girl really? Those 5 years on the Z-list did your torn out ass some good.
Engaged to the man who was recently named as the Vice President of the label that dropped you 5 years ago, how convenient, how fucking lovely.
But honey- because I know that some of your fellow D-listers read this, I want to just remind you that even if your pussy was tight with Caesar your album will stop flop.
It's not because I don't like you- its because you don't have fans.
I know that hurts, but you're not alone.
Well actually you are in a league of your own- you see whilst the rest of these other failures leave starring in movies that will go straight to DVD to Vivica Fox, you outdid yourself by starring in a movie which is going straight to DVD WITHOUT any real promotion.
A lot of these bitches couldn't see themselves out of a transparent bag.
Although I would like to discuss the current state of The League of Unextraordinary R'n'B skeezes but that shit's old to me, it really is especially since I've been reading Ashanti's autobiography, Aww Of My Life.
Upon reading Aww Of My Life, I realized how difficult it must be to have a dead career and accept it only for some dumb useless fans who cant take hint to ruin your efforts to abort your career by continuously posting "this bitch could outsing anybody anyday" messages on Youtube.
Below is an except from Aww Of My Life:
"In that video I felt so good and important and stuff, I had 100 niggers walking behind me at one time- I felt just like Karrine. Shit went down hill from there, my weave stroking and the backward thumb pointing days got old to the label and they lost interest in me. Like Whitney's pussy, my career had been fucked repeatedly with various gimmics and short term plans which resulted in my career being left so wide open that I just couldn't stop bad shit from getting inside of it.
I was as misdirected as Stevie Wonder on the way to the Optricians and tried to take control of my shit but it was running wild and uncontrollably. I just couldn't keep it all in my hands and had to let some other people take care of my shit because it was all too much for me to swallow, so I started dating Corn.
The sex was fantastic, so much so that there would still be cum trapped in my folds weeks after getting fucked, he was so derrty. I remember one time that I got dick downed so good that I wanted to buy him a short set, but I knew it was too good to be true, he was using me to try and become a power couple, but he didn't know how bad shit was for me, when I told him about my shit, he turned up his nose and said "Don't talk aboutcho shit to me when we eatin',".
I felt so alone and so I ate and ate and ate some more until I started shitting out curly fries, I put on so much weight that I couldn't even wear heels without striking oil."
Milian? Girl really? Those 5 years on the Z-list did your torn out ass some good.
Engaged to the man who was recently named as the Vice President of the label that dropped you 5 years ago, how convenient, how fucking lovely.
But honey- because I know that some of your fellow D-listers read this, I want to just remind you that even if your pussy was tight with Caesar your album will stop flop.
It's not because I don't like you- its because you don't have fans.
I know that hurts, but you're not alone.
Well actually you are in a league of your own- you see whilst the rest of these other failures leave starring in movies that will go straight to DVD to Vivica Fox, you outdid yourself by starring in a movie which is going straight to DVD WITHOUT any real promotion.
A lot of these bitches couldn't see themselves out of a transparent bag.
Although I would like to discuss the current state of The League of Unextraordinary R'n'B skeezes but that shit's old to me, it really is especially since I've been reading Ashanti's autobiography, Aww Of My Life.
Upon reading Aww Of My Life, I realized how difficult it must be to have a dead career and accept it only for some dumb useless fans who cant take hint to ruin your efforts to abort your career by continuously posting "this bitch could outsing anybody anyday" messages on Youtube.
Below is an except from Aww Of My Life:
"In that video I felt so good and important and stuff, I had 100 niggers walking behind me at one time- I felt just like Karrine. Shit went down hill from there, my weave stroking and the backward thumb pointing days got old to the label and they lost interest in me. Like Whitney's pussy, my career had been fucked repeatedly with various gimmics and short term plans which resulted in my career being left so wide open that I just couldn't stop bad shit from getting inside of it.
I was as misdirected as Stevie Wonder on the way to the Optricians and tried to take control of my shit but it was running wild and uncontrollably. I just couldn't keep it all in my hands and had to let some other people take care of my shit because it was all too much for me to swallow, so I started dating Corn.
The sex was fantastic, so much so that there would still be cum trapped in my folds weeks after getting fucked, he was so derrty. I remember one time that I got dick downed so good that I wanted to buy him a short set, but I knew it was too good to be true, he was using me to try and become a power couple, but he didn't know how bad shit was for me, when I told him about my shit, he turned up his nose and said "Don't talk aboutcho shit to me when we eatin',".
I felt so alone and so I ate and ate and ate some more until I started shitting out curly fries, I put on so much weight that I couldn't even wear heels without striking oil."
Saturday 29 August 2009
MSF
Sales Representative: Hello and Welcome to the FlopShop, can I help you.
Mya: Oh yes- you can, I'm looking for a medium sized flop for sometime mid 2010.
Sales Representative: Any reason why?
Mya: Well i'm about to go on some show and will try and use the exposure from it to start trying to achieve shit again, so do you have a msf for me?
Sales Representative: Erm- I'll have to ask you a series of questions first.
Mya: Sure.
Sales Representative: Did your last record sell less units than Whoopi Goldberg could sell pussy?
Mya: Yes.
Sales Representative: Was the last time you received an award worth being happy about before Raz B was getting dickdowned by his cousin Chris Stokes?
Mya: Erm- yeah.
Sales Representative: And if your current career was a penis, would it be one of the following:
A)Be so small that when you jacked off it runs down your balls.
B) So small that it's actually a pussy.
C) So little that instead of handjobs you get finger jobs.
Mya: B- no no actually C.
Sales Representative: Great.
Mya: So can I get a medium sized flop?
Sales Rep: Sorry- Mariah has those all booked up.
Mya: What does Msf consist of anyway?
Sales Rep: A msf is when an artist has average first week sales of 200,000 units and then drops to around 50,000 in second week and then continues to decline but because they have singles in the top 10 they get away with the flop because the average Jose' The Plumber can't read sales and only bases what they think is succesful on what they see in the singles charts, however only relevant artists like Mariah and Madonna can get away with this although Mariah's first week sales are usually higher than 200,000.
Mya: Then why can't I have one.
Sales Rep: Because you have to have a fan base to shift 200,000 units, you couldn't even sell 40,000 when we were in a boom so what makes you think you could shift 200,000 in a recession, further more although your name will become a familiar one on the lips of the mainstream again because you'll be getting twisted and turned every week until they vote you out of Dancing With the HasBeens, the second people start to think of your achievements they'll notice they all occured almost a decade ago hence extending the knowledge of your flops further than Bossip and MTO and into TMZ and the like. You understand?
Mya: So i really can't have one? What can I have then?
Sales Rep: We are in contact with your label- we can request that they buy you out of your contract so you can sign to a management agency who will make sure you spend the rest of your life seatfilling at award shows and presenting one off shows like The Truth Behind Dora and Diego.
Mya: How much do you think my career is worth?
Sales Rep: We actually valued it earlier this week for you, we uploaded the results here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zR9ee_rix00
Mya: Oh yes- you can, I'm looking for a medium sized flop for sometime mid 2010.
Sales Representative: Any reason why?
Mya: Well i'm about to go on some show and will try and use the exposure from it to start trying to achieve shit again, so do you have a msf for me?
Sales Representative: Erm- I'll have to ask you a series of questions first.
Mya: Sure.
Sales Representative: Did your last record sell less units than Whoopi Goldberg could sell pussy?
Mya: Yes.
Sales Representative: Was the last time you received an award worth being happy about before Raz B was getting dickdowned by his cousin Chris Stokes?
Mya: Erm- yeah.
Sales Representative: And if your current career was a penis, would it be one of the following:
A)Be so small that when you jacked off it runs down your balls.
B) So small that it's actually a pussy.
C) So little that instead of handjobs you get finger jobs.
Mya: B- no no actually C.
Sales Representative: Great.
Mya: So can I get a medium sized flop?
Sales Rep: Sorry- Mariah has those all booked up.
Mya: What does Msf consist of anyway?
Sales Rep: A msf is when an artist has average first week sales of 200,000 units and then drops to around 50,000 in second week and then continues to decline but because they have singles in the top 10 they get away with the flop because the average Jose' The Plumber can't read sales and only bases what they think is succesful on what they see in the singles charts, however only relevant artists like Mariah and Madonna can get away with this although Mariah's first week sales are usually higher than 200,000.
Mya: Then why can't I have one.
Sales Rep: Because you have to have a fan base to shift 200,000 units, you couldn't even sell 40,000 when we were in a boom so what makes you think you could shift 200,000 in a recession, further more although your name will become a familiar one on the lips of the mainstream again because you'll be getting twisted and turned every week until they vote you out of Dancing With the HasBeens, the second people start to think of your achievements they'll notice they all occured almost a decade ago hence extending the knowledge of your flops further than Bossip and MTO and into TMZ and the like. You understand?
Mya: So i really can't have one? What can I have then?
Sales Rep: We are in contact with your label- we can request that they buy you out of your contract so you can sign to a management agency who will make sure you spend the rest of your life seatfilling at award shows and presenting one off shows like The Truth Behind Dora and Diego.
Mya: How much do you think my career is worth?
Sales Rep: We actually valued it earlier this week for you, we uploaded the results here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zR9ee_rix00
Thursday 27 August 2009
Your vision cloudy if you think you best- can't sing-used to dance and then exposed your sagging breast
Damita.
Oh Damita.
Where foreart thou dignity Damita?
Since all those flop singles, the flop movies, the getting dropped by labels and all the "boycotts" of Miss Damita haven't taught her anything, I have taken it upon my hating ass self to explain to Damita what has happened to her career using this story that my Gran'ma Bertha Jean told me on my 4th birthday.
Analogy 1:
There's a porn star called Puss In Boots, she's a bad bitch, she can do everything but is shit at giving orals but that's ok because she's so good at everything else. Puss In Boots is fantastic, she does porn for the art and that translates into her performances but as time goes by Puss In Boots forgot about the art and it became all about the sex which then made her no different from all the other dirty sluts that in the past could never compete with her. Her contemporary Felicia Follatio is also a bad bitch, but she isn't quite good at anything but because of good direction she becomes more respected, after some time a bitch comes along who is good at everything- orals, backshots, deepthroating, DP- you name it she kills it, this bitches head game was so tight she could even make a late nigger cum on time. People began to see that Puss In Boots's pussy was beginning to sag even worse than her tits were and since the shit she was releasing had lost any integrity and quality she had in the past, she saw no problem in exposing her sagging breast to an audience of millions, the worst part about this was is that this overshadowed the fact that it was one of her best performances AND that the hand that pulled the material that exposed the teta was a white hand.
So this white hand will forever the symbol of what began the trainwreck which is now Janet Jackson's career.
It wasn't no malfunction- the breastpiece was designed to be pulled off- which is it why it was removable, nobody's stupid Janet- well except your dumb ass family who still can't see that your brother was a junkie. Fool.
Lack of fan support is the reason for Janet's demise.
Even IF MTV blacklisted Janet and radio refused to play she shit, her fans KNEW VERY WELL she had records out and DID NOT bother to buy them and then get mad at the fans of other far more talented women for actually buying the shit that artists puts out.
Now you may think I'm just hating on Janet because her family didn't ask Beyonce' to perform sections of her I AM Tour at the Michael Jackson Memorial Shit, but i genuinely at one point used to stan for Janet, one time I tried to do that chair thing she does in that video and ended up knocking Uncle Rosalinda out cold.
Now I want to talk about B.Scott:
Being a straight gal myself with a lot of down low and straight friends- I find it amazing when my straight friends admit that they would hit B.Scott if he offered them the chance, but then again B.Scott is hot and I found myself having a weird crush on him, notg because he's sexy and fierce and reminds me of Uncle Esmerelda (who is currently undergoing her final operation to have her cock removed, so put her in your prayers) but because B.Scott is the ONLY intelligent Youtuber I've seen.
B.Scott has a clear and educated way of expressing his opinion, whether calm or mad, right or wrong because he actually went to college. Although I adore Qaadir- when he made that comment about "men are physically stronger than women" when discussing the Chris Brown went all Mighty Morphin Power Ranger of Robyn F it proved to me that Qaadir is not particularly intelligent but extremely funny and a warm and seemingly nice person.
Skorpion still thinks the reccesion are to blame for the RockWit U's tours flop and Brian is too hot and sexy to actually listen to what he's saying.
B.Scott's words of encouragement are really what WE all need to start our day with because he opens up about the things that affect us all, prejudice, racism, sexism, homophobia and for those reasons I really want all of you to please check him out on Youtube right after you check out Jay Z's new bitch.
I am pleased to tell you that I have discovered the name of Jay Z's new signing, her name is (drum roll please):
Rita Ora.
Youtube her to check out her past work, she looks to me like an undiscovered hybridized version of Milian, Sasha, Tyra. In other words the bitch is hot.
Oh Damita.
Where foreart thou dignity Damita?
Since all those flop singles, the flop movies, the getting dropped by labels and all the "boycotts" of Miss Damita haven't taught her anything, I have taken it upon my hating ass self to explain to Damita what has happened to her career using this story that my Gran'ma Bertha Jean told me on my 4th birthday.
Analogy 1:
There's a porn star called Puss In Boots, she's a bad bitch, she can do everything but is shit at giving orals but that's ok because she's so good at everything else. Puss In Boots is fantastic, she does porn for the art and that translates into her performances but as time goes by Puss In Boots forgot about the art and it became all about the sex which then made her no different from all the other dirty sluts that in the past could never compete with her. Her contemporary Felicia Follatio is also a bad bitch, but she isn't quite good at anything but because of good direction she becomes more respected, after some time a bitch comes along who is good at everything- orals, backshots, deepthroating, DP- you name it she kills it, this bitches head game was so tight she could even make a late nigger cum on time. People began to see that Puss In Boots's pussy was beginning to sag even worse than her tits were and since the shit she was releasing had lost any integrity and quality she had in the past, she saw no problem in exposing her sagging breast to an audience of millions, the worst part about this was is that this overshadowed the fact that it was one of her best performances AND that the hand that pulled the material that exposed the teta was a white hand.
So this white hand will forever the symbol of what began the trainwreck which is now Janet Jackson's career.
It wasn't no malfunction- the breastpiece was designed to be pulled off- which is it why it was removable, nobody's stupid Janet- well except your dumb ass family who still can't see that your brother was a junkie. Fool.
Lack of fan support is the reason for Janet's demise.
Even IF MTV blacklisted Janet and radio refused to play she shit, her fans KNEW VERY WELL she had records out and DID NOT bother to buy them and then get mad at the fans of other far more talented women for actually buying the shit that artists puts out.
Now you may think I'm just hating on Janet because her family didn't ask Beyonce' to perform sections of her I AM Tour at the Michael Jackson Memorial Shit, but i genuinely at one point used to stan for Janet, one time I tried to do that chair thing she does in that video and ended up knocking Uncle Rosalinda out cold.
Now I want to talk about B.Scott:
Being a straight gal myself with a lot of down low and straight friends- I find it amazing when my straight friends admit that they would hit B.Scott if he offered them the chance, but then again B.Scott is hot and I found myself having a weird crush on him, notg because he's sexy and fierce and reminds me of Uncle Esmerelda (who is currently undergoing her final operation to have her cock removed, so put her in your prayers) but because B.Scott is the ONLY intelligent Youtuber I've seen.
B.Scott has a clear and educated way of expressing his opinion, whether calm or mad, right or wrong because he actually went to college. Although I adore Qaadir- when he made that comment about "men are physically stronger than women" when discussing the Chris Brown went all Mighty Morphin Power Ranger of Robyn F it proved to me that Qaadir is not particularly intelligent but extremely funny and a warm and seemingly nice person.
Skorpion still thinks the reccesion are to blame for the RockWit U's tours flop and Brian is too hot and sexy to actually listen to what he's saying.
B.Scott's words of encouragement are really what WE all need to start our day with because he opens up about the things that affect us all, prejudice, racism, sexism, homophobia and for those reasons I really want all of you to please check him out on Youtube right after you check out Jay Z's new bitch.
I am pleased to tell you that I have discovered the name of Jay Z's new signing, her name is (drum roll please):
Rita Ora.
Youtube her to check out her past work, she looks to me like an undiscovered hybridized version of Milian, Sasha, Tyra. In other words the bitch is hot.
Friday 21 August 2009
I'm a Hater
I am acknowledging that I am a hater.
I hate on people.
I tend to kick D-List artists when they're down.
These d-list artists sometimes pose as anonymous avatars and leave hurtful comments in the message board.
They say I'm not funny. That hurts. Because the name of this blog is totally The Funny Whore and like because I'm not funny how can my blog be called The Funny Whore, how can it?
In my opinion I'm a hater because I think that people who yell "pervet!" at the paedophile on America's Most Wanted and then turn around and jive to Pretty Young Thing are stupid.
I'm a hater because whilst some Beyonce' stans find pleasure in reminding people of how untalented Rihanna is compared to Beyonce', I simply point out that everyone is untalented compared to Beyonce' and picking on Rihanna for actually being relevant is stupid especially when you are a claiming to be a Beyonce' fan because as a Beyonce' fan you can be safe and secure in the fact that God is too busy giving Superhead the side eye to work outhow he's going to create another being on The Wigged One's level.
I'm stupid because I paid to see Alicia Keys sit behind a piano for two hours when she came to my city and stupid for believing she had standards only to find that she is nothing more than a piano playing cum swallowing husband snatching gutter trollop.
I'm stupid for expecting Solange to be able to keep up her "I'm so afrocentric" facade.
I'm stupid for promoting this blog on blogs where the commenters "lmao" involunatarily as soon as they see that the author of that blog has updated the blog.
I'm also stupid for not being able to ignore the fact that we as a society choose whether or not we believe whether a child who claims to have been molested is lying or not according to who the child is claiming molested them.
Now I'll tell you why you're stupid:
You're stupid for saying "he was just naive to think that sleeping in the bed with those kids was cool, that's all" and then turn around and say "He was a creative genius."
Creativity and Naivety can never work side by side because to be creative means to chop, dissect and analyse every single thought and act on it, which is the complete opposite of being naive.
Naive people aren't intelligent people. Mr. Jackson was an intelligent man. Intelligent enough to know that he was indeed behaving in a disgusting manner with those kids.
But you don't care about that.
His music was good and so that's all that matters.
He was great on stage and so nothing else really counts.
He paid for my pet iguana to go to fashion school so he couldn't have done those things.
You don't have to like what I say.
You don't have to read this blog. But you do.
So from now on here's what I do:
In a few days I'm going to comment on Omarion being dropped from Cash Money less than a week after him being signed there was announced- now you've been warned- so if you know Omarion personally or have at any point sucked, blown, bitten or been dumped on by Omarion please ignore that post.
In that same post I will comment on how filthy I think Chris Stokes is.
I might then talk about your mother.
Your sister.
Your labia and your genital warts personal stylist.
All because I can.
All because this is my blog.
Here is an entire list of people who I will mock, ridicule and heckle at in the following weeks:
1. Janet Jackson.
2. Joe "Night Owl" Jackson.
3. Soulja Boy.
4. Bow Wow.
5. Solange "Does My Ass Look Individual In This" Knowles.
6. Rihanna (i'm assuming she'll be doing that Run This Town song at the VMAs- so there'll be lots to heckle at.)
7. Britney Spears (the woman not the icon.)
8. Paula Abdul.
9. Marques Houston
10. Brandy.
11. "current number 18 of r'n'b bubbling way under charts."
12. "current star of movie that went straight to dvd"
13. Mariah Carey.
Yours Tangiest
The Pop Whore
I hate on people.
I tend to kick D-List artists when they're down.
These d-list artists sometimes pose as anonymous avatars and leave hurtful comments in the message board.
They say I'm not funny. That hurts. Because the name of this blog is totally The Funny Whore and like because I'm not funny how can my blog be called The Funny Whore, how can it?
In my opinion I'm a hater because I think that people who yell "pervet!" at the paedophile on America's Most Wanted and then turn around and jive to Pretty Young Thing are stupid.
I'm a hater because whilst some Beyonce' stans find pleasure in reminding people of how untalented Rihanna is compared to Beyonce', I simply point out that everyone is untalented compared to Beyonce' and picking on Rihanna for actually being relevant is stupid especially when you are a claiming to be a Beyonce' fan because as a Beyonce' fan you can be safe and secure in the fact that God is too busy giving Superhead the side eye to work outhow he's going to create another being on The Wigged One's level.
I'm stupid because I paid to see Alicia Keys sit behind a piano for two hours when she came to my city and stupid for believing she had standards only to find that she is nothing more than a piano playing cum swallowing husband snatching gutter trollop.
I'm stupid for expecting Solange to be able to keep up her "I'm so afrocentric" facade.
I'm stupid for promoting this blog on blogs where the commenters "lmao" involunatarily as soon as they see that the author of that blog has updated the blog.
I'm also stupid for not being able to ignore the fact that we as a society choose whether or not we believe whether a child who claims to have been molested is lying or not according to who the child is claiming molested them.
Now I'll tell you why you're stupid:
You're stupid for saying "he was just naive to think that sleeping in the bed with those kids was cool, that's all" and then turn around and say "He was a creative genius."
Creativity and Naivety can never work side by side because to be creative means to chop, dissect and analyse every single thought and act on it, which is the complete opposite of being naive.
Naive people aren't intelligent people. Mr. Jackson was an intelligent man. Intelligent enough to know that he was indeed behaving in a disgusting manner with those kids.
But you don't care about that.
His music was good and so that's all that matters.
He was great on stage and so nothing else really counts.
He paid for my pet iguana to go to fashion school so he couldn't have done those things.
You don't have to like what I say.
You don't have to read this blog. But you do.
So from now on here's what I do:
In a few days I'm going to comment on Omarion being dropped from Cash Money less than a week after him being signed there was announced- now you've been warned- so if you know Omarion personally or have at any point sucked, blown, bitten or been dumped on by Omarion please ignore that post.
In that same post I will comment on how filthy I think Chris Stokes is.
I might then talk about your mother.
Your sister.
Your labia and your genital warts personal stylist.
All because I can.
All because this is my blog.
Here is an entire list of people who I will mock, ridicule and heckle at in the following weeks:
1. Janet Jackson.
2. Joe "Night Owl" Jackson.
3. Soulja Boy.
4. Bow Wow.
5. Solange "Does My Ass Look Individual In This" Knowles.
6. Rihanna (i'm assuming she'll be doing that Run This Town song at the VMAs- so there'll be lots to heckle at.)
7. Britney Spears (the woman not the icon.)
8. Paula Abdul.
9. Marques Houston
10. Brandy.
11. "current number 18 of r'n'b bubbling way under charts."
12. "current star of movie that went straight to dvd"
13. Mariah Carey.
Yours Tangiest
The Pop Whore
Wednesday 19 August 2009
Fuck The Cash, Fuck The Money, Y'all won't be earning shit
So Bow Wow, Omarion and a few others have signed to Cash Money.
If you're one of the others, count yourself lucky that I do not know you by name or face, dick or pussy.
If I do know your name, then I'm going to do this without cursing.
Here I go:
If people knew you had an album out, which they always do (thanks to the likes of Miss Info, Concrete Loop, Media Take Out and the like) and these people do not buy the album, the only person you can blame is yourself, because that means there is something unappealing about you as a commercial artist, that doesn't mean you don't make great music, it just means that you shouldn't be signed.
If signing to a new label was the answer to every flop's problems, then Janet would still be an Icon and Kelly Rowland wouldn't be stuck in Europe. People will not suddenly rush out and buy your record simply because the label at the back of the CD case has changed, because to them you are still the same irrelevant idiot they dismissed last year.
So Bow Wow- your last record had opening first week sales of 20,000 units. Mya's laughing at you. Rick Ross is laughing at you. Kat Deluna just pissed herself.
Signing to a new label won't change the fact that rapping is not for you in the same way Oreos are not for Whitney (anybody alive when The Soul Train awards meant something will know what I meant by that).
Bow Wow- you're a beautiful boy- audition for a part in show like Dirty Sexy Money, you were great in Ugly Betty and in Entourage- you've got that Negro Preppy look about you- and when it works it really works, so do that, because your new record is just like a fat bitch running the marathon, no matter how hard it tries its destined for failure.
In my opinion- there seems to be a clear link between music's most delusional artists.
Ciara- LA Face- La Reid- Mariah- Quasi Modo/Janet- Bow Wow- Omarion's booty- Chris Stokes tongue.
(note: I love LA Reid- please don't fire me.)
Bow Wow has always tried to be taken seriously as a rapper and so in his mind signing to the label ran by a rapper who is taken seriously will help his own career, but if association was the key to success, La Toya, Rebbie, Jermaine, JeMajesty, Jumanji and even Little Tito would all be Pop Icons too since they are related to the world's biggest Pop Icon.
Bow Wow should have stopped rapping the day he woke up to find hair in his ass- because that was when he lost his niche- at this point I'd rather be Lil Romeo who doesn't try at all than Bow Wow who keeps trying but continues to prove that Sandra Rose is not always wrong.
Omarion.
I'm going to give you some advice that I gave Robyn F back when she was deep throating sugar cane on that Island. Suck cock.
Right Now you've been sucking Bow Wow's cock and where did that get you.
Once you start sucking some Power Cock- that's when you'll start getting oppurtunities.
Once you start sucking Diddy's and Jig- (don't even think about) once you start sucking some Power Cock you'll get a decent deal and then you can work on some great Contemp'R'n'B tracks along the lines of Ice Box where the less talented and bratty sisters of Pop Icons will run and pose in dark settings in the videos which will be funded by the A&R whose balls you choked on because they don't want that shit getting out. Once you release those singles, they should chart well and so even when your record flops (which it will) nobody will really get at you all that much.
Now when it comes to Drake and that crotch photo:
When he gets your head and puts it next to his biracial disco stick is when him doing that has got anything to do with YOU. Until then- phrases like "he mus' be a faggot" only make you look ignorant because the guy and Drake were obviously just fooling around.
This is why so many black women are shocked to find their husbands come home from work smelling like Petroleum Jelly and Shit. YOUR HUSBAND HAS BEEN FUCKING SOMEONE WITH A NAME LIKE TAY TAY OR JELONTE'!
Unncecesary homophobia forces down low men to enter straight relationships but since they cannot resist the urge to get some of that tangy tongue- they end up cheating on their women with guys who can J-Sett quicker than Jonte' on crystal meth.
What Media Take Out needs to be doing is stop saying shit like "why is so and sos picture on a gay website" not realising that all that does is reveal that one of their editors had to be on that gay website for them to see the picture in the first place.
They need to apologise for claiming that Beyonce's tour flopped only for it to be named as the Number 1 Best Selling Tour In The Country. They need to stop trying to suggest that everybody is gay because here is a conversation I had with a friend of mine who is a friend of someone they once suggested was into tha booty.
Person X: Did you see what MTO said about Person Y.
Pop Whore: No I was too busy laughing at Christina Milian getting dropped- why what did they say?
Person X: They said Person Y was gay, he really wants to know why they said that, he really wants to get to the bottom of it.
Pop Whore: I'm sure he does.
If you're one of the others, count yourself lucky that I do not know you by name or face, dick or pussy.
If I do know your name, then I'm going to do this without cursing.
Here I go:
If people knew you had an album out, which they always do (thanks to the likes of Miss Info, Concrete Loop, Media Take Out and the like) and these people do not buy the album, the only person you can blame is yourself, because that means there is something unappealing about you as a commercial artist, that doesn't mean you don't make great music, it just means that you shouldn't be signed.
If signing to a new label was the answer to every flop's problems, then Janet would still be an Icon and Kelly Rowland wouldn't be stuck in Europe. People will not suddenly rush out and buy your record simply because the label at the back of the CD case has changed, because to them you are still the same irrelevant idiot they dismissed last year.
So Bow Wow- your last record had opening first week sales of 20,000 units. Mya's laughing at you. Rick Ross is laughing at you. Kat Deluna just pissed herself.
Signing to a new label won't change the fact that rapping is not for you in the same way Oreos are not for Whitney (anybody alive when The Soul Train awards meant something will know what I meant by that).
Bow Wow- you're a beautiful boy- audition for a part in show like Dirty Sexy Money, you were great in Ugly Betty and in Entourage- you've got that Negro Preppy look about you- and when it works it really works, so do that, because your new record is just like a fat bitch running the marathon, no matter how hard it tries its destined for failure.
In my opinion- there seems to be a clear link between music's most delusional artists.
Ciara- LA Face- La Reid- Mariah- Quasi Modo/Janet- Bow Wow- Omarion's booty- Chris Stokes tongue.
(note: I love LA Reid- please don't fire me.)
Bow Wow has always tried to be taken seriously as a rapper and so in his mind signing to the label ran by a rapper who is taken seriously will help his own career, but if association was the key to success, La Toya, Rebbie, Jermaine, JeMajesty, Jumanji and even Little Tito would all be Pop Icons too since they are related to the world's biggest Pop Icon.
Bow Wow should have stopped rapping the day he woke up to find hair in his ass- because that was when he lost his niche- at this point I'd rather be Lil Romeo who doesn't try at all than Bow Wow who keeps trying but continues to prove that Sandra Rose is not always wrong.
Omarion.
I'm going to give you some advice that I gave Robyn F back when she was deep throating sugar cane on that Island. Suck cock.
Right Now you've been sucking Bow Wow's cock and where did that get you.
Once you start sucking some Power Cock- that's when you'll start getting oppurtunities.
Once you start sucking Diddy's and Jig- (don't even think about) once you start sucking some Power Cock you'll get a decent deal and then you can work on some great Contemp'R'n'B tracks along the lines of Ice Box where the less talented and bratty sisters of Pop Icons will run and pose in dark settings in the videos which will be funded by the A&R whose balls you choked on because they don't want that shit getting out. Once you release those singles, they should chart well and so even when your record flops (which it will) nobody will really get at you all that much.
Now when it comes to Drake and that crotch photo:
When he gets your head and puts it next to his biracial disco stick is when him doing that has got anything to do with YOU. Until then- phrases like "he mus' be a faggot" only make you look ignorant because the guy and Drake were obviously just fooling around.
This is why so many black women are shocked to find their husbands come home from work smelling like Petroleum Jelly and Shit. YOUR HUSBAND HAS BEEN FUCKING SOMEONE WITH A NAME LIKE TAY TAY OR JELONTE'!
Unncecesary homophobia forces down low men to enter straight relationships but since they cannot resist the urge to get some of that tangy tongue- they end up cheating on their women with guys who can J-Sett quicker than Jonte' on crystal meth.
What Media Take Out needs to be doing is stop saying shit like "why is so and sos picture on a gay website" not realising that all that does is reveal that one of their editors had to be on that gay website for them to see the picture in the first place.
They need to apologise for claiming that Beyonce's tour flopped only for it to be named as the Number 1 Best Selling Tour In The Country. They need to stop trying to suggest that everybody is gay because here is a conversation I had with a friend of mine who is a friend of someone they once suggested was into tha booty.
Person X: Did you see what MTO said about Person Y.
Pop Whore: No I was too busy laughing at Christina Milian getting dropped- why what did they say?
Person X: They said Person Y was gay, he really wants to know why they said that, he really wants to get to the bottom of it.
Pop Whore: I'm sure he does.
Tuesday 18 August 2009
I want to stan for somebody
In a world where a bitch can be the hottest shit in one decade and then a nul-in-voider in the other, it is no suprise to me that Mya will be Dancing With The Stars, because she herself is not a star, she will be dancing with one of the star dancers, just so we're clear about that.
Since all these irrelevants are flocking to reality tv like Wendy Williams to a Botox Needle, I think that its a shame that Ciara isn't doing the same.
Could you imagine Ciara on Dancing With The Stars? That bitch would be popping it, locking it, backflipping it and kicking it all the way to the finals and since she was fired from the Britney gig she has a lot of time on her hands when she's not trying to convince us that she's a mainstream artist with mainstream relevance.
There should be a new show- called The Relevant Factor, here's how it will work:
10 irrelevant and outdated female artists will enter a house and must complete a sequence of challenges and tasks in order to win the fan bases of their "competitors" and the budget that would have been spent on the ass backward records of their "competitors".
You see- this the only way these nul in void bitches have a chance at competing with Rihanna, I mean let's be real, even if you combined the fan bases of Brandy, Mya, Keri Hilson, Janet, T-Boz and Minty it couldn't even match half of Rihanna's because whether we like it or not, Rihanna is a bad bitch.
Yes her voice sounds like a goat getting assfucked by Kobe Bryant.
Yes she has little artistic credibility.
Yes she is more renowned for her personal appearance and yes the bitch is uneducated, but if it was easy to rack up countless top ten hits, a European Tour and profitable endorsements, YOUR favourite artist would be doing it to.
We need some more black bitches up in this shit- fierce black bitches who actually sell records instead of spending all their time on pirate radio stations engaged in banter with fat "radio hosts".
We need black bitches with singles on the top ten, movies in the box office, faces on Vogue and a hot body on a big stage.
What are we going to do when Beyonce' unfreezes Mr. Carter's sperm and inseminates herself with it- what do we do then, yeah I know we have The FemBots, but what happens when those bitches run out of battery.
Since all these irrelevants are flocking to reality tv like Wendy Williams to a Botox Needle, I think that its a shame that Ciara isn't doing the same.
Could you imagine Ciara on Dancing With The Stars? That bitch would be popping it, locking it, backflipping it and kicking it all the way to the finals and since she was fired from the Britney gig she has a lot of time on her hands when she's not trying to convince us that she's a mainstream artist with mainstream relevance.
There should be a new show- called The Relevant Factor, here's how it will work:
10 irrelevant and outdated female artists will enter a house and must complete a sequence of challenges and tasks in order to win the fan bases of their "competitors" and the budget that would have been spent on the ass backward records of their "competitors".
You see- this the only way these nul in void bitches have a chance at competing with Rihanna, I mean let's be real, even if you combined the fan bases of Brandy, Mya, Keri Hilson, Janet, T-Boz and Minty it couldn't even match half of Rihanna's because whether we like it or not, Rihanna is a bad bitch.
Yes her voice sounds like a goat getting assfucked by Kobe Bryant.
Yes she has little artistic credibility.
Yes she is more renowned for her personal appearance and yes the bitch is uneducated, but if it was easy to rack up countless top ten hits, a European Tour and profitable endorsements, YOUR favourite artist would be doing it to.
We need some more black bitches up in this shit- fierce black bitches who actually sell records instead of spending all their time on pirate radio stations engaged in banter with fat "radio hosts".
We need black bitches with singles on the top ten, movies in the box office, faces on Vogue and a hot body on a big stage.
What are we going to do when Beyonce' unfreezes Mr. Carter's sperm and inseminates herself with it- what do we do then, yeah I know we have The FemBots, but what happens when those bitches run out of battery.
Dear Mr. A&R
Please do your job. Please stop signing cheaper variations of artists that already exist and be suprised when those artists sell less records than Marilyn Manson could sell Holy Water. If you did your job you'd find that your life would be happier- sitting behind your computer hoping the next Beyonce' is going to fall into your laps go out and look for her (you won't find her) but go out and look for a bitch who actually has potential to be an icon after a decade, please. I'm so tired of having to sigh and predict how bad the new artists that you and your colleagues since will sell. I want to be afraid of new artists, I want those bitches to be mysterious, I want to be sick of them, I want to be able to wake up and get out of the bed which they designed, then get in the shower and use the shower gel which they endorse and then spray the fragrance that they created and then get dressed in their clothing line, call my friends with the phone that endorses them and then get into the car and go and see one of their movies.
I know this costs money, but if you signed artists with mystery and who released quality music people would buy their records. Fans want to buy into a lifestyle, they want to feel as though there is a seperation between their favourite artist and themselves, but how can they do that when they can talk to their favourite artist on Twitter. I want to overanalyse their simple lyrics and think of a backstory for every single performance they put on.
Please sign a bad bitch.
Develope her.
Upgrade her.
Then release her.
Sign some more bad bitches so that there is REAL competition on the charts, we need a League Of Fierce Pop Bitches to stan for, to curse out and to spend all our money on.
Then drop all the money wasters.
How much did you spend on all of Keri Hilson's videos and where did they chart? Her biggest charting single only did the way it did because it had Kanye and Neyo in it, what would have happened if they weren't in it, huh?
How much did you spend on Ciara's shit- and how much did you make back from it? Drop her!
How much did you spend on that DeBarge hoe, how much did you make back from it? END THE CONTRACT.
I'm not a hater, but i'm lonely, I know Beyonce' is going to go on "vacation" for a year and a half and in that time what am I going to do, talk about Britney all day long? Follow Rihanna's latest haircut on Media Take Out? Laugh at Bow Wow for thinking signing to a new label will do anything for him?
I can't- I just can't?
Until I'm forced to do all that- I'll just watch this on repeat:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_UiIW0HsRM
Monday 17 August 2009
This bitch is going through changes on the ass
The only performances I shall be watching are going to be Lady Gaga's and Sasha's- when those are done I will then turn off my tv, plug in my voi-brayter and get busy.
I don't want to see Britney lip synch an acceptance speech for an award she does not deserve.
I don't want to see Rihanna strike a pose in the audience as soon as she realizes that the camera has panned onto her.
I don't want to see Solange pretend as though she was actually invited to the show as she sits next to Jay Z whilst Beyonce' collects her award wondering if BeJayJay will forget to make her their Plus 1 the second Jay Z's new bitch steps on the scene.
In my eyes, Solange is a fake.
I used to love her, I even bought her record and loved it because it is a very good record filled with Neo Soul/Electro tracks but you wouldn't know that from Solange's countless interviews where she kept trying to remind us of how different she and The Wigged One were.
I bought into it.
I believed it.
I popped it, twerked it and reversed it.
But then I saw something which shocked my spirit, Solange in a L'oreal campaign, Solange modelling bags alongside The Wigged One.
Now- as much as I detest Big Bird (Keri Hilson) her record had higher first week sales than Solange, but you didn't see Keri on Tyra did you? That's because she's not Beyonce's sister. Whilst Solange might pretend as though she has a record deal because of her own merit- she must be pretty stupid not to realise that the only reason anybody paid attention was because of who her sister was.
Would L'oreal even acknowledge Solange's existance if she wasn't Sasha's kid sister- of course not. Solange is so wrapped up in her own self-belief that she doesn't realise how hyprocritical she looks by saying "We're nothing alike, and we have different goals" but then take advantage of Sasha's commercial appeal, if you're "nothing alike" and "have different goals" then don't star in ad campaigns with her then.
It seems to me that when it suits Solange she is a Knowles and then when it works to her disadvantage she wants to play the "stop comparing me to her" card.
If anybody else had Solange's sales- they'd be scraping the shit out of public toilet by now, even her latest singles charted poorly yet this bitch is still on mainstream television getting interviewed by the best of them. We all know why and I think Solange should just accept it because she is talented and part of the reason her record sold the way it did because her album content was never truly promoted, instead she spent all her promotion discussing how "individual" she was.
SolAngel and The Hadley Street Dreams is indeed a fantastic record- but it's pretty unconvincing coming from a woman who is unsure whether she wants to be a major pop star or a unique entity with a record deal.
I also spoke of Jay Z's new bitch, a source of a source has filled me in on the fact that Jay Z has signed a EuroPop bitch who has already finished recording her record, not that Rihanna has got anything to worried about but let's just hope this new bitch doesn't end up the same way Tearra Marie and Meagan Rochelle did. I think it's great Jay Z is signing new artists that we all know will have success, Rihanna and Neyo are still around and ruling the Pop Star circle and so I really hope this new girl does also.
I don't want to see Britney lip synch an acceptance speech for an award she does not deserve.
I don't want to see Rihanna strike a pose in the audience as soon as she realizes that the camera has panned onto her.
I don't want to see Solange pretend as though she was actually invited to the show as she sits next to Jay Z whilst Beyonce' collects her award wondering if BeJayJay will forget to make her their Plus 1 the second Jay Z's new bitch steps on the scene.
In my eyes, Solange is a fake.
I used to love her, I even bought her record and loved it because it is a very good record filled with Neo Soul/Electro tracks but you wouldn't know that from Solange's countless interviews where she kept trying to remind us of how different she and The Wigged One were.
I bought into it.
I believed it.
I popped it, twerked it and reversed it.
But then I saw something which shocked my spirit, Solange in a L'oreal campaign, Solange modelling bags alongside The Wigged One.
Now- as much as I detest Big Bird (Keri Hilson) her record had higher first week sales than Solange, but you didn't see Keri on Tyra did you? That's because she's not Beyonce's sister. Whilst Solange might pretend as though she has a record deal because of her own merit- she must be pretty stupid not to realise that the only reason anybody paid attention was because of who her sister was.
Would L'oreal even acknowledge Solange's existance if she wasn't Sasha's kid sister- of course not. Solange is so wrapped up in her own self-belief that she doesn't realise how hyprocritical she looks by saying "We're nothing alike, and we have different goals" but then take advantage of Sasha's commercial appeal, if you're "nothing alike" and "have different goals" then don't star in ad campaigns with her then.
It seems to me that when it suits Solange she is a Knowles and then when it works to her disadvantage she wants to play the "stop comparing me to her" card.
If anybody else had Solange's sales- they'd be scraping the shit out of public toilet by now, even her latest singles charted poorly yet this bitch is still on mainstream television getting interviewed by the best of them. We all know why and I think Solange should just accept it because she is talented and part of the reason her record sold the way it did because her album content was never truly promoted, instead she spent all her promotion discussing how "individual" she was.
SolAngel and The Hadley Street Dreams is indeed a fantastic record- but it's pretty unconvincing coming from a woman who is unsure whether she wants to be a major pop star or a unique entity with a record deal.
I also spoke of Jay Z's new bitch, a source of a source has filled me in on the fact that Jay Z has signed a EuroPop bitch who has already finished recording her record, not that Rihanna has got anything to worried about but let's just hope this new bitch doesn't end up the same way Tearra Marie and Meagan Rochelle did. I think it's great Jay Z is signing new artists that we all know will have success, Rihanna and Neyo are still around and ruling the Pop Star circle and so I really hope this new girl does also.
Saturday 15 August 2009
PTA
Ms. Butterscotch: Hello- you must be Tina, Daniel's grandmother.
Miss Celestine: It's Miss Celestine and I am Juelz grandmother. If you don't know you better ask somebody.
Juelz: That's right gran'ma.
Ms.Buttersotch: Oh i see- well I'm so glad you could come- I thought his mother would be here- Juelz explained you have a busy schedule.
Miss Celestine: Solange is on Twitter but yes I do indeed have a busy sche-du-al,in fact before I came here I had to hunt down a rare breed of fox in my backgarden- The Dereon Winter Collection is approaching.
Ms.Butterscotch: Oh wow- well we've been learning about foxes in class haven't we Juelz.
Juelz: Bitch- don't try come at me with that sweety sweet sweet shit jus' cos my nana is here.
Ms.Butterscotch: Miss Celestine- this is what I wanted to discuss you- Dan-I mean Juelz' language- just today in class he asked a class member of the Chinese persuasion to "open his fucking eyes." (Miss. Celestine turns to Juelz.)
Miss Celestine: Pourquoi?
Juelz: She lyin'
Ms.Butterscotch: He also suggested this morning when he came in that he and I should go to the reading area for a PTA meeting whilst all the other children were having nap time.
Miss Celestine: What's wrong with PTA meetings?
Ms.Butterscotch: I overheard Daniel tell one of his fellow classmates that PTA stood for Penetrate That Anustacia.
Miss Celestine:Is it a crime that my grandson is a real man- huh- don't be hatin' cos Creole boys develop early. Listen- why don't we get to the important shit- how he's doing in class?
Ms.Butterscotch: Well- Juelz has a passion for Math- which he has improved in since last year- have you or anybody at home been working on it with him?
Miss Celestine: Oh yes- Juelz can work out sums like his name is Bernard Madoff- he even has his own little rhyme to help him with his timetable, do it for her Juelz- show her what you made up.
Juelz: (clears throat.)
2 times 2 is four- thats how many times I'm gonna kick down ya door.
3 times 3 is six- I got Ming Lee and Aoki in the crib turning out tricks.
4 times 4 is 8- somebody better tell Janet that her period is ten years late.
5 times 5 in ten- I roll ten blunts when I kick it in my Dora play pen.
6 times 6 is 9- Fuck Hilter cos y'all know that the Kampf is Meine.
Miss Butterscotch: Juelz- 6 times 6 is not 9.
Juelz: Bitch- I will stick this Barney the Dinosour action figure so far up you- your heartbeat will be the fucking theme tune. (Miss Celestine smiles.) I mean- all you do is cry and talk 'bout how much you love kids when you s'posed to be teachin' us about colors and shit.
Miss Celestine: Listen up Miss. Thang- my gran'son is a creative genius jus' like his mo-aunt, I want to know what Juelz is doing in Art.
Miss Butterscotch: Erm- art isn't in the syllabus- but Juelz has taken a keen interest in Biol-
Miss Celestine: STAP! just STAP! I didn't send my gran'baby to school to learn about how plants grow and shit- the only thing my gran'baby needs to know is how to reproduce- are you teaching them that?!
Miss Butterscotch: Well this is only kindergaten-
Miss Celestine: Stop with all that shit- your obviously trying to entice the children yourself- what kind of name is Miss.Butterscotch anyway- are you trying to give the children cavities? Are you?!and why are you wearing such a low cut top which makes your tetas look like two tennis ball at the bottom of a sling- bitch you need to hitch those tits up- gravity dun got to them.
Miss Butterscotch: Excuse Me?
Miss Celestine: You're excused- how dare you try and put it on my gran'baby- whatchu you tryna do Michael's job for him now he dead and buried- oh hell naw! oh hell to the naw! Bitch I'm reporting your ass to the school board.
Miss Butterscotch: For what?
Miss Celestine: Gross Misconduct- those shoes are making me throw up in my mouth. (Miss Celestine and Juelz then leave, not before Juelz points makes the Nazi salute at Miss Butterscotch, as Miss Celestine and Juelz leave the building- they see Rihanna picking up her dog (Shontelle) from school.) Juelz get in the car- I got to speak to this bitch. (Juelz winks at Rihanna and hops into his safety chair and rolls down the window.)
Rihanna: Miss Celestine.
Miss Celestine: Robyn. How you been- last time I saw you you looked like you were auditioning for What's Love Got To Do With Part 2.
Rihanna: I've been good- just working on my own fragrance line- I actually just finished shooting the commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpHamlvwRx0
Miss Celestine: Eu Dou Trollope?
Rihanna: Why you fuckin bi-atch- dont make me get ragga on your bludkleet.
Miss Celestine: Bitch I will backhand you so hard, the Dereon logo will be forever imprinted in your cheek.
Rihanna: Me na fi scurred of you- me a knock down bigger bitches dan you back home.
Miss Celestine: Somebody call a fuckin translator- you better learn how to sell pussy in Iceland by the time I'm done witchu. (Rihanna pulls razor, Miss. Celestine pulls out Juelz' report card, Miss.ButterScotch pulls out thong from her ass.)
Miss Celestine: You might as well as call me The Texas Chain Saw Mascara cos I'm about slice you up like my name is Papa John's. (Just as Rihanna prepares to attack with her razor, Juelz jumps out of the car and smashes his bottle against the boot of the car, he points the bottle at Rihanna)
Juelz: You better take your dutty winin' pussy out of here quicker than I can say Swiper No Swipin' or else I'll slam this bottle so far down your mouth- you'll be pissing formula. (Rihanna puts down razor and slowly walks away, Juelz gives Miss Celestine a high five.)
Miss Celestine: You the best friend I ever had.
Juelz: Let's go home and prank call Cassie
Miss Celestine: You got her number?
Juelz: Uurbody got her number..
Miss Celestine: It's Miss Celestine and I am Juelz grandmother. If you don't know you better ask somebody.
Juelz: That's right gran'ma.
Ms.Buttersotch: Oh i see- well I'm so glad you could come- I thought his mother would be here- Juelz explained you have a busy schedule.
Miss Celestine: Solange is on Twitter but yes I do indeed have a busy sche-du-al,in fact before I came here I had to hunt down a rare breed of fox in my backgarden- The Dereon Winter Collection is approaching.
Ms.Butterscotch: Oh wow- well we've been learning about foxes in class haven't we Juelz.
Juelz: Bitch- don't try come at me with that sweety sweet sweet shit jus' cos my nana is here.
Ms.Butterscotch: Miss Celestine- this is what I wanted to discuss you- Dan-I mean Juelz' language- just today in class he asked a class member of the Chinese persuasion to "open his fucking eyes." (Miss. Celestine turns to Juelz.)
Miss Celestine: Pourquoi?
Juelz: She lyin'
Ms.Butterscotch: He also suggested this morning when he came in that he and I should go to the reading area for a PTA meeting whilst all the other children were having nap time.
Miss Celestine: What's wrong with PTA meetings?
Ms.Butterscotch: I overheard Daniel tell one of his fellow classmates that PTA stood for Penetrate That Anustacia.
Miss Celestine:Is it a crime that my grandson is a real man- huh- don't be hatin' cos Creole boys develop early. Listen- why don't we get to the important shit- how he's doing in class?
Ms.Butterscotch: Well- Juelz has a passion for Math- which he has improved in since last year- have you or anybody at home been working on it with him?
Miss Celestine: Oh yes- Juelz can work out sums like his name is Bernard Madoff- he even has his own little rhyme to help him with his timetable, do it for her Juelz- show her what you made up.
Juelz: (clears throat.)
2 times 2 is four- thats how many times I'm gonna kick down ya door.
3 times 3 is six- I got Ming Lee and Aoki in the crib turning out tricks.
4 times 4 is 8- somebody better tell Janet that her period is ten years late.
5 times 5 in ten- I roll ten blunts when I kick it in my Dora play pen.
6 times 6 is 9- Fuck Hilter cos y'all know that the Kampf is Meine.
Miss Butterscotch: Juelz- 6 times 6 is not 9.
Juelz: Bitch- I will stick this Barney the Dinosour action figure so far up you- your heartbeat will be the fucking theme tune. (Miss Celestine smiles.) I mean- all you do is cry and talk 'bout how much you love kids when you s'posed to be teachin' us about colors and shit.
Miss Celestine: Listen up Miss. Thang- my gran'son is a creative genius jus' like his mo-aunt, I want to know what Juelz is doing in Art.
Miss Butterscotch: Erm- art isn't in the syllabus- but Juelz has taken a keen interest in Biol-
Miss Celestine: STAP! just STAP! I didn't send my gran'baby to school to learn about how plants grow and shit- the only thing my gran'baby needs to know is how to reproduce- are you teaching them that?!
Miss Butterscotch: Well this is only kindergaten-
Miss Celestine: Stop with all that shit- your obviously trying to entice the children yourself- what kind of name is Miss.Butterscotch anyway- are you trying to give the children cavities? Are you?!and why are you wearing such a low cut top which makes your tetas look like two tennis ball at the bottom of a sling- bitch you need to hitch those tits up- gravity dun got to them.
Miss Butterscotch: Excuse Me?
Miss Celestine: You're excused- how dare you try and put it on my gran'baby- whatchu you tryna do Michael's job for him now he dead and buried- oh hell naw! oh hell to the naw! Bitch I'm reporting your ass to the school board.
Miss Butterscotch: For what?
Miss Celestine: Gross Misconduct- those shoes are making me throw up in my mouth. (Miss Celestine and Juelz then leave, not before Juelz points makes the Nazi salute at Miss Butterscotch, as Miss Celestine and Juelz leave the building- they see Rihanna picking up her dog (Shontelle) from school.) Juelz get in the car- I got to speak to this bitch. (Juelz winks at Rihanna and hops into his safety chair and rolls down the window.)
Rihanna: Miss Celestine.
Miss Celestine: Robyn. How you been- last time I saw you you looked like you were auditioning for What's Love Got To Do With Part 2.
Rihanna: I've been good- just working on my own fragrance line- I actually just finished shooting the commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpHamlvwRx0
Miss Celestine: Eu Dou Trollope?
Rihanna: Why you fuckin bi-atch- dont make me get ragga on your bludkleet.
Miss Celestine: Bitch I will backhand you so hard, the Dereon logo will be forever imprinted in your cheek.
Rihanna: Me na fi scurred of you- me a knock down bigger bitches dan you back home.
Miss Celestine: Somebody call a fuckin translator- you better learn how to sell pussy in Iceland by the time I'm done witchu. (Rihanna pulls razor, Miss. Celestine pulls out Juelz' report card, Miss.ButterScotch pulls out thong from her ass.)
Miss Celestine: You might as well as call me The Texas Chain Saw Mascara cos I'm about slice you up like my name is Papa John's. (Just as Rihanna prepares to attack with her razor, Juelz jumps out of the car and smashes his bottle against the boot of the car, he points the bottle at Rihanna)
Juelz: You better take your dutty winin' pussy out of here quicker than I can say Swiper No Swipin' or else I'll slam this bottle so far down your mouth- you'll be pissing formula. (Rihanna puts down razor and slowly walks away, Juelz gives Miss Celestine a high five.)
Miss Celestine: You the best friend I ever had.
Juelz: Let's go home and prank call Cassie
Miss Celestine: You got her number?
Juelz: Uurbody got her number..
Faggots
It's not your job to decide whether someone is gay or not. That's their job.
You don't go around spreading shit that they someone is gay or not. Get a real job.
And if someone is gay and they're giving you unwanted attention- you have the right to tell that person to fuck off and if they don't fuck off and actually touch you- you then have the right to get physical- because nobody has the right to touch your body without permission.
And if you are gay and don't want to be called gay- that is YOUR choice- however do not be deceiptful and do not use women as your beard unless you know you are going to abstain from homosexual fucking because that isn't fair on your wife.
Two young boys commited suicide because of the stereoptypes enforced in the black media. Two youngs boys commited suicide because some ignorant parents forgot to remind their kids to mind their own fucking business.
At age 11- who knows whether they are gay or not.
Feminine does not equal gay.
If that was the case- down low men wouldn't exist.
The black media help to reinforce the ignorance that exists in the urban community when they suggest that anybody who doesn't wear black and whose clothes dont sag is gay and when they decide that its ok to hurl insults at the little guy who appeared alongside Beyonce' in that ad campaign.
You think anybody chooses to be feminine is such an ignorant society.
You think anybody would choose to be gay when they know what they know what the response would be.
Why would a black man decide to gay- isn't being discriminated because of his skin color enough torture.
I want to know that you are OBSESSED with somebody if you feel the need to scream "faggot" or "queer" to someone everytime you see them, you are OBSESSED with someone if you feel the need to spread rumours about a person whether they are gay or not.
If someone prefers cock to pussy- that is THEIR business.
You don't have to accept it- but you need to respect that person's decision as a human being to live that way.
If a man decides to rock a short skirt, a bikini and a The Beyonce Experience Gingery Brown lacefront and you don't like it- DON'T LOOK AT HIM. He didn't ask you to wear it with him.
Mind your business and worry about your life, instead of analysing what's wrong with somebody elses.
You may be wondering why The Pop Whore is getting all preacher on your ass- well I'll explain.
Yesterday- a dear friend of mine told me that they were gay and that their family knew about it because a family friend had seen him kissing another guy outside of his workplace.
So first of all- because I know that family "friend" reads this blog, I want you to know this:
1. Shut your fucking mouth.
2. Mind your fucking business.
3. Pay me back my fucking money from when I bought your son Baby Jamz for Christmas (I don't care if it was a gift- hand over the cash or your candy ass gets it.)
My friend then explained that when he got home from work, his entire family including his older uncles began to interrogate him, asking him how many guys he had fucked, if he had crushes on anybody and basically trying to embarrasing you and so my friend called me knowing that I wouldn't judge or ask questions, because he is my friend and I knew him before I knew myself- and him being gay doesnt change the fact that he has been supportive of me since the day I decided to start turning tricks at the senior citizens centre.
My friend is masculine.
He plays ball.
Fucks girls. Date Girls.
We even fucked once.
And he was gay.
Feminine does not equal gay.
If that was the case- down low men wouldn't exist.
You don't go around spreading shit that they someone is gay or not. Get a real job.
And if someone is gay and they're giving you unwanted attention- you have the right to tell that person to fuck off and if they don't fuck off and actually touch you- you then have the right to get physical- because nobody has the right to touch your body without permission.
And if you are gay and don't want to be called gay- that is YOUR choice- however do not be deceiptful and do not use women as your beard unless you know you are going to abstain from homosexual fucking because that isn't fair on your wife.
Two young boys commited suicide because of the stereoptypes enforced in the black media. Two youngs boys commited suicide because some ignorant parents forgot to remind their kids to mind their own fucking business.
At age 11- who knows whether they are gay or not.
Feminine does not equal gay.
If that was the case- down low men wouldn't exist.
The black media help to reinforce the ignorance that exists in the urban community when they suggest that anybody who doesn't wear black and whose clothes dont sag is gay and when they decide that its ok to hurl insults at the little guy who appeared alongside Beyonce' in that ad campaign.
You think anybody chooses to be feminine is such an ignorant society.
You think anybody would choose to be gay when they know what they know what the response would be.
Why would a black man decide to gay- isn't being discriminated because of his skin color enough torture.
I want to know that you are OBSESSED with somebody if you feel the need to scream "faggot" or "queer" to someone everytime you see them, you are OBSESSED with someone if you feel the need to spread rumours about a person whether they are gay or not.
If someone prefers cock to pussy- that is THEIR business.
You don't have to accept it- but you need to respect that person's decision as a human being to live that way.
If a man decides to rock a short skirt, a bikini and a The Beyonce Experience Gingery Brown lacefront and you don't like it- DON'T LOOK AT HIM. He didn't ask you to wear it with him.
Mind your business and worry about your life, instead of analysing what's wrong with somebody elses.
You may be wondering why The Pop Whore is getting all preacher on your ass- well I'll explain.
Yesterday- a dear friend of mine told me that they were gay and that their family knew about it because a family friend had seen him kissing another guy outside of his workplace.
So first of all- because I know that family "friend" reads this blog, I want you to know this:
1. Shut your fucking mouth.
2. Mind your fucking business.
3. Pay me back my fucking money from when I bought your son Baby Jamz for Christmas (I don't care if it was a gift- hand over the cash or your candy ass gets it.)
My friend then explained that when he got home from work, his entire family including his older uncles began to interrogate him, asking him how many guys he had fucked, if he had crushes on anybody and basically trying to embarrasing you and so my friend called me knowing that I wouldn't judge or ask questions, because he is my friend and I knew him before I knew myself- and him being gay doesnt change the fact that he has been supportive of me since the day I decided to start turning tricks at the senior citizens centre.
My friend is masculine.
He plays ball.
Fucks girls. Date Girls.
We even fucked once.
And he was gay.
Feminine does not equal gay.
If that was the case- down low men wouldn't exist.
Friday 14 August 2009
More Than A Woman
If Aaliyah was alive, Beyonce would shit on her too. There- I said it.
Aaliyah's contemporaries:
Toni Braxton
TLC
Janet Jackson
Mariah Carey
Adinah Howard
Xscape
Boys 2 Men
Gs To Gents
Brandy
Whisky
Liquer
Where are any of these bitches now- the best of them can't walk down the street without being heckled at because of their non-existant sales, expanding waistlines, getting spunked or their obsession with whispering their "music".
So if Aaliyah was alive- what makes you think she'd be any match for Sasha.
Yes Aaliyah was the shit in the 90s and early Noughties but so was Janet.
Yes Aaliyah was renowned for her innovative videos and mainstream relevance- but so was Ci- I'm sorry.
I love me some Aaliyah too but let's not get carried away- each bitch has their time and one day I'm sure Mathew Knowles and Joe Jackson will finally release their hybridized artist who has Beyonce's vocal talent, vagina, performance skill and sanity fused with Michael's innovation (minus the kiddy fiddling) that will dethrone Beyonce' but until then it's important to realise this:
EVEN IF BEYONCE' RETIRED- PAPA SHAWN HAS ABOUT 11 NEW FAIR SKINNED-LIGHT HEADED MEDIOCORE FEMBOTS READY TO JOIN RIHANNA ON THE POP IT GIRL SCENE WHO WILL ALSO SHIT ON YOUR FAVOURITE ARTISTS.
And my dear Brooke:
1. Your album is gathering dust is on your father's shrivelled penis.
2. Your mother is choking on the cum of her tween boyfriend.
3. Your daddy is fucking a bitch identical to you.
4. You look like Malibu Beach Barbie on testosterone.
5. Get a security guard- if your ass is ever in Vegas you better hope me and my Uncle Rosalinda don't catch you- because if we do- we will take your bleached ass and use your skin for a fur coat- winter is approaching.
You are just lucky that I do not have own The How To Deal With Hyper Non Existant Bitches Talking Smack About The Fierce One manual guide, I only have The How To Deal with Irrelevant SongWriters Whose Records Bubble Hard On the Bubbling Under Talking Smack About The Fierce One manual guide. Because If I did I would make your ass a trending topic but since we Sasha fans have no experience on how to deal with dealing with non existant hoes like you- don't expect too much hassle.
Ps.
Could you ask your mom if she still wants to renew her membership on www. MilfFuck.com, she's always been such a good sport.
Aaliyah's contemporaries:
Toni Braxton
TLC
Janet Jackson
Mariah Carey
Adinah Howard
Xscape
Boys 2 Men
Gs To Gents
Brandy
Whisky
Liquer
Where are any of these bitches now- the best of them can't walk down the street without being heckled at because of their non-existant sales, expanding waistlines, getting spunked or their obsession with whispering their "music".
So if Aaliyah was alive- what makes you think she'd be any match for Sasha.
Yes Aaliyah was the shit in the 90s and early Noughties but so was Janet.
Yes Aaliyah was renowned for her innovative videos and mainstream relevance- but so was Ci- I'm sorry.
I love me some Aaliyah too but let's not get carried away- each bitch has their time and one day I'm sure Mathew Knowles and Joe Jackson will finally release their hybridized artist who has Beyonce's vocal talent, vagina, performance skill and sanity fused with Michael's innovation (minus the kiddy fiddling) that will dethrone Beyonce' but until then it's important to realise this:
EVEN IF BEYONCE' RETIRED- PAPA SHAWN HAS ABOUT 11 NEW FAIR SKINNED-LIGHT HEADED MEDIOCORE FEMBOTS READY TO JOIN RIHANNA ON THE POP IT GIRL SCENE WHO WILL ALSO SHIT ON YOUR FAVOURITE ARTISTS.
And my dear Brooke:
1. Your album is gathering dust is on your father's shrivelled penis.
2. Your mother is choking on the cum of her tween boyfriend.
3. Your daddy is fucking a bitch identical to you.
4. You look like Malibu Beach Barbie on testosterone.
5. Get a security guard- if your ass is ever in Vegas you better hope me and my Uncle Rosalinda don't catch you- because if we do- we will take your bleached ass and use your skin for a fur coat- winter is approaching.
You are just lucky that I do not have own The How To Deal With Hyper Non Existant Bitches Talking Smack About The Fierce One manual guide, I only have The How To Deal with Irrelevant SongWriters Whose Records Bubble Hard On the Bubbling Under Talking Smack About The Fierce One manual guide. Because If I did I would make your ass a trending topic but since we Sasha fans have no experience on how to deal with dealing with non existant hoes like you- don't expect too much hassle.
Ps.
Could you ask your mom if she still wants to renew her membership on www. MilfFuck.com, she's always been such a good sport.
Thursday 13 August 2009
The League of Unextraordinary R'n'b Skeezes part 2.
Dereon HeadQuarters Reception
Ashanti: Hello- I have an interview here today.
Receptionist Robberson: Please take a seat. Miss Celestine will be out to see you in a minute.
(The Beyonce' Experience Intro begins playing as Miss Celestine catwalks into the reception.)
Miss Celestine: LaTavia, call the farm and cancel my order of sixty horses, we'll just have to recycle Beyonce's dark wigs from '99 for Solange, this recession is a bitch.
Receptionist Robberson: Yes Ma'am.
Miss Celestine: And push your tetas up- we running a business up in this shit. Oh Ms....Douglas you here on time. I'm impressed, Follow me into my office. (The I AM. Tour Into begins playing as Ashanti follows Miss.Celestine into her office, Miss Celestine takes a seat)
Miss Celestine: Stand in the corner- so Ms. Douglas- why do you think I should hire you here at The Dereon HeadQuarters.
Ashanti: I'll be aways there when you call- I'm always on time. Erm- I'm efficient-
Miss Celestine: Do you have experience in prank calling fat diva bitches?
Ashanti: Sorry?
Miss Celestine: Whatchu got Nelly's cum blockin ya ear?! Do you have experience prank calling fat diva bitches?
Ashanti: No Ma'am. (Juelz enters.)
Juelz: Nana- I got Dora on the phone- she say she returning yo' call.
Miss Celestine: Boy pull your pants up and pass me the phone- ok Juelz continue this interview, whilst I take this call. (Miss Celestine exits, Juelz climbs up into Miss Celestine's seat.)
Juelz: So Ms.Douglas- if I call your funky ass if 3 in the morn and ask you to drive over here and pour some Liqour in my Barney cup, would you do it?
Ashanti: Erm yeah.
Juelz: And I asked you to put on Wendy William's voice and prank call Madox- would you do it?
Ashanti: Oh ok- yeah sure. (Ashanti begins to sweat.)
Juelz: Take off your shirt. Strip for may.
Ashanti: Oh no-I-I-I can't. (Juelz throws quarter at her)
Juelz: Bitch you want this job?! (Ashanti's sweat hits the floor, she begins to strip, Whistle While You Twerk begins to play as he throws Cheetos at her) BITCH I KNEW IT- YOU WIRED.
(Janet's house)
Janet: Ashanti abort mission. abort mission.
(Office)
Juelz: So you try run up in here and get all 007 on us, im about to go Ben 10 on your ass. (enter Miss. Celestine, Juelz throws himself to the floor.)
Miss Celestine: LAWDHAMMERCY! What the fuck you trying to do to my gran'baby- what are you- Michael ?! Oh imma show you what we do to perverts like you in H-Town.
Ashanti: God no!
Miss Celestine: Leave God out of this bitch. I'm about to turn your hairy ass into a fur coat. (just as Miss Celestine reaches for the razor, Ashanti leaps out of the window and runs) That little bitch- Juelz you ok? I'm going to fuck the League of Unextraordinary R'n'b Skeezes Up if it's the last thing I do.
TBC.
(Below is the phone call Miss. Celestine had with Dora)
Dora: Tina?
Miss Celestine: It's Miss Celestine Beyince' to you.
Dora: Cut out the shit- why did you call? You still haven't returned Diego's cheetah
Miss Celestine: Yes the fuck I did- I sent it home to you- check 0.38 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWq3kobYOQk but that's not what I called.
Dora: If this is about me dating Daniel- then forget about it- I ain't doing it.
Miss Celestine: Why not- you fuck with everybody else
Dora: Shut the fuck up- no I do not.
Miss Celestine: You ain't know that I know bout you and Diego?
Dora: You dirty... he's my cousin?
Miss Celestine: Like Hell he is- listen bitch- Juelz needs a woman on his arm for when he promotes his debut record, It's Nap Time Nigger to elevate his thug image, and you the easiest bitch I can find.
Dora: Oh hell no- Conseguí una visita para poner junto, yo me puse tiempo conseguido para su mierda crujiente de talkin de asno a mí, ain't no manera que haré fechando su nieto.
Miss Celestine: So you want to get bilingual up in this shit?Date my grandson and or I'll call social services on your neglected ass, bitch you know you ain't got a green card which is why the only place you be exploring is Mex-fucking-Ico. Y'all bitches never learn- I AM A KNOWLES- w always get what we want and If you don't let Juelz take your ass to Red Lobster and let me send the photos to MTO, I will come to your house myself and fuck up your map- then how the fuck you gon' find shit. Weibchen.
Dora: Ok- Ok, I'll do it- but if I do- I need something in return.
Miss Celestine: Yes?
Dora: Deal with the bitch who wrote this:
http://www.quizilla.com/polls/10964101/who-would-win-in-a-slap-fight-spongebob-or-dora-the-explorer
Ashanti: Hello- I have an interview here today.
Receptionist Robberson: Please take a seat. Miss Celestine will be out to see you in a minute.
(The Beyonce' Experience Intro begins playing as Miss Celestine catwalks into the reception.)
Miss Celestine: LaTavia, call the farm and cancel my order of sixty horses, we'll just have to recycle Beyonce's dark wigs from '99 for Solange, this recession is a bitch.
Receptionist Robberson: Yes Ma'am.
Miss Celestine: And push your tetas up- we running a business up in this shit. Oh Ms....Douglas you here on time. I'm impressed, Follow me into my office. (The I AM. Tour Into begins playing as Ashanti follows Miss.Celestine into her office, Miss Celestine takes a seat)
Miss Celestine: Stand in the corner- so Ms. Douglas- why do you think I should hire you here at The Dereon HeadQuarters.
Ashanti: I'll be aways there when you call- I'm always on time. Erm- I'm efficient-
Miss Celestine: Do you have experience in prank calling fat diva bitches?
Ashanti: Sorry?
Miss Celestine: Whatchu got Nelly's cum blockin ya ear?! Do you have experience prank calling fat diva bitches?
Ashanti: No Ma'am. (Juelz enters.)
Juelz: Nana- I got Dora on the phone- she say she returning yo' call.
Miss Celestine: Boy pull your pants up and pass me the phone- ok Juelz continue this interview, whilst I take this call. (Miss Celestine exits, Juelz climbs up into Miss Celestine's seat.)
Juelz: So Ms.Douglas- if I call your funky ass if 3 in the morn and ask you to drive over here and pour some Liqour in my Barney cup, would you do it?
Ashanti: Erm yeah.
Juelz: And I asked you to put on Wendy William's voice and prank call Madox- would you do it?
Ashanti: Oh ok- yeah sure. (Ashanti begins to sweat.)
Juelz: Take off your shirt. Strip for may.
Ashanti: Oh no-I-I-I can't. (Juelz throws quarter at her)
Juelz: Bitch you want this job?! (Ashanti's sweat hits the floor, she begins to strip, Whistle While You Twerk begins to play as he throws Cheetos at her) BITCH I KNEW IT- YOU WIRED.
(Janet's house)
Janet: Ashanti abort mission. abort mission.
(Office)
Juelz: So you try run up in here and get all 007 on us, im about to go Ben 10 on your ass. (enter Miss. Celestine, Juelz throws himself to the floor.)
Miss Celestine: LAWDHAMMERCY! What the fuck you trying to do to my gran'baby- what are you- Michael ?! Oh imma show you what we do to perverts like you in H-Town.
Ashanti: God no!
Miss Celestine: Leave God out of this bitch. I'm about to turn your hairy ass into a fur coat. (just as Miss Celestine reaches for the razor, Ashanti leaps out of the window and runs) That little bitch- Juelz you ok? I'm going to fuck the League of Unextraordinary R'n'b Skeezes Up if it's the last thing I do.
TBC.
(Below is the phone call Miss. Celestine had with Dora)
Dora: Tina?
Miss Celestine: It's Miss Celestine Beyince' to you.
Dora: Cut out the shit- why did you call? You still haven't returned Diego's cheetah
Miss Celestine: Yes the fuck I did- I sent it home to you- check 0.38 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWq3kobYOQk but that's not what I called.
Dora: If this is about me dating Daniel- then forget about it- I ain't doing it.
Miss Celestine: Why not- you fuck with everybody else
Dora: Shut the fuck up- no I do not.
Miss Celestine: You ain't know that I know bout you and Diego?
Dora: You dirty... he's my cousin?
Miss Celestine: Like Hell he is- listen bitch- Juelz needs a woman on his arm for when he promotes his debut record, It's Nap Time Nigger to elevate his thug image, and you the easiest bitch I can find.
Dora: Oh hell no- Conseguí una visita para poner junto, yo me puse tiempo conseguido para su mierda crujiente de talkin de asno a mí, ain't no manera que haré fechando su nieto.
Miss Celestine: So you want to get bilingual up in this shit?Date my grandson and or I'll call social services on your neglected ass, bitch you know you ain't got a green card which is why the only place you be exploring is Mex-fucking-Ico. Y'all bitches never learn- I AM A KNOWLES- w always get what we want and If you don't let Juelz take your ass to Red Lobster and let me send the photos to MTO, I will come to your house myself and fuck up your map- then how the fuck you gon' find shit. Weibchen.
Dora: Ok- Ok, I'll do it- but if I do- I need something in return.
Miss Celestine: Yes?
Dora: Deal with the bitch who wrote this:
http://www.quizilla.com/polls/10964101/who-would-win-in-a-slap-fight-spongebob-or-dora-the-explorer
Wednesday 12 August 2009
I AM.... GOING TO OUTSELL YOU
I don't usually like to post back to back, but I've been forced too.
Just because someone gets to number 1 doesn't mean their record was succesful because Chrisette Michelle was number 1 with around 89,000 units in her first week sales. Now- if you think that's succesful then I'd like to know what you think of Beyonce's 482,000 opening week sales for I AM.
When it comes to Janet fans, yes- Discipline was number 1 with 181,000 but what would have happened if Beyonce, Mariah, Alicia and Britney all released records in the same week as Janet. Huh?
I can't hear you?
No say it again?
SHE WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE MADE IT INTO THE TOP TEN.
I won't go into the politics behind Janet's embarrasing situation right now because that'd need to be a ten page report but I'll tell you this.
Whatchu Say- Not To Me- She ain't no icon.
She used to be when her music meant shit. When you felt empowered by stomping to Rhythm Nation or getting down to Pleasure Principle- now the bitch talks about sucking dick.
This new record she's planning to put out is going to shift less records than Brandy's record did and Im just curious to know what label are going to sign after she wasted Universal's Time after dissapointing Virgin.
Just because someone gets to number 1 doesn't mean their record was succesful because Chrisette Michelle was number 1 with around 89,000 units in her first week sales. Now- if you think that's succesful then I'd like to know what you think of Beyonce's 482,000 opening week sales for I AM.
When it comes to Janet fans, yes- Discipline was number 1 with 181,000 but what would have happened if Beyonce, Mariah, Alicia and Britney all released records in the same week as Janet. Huh?
I can't hear you?
No say it again?
SHE WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE MADE IT INTO THE TOP TEN.
I won't go into the politics behind Janet's embarrasing situation right now because that'd need to be a ten page report but I'll tell you this.
Whatchu Say- Not To Me- She ain't no icon.
She used to be when her music meant shit. When you felt empowered by stomping to Rhythm Nation or getting down to Pleasure Principle- now the bitch talks about sucking dick.
This new record she's planning to put out is going to shift less records than Brandy's record did and Im just curious to know what label are going to sign after she wasted Universal's Time after dissapointing Virgin.
The League of Unextraordinary R'n'b Skeezes part 1.
Janet: Are we all present?
Alicia: Girl do a roll call.
Janet: Ok so Keri's here, Mya's here, Brandy's in traffic, Miss Harris is...here,Ashanti's in the kitchen, Alicia-hey girl, is that all? Where's Michelle?
Alicia: She just found out that she actually has an album worth buying so she won't be joining us anymore.
Janet: Whatever- that just means more cake for us. So in our last meeting we discussed what to do when your Twitter account is bombarded with hate mail from fans of she who shall not be named.
LaToya: Beyonce?!
Ashanti: Yes (inhales) Beyonce'- but LaToya why are you here- you need to have been relevant at one point and then a flop another to be a part of this league- you've never even opened up for anybody- Ciara how's that going?
Janet: Ciara you don't have to answer that. Anyway so today I have something to announce, we are going to GET Celestine, Keri could you please explain what happened to you at the BET awards. (Keri Hilson rises.)
Keri: So after my ass backwards peformance where I tried my best to sing and dance at the same time but ended up looking like my pussy was having a heart attack- I ran backstage to get changed into my outfit- when I got there i found Miss Celestine sitting in my dressing room, her left arm under her chin and her right arm clutching a revolver.
Mya: Shit- what happened?
Keri: She said something in Creole and then said "You want to me to make your face a little bit more colorful bitch", I was so afraid, then she said "Talk shit about my picne again and I will stick this gun so far up your ass you'll be spitting out bullets." Then she hissed and then she left.
Janet: So as you can see, Miss Celestine is going on dangerous, I knew her way back when she was Sheila E's understudy. I'll never forget the day she rammed a ten inch stilleto up Appollonia's ass for not putting enough seasoning in her Fruit Loops- she has to be dealt with.
Alicia: Before we go on- are any of you married? (All shake heads.) Ok- please go on Damita.
Janet: Every Thursday Miss Tina, Miss Turner and Miss Jay go out for drinks at Club Vouz Le Vouz, I know this because Jermaine works the night shift there- so here's what we're going to do, we're going to roll up in Mya's Hummer....
Mya: Repossesed.
Janet: We're going to roll up in Alicia's Hummer and kindap Miss Celestine and hold her for ransom and demand that that bitch daughter of hers retires so we can get a chance to get into the charts (hopefully)
Ashanti: I don't think this is a good idea- Miss Tina don't fuck about- look what she had done to Robyn.
Keri: She paid Chris to do it? Why? Because she thinks Robyn's competition?
Ashanti: No. Because she has a hatred for all Carribeans, who you think shot Bob Marley.
Ciara: Bob Marley wasn't shot.
Ashanti: Shut the fuck up you dick swinging smut.
Janet: Now Now girls, let's not fight- Ashanti I see where you're coming from but something needs to be done, we need someone on the inside to get close to her.
Alicia: Whatchu Tolm Bout Jo?
Janet: We need to go undercover in The Wig Crypt.
TBC.
Alicia: Girl do a roll call.
Janet: Ok so Keri's here, Mya's here, Brandy's in traffic, Miss Harris is...here,Ashanti's in the kitchen, Alicia-hey girl, is that all? Where's Michelle?
Alicia: She just found out that she actually has an album worth buying so she won't be joining us anymore.
Janet: Whatever- that just means more cake for us. So in our last meeting we discussed what to do when your Twitter account is bombarded with hate mail from fans of she who shall not be named.
LaToya: Beyonce?!
Ashanti: Yes (inhales) Beyonce'- but LaToya why are you here- you need to have been relevant at one point and then a flop another to be a part of this league- you've never even opened up for anybody- Ciara how's that going?
Janet: Ciara you don't have to answer that. Anyway so today I have something to announce, we are going to GET Celestine, Keri could you please explain what happened to you at the BET awards. (Keri Hilson rises.)
Keri: So after my ass backwards peformance where I tried my best to sing and dance at the same time but ended up looking like my pussy was having a heart attack- I ran backstage to get changed into my outfit- when I got there i found Miss Celestine sitting in my dressing room, her left arm under her chin and her right arm clutching a revolver.
Mya: Shit- what happened?
Keri: She said something in Creole and then said "You want to me to make your face a little bit more colorful bitch", I was so afraid, then she said "Talk shit about my picne again and I will stick this gun so far up your ass you'll be spitting out bullets." Then she hissed and then she left.
Janet: So as you can see, Miss Celestine is going on dangerous, I knew her way back when she was Sheila E's understudy. I'll never forget the day she rammed a ten inch stilleto up Appollonia's ass for not putting enough seasoning in her Fruit Loops- she has to be dealt with.
Alicia: Before we go on- are any of you married? (All shake heads.) Ok- please go on Damita.
Janet: Every Thursday Miss Tina, Miss Turner and Miss Jay go out for drinks at Club Vouz Le Vouz, I know this because Jermaine works the night shift there- so here's what we're going to do, we're going to roll up in Mya's Hummer....
Mya: Repossesed.
Janet: We're going to roll up in Alicia's Hummer and kindap Miss Celestine and hold her for ransom and demand that that bitch daughter of hers retires so we can get a chance to get into the charts (hopefully)
Ashanti: I don't think this is a good idea- Miss Tina don't fuck about- look what she had done to Robyn.
Keri: She paid Chris to do it? Why? Because she thinks Robyn's competition?
Ashanti: No. Because she has a hatred for all Carribeans, who you think shot Bob Marley.
Ciara: Bob Marley wasn't shot.
Ashanti: Shut the fuck up you dick swinging smut.
Janet: Now Now girls, let's not fight- Ashanti I see where you're coming from but something needs to be done, we need someone on the inside to get close to her.
Alicia: Whatchu Tolm Bout Jo?
Janet: We need to go undercover in The Wig Crypt.
TBC.
Monday 10 August 2009
Oh No You Diddy'nt
1. Twitter takes away all the mystery that an artist once had from an artist.
2. You're shit at what you do.
I'll just get straight into it. Today as I was making my way to a friends party and sitting in a traffic, I put in the last Danity Kane record and realised that these bitches were damn good. So good that with the right management and direction they could have been an internationally respected group since The PussyCat Dolls have less artistic credibility than Milli Vanilli and Yung Berg put together.
But you see, when you're signed to Bad Boy all you are is a symbol, a symbol of Diddy's wealth, Diddy doesn't care whether the symbol is succesful or not- we know this because Cassie still has a job- but yes- all you are is a symbol of Diddy's "empire" when you are signed to Bad Boy.
The reason Diddy needs so many shows and artists is because without them people would be forced to actually evaluate his own credibility as a rapper, but because to mainstream media Diddy is one of the "fathers" of Hip Hop alongside Jay Z, mainstream media are never even going to bother questioning the pure foolishness which is Diddy's lyrical content because he such as a good "business man."
Now- if you want to talk about a good business man you don't have to look any further than Jay Z. You see- everyone knows Jay Z is talented whether or not some chump thinks he's an old ass nigger but like his wife- Jay Z has become more than just a good rapper- he's become an empire.
Look at the artists that he's signed:
Rihanna- The World's Biggest Pop Star.
Kanye- (Genius.)
Now Jay Z has his faults, dropping teenage girls without even having the decency to let them know himself but when he does work at something he gets it right, he's become so succesful that people dont even realise when his singles chart poorly like the singles he's released this year, but it's cool but he has artistic intergrity.
Diddy however is only good at marketing a caricature of himself- anyone remember when he tried to convince us he was from Harlem? You see- there is a name for people who come from wealthy circumstances but are ashamed of it:
Jackasses.
The only good thing Diddy is good at promoting are his external businesses- such as the clothing line and "cologne". If he was good at promoting his artists, Day 26 wouldn't be so familiar with the set of 106 and Park, Cassie wouldn't look like such a fool and Danity Kane would still be together.
And when it comes to the BIG movie.
What fuckery.
Trying to present Biggie Smalls as some unsuspecting rapper who got caught up in drama because of a huge "misunderstanding". You may have been able to fool his mother but you won't fool an audience who know how big your ego is.
Trying to convince a younger audience that Tupac was overreacting to situations obviously orchestrated by Biggie nothing short of filthy.
And so is trying to present Faith Evans as the angel to Lil Kim's devil.
Lil Kim may have been a hoe but Faith Evans was no nun, everyone knows that she was serving the kitty ice cold to Tupac and yet the film behaves as though "it was all a big misunderstanding".
Oh the fuckery.
You can't rap.
And any mystery you had died the second you signed up for Twitter because now people know that you know what they think about you- like how even Stephen Hawkins has a better flow than you.
Cassie:
Yes you can't sing.
And yes- everyone knows your little interracial pussy is the reason you're still signed but with the right management you could be a huge star, it's not like the lack vocal ability is holding any of these other bitches back.
With your look and your lifeless voice you could see your music enter the top ten and become a respected face.
You need to work on some POP MUSIC, where people unfortuenately don't expect much from their stars.
You need to get in the studio with cheap producers and high profile writers so you can save some money and use the money that you saved to put out 15 videos and singles to maximise the chances of you getting to number 1 on some chart.
That's what you need to do.
Day 26 (sigh) Get rid of the fat one. Put in a slim one, get new management, get a new label and be the amazing men that you are.
Red Cafe- you stay where you are. You belong where you are.
2. You're shit at what you do.
I'll just get straight into it. Today as I was making my way to a friends party and sitting in a traffic, I put in the last Danity Kane record and realised that these bitches were damn good. So good that with the right management and direction they could have been an internationally respected group since The PussyCat Dolls have less artistic credibility than Milli Vanilli and Yung Berg put together.
But you see, when you're signed to Bad Boy all you are is a symbol, a symbol of Diddy's wealth, Diddy doesn't care whether the symbol is succesful or not- we know this because Cassie still has a job- but yes- all you are is a symbol of Diddy's "empire" when you are signed to Bad Boy.
The reason Diddy needs so many shows and artists is because without them people would be forced to actually evaluate his own credibility as a rapper, but because to mainstream media Diddy is one of the "fathers" of Hip Hop alongside Jay Z, mainstream media are never even going to bother questioning the pure foolishness which is Diddy's lyrical content because he such as a good "business man."
Now- if you want to talk about a good business man you don't have to look any further than Jay Z. You see- everyone knows Jay Z is talented whether or not some chump thinks he's an old ass nigger but like his wife- Jay Z has become more than just a good rapper- he's become an empire.
Look at the artists that he's signed:
Rihanna- The World's Biggest Pop Star.
Kanye- (Genius.)
Now Jay Z has his faults, dropping teenage girls without even having the decency to let them know himself but when he does work at something he gets it right, he's become so succesful that people dont even realise when his singles chart poorly like the singles he's released this year, but it's cool but he has artistic intergrity.
Diddy however is only good at marketing a caricature of himself- anyone remember when he tried to convince us he was from Harlem? You see- there is a name for people who come from wealthy circumstances but are ashamed of it:
Jackasses.
The only good thing Diddy is good at promoting are his external businesses- such as the clothing line and "cologne". If he was good at promoting his artists, Day 26 wouldn't be so familiar with the set of 106 and Park, Cassie wouldn't look like such a fool and Danity Kane would still be together.
And when it comes to the BIG movie.
What fuckery.
Trying to present Biggie Smalls as some unsuspecting rapper who got caught up in drama because of a huge "misunderstanding". You may have been able to fool his mother but you won't fool an audience who know how big your ego is.
Trying to convince a younger audience that Tupac was overreacting to situations obviously orchestrated by Biggie nothing short of filthy.
And so is trying to present Faith Evans as the angel to Lil Kim's devil.
Lil Kim may have been a hoe but Faith Evans was no nun, everyone knows that she was serving the kitty ice cold to Tupac and yet the film behaves as though "it was all a big misunderstanding".
Oh the fuckery.
You can't rap.
And any mystery you had died the second you signed up for Twitter because now people know that you know what they think about you- like how even Stephen Hawkins has a better flow than you.
Cassie:
Yes you can't sing.
And yes- everyone knows your little interracial pussy is the reason you're still signed but with the right management you could be a huge star, it's not like the lack vocal ability is holding any of these other bitches back.
With your look and your lifeless voice you could see your music enter the top ten and become a respected face.
You need to work on some POP MUSIC, where people unfortuenately don't expect much from their stars.
You need to get in the studio with cheap producers and high profile writers so you can save some money and use the money that you saved to put out 15 videos and singles to maximise the chances of you getting to number 1 on some chart.
That's what you need to do.
Day 26 (sigh) Get rid of the fat one. Put in a slim one, get new management, get a new label and be the amazing men that you are.
Red Cafe- you stay where you are. You belong where you are.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)