There's only two types of whores out there, the ones that blog online... and the ones that are scared.
Hello my little Pussy Holes, it's Pop Whore (claws fingers and emulates kitten on heat). I've been away so long trying to get on For The Love of Ray J, but since I haven't got a penis and my ass hole's pretty tight I didn't make the cut.
So yesterday, I was chilling at Keri Hilson's crib reciting the National Anthem when I heard more about this Kat Stacks character and I decided that I owed it to my Pussy Holes to inseminate them with my cock filled with fierce semen to satisfy their needs with this log about her.
First of all, this needs to be said about all whores- a whore can't be a whore without dicks to explore. For those amongst you who fall under the basic bitch category, that means that unless men give it up, a whore cant suck it up and so if you're going to hate on the whore you better be spewing hate on the guy who makes her whoredom possible.
To me, Kat Stacks like Superhead before her is doing the world a favour, by exposing hip hop culture for what it really is, a thick pile of Gabourey Sidibe's shit. People have nothing to say when Trey Songz wants to convince us that his dick can make a bitch wanna buy him a shortset and some of you idiots found a way to rationalise Chris Brown thumping the shit out of Miss Fenty AND when that cum stained piano player was found out to be bumping uglies with that married producer whose nose looks like he can't believe oxygen is free.
If this Kat "Google Me" Stacks has shit to say about your favourite rappers you need to listen up, because she knows them and YOU DO NOT.
Calling her a hoe is like telling Katy Perry that her career died the second Gaga's Italian cooch hit our screens- she already knows.
These rappers promote homophobia, sexism and the degradation of women when in reality they're all as soft as getting brain from the Cookie Monster and so whenever someone comes out and exposes them for who they really are, I welcome it because it's neccesary.
Will I be buying her book? No. She couldnt put a grammatically correct sentence together even if her worn out pussy lips depended on it, but will I routing for her? YES I WILL.
(See how I did that entire post WITHOUT calling anybody irrelevant).
And some of you wanted me to talk about Ricky Martin being gay.
I'll make this one short:
Until mothers and fathers start expecting their straight kids to declare that they are straight, they should not expect their gay kids to declare that they are gay.
It doesn't help or hinder anything, as long as you know whether you lick the cooter or stick the cooter, that's all that matters.
Ricky is only interested in being gay ever since he heard they were making a Spanish version of Paris is Burning.
That is all.
Thursday, 1 April 2010
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
GRACE JONES ACCUSED OF BEATING UP YOUNG BERG
Police have apprehended an erratic Grace Jones after she walked into her local Mcdonalds confessing to the assault of arti- rapp- musici- oh what the fuck- pussy hole Young Berg.
Ms. Jones who is now being questioned by police is said to have walked into her local Mcdonalds and when she discovered that they had run out of Big Macs told the server, "serve me da Mac or I'll fuck up your shit like your mother just re-christened you Young Berg."
The server then immediately called the police and whilst Miss Jones sat at the table waiting for police to arrive she told the manager everything.
"I walk into house- fuck up the security cameras with the heel of my boots and walk up to his motherfucking room- he say he no like dark skinned women- well last night he definitely saw how dark my pussy was when i stood over his face and made him drink my salty liquer, then i beat him around the head with my loaded weapon shoutin "you don't like what?!" "you dont like what?!"- his ass never saw it coming."
Berg, who is said to be sucking on the dick of his manager to calm himself down after the situation had this to say:
I tried to conversate widd her, leddaknow dat we could work shit out, but then she pissed on me man, she straight pissed me.
Other celebrities had this to say.
"Haha I say Haha- now I'll get back to pruning Que's ass"- Diddy.
"Ah man- that shit is so so fucked up- I wanted to be the first one to piss on Berg"- Ray J.
"Yes- it sad that this has happened and a testament that racism still exists- had it been Justin Bieber his attacker would have been curteous enough to shit on him but because Young Berg is a BLACK man, he was pissed on to symbolise the act of ownership"- Al Sharpton
"Erm- yeah its fucked up but thats life- when a bitch pisses on you you hop right back up, when a nigger shits on your gums and calls you Sandra Rose you hop right back up and when a nigger drops yo ass for some skinny ass bitch from Barbados who spends the money set aside for yo' nex record on vibrating tampons you hop right back up"- Foxy Brown
The Police also believe that Ms Jones had an accomplice and and urge anyone with any information to come forward.
Ms. Jones who is now being questioned by police is said to have walked into her local Mcdonalds and when she discovered that they had run out of Big Macs told the server, "serve me da Mac or I'll fuck up your shit like your mother just re-christened you Young Berg."
The server then immediately called the police and whilst Miss Jones sat at the table waiting for police to arrive she told the manager everything.
"I walk into house- fuck up the security cameras with the heel of my boots and walk up to his motherfucking room- he say he no like dark skinned women- well last night he definitely saw how dark my pussy was when i stood over his face and made him drink my salty liquer, then i beat him around the head with my loaded weapon shoutin "you don't like what?!" "you dont like what?!"- his ass never saw it coming."
Berg, who is said to be sucking on the dick of his manager to calm himself down after the situation had this to say:
I tried to conversate widd her, leddaknow dat we could work shit out, but then she pissed on me man, she straight pissed me.
Other celebrities had this to say.
"Haha I say Haha- now I'll get back to pruning Que's ass"- Diddy.
"Ah man- that shit is so so fucked up- I wanted to be the first one to piss on Berg"- Ray J.
"Yes- it sad that this has happened and a testament that racism still exists- had it been Justin Bieber his attacker would have been curteous enough to shit on him but because Young Berg is a BLACK man, he was pissed on to symbolise the act of ownership"- Al Sharpton
"Erm- yeah its fucked up but thats life- when a bitch pisses on you you hop right back up, when a nigger shits on your gums and calls you Sandra Rose you hop right back up and when a nigger drops yo ass for some skinny ass bitch from Barbados who spends the money set aside for yo' nex record on vibrating tampons you hop right back up"- Foxy Brown
The Police also believe that Ms Jones had an accomplice and and urge anyone with any information to come forward.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Lemon Pie.
Person A and Person B enter a pie making competition.
Person A and Person B along with five others enter the Fruit Pie category. Person A wins the award for having the Best Pie Overall, Person B wins for having the Best Fruit Pie. That's all im going to say about the VMAs and Grammys.
Onto a more shadier scenario- I logged onto my favourite site http://www.bossip.com/ and saw something which would have Moi Renee vogueing in her grave. Ray "I was irrelevant in the 90s and even more so almost 20 years later" J and The Game have put out a new track which has lines which get at Miss. Kim Kardashian.
Now we've spoken about hoe shit before as well as irrelevant shit but this shit that I'm about to go into is so sick and filthy that not even Tila Tequila would consider letting it penetrate her.
It's clear to me that Ray J and The Game are indeed the perfect match.
Dumb and Dumberer.
One looks like Rasputia sleeps on his face and the other couldn't sell white pussy to Tiger Woods.
You see- in my "insert modest but untruthful figure" years of living- I have learnt many valuable lessons- how to lace a bitches Soco with laxative- how to suck dick without gagging and how to dishearten a Mariah Carey fan but the most important lesson I have learnt is this:
People who ain't got shit to do always got shit to say.
Get into this my little sluts.
People who ain't got shit to do always got shit to say.
Shit like "Why does anybody need to stay in school- after you learn to count that's all you need." and shit like "I'm not benefiting from this sextape like she is- you don't see me on the cover of Playboy."
You see- this morning when Kim Kardashian woke up I'm sure the last thing on her mind was how she was going to pay her rent or how unsuccesful that guy she fucked on camera is, thats because Kim has shit to do.
When God gave Kim lemons, she made lemonade, lemon pie, lemon meringue, lemon tea and she served it all us to us and made us eat it. Don't hate on a bitch for making the best of a bad situation.
When was the last time your ass and head game turned you into an international brand?
When?
What honey?
Sweetie speak up- what did you say?
Never? Did you say not never?
Indeed bitch- never, and it never will because you're not smart like Kim.
You ain't know how to maximise yo' shit.
So Ray J, if your past work is anything to by- the highest this "song" you put out will go is number 8 on the Douglas/Harris Chart, so here's what I want you to do:
Tonight when you go to bed, sit up and think of all the things you achieved this week, not this year, not this decade, but this week. When you can list five things that your label (snickers) would be proud of that's when you can consider talking about succesful people.
And as for The Game- my dear- perhaps if you had stayed in school longer you would have been smart enough to realize not to sign that shady ass contract with Senor Curtis who still makes that cheddar everytime someone purchases one of your albums, comprende' fool?
Don't hate on Kim for doing the shit your ass is too stupid to think up.
Yes Ray J- your dick game is good- I've seen the tape and so yes- you could get your pole polished but it's a shame your career and mark in the world isn't as sweet and poweful as your cock.
It was the Grammys two nights ago- where were you?
The VMAs in 2009- where were you?
Keri Hilson collecting Employee Of the Day Award- where you?
Focus on the scent of your own shit before you try to come for somebody whose already flushed, scrubbed and disinfected their toilet bowl.
Fucker.
And oh yes- Young Buck called- he wants to know if he left his lube at your place?
Monday, 18 January 2010
The Devil Made Me Do it- Celebrities and the Illuminati
For as long as I can remember, music has been the devil.
In the choir, when I decided to use the ad lib that Beyonce' did at the end of Bootylicious in my solo, I was called the devil.
When I told my mother I was going to see Milli Vanilli on their Out of Synch Tour, I was called the devil and when my dad walked in on me dry humping my Sade poster, she was called the devil.
And recently, the devil has been doing all sorts of twists, twirls and turns on the lips of everyone who knows how to type http://www.youtube.com/ into their web bar. Some pretty intelligent people have used and are using youtube to expose the devil imagery that exists in the demonic videos of stars like Beyonce' and the like. These intelligent people have seen the light and have seen these devil worshipping stars for what they really are, part of a secret devil worshipping society that uses their music to glorify Satan himself (clutches pearls)
These devil worshippers thought that nobody would clock their tea, they thought they could lace our drinks with laxatives and think we wouldnt shit, they thought they could give us quasedillas when we clearly asked for lasagne (how u durin Qaadir?). They thought NOBODY would find out about their secret.
YOU WILL BUY FANTASY RIDE
YOU WILL BUY FANTASY RIDE
YOU WILL BUY FANTASY RIDE
YOU WILL BUY FANTASY RIDE
Secret.
Secret.
Secret.
Well homie thats a- that's a funny word- what did you say? secret? Did you say secret society nigger?
Just a thought- if this society is so secret how do you know about it?
I mean- if this society is bumping vaginas with the devil I'm sure their asses can keep a secret?
If this society is knocking boots with evil you don't think they'd be a little more subtle.?
Isn't it strange how only urban artists are being accused of being part of this society?
All burning questions, so I'm going to clock this tea and for those of you who take your tea sweet, sugary and creamy you can take your asses over to MediaTakeOut, we don't hold our tongues here.
The reason it is Beyonce' and not RHCP being accused of being devil worshippers is because the people who accuse Beyonce' of giving her spice rack up to Lucifer don't know who the RHCP's are. You see- it's difficult to accuse someone of something if you know very little about that person but very easy to accuse someone of something when you have ample reference points.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWmiec1031o
The reason you never hear Alicia "Cum Guzzling Husband Snatching Dick Riding Nut Sucking Piano Playing Acne Ridden" Keys being called a she-devil is because her music videos have very few concepts which leaves little room for re-intepretation.
Alicia walks to Piano. Alicia plays Piano. Alicia Sings Into Mic. Alicia Nods. Alicia Gets Up. Alicia Leaves.
But when you're Rihanna and your ass really wants to impress your fans with your videos (say what you want about Ms.Fenty- but her videos aint never lied) you are going to provide a series of big concepts, imagery and cultural referencing which people can easily interpret to fit their own mind set.
What has happened is that artists of today have become so lazy that fans are suprised when an artist actually puts effort and time into concepts people think there's always another motive.
"Lady Gaga just a fake ass attention seeker."
"Rihanna just has big budget videos cos if she didnt we'd be forced to pay attention to her voice"- (this is actually true.)
"Fuck a Sasha Fierce- Beyonce' is possessed by none other than the demon Beyeezecreole"
And when you a rapper and you reference something that ig'nant people have never heard of before, the same shit may occur.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Margiela
"Uh Uh ain't nobody fresher
I'm in Maison- uh Martin Margiela"
Maybe if Mr.Camel had said "Im in Baby Phat- but Rocawear is better" perhaps you would have understood. Mr. Camel being the crazy old fox he is decided to say the word "Maison" because he knew how wet you'd get up in the pup.
Gandreanataquaelonah: he said Mason! As in Free Mason! I told y'all!
Gynaceoloistivagistana-(isha): Gurr- thats the last time I listen to his ass again- from now I'm sticking to Michael Jackson- he ain't never did nuthin wrong.
Maison means house in French, I'm sure Celestine taught Jigga that word.
Maison is spelt M.A.I.S.O.N.
I don't blame you for being ignorant- you were too busy analyzing the suspicious circumstances surrounding Beyonce's lacefront wig to pay attention in class.
You see, if these people were in the business of working the devil to manipulate our minds you don't think they'd find a better way of doing it. You don't think they'd find a way of doing it without us noticing. It's strange that when people accuse a certain deceased pervert of being paedophile everyone wants to catch feelings EVEN THOUGH he was accused twice and he admitted that "there's nothing wrong with sleeping with boys" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h1euQKJsr4 but when people decide one day that a few black artists who are actually achieving shit all take vacations in the underworld everyone believes it without questioning it.
Maybe it's the black communities seemingly suicidal contempt for anything black and succesful which is the cause for this bullshit, after all I haven't heard anybody accusing Keri Hilson or Ciara of that shit.
I am sure that devil worshipping within the music industry does exist as it does all around the world but just because you don't like an artist doesn't mean they're riding on Lucifer's dick.
For those of you who now think that I am a devil worshipper and have been paid (in 100 dollar bills) by someone to post this post as a way to make the rumours look like a big ole piece of monkeydoodle foolishness, then please feel free to hitch up your tetas and drop me an email.
And for those of you who are running out of Beyonce' videos to annotate, darken and tint with red ,please accept this humble gift:
YOU WILL BUY MS.KELLY THE FORGOTTEN MEMBER DELUXE EDITION.
YOU WILL BUY MS. KELLY THE FORGOTTEN MEMBER DELUXE EDITION- EUROPEAN MIX.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EiwWGtArjw
MATHEW KNOWLES IS KING.
MATHEW KNOWLES IS KING.
MATHEW KNOWLES IS KING
Sunday, 17 January 2010
KERI WILSON INTERVIEW.
Now you hoes know my hustle. You know that I was raised according the Joe Jackson way, abuse now- manipulate later. So you know that I had to fuck the security guard at Walmart, suck the managers dick and let the cashier cum in my ear just to get this interview with Ms.Keri Wilson.
Ms.Wilson and I met up at her swanky pad (the apartement on top of her local Wendy's) to discuss life, love and lubrication.
1. What is the name of your debut album?
Ms Wilson: I AM KERI HILSON..... THE FAME MONSTER IN A PERFECT WORLD. Located at your local drug dealer or dollar store. It's going to change the world just like my sisters Mushroom Cut.
2. If your vagina had a nickname, what wouldn't it be and why not?
Ms.Wilson: Sweet Moist and Juicy..... cos its not point blank.
3. When was the last time you saw your sister, Keril Hilson?
Ms.Wilson: Last week at Target during her day shift. (Sips champagne)
4. When was the last time you were involved in a drive by?
Ms.Wilson: Not since the Tupac shooting.
5. What is your album release date- all of 6 of them.
Ms.Wilson: Well I have one album out that was released on December 12th 2009. Hopefully my label "Wiggy Inc" won't do an Ashanti on me and drop me so i can make 6 more albums.
6. Your sister is hated by Sasha Supremacists, what is your view of Creolentricity?
Ms.Wilson: (sighs) Well I have no clue why they hate my sister, I mean BET which is like the best network ever crowned her a "Rising Icon", so she could get some kind of respect. Stop tweeting her shit like "You dance like Elvis on a pound of crack" or "You're only famous because you sucked Weezy, Neyo, and Kanye's dick to get on your wack azz track" JUST FUCKIN STOP IT (flips wig and leaves interview.)
Ms.Wilson and I met up at her swanky pad (the apartement on top of her local Wendy's) to discuss life, love and lubrication.
1. What is the name of your debut album?
Ms Wilson: I AM KERI HILSON..... THE FAME MONSTER IN A PERFECT WORLD. Located at your local drug dealer or dollar store. It's going to change the world just like my sisters Mushroom Cut.
2. If your vagina had a nickname, what wouldn't it be and why not?
Ms.Wilson: Sweet Moist and Juicy..... cos its not point blank.
3. When was the last time you saw your sister, Keril Hilson?
Ms.Wilson: Last week at Target during her day shift. (Sips champagne)
4. When was the last time you were involved in a drive by?
Ms.Wilson: Not since the Tupac shooting.
5. What is your album release date- all of 6 of them.
Ms.Wilson: Well I have one album out that was released on December 12th 2009. Hopefully my label "Wiggy Inc" won't do an Ashanti on me and drop me so i can make 6 more albums.
6. Your sister is hated by Sasha Supremacists, what is your view of Creolentricity?
Ms.Wilson: (sighs) Well I have no clue why they hate my sister, I mean BET which is like the best network ever crowned her a "Rising Icon", so she could get some kind of respect. Stop tweeting her shit like "You dance like Elvis on a pound of crack" or "You're only famous because you sucked Weezy, Neyo, and Kanye's dick to get on your wack azz track" JUST FUCKIN STOP IT (flips wig and leaves interview.)
Saturday, 16 January 2010
The League of Unextraordinary R'n'b Skeezes
Janet: All rise!
Jennifer Hudson: Did you say rice?
Janet: I'd like to thank everyone forcoming to this meeting tonight- I know there was heavy snow.
Mary J.Blige : Yes- what is this about Janet- because if this is about those quesadillas that went missing- it wasn't me.
Janet: No no silly- this is about something more serious, we have to introduce two new members to our secret society tonight, they're on their way, before they comeis there anything anyone would like to discuss.
Mya: Yes- there is something.
Janet: What is it?
Mya: Why is it that I was even invited to this meeting?, I dance on one of the country's most popular shows- I am no longer unextraordinary and how would you know that I'm R'n'b when people are too busy laughing at my music to even listen to it. (Ciara turns to Janet)
Janet: (sigh) Mya- just because your shit is covered in gold doesnt change the fact that its shit- Dancing With The Stars was MADE for unextraordinary R'n'b skeezes like us- you think white folk are going to care about you just because they applaud when you shake your little pancake ass around some shiny ass stage. Whitefolk are too busy wondering how Tyra Banks hair grows so fast to care about some short latin bitch who couldnt sell explosives to an Arab. Anybody else got something they need to gets off their chest?
Mary J: You don't think we should be discussing the tragedy that just occured?
Ciara: But my new album isn't even out yet?
Janet: She's talking about Haiti.
Mary J: You don't think we can take advantage of it?
Ciara: How you mean?
Mary J: What if we went to Haiti and set up our own show there- the people would pay us to perform.
Ashanti: Now why would they do that- their lives have been ruined.
Mary J: They'll pay because we'll convince them that we are the Beyonce's of the Western World, they've been too busy sacrificing they children to know any different. If we penetrate poor markets we could slowly dominate them.
Ciara: Still not following you.
MaryJ: Why is that Creole whore so succesful, because her entire career is based on raw capitalism- survival of the fittest and what's the opposite of capitalism- it's communism which accepts anything mediocore (they all look around and nod) if we do to poor communist nations like that bitch did to wealthy capitalist nations we'll be back in business.
Ashanti: You a genius-but didn't Kelly already try that.
Mary J: Shut the fuck up Sheqoiya- Kelly didn't try shit.
Janet: I like your plan Mary- but none of us speak communist. (Mary sighs.- there is a knock on the door.)
Ciara: Nobody's home!
Janet: Who is it? Yell out the secret code.
Michelle Williams: BET SPECIAL.
Janet: Come in. (Michelle enters, Ashanti rolls eyes, Ciara kisses her teeth, Jennifer Hudson eats cake) Please welcome our latest member, Michelle.
Mary: Well well well how unexpected.
Michelle: Hello to you too Mary- I've left Mathew. (They all cheer.)
Mya: How did you finally come to that decision?
Michelle: I was going to leave when Farrah left but Solange had pictures of me that I'd rather not get out so I stayed but the final straw for me was the BET Awards- what was SUPPOSED to be our final performance, Beyonce' got to grind on the sexy ass guy, Kelly got to grind on Nelly (Ashanti grunts) but I had to grind on the guy with HIV.
Janet: Sorry to cut you Michelle but didnt you say you were bringing Kelly.
Michelle: She's in Europe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH5D_0BaWbc
Ciara: Well girl- I hope you didn't think the grass would be greener away from Mathew- he isn't the cause of your problems- if he was then we'd all be managed by him too.
Michelle: Sorry?
Ciara: It's in MusicWorld's interests to have as many succesful artists as possible so that they earn a higher percentage out of everything that their artists are paid for. Mathew WISHES you endorsed L'oreal, Pepsi, Tommy Hilfiger and all that jazz then he'd make money from ALL of you, Mathew WISHES he didnt have to come up with excuses for your flop records everytime Columbia wanted answers.
Janet: What are you saying?
Ciara: I'm saying that it's time we took control of our own careers instead of blaming everyone and they mama for our own shit- I mean just look at Letoya- her album release date was pushed back 6 years yet her shit is still on point. I think it's time I left this secret society and started working on a record that people will listen to without thinking of tearing out their eardrums.
Janet:Thengoonwitchobadseyelf but dont come running back when your label drops to sign some new bitch who looks like she only finished breastfeeding an hour ago.
Ciara: I will. (Ciara rises and proceeds to leave) I'll stop by tommorow to pick up the rest of my shit. (Ciara leaves.)
Janet: Anyone else wanna follow her? (nothing is said) I was going to wait till the end of the meeting for this- but i might as well do it now. The league of unextraordinary skeezes has a new anthem which embodies are thirst for all things unsuccesful, here are the lyrics, love them, learn them, live them:
Jennifer Hudson: Did you say rice?
Janet: I'd like to thank everyone forcoming to this meeting tonight- I know there was heavy snow.
Mary J.Blige : Yes- what is this about Janet- because if this is about those quesadillas that went missing- it wasn't me.
Janet: No no silly- this is about something more serious, we have to introduce two new members to our secret society tonight, they're on their way, before they comeis there anything anyone would like to discuss.
Mya: Yes- there is something.
Janet: What is it?
Mya: Why is it that I was even invited to this meeting?, I dance on one of the country's most popular shows- I am no longer unextraordinary and how would you know that I'm R'n'b when people are too busy laughing at my music to even listen to it. (Ciara turns to Janet)
Janet: (sigh) Mya- just because your shit is covered in gold doesnt change the fact that its shit- Dancing With The Stars was MADE for unextraordinary R'n'b skeezes like us- you think white folk are going to care about you just because they applaud when you shake your little pancake ass around some shiny ass stage. Whitefolk are too busy wondering how Tyra Banks hair grows so fast to care about some short latin bitch who couldnt sell explosives to an Arab. Anybody else got something they need to gets off their chest?
Mary J: You don't think we should be discussing the tragedy that just occured?
Ciara: But my new album isn't even out yet?
Janet: She's talking about Haiti.
Mary J: You don't think we can take advantage of it?
Ciara: How you mean?
Mary J: What if we went to Haiti and set up our own show there- the people would pay us to perform.
Ashanti: Now why would they do that- their lives have been ruined.
Mary J: They'll pay because we'll convince them that we are the Beyonce's of the Western World, they've been too busy sacrificing they children to know any different. If we penetrate poor markets we could slowly dominate them.
Ciara: Still not following you.
MaryJ: Why is that Creole whore so succesful, because her entire career is based on raw capitalism- survival of the fittest and what's the opposite of capitalism- it's communism which accepts anything mediocore (they all look around and nod) if we do to poor communist nations like that bitch did to wealthy capitalist nations we'll be back in business.
Ashanti: You a genius-but didn't Kelly already try that.
Mary J: Shut the fuck up Sheqoiya- Kelly didn't try shit.
Janet: I like your plan Mary- but none of us speak communist. (Mary sighs.- there is a knock on the door.)
Ciara: Nobody's home!
Janet: Who is it? Yell out the secret code.
Michelle Williams: BET SPECIAL.
Janet: Come in. (Michelle enters, Ashanti rolls eyes, Ciara kisses her teeth, Jennifer Hudson eats cake) Please welcome our latest member, Michelle.
Mary: Well well well how unexpected.
Michelle: Hello to you too Mary- I've left Mathew. (They all cheer.)
Mya: How did you finally come to that decision?
Michelle: I was going to leave when Farrah left but Solange had pictures of me that I'd rather not get out so I stayed but the final straw for me was the BET Awards- what was SUPPOSED to be our final performance, Beyonce' got to grind on the sexy ass guy, Kelly got to grind on Nelly (Ashanti grunts) but I had to grind on the guy with HIV.
Janet: Sorry to cut you Michelle but didnt you say you were bringing Kelly.
Michelle: She's in Europe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH5D_0BaWbc
Ciara: Well girl- I hope you didn't think the grass would be greener away from Mathew- he isn't the cause of your problems- if he was then we'd all be managed by him too.
Michelle: Sorry?
Ciara: It's in MusicWorld's interests to have as many succesful artists as possible so that they earn a higher percentage out of everything that their artists are paid for. Mathew WISHES you endorsed L'oreal, Pepsi, Tommy Hilfiger and all that jazz then he'd make money from ALL of you, Mathew WISHES he didnt have to come up with excuses for your flop records everytime Columbia wanted answers.
Janet: What are you saying?
Ciara: I'm saying that it's time we took control of our own careers instead of blaming everyone and they mama for our own shit- I mean just look at Letoya- her album release date was pushed back 6 years yet her shit is still on point. I think it's time I left this secret society and started working on a record that people will listen to without thinking of tearing out their eardrums.
Janet:Thengoonwitchobadseyelf but dont come running back when your label drops to sign some new bitch who looks like she only finished breastfeeding an hour ago.
Ciara: I will. (Ciara rises and proceeds to leave) I'll stop by tommorow to pick up the rest of my shit. (Ciara leaves.)
Janet: Anyone else wanna follow her? (nothing is said) I was going to wait till the end of the meeting for this- but i might as well do it now. The league of unextraordinary skeezes has a new anthem which embodies are thirst for all things unsuccesful, here are the lyrics, love them, learn them, live them:
I know you want the licky licky
Tell me you want the licky licky
You can't deny the licky licky
I know just what you like.
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Did you really want to know where the blog girls were at?
Hello motherfuckers, c'est moi.
I know it's been a minute, but I was kidnapped by every single one of Ciara's fan and they forced me to engage in a foursome so after MediaTakeOut paid my ransom fee in exchange for some interesting stories I have spent the Christmas and New Year recovering in a place I like to call home (Youtube.)
Now for me Youtube is a very powerful tool for the publicists of hasbeen Havanah's like Ashanti who post comments like "Top that Beyaki!" in the comment board underneath the video of Ashanti performing Aww Baby at her fat sister's house party(no such video exists- Ashanti's sister's fingers were too fat to press record.)
Youtube also allows us to hear an entire album without buying it and so since I don't like wasting my money,I decided to listen to Rated R.
To begin with, I forced myself to like the record in fear of being labelled a "hating ass Sasha Supremacist" and then just as I was about to steal $10 from my Grandmother's purse to go and buy it, a Rihanna interview came on and reality set in. The album is only good when you forget that Rihanna is singing/neighing it.
In Rihanna's interview she tried her best to present herself as an artist who had taken a risk with this record, an artist who had a deep connection with the lyrics and greater understanding of what Rated R meant for her. Yet what Rihanna forgot was that we know none of the concepts on the record were created by her and that we all know she's too stupid to actually understand why her writers have written an album like this for her.
Since 2007, Rihanna has been on a mission to prove to the world that she's a "tough ass chick" sort of like a high fashion Pink and with Good Girl Gone Bad's intensly catchy singles even if you weren't convinced by Rihanna's contrived imageyou couldn't help but love the songs.On this record, her writers and producers have tried to create an album to be the soundtrack to Rihanna's image.
The only problem is that Rihanna is not a convincing artist and even intellectual well written songs like Cold Case Love do nothing to move the spirit. On G4L Rihanna tries her best to sound as though she is a gully bitch, like she has a razor in her purse and a rifle in her cooch. The only problem with that is that we know Rihanna isn't a bad bitch, not because she got beat up but because of the way she handled getting beat up. Waiting only to discuss the "incident" with Diane Sawyer when Rated R was coming out to use the publicity surrounding the interview to promote an album which refused to give her a number 1 single. Think about it, how many artists do you stan for talk with Diane Sawyer to promote their record- Rihanna was not concerned with telling her story but more concerned with trying to make us believe that she was an honest, truthful "don't give a fuck" type of girl.
In the song Hard, Rihanna calls hating ass bitches like me out not realizing that it's hating ass bitches like me that spent more time promoting her record than her label could afford to. Rihanna- being the immature whore that she is still has not recognized the last year MediaTake Out was her biggest form of promotion and that BlogGirls like me have a big influence on the way people perceive what artists do. Why do you think Michelle Williams panders to the Skorpion Show or Mariah Carey suddenly has an interest in BScott, they are protecting themselves against being called out by developing personal relationships with the influence leaders like Youtubers and bloggers.
Calling out blogs for discussing the shit that YOUR publicists put out is stupid and ignorant and proof of how even after millions are spent on promotion, packaging and preparing an artist, if the product itself is stupid people won't buy it and with three radio singles, not 1 number 1 and a record that slid down the charts quicker than a fingerless chimpanzee trying to climb a stripper pole that is exactly the case with Rated R.
Rihanna- your tea has been clocked.
I know it's been a minute, but I was kidnapped by every single one of Ciara's fan and they forced me to engage in a foursome so after MediaTakeOut paid my ransom fee in exchange for some interesting stories I have spent the Christmas and New Year recovering in a place I like to call home (Youtube.)
Now for me Youtube is a very powerful tool for the publicists of hasbeen Havanah's like Ashanti who post comments like "Top that Beyaki!" in the comment board underneath the video of Ashanti performing Aww Baby at her fat sister's house party(no such video exists- Ashanti's sister's fingers were too fat to press record.)
Youtube also allows us to hear an entire album without buying it and so since I don't like wasting my money,I decided to listen to Rated R.
To begin with, I forced myself to like the record in fear of being labelled a "hating ass Sasha Supremacist" and then just as I was about to steal $10 from my Grandmother's purse to go and buy it, a Rihanna interview came on and reality set in. The album is only good when you forget that Rihanna is singing/neighing it.
In Rihanna's interview she tried her best to present herself as an artist who had taken a risk with this record, an artist who had a deep connection with the lyrics and greater understanding of what Rated R meant for her. Yet what Rihanna forgot was that we know none of the concepts on the record were created by her and that we all know she's too stupid to actually understand why her writers have written an album like this for her.
Since 2007, Rihanna has been on a mission to prove to the world that she's a "tough ass chick" sort of like a high fashion Pink and with Good Girl Gone Bad's intensly catchy singles even if you weren't convinced by Rihanna's contrived imageyou couldn't help but love the songs.On this record, her writers and producers have tried to create an album to be the soundtrack to Rihanna's image.
The only problem is that Rihanna is not a convincing artist and even intellectual well written songs like Cold Case Love do nothing to move the spirit. On G4L Rihanna tries her best to sound as though she is a gully bitch, like she has a razor in her purse and a rifle in her cooch. The only problem with that is that we know Rihanna isn't a bad bitch, not because she got beat up but because of the way she handled getting beat up. Waiting only to discuss the "incident" with Diane Sawyer when Rated R was coming out to use the publicity surrounding the interview to promote an album which refused to give her a number 1 single. Think about it, how many artists do you stan for talk with Diane Sawyer to promote their record- Rihanna was not concerned with telling her story but more concerned with trying to make us believe that she was an honest, truthful "don't give a fuck" type of girl.
In the song Hard, Rihanna calls hating ass bitches like me out not realizing that it's hating ass bitches like me that spent more time promoting her record than her label could afford to. Rihanna- being the immature whore that she is still has not recognized the last year MediaTake Out was her biggest form of promotion and that BlogGirls like me have a big influence on the way people perceive what artists do. Why do you think Michelle Williams panders to the Skorpion Show or Mariah Carey suddenly has an interest in BScott, they are protecting themselves against being called out by developing personal relationships with the influence leaders like Youtubers and bloggers.
Calling out blogs for discussing the shit that YOUR publicists put out is stupid and ignorant and proof of how even after millions are spent on promotion, packaging and preparing an artist, if the product itself is stupid people won't buy it and with three radio singles, not 1 number 1 and a record that slid down the charts quicker than a fingerless chimpanzee trying to climb a stripper pole that is exactly the case with Rated R.
Rihanna- your tea has been clocked.
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