Jennifer Hudson: Did you say rice?
Janet: I'd like to thank everyone forcoming to this meeting tonight- I know there was heavy snow.
Mary J.Blige : Yes- what is this about Janet- because if this is about those quesadillas that went missing- it wasn't me.
Janet: No no silly- this is about something more serious, we have to introduce two new members to our secret society tonight, they're on their way, before they comeis there anything anyone would like to discuss.
Mya: Yes- there is something.
Janet: What is it?
Mya: Why is it that I was even invited to this meeting?, I dance on one of the country's most popular shows- I am no longer unextraordinary and how would you know that I'm R'n'b when people are too busy laughing at my music to even listen to it. (Ciara turns to Janet)
Janet: (sigh) Mya- just because your shit is covered in gold doesnt change the fact that its shit- Dancing With The Stars was MADE for unextraordinary R'n'b skeezes like us- you think white folk are going to care about you just because they applaud when you shake your little pancake ass around some shiny ass stage. Whitefolk are too busy wondering how Tyra Banks hair grows so fast to care about some short latin bitch who couldnt sell explosives to an Arab. Anybody else got something they need to gets off their chest?
Mary J: You don't think we should be discussing the tragedy that just occured?
Ciara: But my new album isn't even out yet?
Janet: She's talking about Haiti.
Mary J: You don't think we can take advantage of it?
Ciara: How you mean?
Mary J: What if we went to Haiti and set up our own show there- the people would pay us to perform.
Ashanti: Now why would they do that- their lives have been ruined.
Mary J: They'll pay because we'll convince them that we are the Beyonce's of the Western World, they've been too busy sacrificing they children to know any different. If we penetrate poor markets we could slowly dominate them.
Ciara: Still not following you.
MaryJ: Why is that Creole whore so succesful, because her entire career is based on raw capitalism- survival of the fittest and what's the opposite of capitalism- it's communism which accepts anything mediocore (they all look around and nod) if we do to poor communist nations like that bitch did to wealthy capitalist nations we'll be back in business.
Ashanti: You a genius-but didn't Kelly already try that.
Mary J: Shut the fuck up Sheqoiya- Kelly didn't try shit.
Janet: I like your plan Mary- but none of us speak communist. (Mary sighs.- there is a knock on the door.)
Ciara: Nobody's home!
Janet: Who is it? Yell out the secret code.
Michelle Williams: BET SPECIAL.
Janet: Come in. (Michelle enters, Ashanti rolls eyes, Ciara kisses her teeth, Jennifer Hudson eats cake) Please welcome our latest member, Michelle.
Mary: Well well well how unexpected.
Michelle: Hello to you too Mary- I've left Mathew. (They all cheer.)
Mya: How did you finally come to that decision?
Michelle: I was going to leave when Farrah left but Solange had pictures of me that I'd rather not get out so I stayed but the final straw for me was the BET Awards- what was SUPPOSED to be our final performance, Beyonce' got to grind on the sexy ass guy, Kelly got to grind on Nelly (Ashanti grunts) but I had to grind on the guy with HIV.
Janet: Sorry to cut you Michelle but didnt you say you were bringing Kelly.
Michelle: She's in Europe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH5D_0BaWbc
Ciara: Well girl- I hope you didn't think the grass would be greener away from Mathew- he isn't the cause of your problems- if he was then we'd all be managed by him too.
Michelle: Sorry?
Ciara: It's in MusicWorld's interests to have as many succesful artists as possible so that they earn a higher percentage out of everything that their artists are paid for. Mathew WISHES you endorsed L'oreal, Pepsi, Tommy Hilfiger and all that jazz then he'd make money from ALL of you, Mathew WISHES he didnt have to come up with excuses for your flop records everytime Columbia wanted answers.
Janet: What are you saying?
Ciara: I'm saying that it's time we took control of our own careers instead of blaming everyone and they mama for our own shit- I mean just look at Letoya- her album release date was pushed back 6 years yet her shit is still on point. I think it's time I left this secret society and started working on a record that people will listen to without thinking of tearing out their eardrums.
Janet:Thengoonwitchobadseyelf but dont come running back when your label drops to sign some new bitch who looks like she only finished breastfeeding an hour ago.
Ciara: I will. (Ciara rises and proceeds to leave) I'll stop by tommorow to pick up the rest of my shit. (Ciara leaves.)
Janet: Anyone else wanna follow her? (nothing is said) I was going to wait till the end of the meeting for this- but i might as well do it now. The league of unextraordinary skeezes has a new anthem which embodies are thirst for all things unsuccesful, here are the lyrics, love them, learn them, live them:
I know you want the licky licky
Tell me you want the licky licky
You can't deny the licky licky
I know just what you like.
LMFAO this is funny!
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