Thursday, 6 August 2009

HoNesia

Definition: When a man or woman behaves in a slutty and dirty way and then acts as though it never happened and then calls people out for reminding them they were at one point a hoe. Example: "Girl- Don't try ac' like you HoNesia on the ass- you know you fucked Raquan."


HoNesia usually occurs when the person who was once a hoe regrets what they did in the past and decide that because they want to protect themselves from being called a hoe they must diss the people who told everyone they were a hoe in the first place.
Sufferers of HoNesia (according to a survey carried out on http://www.pussylips.com/) do not realise that insulting the people who know the truth about their skankgame only results in more stuff being exposed.

Robyn Givens, the current President of HGP (HoGamePrecise) explained, "When you're a hoe you do stuff which you later regret when you finally convince some dumb needle dicked dude to marry you- so the best thing to do is to deny it- not to confront the person who exposed you because they'll only expose you some more- like putting voice messages you left to them in a song, or recounting the time they ejaculated prematurely on your stomach."

She added, "If you're a hoe that really and truly is your business- it has nothing to do with anybody else if you decide to let your Priest put one in the pink and another in the stink, because it is YOUR body, but when you mature and you change and realise your mistake, do not reply to anybody who exposed you, simply shame them by being succesful and being a better person than you were when they were dumping in your mouth."


Below are things to do if you used to be a hoe or you are currently a hoe and trying to change your public image:

1. Delete your Twitter, FaceBook, GayDar, LesLine, CuntConnect or whatever the kids are using nowadays- the less people know about you the less they can say about you.

2. Educate Yourself. Anybody who is spending all their time talking about what you were supposed to have done really hasn't got much going on in their own life and so educate yourself so you can work yourself out of that negative environment. Although it may seem like the entire world thinks you're a hoe, if you have something else to be known for like being the girl who's amazing at running track or being the guy who's an amazing lyricist then you complicate your identity for your haters because they then will be forced to realise that what they say about you means nothing to you.


3. Avoid parties where you know people who think you're a hoe are going to be. It's better to be sat at home drinking shots with your Uncle Rosalinda where you know you're safe than to put yourself into an environment where your saftey and feelings are at risk. You know how ignorant people can be, for example if you're lips were a little dry and you decided to lick them- "Oh nigga look! Bitch is licking her lips cos she want you to plant some seeds in her mout'".

4. Don't do this :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjeRk_GxcqM because then people will support this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnFT42EucEs and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jf67T6YbvBs
and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzHnNPLWsDQ








































































































Ps.
If you're a hoe that's been fucking for beats but still has not received the beats, then get another career. (How You Dewin Cassie)

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

All That's Fab

There are some people who lie to themselves.
There are some people who convince themselves, with the help of you a few tweeters, that they are Icons.

So I'm going to tell you what I think:

You haven't been relevant since before Mary Kate and Ashley started their periods.
Your album is going to go Double Polystyrene and you will be dropped from your label within the next to years.
You're a flop.


Fabolous- be realistic, are you suprised that nobody wants you on the cover of their magazne, like seriously- when was the last time you wanted to read an article about somebody who YOU didn't care about.



Update:
Loso's Way shifted 98,000 units (I told you i was being generous).
I can't say I'm surprised- after all- anybody with a recording contract who spends all day on Twitter shouldn't be taken seriously.
Now you may call me a hater and say I don't matter and say that it's the fans that matter, but like your haters, your fans didn't buy your record meaning that your fans and haters are of equal relevance and importance to you.

All that's going to happen now is that labels are going to stop signing artists like T.I, Fab etc and start signing more visual and experimental artists like Kanye West and dare I say 50 cent, after all they are the only ones who actually sell any records.

The black sub culture has a habit of not putting their money where their mouths are. They will complain about the state of modern rap and claim Soulja Boy is to blame but then won't buy the records of artists who actually make quality music.
Whilst Soulja Boy and Bow Wow deserve to flop (as they continue to do) artists such as Fabolous and The Game deserve to shift more units than they do.

If you want to see what I predicted Fab would sell just look below:




Like Ashanti and Jennifer Hudson etc, your fans will support you with their mouths and will diss anybody or thing that comments negatively about your shortcomings as a commercial artist but when it comes to actually buying what you put out- nada. You won't get shit from them.
This is why I can't wait till HDD post your first week sales, then I can laugh at you for believing you were bigger than what you actually are.


You can call me a hater if you want- but who wants to place bets.
I bet that Loso's Way sells less than 190,000 units in first week and then less than 80,000 units in second week. (I'm even being a little generous here) If i'm wrong, I will dedicate an entire week to promoting, complimenting and asslicking the record on this blog and on Twitter, If i'm right (winks) then I don't want anything.
I shouldn't have to be rewarded for my greatness.

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Barbadose Instinct

We got talking to Pop Superstar Rihanna about a movie which she is both starring in and producing titled Barbadose Instinct.

PopWhore: Hello.

Rihanna: Ello.

PopWhore: So tell us about your movie, Barbadose Instinct.

Rihanna: Well de movie is about a gyal like me who kill all de mudderfuckers who ever hurt her in da past.

PopWhore: So it's a violent movie then?

Rihanna: Oh yes- dis movie is going de show all dem fuckers who da real bad bitch is- believe dat- believe dat- me gon kill all de chichi man pon de place.

PopWhore: ChiChi Man?

Rihanna: Yeah you know- all de batty boys- all dem pussy o' faggots, me gon kill dem all in de movie.

PopWhore: So the movie has homophobic undertones?

Rihanna: What's that word? Home-Phobic, why me gone be afraid of me own home- tarass!

PopWhore: How have you been preparing for the role?

Rihanna: When I'm not out and about getting my photo taken on de streets, I watch lats and lats of movies about women who kill MOTHERFUCKING BUMBERKLUTS who beat on women.

PopWhore: Have you spoken to Chris since the incident?

Rihanna: That likkle fucker been belling of me line, but me never gon forgive him, he gave me a HIYAH! and and HAYOGEN! and then a UPPERCUT! He jus' lucky me had my seatbelt on, oddawise I would have run a blade chru his likkle chichi boy ass.

PopWhore: And has Beyonce' reached out to you.

Rihanna: Who dat?

PopWhore: Beyonce'.

Rihanna: You mean dat likkle bi-atch who had her nephew call me up and chreaten to stick a rattle in my cooch- oh hell no dat bitch ain't called- but Mellisa said she saw her sister at a club and she was makin' jokes about me- she nah know who she messin' wit- I'll fuck her up, her mother AND her cousin too. Don't tes' me.

PopWhore: Are you seeing anybody at the moment?

Rihanna: Yes me vision is very clear.

PopWhore: No no, as in sexually.

Rihanna: Oh yes- me is. Ya wan me to lis' dem.

PopWhore: Ok.

Rihanna:
Jermaine Jackson
Randy Jackson
Joe Jackson
Chris Brown (but dont tell de feds)
Bobby Brown
Drake
My middle finger
Jay Z
Marilyn Ma-

PopWhore: Sorry?

Rihanna: Marilyn Manson.

PopWhore: No before that.

Rihanna: Who Jey Zay? Oh girl don' act suprised. You know he been spicin' up my curried goat since de day I got my GreenCard. He nah love dat wife of his- she never home to cook for him- she too busy singing on beat and achieving shit- me would be a much better wife- foreign pussy is de best kind.

PopWhore: I see.

Rihanna: Anways- I've got to go to de clinic for my test results. I hope me do well, me wasnt very academic backhome

PopWhore: I don't think its that kind of test.

Rihanna: I'll see you around.

And what exactly is it that you are promoting.

In today's pop culture- there seems to be an obsession and interest in people who are famous for nothing and there's nothing wrong with that because there must be something interesting about these famous for nothing people that generates an interest in them.

However, these famous for nothing people should be aware that being famous for nothing comes with a price- as soon as you say something that pisses people off, people will start to say "Hold on a minute- what is this bitch actually famous for."

The Beckhams.
He was a British Sporting hero and she was a fifth of the world's most succesfully untalented group in Pop Culture history, now he's a Pop Icon and she's his wife.
She stages photo oppurtunities, attends events, is on the cover of magazines and then you begin to wonder- what is she actually promoting.
She is noted for her beauty so any cosmetic or fragrance endorsements she obtains are because of her name and not her face.
She is noted for (God help me) talent and so her part in the Spice Girls was merely "eye candy" but then if she's not that pretty than "eye candy" isn't the right phrase to use and Victoria Beckham is the sort of woman who is only beautiful in comparison to someone uglier.

This is why the Beckhams are leaving LA.
For years they tried to become part of US Culture and they finally suceeded using David's career is an excuse but here are the reasons that went wrong:


1. That fake one part show Victoria did really did her no favours, instead of showing who she really is as a person she simply was playing a caricature of herself, almost intentionally parodying the public's opinion of her- it didn't help that the "assistant" she hired to help her was actually an actress.

2. Because football is such a niche sport here in the US, the people that take it seriously take it VERY seriously, in the Uk because it is THE major sport many of the biggest players are also the biggest celebrities meaning that the Uk is used to seeing their favourite football player on the cover of GQ as well as on the pitch but because in the US, soccer really is ALL about soccer, the fans of LA Galaxy did not appreciate that Beckham was only using the team to turn he and his wife into US stars and to capitalise on US endorsements, which is why he was booed.

3. Victoria just isn't hot. If Victoria Beckham was sexually attractive she could have capitalised on becoming the "ultimate wife" in the way that Jennifer Lopez has become to Mark Anthony. People love to desire what they know they will never have, which is why Ashanti is still in the recording studio, and so if Victoria was sexy, she could have appealed to men who loved and respected her husband and appealed to women who would have respected her for bagging such a hottie.
Also, imagine what it would be like for Victoria to be sat in a room with Jada Pinkett Smith, Angelina Jolie and Tom Cruise's pet knowing that she can never match their beauty and world renowned respect for being succesful women in their own right. She may have been in the SpiceGirls but like the other four has not been able to use this to their advantage because if they had they would all be pop icons individually but the most famous Spice Girl is actually only relevant because she is the wife of a Pop Icon.
It's sort of like if Keri Hilson went to her home town, she'd be respected and adored and treated as the HBIC but the second she steps into HollyWood she isn't even in The Top 100 list of recognisable and respected women.
Which is why Victoria belongs in the UK where she can really reign supreme because like i said before she is only a hot bitch in comparison to someone who is not a hot bitch.

I think that's all.


Oh yes- somebody asked me to comment on Britney's Radar video so here I go:

The old Britney would not have settled with a video like this for such an upbeat and amazing song, but that doesn't change the fact that Britney changed and is still changing Pop Culture and is still selling out shows and records. Britney hasn't promoted a record in years yet she outsold girls who spent breakfast, lunch and dinner on the couch of some talk show host promoting their goodies.
I'd also like to congratulate Beyonce' for having the Number 1 tour in the country even before the tour is actually over and I'd like to also beg everyone to listen to Michelle William's Unexpected record on Youtube.
The record puts Michelle's personal and artistic growth into Euro-Pop music and like Solange proves that sales don't mean anything when you achieve artistic credibility

Monday, 3 August 2009

Keeping It Real

"The problem with modern society is that people tend to hate and judge someone without even considering the facts. We form our opinion based on lies and judgments from things we hear. That, is the problem with modern society."

Word?

That's the problem with our society?
No my dear, the problem with the BLACK pop culture is that when it suits us we can overlook certain things, we can defend OJ when know he damn well killed that white lady, we can defend Michael when we know that if our neighbour was accused of the same shit- we'd pitchfork that dude to the ground and we find a way to rationalise discrimination against fairer skinned people because they "they tink dey better dan us".

You won't tell me what the problem is with society on MY blog, so you can keep your conclusion because my dear, nobody comes on this blog and tries to correct me, I reserve that shit for Twitter.

Since you're so big on considering facts, here are some of mine:
1. As a Beyonce' fan I can tell you from the bottom of my spiced heart that I do not envy the fan base of ANY other artist dead or alive, why?

Michael Jacksons fans are deluded.
Ciara's fans are non existant
Rihanna's fans think innovation means cutting your hair and dying it black.
Janet fans still live in 1993
Aretha Franklin fans are deceased and Whitney Houston fans still think Bobby is completely to blame for Whitney being hooked on Le Craque.

To suggest that my comments on Ms.Keys were fuelled by a "jealousy" I have of her is a joke because there are better women than Alicia who couldn't match Beyonce' and that's a fact.
And to tell me that I can't tell you that Beyonce' is by far a better singer and all round entertainer because that is a matter of opinion is stupid because whether it is YOUR opinion that Sean Kingston is not overweight it doesn't change the fact that he is morbildy gargantuan. A Fact is a Fact.

This is an opinion "Alicia's music is deeper than Sasha's."
This is a fact "If you put Beyonce', Alicia, Mary J and Mariah on the same tour and asked the audience which artist entertained them the most, the answer would be Beyonce'."


You don't have to like an artist to know that they are talented. In the same way I don't have to know Alicia to know that she is husband snatching cum swallowing trollop.Mmmkay.

When it comes to it, if Mashonda is saying that she believed she and her husband were happily married around the time she discovered the affair, then the marriage still existed. Alicia had an affair- accept it, lick it, stick it in your backside and call it Papa Bear.

And when it comes to Beyonce, I'm aware that she can indeed be "fake". I'm aware that she was being "fake" when she told Larry King that she believed a certain employee of her husband's was "talented." But I'm also aware that Beyonce' has gotten to where she's gotten by keeping it all about her art and talent, which is you don't hear anybody accusing HER of borrowing husbands.
And when it comes to Beyonce' falling down the stairs:
You're right, no other artist would have fallen down a flight of stairs because no other artist can perform like Beyonce' does, your favourite artists are too busy either sitting on a stool, sitting behind a piano or sitting on Diddy's lap to put on a quality show.


If you really want to discuss this, we can get IM up in this bitch:

www.twitter.com/popslutwhore

To Alicia Key's Publicist:

This is the last time I will bash your client and remind people of what a loose whore she is, so you don't have to worry about sending me that cheque.

Sunday, 2 August 2009

Double Standards In A Low Standard Society

I don't usually blog about a topic more than once.
I already discussed the Alicia Keys issue twice and decided to leave it alone on this blog I had made my point.
This blog never gets at anybody who hasn't done anything wrong, which is why you will never see me bash Kelly Rowland or Fergie or even Kelis but when an artist or pop culture figure does something which represents the double standards that exist in today's culture, I will blog about it.

So I'm on Twitter last night and somebody makes a comment about Beyonce' not being a "real" writer. So now I'll adress this issue:

The song "Irreplaceable" was indeed originally written by Neyo and StarGate and was offered to Beyonce' because Beyonce' is Beyonce' she cannot record and release a song without having some part in, so she changed the key of the song and some aspects of the melody because that counts as writing because song lyrics need a melody and vocal arrangement is counted as being part of writing a song.
I find it funny that people latch onto this song, ignoring all the other songs Beyonce' created herself but that's cool because when it comes to Beyonce', all common sense goes out of the window.

The song Smack Into You was originally written by The Dream and another writer for an alternative male artist, because The Dream was also writing with Beyonce' at the time, the song was given to Beyonce' who then re-named and changed the key of the song which also counts as songwriting, the melody of the song is altered slightly also. Now- do you think whoever represents the Dream would allow Beyonce' to take credit for a song that she did nothing to, do you think Neyo (who had been writing for more than 4 years before writing Irreplaceable) would agree to give Beyonce' the song and put her name on the credits if she did nothing to it.
Do you think the NAACP would give a singer/songwriter of the year award to someone without checking if the singer/songwriter actually wrote on the song.

If the other writers are credited on the album, then there is nothing suspect going on.

Alicia Keys fans seem to be under the impression that because Beyonce' sings upbeat songs and wears "provocative clothing" she is in some way less artistically credible than Alicia Keys.

You want to know what's not credible?


Its not credible that a woman can sing a song about "Karma" and then go and have an affair with a married man, does she not know the meaning of her own song.

It's not credible that a woman can sing about female empowerment in a song called "SuperWoman" where she praises the average women of the world for being who they are and then turns around and sleeps with the husband of an average woman.

If Alicia could dance like Beyonce', she would.
If she could sing like Beyonce', she would.
And when it comes to provocative clothing, you could put a hoe in a Nun's outfit but it doesn't change the fact that she's still a hoe.
Beyonce' can shake her ass because we know she can blow better than the best of them.
Beyonce' can talk about being a porn star in Video Phone because we know that on the same record she can talk about being in awe of love in That's Why You're Beautiful.

Alicia Keys fans seem to believe that she is some way more credible than Beyonce, because she plays a musical instrument, if that's the case then Alicia Keys is also more credible than Michael Jackson.
There is a reason that it is Beyonce' who sang at The NeighbourHood Ball, there is a reason that Beyonce' is the star of 5 box office hits, one of which she executive produced.
Oh and when it comes to Beyonce's acting and the suggestion that she is only cast because she is famous and that all her roles (aside from Obsessed) are singing roles because she can't act: If that was the case, everysinger who could sing would be in hit movies, even singers who at the time of Beyonce's movie debut were more accomplised than Beyonce': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwruffC_Tg0

Whether Beyonce' sings in a movie or not, she is acting because there is a script which contains a storyline which contains a message, you think the Oscars just put anybody up for nomination?
If you say that Beyonce' cant act, then my dear, neither can Barbara Streisand after all, most of her movies were musicals too.
You never hear anybody complain about how Will Smith always plays the hero in his movies, or how Whitney Houston also played a singer in her biggest movie role, but of course when it comes to Beyonce, all common sense goes out of the window.

The problem with modern society is that we find it way to easy to overlook things are blatently wrong, we can look at SuperHead and judge her for sleeping with married men but then find a way to rationalise the act when somebody else does it.

We can look at George Bush and call him an idiot and overlook that there wasn't a single terrorist attack in the USA when he was in complete power. (9/11 was being planned when Clinton was still in Office)


If you don't know how shit works, then shut your mouth.

Saturday, 1 August 2009

The Color White

In today's modern charts, the top 5 positions are held by the most mainstream artists, from the independent charts to the BillBoard charts, and it is the job of record labels to get their artists on as many charts as possible.
Which is the top 5 positions in the R'n'b charts are actually pop songs.
Look away now if you're ig'nant.
Look away if you're stupid.

Contemporary R'n'b is nothing more than Pop music packaged in urban boxes to appeal to people who 1. feel that "pop music" is less credibile and a joke and 2. people who want to feel "hip" and "down with it" by listening to what they feel is r'n'b music.

Record labels have succeeded in convincing the average person that an artist is automatically a r'n'b artist if they are black.
At a time when it wasn't cool to be black, artists as fair and as "European" looking as Mariah Carey decided not to discuss their ethnicities at the risk that they would be seen as being too niche to be mainstream because even though Janet Jackson who is quite chocolate in complexion was owning the charts at the time, she was never recognised as being a black woman because her title as a "Jackson" meant that the color of her skin did not matter. So with the emergence of urban artists like Boyz 2 Men and TLC, black became in vogue- hence the reason for the multitudes of R'n'b groups in the 90s, that's when Mariah decided to remind the world that there was indeed a little cocoa in her milk.

So for a while, black artists and urban music ruled the charts due to the help of Hype Williams and the new image the mainstream were seeing of black artists like Missy Elliot and Aaliyah who had mainstream relevance as well as street credibility. And this formula was adopted by the new group, Destiny's Child who had both girl next door charm, but a "round the way thing girl" thing going on as well.

However with the dominance of teen pop music, it became very difficult for artists who were 100% urban to compete with artists like Britney and Nsync who were shitting on everyone, and so all the smart managers turned their urban artists into "Urban Pop" artists, the pioneers of this genre being Beyonce' and Co, the song Bills Bills Bills being the best example of this.

So the new Millenium saw artists like Boyz 2 Men, Soul 2 Heart and 4Ever fade away into irrelevant obscurity whilst artists who mastered the art of fusing urban with mainstream dominated the pop and r'n'b charts.
Meaning that the biggest selling r'n'b artists were actually pop artists and it didnt help that the most famous black artist actually had white skin.

So Urban music was in trouble. It had no place in modern music, you could either "sell out" and go completely commercial or just sit at home in the middle of your ten kids in the hope somebody covered your song which you wrote a lyric in in the hope you'd make some royalty money from it.

Today- the situation is the same. Kanye West IS a pop artist.
Beyonce' is a POP Icon.
Rihanna is a POP star.
Alicia Keys is a homewrecking, dick chomping, pussy eating bisexual slutwhore.

If you lived an area where urban music was seen as being horrible and distasteful and you were trying to rebel you would go out of your way to listen to what you thought was "urban" music but because you had been raised on pop music you would subconciously gravitate towards music which incorporated both pop and urban but was packaged as if it were urban.


This is why Eminem is still signed. Crazy ass country trash think they're doing something rebellious by listening to him not realising that they are actually his intended audience, it's the reason his hair is bleach blonde, he is mimicking the fact that he, a white man, has been more succesful than black rappers with more credibility.
The blonde hair says "Yeah I'm white, and yeah I may not be as good as my black contemporaries but I'm one of the most celebrated artists in THEIR genre and charts AS WELL as the pop charts."

Could you imagine what would happen if a black girl with dark skin, braids and a thick body decided to become a country artist- she would be rejected because the crossover key only extends to pop music, when was the last time saw you a black heavy metal artist making impact on the charts, but for Caucasian artists the crossover key has no limits, which is why Fergie gets way with being on"R'n'b Compilations" yet you'd be shocked to find Keisha Cole on Pop Compilation.

When it comes to Ciara- she has gone from being a Princess of Urban Pop to being a joke in the Pop world. Princess Harris did not realise that her only and most loyal fans were all followers of modern Urban music which is why when she tried to release a pop album, her first week sales slumped from around 300,000 to 81,000 within the space of two years. Something occured in the minds of her fans which said, "this bitch tried to switch it up without our permission, fuck her," this is why Ciara is officially irrelevant.

But low sales does not mean an artist is irrelevant, because artists like Jill Scott and Kirk Franklin are commercially unsuccesful but are highly respected and appreciated in the genres making them relevant to their genres. The reason Ashanti, Keri Hilson, Mya etc are irrelevant is because not only are they commercially unsuccesful, their music means nothing and changes nothing in their genres whilst Keisha Cole continues to push the boundaries of contemporary r'n'b with every single making her the most relevant artist in contemporary R'n'b.

When it comes to Robyn F, she's never released an R'n'b single, not ever. Which is why she's still signed and that Tearra chick is still releasing singles that don't go anywhere. Rihanan was going to be dropped after her first release, according to her ex business partner, but when her management got hold of SOS ( a song that the POP icon Britney Spears had rejected) the label kept her on realising Rihanna's potential as a pop artist.

Good Girl Gone Bad is as R'n'b as 808s and Heartbreak is Goth Rock. It isn't at all.

Until labels find a way to turn artists like Keisha Cole into top selling artists who actually release R'n'b music then the charts will continue to be dominated by r'n'b stars who are actually pop artists.

Just look at the charts now, i guarantee that you any "r'n'b artist" who is in the top 5 in the Pop charts is also in the top 5 of the R'n'b Charts.