I find myself learning new shit everyday.
Yesterday I learnt that if you stab Black Eyed Peas record it will start leaking strawberry scented shit.
The day before I discovered that you can't catch Aids from someone who has died from Aids and the day before that someone sent me this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5g3WpE5eWY
Just look at this fool.
You see how I'm always talking about celebrity delusion- how someone can be as shitty as shit itself yet will live their life acting as though they're that bitch because everyone around them laughs and applauds at what they do.
Bobby ain't got shit to do with this.
Your stylist is the same motherfucker who greased the stairs on the Beyonce' Experience and that "Evian" that Clive gave you wasn't Evian at all- but you can't even blame it this shit on the alcohol.
Your finished.
Instead of coming back you need to be going home.
You have been reduced to a studio singer.
You see what drugs can do a bitch kids.
You see what delusion can do to a hoe.
My mother was so embarrased by you when I showed her the link she clutched her pearls, snatched my laptop and prayed that God would bring Phyliss Hyman back from the dead (God you can ignore that part-thanks)
Imagine my horror when I watched the woman who inspired so many make a total aboffoonery of herself on FOREIGN tv, I mean its one thing to fuck up in your home because then you can enjoy respect elsewhere but like swine flu nobody wants your dirty ass anywhere.
We have to remember that what we were seeing was an image, contrived, packaged and sold to us.
Stars are just like us- they shit like YOU do, they have periods like WE do and even lust for the dick like NEYO does.
This is why you shouldn't look to stars for your answers because they're too busy trying to figure out what they need to figure out.
I am aware that Beyonce' fakes her smiles when asked whether she'll be spitting or swallowing.
I am aware that Lady Gaga sometimes looks in the mirror and wonders what life without make up is like and I am aware that Michael Jackson was a moonwalking, kindergaten stalking bleached pervert.
You need to look within yourselves for the answers and realize that YOU DO NOT KNOW your favourite artists, think about the city you're from and the city that you're favourite artist is from- if that artist wasn't an artist would you even know they existed and EVEN if you are from the same city, do you know EVERYSINGLE person in that city. The sooner we realize that stars are nothing but images being created by experts who think they know what we think we need the sooner we'll stop having debates about Michael Jacksons innocence and whether Rihanna can deepthroat or not.
Bye.
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Saturday, 10 October 2009
I Am A Woman In Love
So its happened.
My unsuspecting ass never thought I'd see the day.
The dramatic guinea pig had to quit acting class.
Semenya had to stop shaving.
Ike J-setted in his grave.
I wish I could say I was suprised by this all.
I wish I could say haha, but I can't but it seems as though I have another flop to kick.
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tESSkDz9uio
You see, when an artist is surrounded by people who continuously tell that artist that their shit is made of gold that artist will make decisions which are based on delusion rather than common sense. It's why Kelly Rowland still thinks lack of promotion is the reason for her commercial short comings and it's the reason Alicia Keys still thinks anybody is convinced by anything she does.
When an artist has a bad patch in their career and comes back succesfully, that artist may feel the need to milk the moment just in case it doesn't last. Because it doesn't last.
Memoirs Of An Imperfect Vocalist.
Memoirs of An Imperfect Icon.
Memoirs of an Imperfect Delusionist.
When you have lower first week sales than Janet Jackson you know your boat is sinking harder than Titanic with Sean Kingston on board.
Mariah fans have indeed had enough- and I've been saying that for years- when someone grows up on Vision Of Love and is then forced to accept Obsessed the immediate reaction of anybody with a head is to reject it and so they have.
Mariah has succesfully cheapened herself by having Twitter, marrying a D-Lister and creating diss tracks.
When a celebrity is mysterious and silent about certain things it creates a mystery around the artist and so the fans purchase whatever that artist puts out so they can feel as though they own a part of that artist- it's why Britney is still selling out shows.
It's why Rihanna is so sensual and so exotic.
It's why we watch Jay Z interviews, Jay Z was rapping since before I was born yet I had no interest in him until he started jizzing on Sasha's face- when we watched him on Oprah we were hoping he'd say the things Beyonce' wouldn't and the feeling the obsession we have with celebrity privacy fuels our respect for them.
When we know too much- when we know you had quasedillas for breakfast and that you and Kimora are downloading African porn whilst breastfeeding your foreign exports all the mystery your publicists spent years creating is thrown out of the window.
This is why we see nothing wrong with watching Michael Jackson interviews when we know all he ever did was lie, we knew he wasn't straight but we convinced ourselves that he was because if we denied ourselves that image of him spooning that white lady we'd have nothing else to base our love of his private life on.
Mariah dear- it's over.
Your acting career isnt going to kick off just because you got a role which doesnt require facial expression or physical movement. You are only edible in that role because you speak really really really slow meaning that every word you say is given the chance to breathe, a good actress can stammer, scream, yell and fart whilst giving a monologue
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7sIkj4nuh8
Mariah will never be able to use her name to sell anything and so now she will require flawless live shows just like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlHyN1eJgTI
My unsuspecting ass never thought I'd see the day.
The dramatic guinea pig had to quit acting class.
Semenya had to stop shaving.
Ike J-setted in his grave.
I wish I could say I was suprised by this all.
I wish I could say haha, but I can't but it seems as though I have another flop to kick.
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tESSkDz9uio
You see, when an artist is surrounded by people who continuously tell that artist that their shit is made of gold that artist will make decisions which are based on delusion rather than common sense. It's why Kelly Rowland still thinks lack of promotion is the reason for her commercial short comings and it's the reason Alicia Keys still thinks anybody is convinced by anything she does.
When an artist has a bad patch in their career and comes back succesfully, that artist may feel the need to milk the moment just in case it doesn't last. Because it doesn't last.
Memoirs Of An Imperfect Vocalist.
Memoirs of An Imperfect Icon.
Memoirs of an Imperfect Delusionist.
When you have lower first week sales than Janet Jackson you know your boat is sinking harder than Titanic with Sean Kingston on board.
Mariah fans have indeed had enough- and I've been saying that for years- when someone grows up on Vision Of Love and is then forced to accept Obsessed the immediate reaction of anybody with a head is to reject it and so they have.
Mariah has succesfully cheapened herself by having Twitter, marrying a D-Lister and creating diss tracks.
When a celebrity is mysterious and silent about certain things it creates a mystery around the artist and so the fans purchase whatever that artist puts out so they can feel as though they own a part of that artist- it's why Britney is still selling out shows.
It's why Rihanna is so sensual and so exotic.
It's why we watch Jay Z interviews, Jay Z was rapping since before I was born yet I had no interest in him until he started jizzing on Sasha's face- when we watched him on Oprah we were hoping he'd say the things Beyonce' wouldn't and the feeling the obsession we have with celebrity privacy fuels our respect for them.
When we know too much- when we know you had quasedillas for breakfast and that you and Kimora are downloading African porn whilst breastfeeding your foreign exports all the mystery your publicists spent years creating is thrown out of the window.
This is why we see nothing wrong with watching Michael Jackson interviews when we know all he ever did was lie, we knew he wasn't straight but we convinced ourselves that he was because if we denied ourselves that image of him spooning that white lady we'd have nothing else to base our love of his private life on.
Mariah dear- it's over.
Your acting career isnt going to kick off just because you got a role which doesnt require facial expression or physical movement. You are only edible in that role because you speak really really really slow meaning that every word you say is given the chance to breathe, a good actress can stammer, scream, yell and fart whilst giving a monologue
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7sIkj4nuh8
Mariah will never be able to use her name to sell anything and so now she will require flawless live shows just like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlHyN1eJgTI
Monday, 5 October 2009
That baby should jus' go head and abort itself
Ive been told by my pimp that I beat around the bush so Im just going to hop right in on it like my name is motherfucking Tigger-however instead of TTFN I will say TTTS (Time To Throw Shade.)
If MTO are correct (lawfagivemefareferencingthosehoes) and Mathew is indeed the father of a child which is to be conceived by some bafoon- I want to everyone to know that as long as Beyonce' uses Ciara's album booklet as a period pad Mathew and the supposed mother will NEVER find peace.
That baby might as well take its umbilical cord and hang itself if it is Mathews because we Sasha Fierce Representatives will NEVER accept a Knowles unless it is made up of the spicy womb of Celestine and the ATM dick of Mathew.
If all this is true- Juelz will have an uncle younger than him
Juelz dont play that.
Juelz dont even respect the niggers that work the rides at the fair- you think hes going to accept some illegit?
And to the trollope herself- so I guess you thought you were going to conceive the secomd Beyonce'- BY GOD I hope you conceive a 45th Gary Coleman.
And Celestine- for your sake I hope this isnt true- I am part Haitain myself and I know how much vengeance potions cost too make, if Mathew did indeed dick down that whore then I want you to know that I will create an entire blog documenting your life as a single gal about town and your endevours with men much younger than yourself.
I'll call it:
Celes-Teen.
If MTO are correct (lawfagivemefareferencingthosehoes) and Mathew is indeed the father of a child which is to be conceived by some bafoon- I want to everyone to know that as long as Beyonce' uses Ciara's album booklet as a period pad Mathew and the supposed mother will NEVER find peace.
That baby might as well take its umbilical cord and hang itself if it is Mathews because we Sasha Fierce Representatives will NEVER accept a Knowles unless it is made up of the spicy womb of Celestine and the ATM dick of Mathew.
If all this is true- Juelz will have an uncle younger than him
Juelz dont play that.
Juelz dont even respect the niggers that work the rides at the fair- you think hes going to accept some illegit?
And to the trollope herself- so I guess you thought you were going to conceive the secomd Beyonce'- BY GOD I hope you conceive a 45th Gary Coleman.
And Celestine- for your sake I hope this isnt true- I am part Haitain myself and I know how much vengeance potions cost too make, if Mathew did indeed dick down that whore then I want you to know that I will create an entire blog documenting your life as a single gal about town and your endevours with men much younger than yourself.
I'll call it:
Celes-Teen.
Friday, 18 September 2009
Stupid Shit Part Trois
If your face looks as though it is an eight sided shape, you should have stayed home.
If you look like Bow Wow after getting the hook up at Hotel Sew-Wanda, you should have stayed home.
And if you look as though you got your outfit from the 69 cence store, you should have stayed on twitter.
I didnt blog about this straight away because I didn't know how, I was so shocked, and as I get older I've noticed that like Beyonce' when I'm shocked I really dont know how to act and do this weird thing where it looks like my mouth is attacking my cheeks.
What posessed that munchkin to jump on stage with art personified (Jay Z) and Homewrecker Director (Alicia) is beyond me. Where the fuck was Julius? Where the fuck was any security, what if it had been Mashonda who ran up on the stage and smashed her son's glass baby bottle across Alicia's pretty little biracial head.
These kids ain't go no respect.
"I was fillin da moment ya-no cos dis i new yawk- im fram new yawk and so like i was fillin da moment and had to get on da stage."
You octagon faced fool.
You short and stupid whore.
You flop.
The last thing you released was a Direct Message and you think you have the right to jump on stage with legends.
The worst thing was that Jay actually tried his best to push her off by first tapping her and then getting real close to Alicia (back the fuck up) to show the audience that the only two people that should have been on that stage where he and Alicia.
If it had been Rihanna- I would have been like oh hell to the motherfucking yeah- if it had been Beyonce' I would have jizzed in my pants- if it had been Blu Cantrell I would have drawn for my shank.
To me- Lil Mama's actions only prove how even the most unsuccesful of "artists" can be delusional.
Delusion tells you that wearing some cheap ass pink loin cloth as a top is normal. Stupid whore.
Delusion tells you that anybody who thinks what you did was stupid is "hater."
Nobody has time to hate you because there is nothing to hate with your unsuccesful ass. Stupid whore.
Aren't you worried you haven't released a record since 2007- aren't you concerned that your face looks like it could break the ice.
Whore.
If you look like Bow Wow after getting the hook up at Hotel Sew-Wanda, you should have stayed home.
And if you look as though you got your outfit from the 69 cence store, you should have stayed on twitter.
I didnt blog about this straight away because I didn't know how, I was so shocked, and as I get older I've noticed that like Beyonce' when I'm shocked I really dont know how to act and do this weird thing where it looks like my mouth is attacking my cheeks.
What posessed that munchkin to jump on stage with art personified (Jay Z) and Homewrecker Director (Alicia) is beyond me. Where the fuck was Julius? Where the fuck was any security, what if it had been Mashonda who ran up on the stage and smashed her son's glass baby bottle across Alicia's pretty little biracial head.
These kids ain't go no respect.
"I was fillin da moment ya-no cos dis i new yawk- im fram new yawk and so like i was fillin da moment and had to get on da stage."
You octagon faced fool.
You short and stupid whore.
You flop.
The last thing you released was a Direct Message and you think you have the right to jump on stage with legends.
The worst thing was that Jay actually tried his best to push her off by first tapping her and then getting real close to Alicia (back the fuck up) to show the audience that the only two people that should have been on that stage where he and Alicia.
If it had been Rihanna- I would have been like oh hell to the motherfucking yeah- if it had been Beyonce' I would have jizzed in my pants- if it had been Blu Cantrell I would have drawn for my shank.
To me- Lil Mama's actions only prove how even the most unsuccesful of "artists" can be delusional.
Delusion tells you that wearing some cheap ass pink loin cloth as a top is normal. Stupid whore.
Delusion tells you that anybody who thinks what you did was stupid is "hater."
Nobody has time to hate you because there is nothing to hate with your unsuccesful ass. Stupid whore.
Aren't you worried you haven't released a record since 2007- aren't you concerned that your face looks like it could break the ice.
Whore.
Monday, 14 September 2009
Team Taylor
"And the award goes to...."
Celestine pops open the champagne, Mathew writes Nava a cheque, Juelz starts Jerking out, Mary J hands in her notice.
"Taylor Swift."
I'm actually not suprised that Taylor Swift beat Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Pink to the award after all Taylor is the best performer out of all of them, she is the most talented and innovative and to be honest- i think that Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Pink are simply carbon copies of the bright eyed blonde haired formula that labels have been manufacturing since they saw how it worked for Britney.
What does Kanye know about music videos anyway? How DARE he claim Single Ladies was one of the best videos of all time- didn't he see Taylor's video, didn't he see the care, thought and attention given to Taylor's splendiferous vocals and performance.
Taylor you did indeed deserve that award over Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Pink and Katy Perry. Kanye's just jealous because he wishes he was a blonde haired country music singing mechanical dummy like you are- Beyonce' is just another untalented bitch who hates you for being more talented than she is.
Thankyou MTV for showing those dumb Beyonce' fans that just because a woman spends a decade tearing up stages, singing live and putting on a show doesnt mean she deserves to win anything.
Thankyou very much to Kanye West who totally made a fool of himself by claiming Single Ladies deserved to win the award for Best Female Video.
Can't wait to see Britney perform next year!!!!
Celestine pops open the champagne, Mathew writes Nava a cheque, Juelz starts Jerking out, Mary J hands in her notice.
"Taylor Swift."
I'm actually not suprised that Taylor Swift beat Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Pink to the award after all Taylor is the best performer out of all of them, she is the most talented and innovative and to be honest- i think that Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Pink are simply carbon copies of the bright eyed blonde haired formula that labels have been manufacturing since they saw how it worked for Britney.
What does Kanye know about music videos anyway? How DARE he claim Single Ladies was one of the best videos of all time- didn't he see Taylor's video, didn't he see the care, thought and attention given to Taylor's splendiferous vocals and performance.
Taylor you did indeed deserve that award over Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Pink and Katy Perry. Kanye's just jealous because he wishes he was a blonde haired country music singing mechanical dummy like you are- Beyonce' is just another untalented bitch who hates you for being more talented than she is.
Thankyou MTV for showing those dumb Beyonce' fans that just because a woman spends a decade tearing up stages, singing live and putting on a show doesnt mean she deserves to win anything.
Thankyou very much to Kanye West who totally made a fool of himself by claiming Single Ladies deserved to win the award for Best Female Video.
Can't wait to see Britney perform next year!!!!
Saturday, 12 September 2009
Sigh
Irrelevance.
Just because the livest audience anywhere scream when you make an appearance on 106 and Park does not mean you are relevant to anything.
Just because you get 100 followers a day on Twitter doesn't mean you are relevant to anything.
And just because the people you role with have been able to convince you that Neyo hasn't taken your seat on the R'n'b Thug train does mean you are relevant to anything.
Getting fucked in the mouth by a geri curled oompaloompa can fuck with a niggers head, I don't blame you trying to come at me on twitter Marques- I mean i'd be mad too if my last few records sold less units than Semenya could sell cosmetics.
I'm sure that you're a great person but if you really can't see that you are indeed irrelevant then it just proves how delusional even F-Listers like you can be. To put things into perspective for you I've put together a game.
Beyonce
Rihanna
Jay Z
Neyo
Lady Gaga
Madonna
Lil Wayne
J.Boog
Brandy
Mariah
Kelly Rowland
50 Cent
Kanye West
Bow Wow
Omarion
Britney Spears
Whitney Houston
Marques Houston
I'd like you to arrange all of these artists in order of relevance with the most relevant being at the top and the least relevant right at the bottom. If you're not too busy washing Chris' cum off your tongue- Id appreciate it if you could DM your list via Twitter.
Thankyou.
Just because the livest audience anywhere scream when you make an appearance on 106 and Park does not mean you are relevant to anything.
Just because you get 100 followers a day on Twitter doesn't mean you are relevant to anything.
And just because the people you role with have been able to convince you that Neyo hasn't taken your seat on the R'n'b Thug train does mean you are relevant to anything.
Getting fucked in the mouth by a geri curled oompaloompa can fuck with a niggers head, I don't blame you trying to come at me on twitter Marques- I mean i'd be mad too if my last few records sold less units than Semenya could sell cosmetics.
I'm sure that you're a great person but if you really can't see that you are indeed irrelevant then it just proves how delusional even F-Listers like you can be. To put things into perspective for you I've put together a game.
Beyonce
Rihanna
Jay Z
Neyo
Lady Gaga
Madonna
Lil Wayne
J.Boog
Brandy
Mariah
Kelly Rowland
50 Cent
Kanye West
Bow Wow
Omarion
Britney Spears
Whitney Houston
Marques Houston
I'd like you to arrange all of these artists in order of relevance with the most relevant being at the top and the least relevant right at the bottom. If you're not too busy washing Chris' cum off your tongue- Id appreciate it if you could DM your list via Twitter.
Thankyou.
Monday, 7 September 2009
Oprah come get this ba'y
"Do you remember beating up Rihanna?"
"Erm- like I never been vah-lent before- y'nawaddamean."
"How do you feel when you see that picture of her?".
"Like i wasn't sure if it was altered- it was like ...wow."
I would say dumb nigger but I spend all my time trying to prove to people how stupid it is for black people to call each other nigger's and then turn around and say how much they are against slavery but in this case i'm going to have to let Uncle Tom out. Dumb Nigger.
Dumb niggers can't tell when they are being patronized.
Dumb niggers bring their lawyers onto Larry King because they can't answer questions about shit that THEY did.
Dumb niggers find a way to incorporate 90210 into their vocab when discussing domestic abuse, "It was like...wow."
Yes it was like wow when you thumped, jumped and discombumbed Rihanna and her covergirl face and though there is no excuse for a man or boy to hit a woman, there is no denying the fact that when a bitch signs up to fuck with a dumb nigger that is what she is asking for.
His speech or lack of it would be enough to put any intelligent woman off, either his tongue is too big for his mouth or they didn't teach grammar in his school because that dumb nigger couldn't put a sentence together even if the words were dipped in glue.
His mother is another joke shedding her crocodile tears and talking about how she has no idea where he got the urge to beat, bite, kick and punch women from. Take a look in the family portrait you dumb bitch- it's clear to see that he was taking notes from that woman beater you once called a boyfriend. Dumb nigger.
And Chris is not the only person at fault here. All those celebrities who could have said something but didn't are just as bad as he is.
Beyonce- sitting, smiling and nodding on Larry King when asked about it just isn't good enough. You are THE MOST POWERFUL Icon of our time and there are a lot of dumb kids out there who don't have older brothers and sisters to preach the importance of being anti-domestic abuse that need Powerful Icons like you to enforce how wrong it is to be violent. If you're always talking about female empowerement what would have been more empowering for women if they saw Beyonce' openly supporting and defending her husband's employee.
Rihanna was hiyaahhed, kazaamed, and rastalombombarded and nobody- not even someone as intelligent or as outspoken as Alicia Keys said anything to speak out against the sickening nature of her attack. When I think of how frightening it must have been for Rihanna to be under those merciless sucker punches it makes me cry, she must have thought she was auditioning for What's Love Got To Do With It Part Deux.
This only proves my point about the importance of having constant discussions with younger members of your family to enforce a sense of self confidence into them so that they 1.stay away from dumb niggers and 2. they react in a responsible way if they are K.O'd by a dumb nigger.
It is not the job of dumb niggers in the mainstream to raise our kids but in a society where contrived images seep through the most unsuspecting mediums it is important to remind our children of what is right and what is wrong just in case the people we expec to speak out against what is wrong are too afraid to.
"Erm- like I never been vah-lent before- y'nawaddamean."
"How do you feel when you see that picture of her?".
"Like i wasn't sure if it was altered- it was like ...wow."
I would say dumb nigger but I spend all my time trying to prove to people how stupid it is for black people to call each other nigger's and then turn around and say how much they are against slavery but in this case i'm going to have to let Uncle Tom out. Dumb Nigger.
Dumb niggers can't tell when they are being patronized.
Dumb niggers bring their lawyers onto Larry King because they can't answer questions about shit that THEY did.
Dumb niggers find a way to incorporate 90210 into their vocab when discussing domestic abuse, "It was like...wow."
Yes it was like wow when you thumped, jumped and discombumbed Rihanna and her covergirl face and though there is no excuse for a man or boy to hit a woman, there is no denying the fact that when a bitch signs up to fuck with a dumb nigger that is what she is asking for.
His speech or lack of it would be enough to put any intelligent woman off, either his tongue is too big for his mouth or they didn't teach grammar in his school because that dumb nigger couldn't put a sentence together even if the words were dipped in glue.
His mother is another joke shedding her crocodile tears and talking about how she has no idea where he got the urge to beat, bite, kick and punch women from. Take a look in the family portrait you dumb bitch- it's clear to see that he was taking notes from that woman beater you once called a boyfriend. Dumb nigger.
And Chris is not the only person at fault here. All those celebrities who could have said something but didn't are just as bad as he is.
Beyonce- sitting, smiling and nodding on Larry King when asked about it just isn't good enough. You are THE MOST POWERFUL Icon of our time and there are a lot of dumb kids out there who don't have older brothers and sisters to preach the importance of being anti-domestic abuse that need Powerful Icons like you to enforce how wrong it is to be violent. If you're always talking about female empowerement what would have been more empowering for women if they saw Beyonce' openly supporting and defending her husband's employee.
Rihanna was hiyaahhed, kazaamed, and rastalombombarded and nobody- not even someone as intelligent or as outspoken as Alicia Keys said anything to speak out against the sickening nature of her attack. When I think of how frightening it must have been for Rihanna to be under those merciless sucker punches it makes me cry, she must have thought she was auditioning for What's Love Got To Do With It Part Deux.
This only proves my point about the importance of having constant discussions with younger members of your family to enforce a sense of self confidence into them so that they 1.stay away from dumb niggers and 2. they react in a responsible way if they are K.O'd by a dumb nigger.
It is not the job of dumb niggers in the mainstream to raise our kids but in a society where contrived images seep through the most unsuspecting mediums it is important to remind our children of what is right and what is wrong just in case the people we expec to speak out against what is wrong are too afraid to.
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