The Pop Whore

Ah ken Mek Yo Beeyeed Rack.

2010-04-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

There's only two types of whores out there, the ones that blog online... and the ones that are scared.
Hello my little Pussy Holes, it's Pop Whore (claws fingers and emulates kitten on heat). I've been away so long trying to get on For The Love of Ray J, but since I haven't got a penis and my ass hole's pretty tight I didn't make the cut.
So yesterday, I was chilling at Keri Hilson's crib reciting the National Anthem when I heard more about this Kat Stacks character and I decided that I owed it to my Pussy Holes to inseminate them with my cock filled with fierce semen to satisfy their needs with this log about her.

First of all, this needs to be said about all whores- a whore can't be a whore without dicks to explore. For those amongst you who fall under the basic bitch category, that means that unless men give it up, a whore cant suck it up and so if you're going to hate on the whore you better be spewing hate on the guy who makes her whoredom possible.

To me, Kat Stacks like Superhead before her is doing the world a favour, by exposing hip hop culture for what it really is, a thick pile of Gabourey Sidibe's shit. People have nothing to say when Trey Songz wants to convince us that his dick can make a bitch wanna buy him a shortset and some of you idiots found a way to rationalise Chris Brown thumping the shit out of Miss Fenty AND when that cum stained piano player was found out to be bumping uglies with that married producer whose nose looks like he can't believe oxygen is free.

If this Kat "Google Me" Stacks has shit to say about your favourite rappers you need to listen up, because she knows them and YOU DO NOT.
Calling her a hoe is like telling Katy Perry that her career died the second Gaga's Italian cooch hit our screens- she already knows.
These rappers promote homophobia, sexism and the degradation of women when in reality they're all as soft as getting brain from the Cookie Monster and so whenever someone comes out and exposes them for who they really are, I welcome it because it's neccesary.
Will I be buying her book? No. She couldnt put a grammatically correct sentence together even if her worn out pussy lips depended on it, but will I routing for her? YES I WILL.

(See how I did that entire post WITHOUT calling anybody irrelevant).

And some of you wanted me to talk about Ricky Martin being gay.
I'll make this one short:
Until mothers and fathers start expecting their straight kids to declare that they are straight, they should not expect their gay kids to declare that they are gay.
It doesn't help or hinder anything, as long as you know whether you lick the cooter or stick the cooter, that's all that matters.
Ricky is only interested in being gay ever since he heard they were making a Spanish version of Paris is Burning.

That is all.

GRACE JONES ACCUSED OF BEATING UP YOUNG BERG

2010-02-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

Police have apprehended an erratic Grace Jones after she walked into her local Mcdonalds confessing to the assault of arti- rapp- musici- oh what the fuck- pussy hole Young Berg.
Ms. Jones who is now being questioned by police is said to have walked into her local Mcdonalds and when she discovered that they had run out of Big Macs told the server, "serve me da Mac or I'll fuck up your shit like your mother just re-christened you Young Berg."

The server then immediately called the police and whilst Miss Jones sat at the table waiting for police to arrive she told the manager everything.

"I walk into house- fuck up the security cameras with the heel of my boots and walk up to his motherfucking room- he say he no like dark skinned women- well last night he definitely saw how dark my pussy was when i stood over his face and made him drink my salty liquer, then i beat him around the head with my loaded weapon shoutin "you don't like what?!" "you dont like what?!"- his ass never saw it coming."

Berg, who is said to be sucking on the dick of his manager to calm himself down after the situation had this to say:

I tried to conversate widd her, leddaknow dat we could work shit out, but then she pissed on me man, she straight pissed me.

Other celebrities had this to say.

"Haha I say Haha- now I'll get back to pruning Que's ass"- Diddy.

"Ah man- that shit is so so fucked up- I wanted to be the first one to piss on Berg"- Ray J.

"Yes- it sad that this has happened and a testament that racism still exists- had it been Justin Bieber his attacker would have been curteous enough to shit on him but because Young Berg is a BLACK man, he was pissed on to symbolise the act of ownership"- Al Sharpton

"Erm- yeah its fucked up but thats life- when a bitch pisses on you you hop right back up, when a nigger shits on your gums and calls you Sandra Rose you hop right back up and when a nigger drops yo ass for some skinny ass bitch from Barbados who spends the money set aside for yo' nex record on vibrating tampons you hop right back up"- Foxy Brown

The Police also believe that Ms Jones had an accomplice and and urge anyone with any information to come forward.

Lemon Pie.

2010-02-02T13:50:00.000-08:00

Person A and Person B enter a pie making competition.

Person A and Person B along with five others enter the Fruit Pie category. Person A wins the award for having the Best Pie Overall, Person B wins for having the Best Fruit Pie. That's all im going to say about the VMAs and Grammys.

Onto a more shadier scenario- I logged onto my favourite site http://www.bossip.com/ and saw something which would have Moi Renee vogueing in her grave. Ray "I was irrelevant in the 90s and even more so almost 20 years later" J and The Game have put out a new track which has lines which get at Miss. Kim Kardashian.

Now we've spoken about hoe shit before as well as irrelevant shit but this shit that I'm about to go into is so sick and filthy that not even Tila Tequila would consider letting it penetrate her.

It's clear to me that Ray J and The Game are indeed the perfect match.

Dumb and Dumberer.

One looks like Rasputia sleeps on his face and the other couldn't sell white pussy to Tiger Woods.

You see- in my "insert modest but untruthful figure" years of living- I have learnt many valuable lessons- how to lace a bitches Soco with laxative- how to suck dick without gagging and how to dishearten a Mariah Carey fan but the most important lesson I have learnt is this:

People who ain't got shit to do always got shit to say.

Get into this my little sluts.

People who ain't got shit to do always got shit to say.

Shit like "Why does anybody need to stay in school- after you learn to count that's all you need." and shit like "I'm not benefiting from this sextape like she is- you don't see me on the cover of Playboy."

You see- this morning when Kim Kardashian woke up I'm sure the last thing on her mind was how she was going to pay her rent or how unsuccesful that guy she fucked on camera is, thats because Kim has shit to do.

When God gave Kim lemons, she made lemonade, lemon pie, lemon meringue, lemon tea and she served it all us to us and made us eat it. Don't hate on a bitch for making the best of a bad situation.

When was the last time your ass and head game turned you into an international brand?

When?

What honey?

Sweetie speak up- what did you say?

Never? Did you say not never?

Indeed bitch- never, and it never will because you're not smart like Kim.

You ain't know how to maximise yo' shit.

So Ray J, if your past work is anything to by- the highest this "song" you put out will go is number 8 on the Douglas/Harris Chart, so here's what I want you to do:

Tonight when you go to bed, sit up and think of all the things you achieved this week, not this year, not this decade, but this week. When you can list five things that your label (snickers) would be proud of that's when you can consider talking about succesful people.

And as for The Game- my dear- perhaps if you had stayed in school longer you would have been smart enough to realize not to sign that shady ass contract with Senor Curtis who still makes that cheddar everytime someone purchases one of your albums, comprende' fool?

Don't hate on Kim for doing the shit your ass is too stupid to think up.

Yes Ray J- your dick game is good- I've seen the tape and so yes- you could get your pole polished but it's a shame your career and mark in the world isn't as sweet and poweful as your cock.

It was the Grammys two nights ago- where were you?

The VMAs in 2009- where were you?

Keri Hilson collecting Employee Of the Day Award- where you?

Focus on the scent of your own shit before you try to come for somebody whose already flushed, scrubbed and disinfected their toilet bowl.

Fucker.

And oh yes- Young Buck called- he wants to know if he left his lube at your place?

The Devil Made Me Do it- Celebrities and the Illuminati

2010-01-18T05:37:00.000-08:00

For as long as I can remember, music has been the devil.

In the choir, when I decided to use the ad lib that Beyonce' did at the end of Bootylicious in my solo, I was called the devil.

When I told my mother I was going to see Milli Vanilli on their Out of Synch Tour, I was called the devil and when my dad walked in on me dry humping my Sade poster, she was called the devil.

And recently, the devil has been doing all sorts of twists, twirls and turns on the lips of everyone who knows how to type http://www.youtube.com/ into their web bar. Some pretty intelligent people have used and are using youtube to expose the devil imagery that exists in the demonic videos of stars like Beyonce' and the like. These intelligent people have seen the light and have seen these devil worshipping stars for what they really are, part of a secret devil worshipping society that uses their music to glorify Satan himself (clutches pearls)

These devil worshippers thought that nobody would clock their tea, they thought they could lace our drinks with laxatives and think we wouldnt shit, they thought they could give us quasedillas when we clearly asked for lasagne (how u durin Qaadir?). They thought NOBODY would find out about their secret.

YOU WILL BUY FANTASY RIDE
YOU WILL BUY FANTASY RIDE
YOU WILL BUY FANTASY RIDE
YOU WILL BUY FANTASY RIDE

Secret.

Secret.

Secret.

Well homie thats a- that's a funny word- what did you say? secret? Did you say secret society nigger?

Just a thought- if this society is so secret how do you know about it?

I mean- if this society is bumping vaginas with the devil I'm sure their asses can keep a secret?

If this society is knocking boots with evil you don't think they'd be a little more subtle.?

Isn't it strange how only urban artists are being accused of being part of this society?

All burning questions, so I'm going to clock this tea and for those of you who take your tea sweet, sugary and creamy you can take your asses over to MediaTakeOut, we don't hold our tongues here.

The reason it is Beyonce' and not RHCP being accused of being devil worshippers is because the people who accuse Beyonce' of giving her spice rack up to Lucifer don't know who the RHCP's are. You see- it's difficult to accuse someone of something if you know very little about that person but very easy to accuse someone of something when you have ample reference points.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWmiec1031o

The reason you never hear Alicia "Cum Guzzling Husband Snatching Dick Riding Nut Sucking Piano Playing Acne Ridden" Keys being called a she-devil is because her music videos have very few concepts which leaves little room for re-intepretation.

Alicia walks to Piano. Alicia plays Piano. Alicia Sings Into Mic. Alicia Nods. Alicia Gets Up. Alicia Leaves.

But when you're Rihanna and your ass really wants to impress your fans with your videos (say what you want about Ms.Fenty- but her videos aint never lied) you are going to provide a series of big concepts, imagery and cultural referencing which people can easily interpret to fit their own mind set.
What has happened is that artists of today have become so lazy that fans are suprised when an artist actually puts effort and time into concepts people think there's always another motive.
"Lady Gaga just a fake ass attention seeker."
"Rihanna just has big budget videos cos if she didnt we'd be forced to pay attention to her voice"- (this is actually true.)
"Fuck a Sasha Fierce- Beyonce' is possessed by none other than the demon Beyeezecreole"

And when you a rapper and you reference something that ig'nant people have never heard of before, the same shit may occur.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Margiela

"Uh Uh ain't nobody fresher
I'm in Maison- uh Martin Margiela"

Maybe if Mr.Camel had said "Im in Baby Phat- but Rocawear is better" perhaps you would have understood. Mr. Camel being the crazy old fox he is decided to say the word "Maison" because he knew how wet you'd get up in the pup.

Gandreanataquaelonah: he said Mason! As in Free Mason! I told y'all!
Gynaceoloistivagistana-(isha): Gurr- thats the last time I listen to his ass again- from now I'm sticking to Michael Jackson- he ain't never did nuthin wrong.

Maison means house in French, I'm sure Celestine taught Jigga that word.
Maison is spelt M.A.I.S.O.N.
I don't blame you for being ignorant- you were too busy analyzing the suspicious circumstances surrounding Beyonce's lacefront wig to pay attention in class.

You see, if these people were in the business of working the devil to manipulate our minds you don't think they'd find a better way of doing it. You don't think they'd find a way of doing it without us noticing. It's strange that when people accuse a certain deceased pervert of being paedophile everyone wants to catch feelings EVEN THOUGH he was accused twice and he admitted that "there's nothing wrong with sleeping with boys" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h1euQKJsr4 but when people decide one day that a few black artists who are actually achieving shit all take vacations in the underworld everyone believes it without questioning it.

Maybe it's the black communities seemingly suicidal contempt for anything black and succesful which is the cause for this bullshit, after all I haven't heard anybody accusing Keri Hilson or Ciara of that shit.
I am sure that devil worshipping within the music industry does exist as it does all around the world but just because you don't like an artist doesn't mean they're riding on Lucifer's dick.

For those of you who now think that I am a devil worshipper and have been paid (in 100 dollar bills) by someone to post this post as a way to make the rumours look like a big ole piece of monkeydoodle foolishness, then please feel free to hitch up your tetas and drop me an email.

And for those of you who are running out of Beyonce' videos to annotate, darken and tint with red ,please accept this humble gift:

YOU WILL BUY MS.KELLY THE FORGOTTEN MEMBER DELUXE EDITION.
YOU WILL BUY MS. KELLY THE FORGOTTEN MEMBER DELUXE EDITION- EUROPEAN MIX.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EiwWGtArjw

MATHEW KNOWLES IS KING.
MATHEW KNOWLES IS KING.
MATHEW KNOWLES IS KING

KERI WILSON INTERVIEW.

2010-01-17T04:43:00.000-08:00

Now you hoes know my hustle. You know that I was raised according the Joe Jackson way, abuse now- manipulate later. So you know that I had to fuck the security guard at Walmart, suck the managers dick and let the cashier cum in my ear just to get this interview with Ms.Keri Wilson.
Ms.Wilson and I met up at her swanky pad (the apartement on top of her local Wendy's) to discuss life, love and lubrication.

1. What is the name of your debut album?
Ms Wilson: I AM KERI HILSON..... THE FAME MONSTER IN A PERFECT WORLD. Located at your local drug dealer or dollar store. It's going to change the world just like my sisters Mushroom Cut.

2. If your vagina had a nickname, what wouldn't it be and why not?
Ms.Wilson: Sweet Moist and Juicy..... cos its not point blank.

3. When was the last time you saw your sister, Keril Hilson?

Ms.Wilson: Last week at Target during her day shift. (Sips champagne)

4. When was the last time you were involved in a drive by?

Ms.Wilson: Not since the Tupac shooting.

5. What is your album release date- all of 6 of them.

Ms.Wilson: Well I have one album out that was released on December 12th 2009. Hopefully my label "Wiggy Inc" won't do an Ashanti on me and drop me so i can make 6 more albums.

6. Your sister is hated by Sasha Supremacists, what is your view of Creolentricity?

Ms.Wilson: (sighs) Well I have no clue why they hate my sister, I mean BET which is like the best network ever crowned her a "Rising Icon", so she could get some kind of respect. Stop tweeting her shit like "You dance like Elvis on a pound of crack" or "You're only famous because you sucked Weezy, Neyo, and Kanye's dick to get on your wack azz track" JUST FUCKIN STOP IT (flips wig and leaves interview.)

The League of Unextraordinary R'n'b Skeezes

2010-01-16T13:49:00.000-08:00

Janet: All rise!

Jennifer Hudson: Did you say rice?

Janet: I'd like to thank everyone forcoming to this meeting tonight- I know there was heavy snow.

Mary J.Blige : Yes- what is this about Janet- because if this is about those quesadillas that went missing- it wasn't me.

Janet: No no silly- this is about something more serious, we have to introduce two new members to our secret society tonight, they're on their way, before they comeis there anything anyone would like to discuss.

Mya: Yes- there is something.

Janet: What is it?

Mya: Why is it that I was even invited to this meeting?, I dance on one of the country's most popular shows- I am no longer unextraordinary and how would you know that I'm R'n'b when people are too busy laughing at my music to even listen to it. (Ciara turns to Janet)

Janet: (sigh) Mya- just because your shit is covered in gold doesnt change the fact that its shit- Dancing With The Stars was MADE for unextraordinary R'n'b skeezes like us- you think white folk are going to care about you just because they applaud when you shake your little pancake ass around some shiny ass stage. Whitefolk are too busy wondering how Tyra Banks hair grows so fast to care about some short latin bitch who couldnt sell explosives to an Arab. Anybody else got something they need to gets off their chest?

Mary J: You don't think we should be discussing the tragedy that just occured?

Ciara: But my new album isn't even out yet?

Janet: She's talking about Haiti.

Mary J: You don't think we can take advantage of it?

Ciara: How you mean?

Mary J: What if we went to Haiti and set up our own show there- the people would pay us to perform.

Ashanti: Now why would they do that- their lives have been ruined.

Mary J: They'll pay because we'll convince them that we are the Beyonce's of the Western World, they've been too busy sacrificing they children to know any different. If we penetrate poor markets we could slowly dominate them.

Ciara: Still not following you.

MaryJ: Why is that Creole whore so succesful, because her entire career is based on raw capitalism- survival of the fittest and what's the opposite of capitalism- it's communism which accepts anything mediocore (they all look around and nod) if we do to poor communist nations like that bitch did to wealthy capitalist nations we'll be back in business.

Ashanti: You a genius-but didn't Kelly already try that.

Mary J: Shut the fuck up Sheqoiya- Kelly didn't try shit.

Janet: I like your plan Mary- but none of us speak communist. (Mary sighs.- there is a knock on the door.)

Ciara: Nobody's home!

Janet: Who is it? Yell out the secret code.

Michelle Williams: BET SPECIAL.

Janet: Come in. (Michelle enters, Ashanti rolls eyes, Ciara kisses her teeth, Jennifer Hudson eats cake) Please welcome our latest member, Michelle.

Mary: Well well well how unexpected.

Michelle: Hello to you too Mary- I've left Mathew. (They all cheer.)

Mya: How did you finally come to that decision?

Michelle: I was going to leave when Farrah left but Solange had pictures of me that I'd rather not get out so I stayed but the final straw for me was the BET Awards- what was SUPPOSED to be our final performance, Beyonce' got to grind on the sexy ass guy, Kelly got to grind on Nelly (Ashanti grunts) but I had to grind on the guy with HIV.

Janet: Sorry to cut you Michelle but didnt you say you were bringing Kelly.

Michelle: She's in Europe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH5D_0BaWbc

Ciara: Well girl- I hope you didn't think the grass would be greener away from Mathew- he isn't the cause of your problems- if he was then we'd all be managed by him too.

Michelle: Sorry?

Ciara: It's in MusicWorld's interests to have as many succesful artists as possible so that they earn a higher percentage out of everything that their artists are paid for. Mathew WISHES you endorsed L'oreal, Pepsi, Tommy Hilfiger and all that jazz then he'd make money from ALL of you, Mathew WISHES he didnt have to come up with excuses for your flop records everytime Columbia wanted answers.

Janet: What are you saying?

Ciara: I'm saying that it's time we took control of our own careers instead of blaming everyone and they mama for our own shit- I mean just look at Letoya- her album release date was pushed back 6 years yet her shit is still on point. I think it's time I left this secret society and started working on a record that people will listen to without thinking of tearing out their eardrums.

Janet:Thengoonwitchobadseyelf but dont come running back when your label drops to sign some new bitch who looks like she only finished breastfeeding an hour ago.

Ciara: I will. (Ciara rises and proceeds to leave) I'll stop by tommorow to pick up the rest of my shit. (Ciara leaves.)

Janet: Anyone else wanna follow her? (nothing is said) I was going to wait till the end of the meeting for this- but i might as well do it now. The league of unextraordinary skeezes has a new anthem which embodies are thirst for all things unsuccesful, here are the lyrics, love them, learn them, live them:

I know you want the licky licky

Tell me you want the licky licky

You can't deny the licky licky

I know just what you like.

Did you really want to know where the blog girls were at?

2010-01-09T04:14:00.000-08:00

Hello motherfuckers, c'est moi.
I know it's been a minute, but I was kidnapped by every single one of Ciara's fan and they forced me to engage in a foursome so after MediaTakeOut paid my ransom fee in exchange for some interesting stories I have spent the Christmas and New Year recovering in a place I like to call home (Youtube.)
Now for me Youtube is a very powerful tool for the publicists of hasbeen Havanah's like Ashanti who post comments like "Top that Beyaki!" in the comment board underneath the video of Ashanti performing Aww Baby at her fat sister's house party(no such video exists- Ashanti's sister's fingers were too fat to press record.)

Youtube also allows us to hear an entire album without buying it and so since I don't like wasting my money,I decided to listen to Rated R.

To begin with, I forced myself to like the record in fear of being labelled a "hating ass Sasha Supremacist" and then just as I was about to steal $10 from my Grandmother's purse to go and buy it, a Rihanna interview came on and reality set in. The album is only good when you forget that Rihanna is singing/neighing it.

In Rihanna's interview she tried her best to present herself as an artist who had taken a risk with this record, an artist who had a deep connection with the lyrics and greater understanding of what Rated R meant for her. Yet what Rihanna forgot was that we know none of the concepts on the record were created by her and that we all know she's too stupid to actually understand why her writers have written an album like this for her.

Since 2007, Rihanna has been on a mission to prove to the world that she's a "tough ass chick" sort of like a high fashion Pink and with Good Girl Gone Bad's intensly catchy singles even if you weren't convinced by Rihanna's contrived imageyou couldn't help but love the songs.On this record, her writers and producers have tried to create an album to be the soundtrack to Rihanna's image.

The only problem is that Rihanna is not a convincing artist and even intellectual well written songs like Cold Case Love do nothing to move the spirit. On G4L Rihanna tries her best to sound as though she is a gully bitch, like she has a razor in her purse and a rifle in her cooch. The only problem with that is that we know Rihanna isn't a bad bitch, not because she got beat up but because of the way she handled getting beat up. Waiting only to discuss the "incident" with Diane Sawyer when Rated R was coming out to use the publicity surrounding the interview to promote an album which refused to give her a number 1 single. Think about it, how many artists do you stan for talk with Diane Sawyer to promote their record- Rihanna was not concerned with telling her story but more concerned with trying to make us believe that she was an honest, truthful "don't give a fuck" type of girl.

In the song Hard, Rihanna calls hating ass bitches like me out not realizing that it's hating ass bitches like me that spent more time promoting her record than her label could afford to. Rihanna- being the immature whore that she is still has not recognized the last year MediaTake Out was her biggest form of promotion and that BlogGirls like me have a big influence on the way people perceive what artists do. Why do you think Michelle Williams panders to the Skorpion Show or Mariah Carey suddenly has an interest in BScott, they are protecting themselves against being called out by developing personal relationships with the influence leaders like Youtubers and bloggers.
Calling out blogs for discussing the shit that YOUR publicists put out is stupid and ignorant and proof of how even after millions are spent on promotion, packaging and preparing an artist, if the product itself is stupid people won't buy it and with three radio singles, not 1 number 1 and a record that slid down the charts quicker than a fingerless chimpanzee trying to climb a stripper pole that is exactly the case with Rated R.

Rihanna- your tea has been clocked.

I take my coffee black- like my men

2009-12-14T08:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I'm alone in my apartement I find myself having debates with myself. The other night myself and I debated whether people with multiple personalities should be sectioned and institutionalised and myself and I resolved the debate by simply putting on 106 and Park and watching Terrence and Rocsi pretend to like the shit they interview. Then I saw Nicki Minaj.

Now I tried for some time to avoid the hype surrounding her and then I realized something- people like me are always dogging on people like Ciara and Kelly Rowland for not being good enough or not trying hard enough to "put their name" out there and so it was hypcrotical for me NOT to give this Minaj character a look and a listen.

So I Youtubed her and watched a couple of interviews and came to a conclusion which my dear friends at the WigCrypt had come to many years ago.
In this world if YOU want something YOU need to get up and GO get IT.

I realized whilst studying Minaj that this bitch has DEFINED WHO SHE IS. I'm sure there are 100s of bitches on Twitter who can spit harder than Alicia after sucking the tip of that married man's love pistol but there's a reason it's Nicky Minaj whose on everyone's lips. When I began to understand her purpose,I understood how phenomenal she actually is. Here is a black girl from Brooklyn referencing Japanese street fashion and forcing a culture which is ignorant to anything which doesn't sag low to pay attention.

THAT's how you get people's attention.
You dont say "Im not getting anywhere cos im dark skin" or "if i was slimmer i'd be where Beyonce' is," get up and do something about it. If you want to prove that dark skin is just as beautiful as light skin then you need to come up with a gimmic to exploit that. Too many people use stereotypes when it suits them and get mad when stereotypes do not work to their advantage.

"Black Girls have bigger butts than girls from all other races." Correct.
"Black Girls are rude, obnoxious and hate on white girls." FUCK YOU MEAN.

If you allow yourself to be grouped into stereotypical segmentations, do not be suprised when those stereotypes work to your disadvantage.

"Are you sure you want to hire the black girl- she looked pretty rude."
"Are you sure you want to give the blonde the mangerial positition- she probably sucked, fucked and timmytucked her way to this company- let the man have it."

The reason I am doing this post is because I have a lot of debates regarding the media's unfair portrayal of black women in society.
It seems to me that what black means to the Media isn't what black means to black people. As much as I love the variations that black people have, European Creole, African, African American, Coolie it seems to me that the only representation that is perceived to be beautiful is this one:

http://static.gossipgirlinsider.com/images/gallery/tyra-banks.jpg

Tyra Banks isn't any less blacker because her "hair" is fair and her eyes are green but what's a chocolate skinned mami to do when she feels that her beauty will never be respected. What's she to do when the world won't call her beautiful like they do to her fairer counterparts.

Stop wanting to be called beautiful.
Stop expecting your beauty to be respected.
Acknowledge on your beauty, acknowledge your own skin color and acknowledge your own hair type because this is the body God gave you and it's the body you are going to die with. You can put plastic in your nose but itll biodegrade in the grave and you can put relaxer in your but that won't make it rain-proof.
Bitches who acknowledge their beauty get further because they know that looks can only get you so far.
For example:
http://iwantmysexyback.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/ciara1.jpg

http://popdynamite.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/lady-gaga-ugly.jpg

If being conventionally beautiful was the answer to everything then Princess Super C wouldn't be handing in her resumee at Sears right now. It's the weird looking bitch whose an icon one year after debutin and it's the weird looking bitch that everyone respects because that weird looking bitch knows what she's about and defined her own beauty instead of depending on Janet Jackson and Aaliyah to do it for her.
That's why I officially fucks with this Minaj character- instead of doing what Lil Kim and Foxxy did, she is going to do with what Nicki Minaj needs to do to make sure she's the one that we're all talking about and respect. That's how you get your name out there- it's how you promote yourself and it's how you make sure that even after 12 years of being signed people don't have a reason to respect anything you've done in your OWN right:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoJSnuyrj8w&feature=video_response

Grrrr Baby Grrrrr

2009-12-07T11:52:00.000-08:00

Since my little vacation to an Island in the sun, I haven't had time to blog- yes call me whatchu want I have time to tweet but no time to blog, sue me.
However, this incident was making spirits do all kinds of dips, flips and samurai kicks when I heard about it.
To begin with I'd like to say that violence is not gender specific, a woman beating a man is just as bad as a man beating a woman, although the outcome will always be different its just as bad.

However.
When I heard that Tiger Wood's wife may have gone Glenn Close on his ass for dickdowning some other bitches I just had to applaud and called on the spirit of Pepper Labeija to send me a hiss so wicked that even Neyo would have to step back.
When someone gets married-that person dedicates their entire being and existance to that person, they dedicate their time to that person and share aspects of their soul with that person which may be very hard to.

So when that person betrays you by fucking ANOTHER woman and THEN comes home and eats YOUR cooking and then uses YOUR pussy after he's already had some OTHER pussy I believe this causes for some Celestininity.

Celestininity is the art of making a motherfucker pay for a wrong they have commited by making life as difficult as possible for them http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PmV_vsYgPI

Only when that person is truly sorry must the Celestiniasation of that person end. The art of Celestininity is not to get your ass in trouble whilst getting your revenge, this is why Tiger Woods wife isn't all that smart.
You see, when fucking with a rich dude you must learn that the only mouth that speaks is money- hit that motherfucker where it hurts- his account!

What that hoe should have done is told that cheating scoundrel "Looky here- you done cheated on me- you better find a way to cancel our prenuptial agreement OR I will take the kids and drag your name so low even Cassie will start sucking on it."

From Tiger Woods leaked calls to one of his side pieces it is evident that his pussy stinks more than Precious' on a summers day and so the idea of losing his wife and kids would scare him shitless. He would have no choice but to comply http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8doUht3SEM , fucking bastard.

What she shouldnt have done is beat his car with one of his own clubs because that's just rude. What she should have done is hit him with a baseball bat and say "You think I don't know how to play for the other team?".

And when it comes to those cum guzzling, scandalous ass, dick inhaling, anal friendly pussy leasing stretch marked mouthed harlots who want to fuck with a married man- you better thank your lucky stars that it wasn't a black woman who Tiger was married too. I hate racial stereotypes just as much as the next ex KKK member BUT we all know how black girls get down.
If this was a black woman, Shenaysha, Randaqua and Discombombalayniatiarnaqua would have driven by your house by now and shot bullets into your motherfucking window- that's right- they're ghetto and maybe that's what your dirty ass needs to teach you to close your legs to married men.

For those of you who have slept with married men or intend to- here's what I hope DOESN'T happen to you: http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZdRN_QXvm4&feature=related

Fucking whores.

DEAR MTV

2009-11-05T16:20:00.000-08:00

To Whom It May Concern

I am a peaceloving person, I give to charity, I put dollar bills in the collection box, I even let a homeless man eat me out when he told me hadn't had a meal in weeks. As a peaceloving person I believe that we as individuals should spread peace as easily as Alicia Keys spreads her legs.
Mtv- It's important you understand what your name is. Music. You are called Music Television, so like you are meant to be a channel which plays music.
So when two icons decide to put their creative brains together and create something amazing like let's say a music video, you would think that as a channel which calls itself Music Tv would play that video when they said they would.
It's not nice to cheat people, it's not nice to advertise falsely. How would you feel if someone promised you something for weeks and then decided not to give it to you. Huh?

YOUR ASSES BETTER HOPE I DON'T CATCH ONE OF YOUR FUCKING EMPLOYEES COS IF MY CRAZY BLACK ASS DOES I WILL CHARGE MY VIDEO PHONE IN THEIR FUCKING ANUSES YOU FUCKING LIARS. YOU FUCKIN MADE ME TAKE A DAY OFF WORK FOR THIS VIDEO JUST TO TELL ME YOUR FUCKIN ASSES ARE GOING TO AIR IT AT A LATER DATE.
YOU PUT ON THE HILLS ON TIME.
YOU GIVE DULL COUNTRY SINGERS AWARDS THEY DONT DESERVE.
YOU EVEN GIVE BRITNEY GOOD REVIEWS.
YET WHEN TWO ICONS DECIDE TO CREATE AN ICONIC MUSIC VIDEO YOU DECIDE TO TAUNT US AND MAKE US WATCH US SOME DUMASS DATING SHOW INSTEAD.
FUCK YOU MTV.
FUCK YOUR MOTHER.
FUCK YOUR SISTER.
FUCK YOUR GODDAMN NETWORK.
YOU HAVE PISSED OFF THE GAYS!
YOU HAVE PISSED OFF THE STANS!
YOU HAVE PISSED OF TYRA!
WE WILL COME TO YOUR HEADQUARTERS AND HISS AND SNAP AND VOGUE OUR WAYS INTO YOUR BOADROOM AND FORCE YOUR EXECUTIVES TO CHEW ALL 900,000 UNSOLD COPIES OF MISS KELLY- THE FORGOTTEN MEMBER EDITION.

Kind Regards

The Pop Whore

Make up your own fucking heading!

2009-11-05T03:22:00.001-08:00

I won't waste time with a witty introduction or humorous haha content probably bitten off the Beyonceitis message board, I'll just hop right into this bitch.

As you know I am one of the only people in this world who appreciates how important Miss. Fenty is- in every generation there must be a pop tart who poses, gives us great tracks, has a wicked style and poses some more and her "nemesis" must be an pop artist who innovates, give us legendary tracks, has a wicked style and poses alot.

In the 80s, Madonna was that pop tart and Cyndi Lauper was that pop artist.

In the late 90s, Britney was that pop tart and Beyonce' was that pop artist.

In the noughties, Britney and Rihanna are those pop tarts and Lady Gaga and Sasha Fierce are those pop artists.

Now i'm not throwing shade on Britney or Rihanna- collecting music written by European producers whose names you can't pronounce can't be easy and going on tours where the least interesting aspect of that tour is yourself can't be easy either but for some reason we love them because in everybody's mind lies what I call The Stupido.

Whilst watching awards shows our Stupido works overtime switching itself on and off everytime a new artist gets on stage. For example, here is how the stupido will work on an upcoming award show.

8.20pm- Ciara opens up the show- (ignoro turns on)

8.35 pm- Rihanna takes to the stage to perform Pussy Like This (stupido turns on)
9.00 pm- Janet Jackson performs Michael Jackson tribute.
9.00:32pm- Beyonce' takes to the stage (stupido turns off- orgams turns on)
10pm- Lady Gaga takes to the stage (intrigue turns on)
11.00pm- Kylie Minogue takes to the stage alongside the Madonna tribute act to perform 50 Y.O (stupido turns on.)

Our Stupidos tell us there's nothing wrong with Tyra Banks defending gay people and then has Bow Wow on the show even though he hasn't got a record, cologne or height assisting machine to promote.
Our stupidos tell us that the reason your favourite artist flopped is because of lack of promotion.
Our stupidos tell us there's nothing strange about Mr.Carter signing artists who look like cheaper variations of his wife.
Our stupidos convince us that En Vogue are going to make a comeback.

However our stupidos aren't all that stupid- if they were we would have noticed that although Ciara had a record out this year she was not asked to perform at he VMAS. We use our ignoros when watching Ciara- our minds process a Ciara video or interview and then force our brains to ignore the content of that video or interview.

Yesterday, my stupido stopped working and then i just got pissed off.
Rihanna.
The Wait is Ova.
What we're we waiting for- it's not as if there's a shortage of posing foreign exports releasing songs that 11 year old girls raised on Hannah Montana think is the best thing since African dick.
I always knew Rihanna was a poser but this video took the biscuit, she didnt even bother to pretend as if she can do anything else.
In Take A Bow, she demonstrated hand-eye coordination when she was driving that nice car really really slow trying to get away from that biracial guy who runs in slow motion.
In SOS, we saw her get her Alicia Keys on and spread her legs.
In Run This Town, she even pointed.
But in The Wait is Ova- she just poses and poses and then poses some more and my stupido just didnt know what to do- my stupido only works when some effort is taken to fuel its stupidity but there was none- just posing and pussy touching.

Rihanna's new record will be hot no doubt, especially now that she's gotten so deep, I mean did you see the way she was bobbing her head and pointing at the camera- that shit is deep. However, I'm going to say this: If i was a straight male with a throbbing penis and Rihanna knocked on my door to borrow some sugar- she could get it.

I betchu wish this was 1983

2009-10-27T03:45:00.000-07:00

I find myself learning new shit everyday.
Yesterday I learnt that if you stab Black Eyed Peas record it will start leaking strawberry scented shit.
The day before I discovered that you can't catch Aids from someone who has died from Aids and the day before that someone sent me this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5g3WpE5eWY

Just look at this fool.
You see how I'm always talking about celebrity delusion- how someone can be as shitty as shit itself yet will live their life acting as though they're that bitch because everyone around them laughs and applauds at what they do.
Bobby ain't got shit to do with this.
Your stylist is the same motherfucker who greased the stairs on the Beyonce' Experience and that "Evian" that Clive gave you wasn't Evian at all- but you can't even blame it this shit on the alcohol.

Your finished.
Instead of coming back you need to be going home.
You have been reduced to a studio singer.
You see what drugs can do a bitch kids.
You see what delusion can do to a hoe.

My mother was so embarrased by you when I showed her the link she clutched her pearls, snatched my laptop and prayed that God would bring Phyliss Hyman back from the dead (God you can ignore that part-thanks)
Imagine my horror when I watched the woman who inspired so many make a total aboffoonery of herself on FOREIGN tv, I mean its one thing to fuck up in your home because then you can enjoy respect elsewhere but like swine flu nobody wants your dirty ass anywhere.

We have to remember that what we were seeing was an image, contrived, packaged and sold to us.
Stars are just like us- they shit like YOU do, they have periods like WE do and even lust for the dick like NEYO does.
This is why you shouldn't look to stars for your answers because they're too busy trying to figure out what they need to figure out.
I am aware that Beyonce' fakes her smiles when asked whether she'll be spitting or swallowing.
I am aware that Lady Gaga sometimes looks in the mirror and wonders what life without make up is like and I am aware that Michael Jackson was a moonwalking, kindergaten stalking bleached pervert.

You need to look within yourselves for the answers and realize that YOU DO NOT KNOW your favourite artists, think about the city you're from and the city that you're favourite artist is from- if that artist wasn't an artist would you even know they existed and EVEN if you are from the same city, do you know EVERYSINGLE person in that city. The sooner we realize that stars are nothing but images being created by experts who think they know what we think we need the sooner we'll stop having debates about Michael Jacksons innocence and whether Rihanna can deepthroat or not.

Bye.

I Am A Woman In Love

2009-10-10T11:50:00.000-07:00

So its happened.
My unsuspecting ass never thought I'd see the day.
The dramatic guinea pig had to quit acting class.
Semenya had to stop shaving.
Ike J-setted in his grave.

I wish I could say I was suprised by this all.
I wish I could say haha, but I can't but it seems as though I have another flop to kick.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tESSkDz9uio

You see, when an artist is surrounded by people who continuously tell that artist that their shit is made of gold that artist will make decisions which are based on delusion rather than common sense. It's why Kelly Rowland still thinks lack of promotion is the reason for her commercial short comings and it's the reason Alicia Keys still thinks anybody is convinced by anything she does.
When an artist has a bad patch in their career and comes back succesfully, that artist may feel the need to milk the moment just in case it doesn't last. Because it doesn't last.

Memoirs Of An Imperfect Vocalist.
Memoirs of An Imperfect Icon.
Memoirs of an Imperfect Delusionist.

When you have lower first week sales than Janet Jackson you know your boat is sinking harder than Titanic with Sean Kingston on board.
Mariah fans have indeed had enough- and I've been saying that for years- when someone grows up on Vision Of Love and is then forced to accept Obsessed the immediate reaction of anybody with a head is to reject it and so they have.
Mariah has succesfully cheapened herself by having Twitter, marrying a D-Lister and creating diss tracks.
When a celebrity is mysterious and silent about certain things it creates a mystery around the artist and so the fans purchase whatever that artist puts out so they can feel as though they own a part of that artist- it's why Britney is still selling out shows.
It's why Rihanna is so sensual and so exotic.
It's why we watch Jay Z interviews, Jay Z was rapping since before I was born yet I had no interest in him until he started jizzing on Sasha's face- when we watched him on Oprah we were hoping he'd say the things Beyonce' wouldn't and the feeling the obsession we have with celebrity privacy fuels our respect for them.

When we know too much- when we know you had quasedillas for breakfast and that you and Kimora are downloading African porn whilst breastfeeding your foreign exports all the mystery your publicists spent years creating is thrown out of the window.
This is why we see nothing wrong with watching Michael Jackson interviews when we know all he ever did was lie, we knew he wasn't straight but we convinced ourselves that he was because if we denied ourselves that image of him spooning that white lady we'd have nothing else to base our love of his private life on.

Mariah dear- it's over.
Your acting career isnt going to kick off just because you got a role which doesnt require facial expression or physical movement. You are only edible in that role because you speak really really really slow meaning that every word you say is given the chance to breathe, a good actress can stammer, scream, yell and fart whilst giving a monologue

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7sIkj4nuh8

Mariah will never be able to use her name to sell anything and so now she will require flawless live shows just like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlHyN1eJgTI

That baby should jus' go head and abort itself

2009-10-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

Ive been told by my pimp that I beat around the bush so Im just going to hop right in on it like my name is motherfucking Tigger-however instead of TTFN I will say TTTS (Time To Throw Shade.)

If MTO are correct (lawfagivemefareferencingthosehoes) and Mathew is indeed the father of a child which is to be conceived by some bafoon- I want to everyone to know that as long as Beyonce' uses Ciara's album booklet as a period pad Mathew and the supposed mother will NEVER find peace.
That baby might as well take its umbilical cord and hang itself if it is Mathews because we Sasha Fierce Representatives will NEVER accept a Knowles unless it is made up of the spicy womb of Celestine and the ATM dick of Mathew.

If all this is true- Juelz will have an uncle younger than him
Juelz dont play that.
Juelz dont even respect the niggers that work the rides at the fair- you think hes going to accept some illegit?
And to the trollope herself- so I guess you thought you were going to conceive the secomd Beyonce'- BY GOD I hope you conceive a 45th Gary Coleman.

And Celestine- for your sake I hope this isnt true- I am part Haitain myself and I know how much vengeance potions cost too make, if Mathew did indeed dick down that whore then I want you to know that I will create an entire blog documenting your life as a single gal about town and your endevours with men much younger than yourself.

I'll call it:

Celes-Teen.

Stupid Shit Part Trois

2009-09-18T14:00:00.000-07:00

If your face looks as though it is an eight sided shape, you should have stayed home.
If you look like Bow Wow after getting the hook up at Hotel Sew-Wanda, you should have stayed home.
And if you look as though you got your outfit from the 69 cence store, you should have stayed on twitter.
I didnt blog about this straight away because I didn't know how, I was so shocked, and as I get older I've noticed that like Beyonce' when I'm shocked I really dont know how to act and do this weird thing where it looks like my mouth is attacking my cheeks.

What posessed that munchkin to jump on stage with art personified (Jay Z) and Homewrecker Director (Alicia) is beyond me. Where the fuck was Julius? Where the fuck was any security, what if it had been Mashonda who ran up on the stage and smashed her son's glass baby bottle across Alicia's pretty little biracial head.

These kids ain't go no respect.
"I was fillin da moment ya-no cos dis i new yawk- im fram new yawk and so like i was fillin da moment and had to get on da stage."
You octagon faced fool.
You short and stupid whore.
You flop.
The last thing you released was a Direct Message and you think you have the right to jump on stage with legends.
The worst thing was that Jay actually tried his best to push her off by first tapping her and then getting real close to Alicia (back the fuck up) to show the audience that the only two people that should have been on that stage where he and Alicia.

If it had been Rihanna- I would have been like oh hell to the motherfucking yeah- if it had been Beyonce' I would have jizzed in my pants- if it had been Blu Cantrell I would have drawn for my shank.
To me- Lil Mama's actions only prove how even the most unsuccesful of "artists" can be delusional.
Delusion tells you that wearing some cheap ass pink loin cloth as a top is normal. Stupid whore.
Delusion tells you that anybody who thinks what you did was stupid is "hater."

Nobody has time to hate you because there is nothing to hate with your unsuccesful ass. Stupid whore.
Aren't you worried you haven't released a record since 2007- aren't you concerned that your face looks like it could break the ice.
Whore.

Team Taylor

2009-09-14T01:32:00.000-07:00

"And the award goes to...."

Celestine pops open the champagne, Mathew writes Nava a cheque, Juelz starts Jerking out, Mary J hands in her notice.

"Taylor Swift."

I'm actually not suprised that Taylor Swift beat Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Pink to the award after all Taylor is the best performer out of all of them, she is the most talented and innovative and to be honest- i think that Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Pink are simply carbon copies of the bright eyed blonde haired formula that labels have been manufacturing since they saw how it worked for Britney.

What does Kanye know about music videos anyway? How DARE he claim Single Ladies was one of the best videos of all time- didn't he see Taylor's video, didn't he see the care, thought and attention given to Taylor's splendiferous vocals and performance.

Taylor you did indeed deserve that award over Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Pink and Katy Perry. Kanye's just jealous because he wishes he was a blonde haired country music singing mechanical dummy like you are- Beyonce' is just another untalented bitch who hates you for being more talented than she is.

Thankyou MTV for showing those dumb Beyonce' fans that just because a woman spends a decade tearing up stages, singing live and putting on a show doesnt mean she deserves to win anything.
Thankyou very much to Kanye West who totally made a fool of himself by claiming Single Ladies deserved to win the award for Best Female Video.
Can't wait to see Britney perform next year!!!!

Sigh

2009-09-12T06:17:00.000-07:00

Irrelevance.
Just because the livest audience anywhere scream when you make an appearance on 106 and Park does not mean you are relevant to anything.
Just because you get 100 followers a day on Twitter doesn't mean you are relevant to anything.
And just because the people you role with have been able to convince you that Neyo hasn't taken your seat on the R'n'b Thug train does mean you are relevant to anything.

Getting fucked in the mouth by a geri curled oompaloompa can fuck with a niggers head, I don't blame you trying to come at me on twitter Marques- I mean i'd be mad too if my last few records sold less units than Semenya could sell cosmetics.
I'm sure that you're a great person but if you really can't see that you are indeed irrelevant then it just proves how delusional even F-Listers like you can be. To put things into perspective for you I've put together a game.

Beyonce
Rihanna
Jay Z
Neyo
Lady Gaga
Madonna
Lil Wayne
J.Boog
Brandy
Mariah
Kelly Rowland
50 Cent
Kanye West
Bow Wow
Omarion
Britney Spears
Whitney Houston
Marques Houston

I'd like you to arrange all of these artists in order of relevance with the most relevant being at the top and the least relevant right at the bottom. If you're not too busy washing Chris' cum off your tongue- Id appreciate it if you could DM your list via Twitter.
Thankyou.

Oprah come get this ba'y

2009-09-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

"Do you remember beating up Rihanna?"
"Erm- like I never been vah-lent before- y'nawaddamean."
"How do you feel when you see that picture of her?".
"Like i wasn't sure if it was altered- it was like ...wow."

I would say dumb nigger but I spend all my time trying to prove to people how stupid it is for black people to call each other nigger's and then turn around and say how much they are against slavery but in this case i'm going to have to let Uncle Tom out. Dumb Nigger.

Dumb niggers can't tell when they are being patronized.
Dumb niggers bring their lawyers onto Larry King because they can't answer questions about shit that THEY did.
Dumb niggers find a way to incorporate 90210 into their vocab when discussing domestic abuse, "It was like...wow."

Yes it was like wow when you thumped, jumped and discombumbed Rihanna and her covergirl face and though there is no excuse for a man or boy to hit a woman, there is no denying the fact that when a bitch signs up to fuck with a dumb nigger that is what she is asking for.
His speech or lack of it would be enough to put any intelligent woman off, either his tongue is too big for his mouth or they didn't teach grammar in his school because that dumb nigger couldn't put a sentence together even if the words were dipped in glue.

His mother is another joke shedding her crocodile tears and talking about how she has no idea where he got the urge to beat, bite, kick and punch women from. Take a look in the family portrait you dumb bitch- it's clear to see that he was taking notes from that woman beater you once called a boyfriend. Dumb nigger.

And Chris is not the only person at fault here. All those celebrities who could have said something but didn't are just as bad as he is.

Beyonce- sitting, smiling and nodding on Larry King when asked about it just isn't good enough. You are THE MOST POWERFUL Icon of our time and there are a lot of dumb kids out there who don't have older brothers and sisters to preach the importance of being anti-domestic abuse that need Powerful Icons like you to enforce how wrong it is to be violent. If you're always talking about female empowerement what would have been more empowering for women if they saw Beyonce' openly supporting and defending her husband's employee.

Rihanna was hiyaahhed, kazaamed, and rastalombombarded and nobody- not even someone as intelligent or as outspoken as Alicia Keys said anything to speak out against the sickening nature of her attack. When I think of how frightening it must have been for Rihanna to be under those merciless sucker punches it makes me cry, she must have thought she was auditioning for What's Love Got To Do With It Part Deux.

This only proves my point about the importance of having constant discussions with younger members of your family to enforce a sense of self confidence into them so that they 1.stay away from dumb niggers and 2. they react in a responsible way if they are K.O'd by a dumb nigger.

It is not the job of dumb niggers in the mainstream to raise our kids but in a society where contrived images seep through the most unsuspecting mediums it is important to remind our children of what is right and what is wrong just in case the people we expec to speak out against what is wrong are too afraid to.

Where my money at Micky?

2009-09-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

After working her way through a KingSized Box of Kleenex's on E! Mrs. Aguilera decided to hop up on the PopWhore's satirical lap and have a one to one on love, sex and marriage.

PW: So the last time you were number 1 was when you were helping Mya and Pink spread some Lady Marmalade all over your toast, what have you achieved since then?

Baby Jane: I got married and had a son.

PW: So you basically got fucked, that's all you really did. Anyways- so what are your thoughts on Britney's current state in the industry.

BJ: It's no suprise, those fuckers were stupid when I came out and stupid now- only stupid people would pay to see someone drag their camel toe around stage lip synching repetitive and stupid lyrics, so fuck Britney- that's how I feel about that slut.

PW: I agree.

BJ: You do?

PW: Oh yes, she is indeed the original Pop Culture whore, Pop Culture uses her as a poster child for anything it wants to, success or a melt down, beauty and then ugliness. Pop Culture fucked Britney so hard that she still hasn't caught her breath which is why singing live is virtually impossible for her to do and since she is sucking Pop Culture's dick Pop Culture sees no problem with discriminating against artists who actually do their job in favour of Britney who hasn't actually promoted a record since her toxic was running under.

BJ: And what am I?

PW: You're the whore that isn't actually a whore because nobody ever comes to you for shit, Pop Culture never wanted you but you forced your way and have been forced to accept the fact that you will always be the last resort, for example-the only time an award show organiser would call you to perform in 2005 was if Beyonce' is too pretending to be impressed by the artists that her husband keeps signing and Britney was too busy figuring out how holding notes worked.
Today- the only time an award show organiser would call you up is if Beyonce' is too busy draining millions out of her disciples on tour and if Britney was too busy trying to figure out how holding notes worked and if Rihanna was too busy thinking about what to wear to that award show and if Lady Gaga was too busy writing a thesis on Pop Culture Pussy to perform on the show.

BJ: How dare you?! I'm a fucking legend, I've been around for more than a decade, everyone knows my name and everyone is scared of me.

PW: Like HIV. You don't automatically become an Icon or a living legend the second the tenth anniversary of your first number 1 comes around, turning into an Icon means you are iconic of the time your art exists in.
Per example, even if the only video Michael Jackson ever released was Smooth Criminal, he would still be an icon because that video symbolised every single aspect of his creative genius which then became iconic of the time that he existed in, in the same way Lady Gaga is iconic because of her domination and her succesful exposure of Avant-Garde High Brow Pop Music.
Beyonce' is an Icon because she leads and revolutionises the way in which we as consumers view Contemporary Pop Music and performance style. Like Janet Jackson you will never be/are no longer an Icon because you stopped/never were iconic of your time. Like Janet Jackson your foolish pride is the reason you can't announce a new release without being heckled at.
Janet is no longer an Icon because she was only an Icon because her music meant something, when it stopped meaning shit so did she and her fans alongside mainstream media abandoned her. Because Janet Jackson hasn't got any notable talent such a good singing voice, it became impossible for her to do anything about her being blacklisted because the only thing she was good for was dancing and since nobody was giving her stages to dance on- she simply became an expiring has been artist who we really should have ignored the second the new millenium arrived.
You on the other hand can sing, but so can a lot of artists, you've never gone on a tour which people foam at the mouth about, you've never released an MTV video (see definition at end of post), you've never even given a performance which your fans can reference when in an argument with over zealous Mariah fans. You're just a joke.

BJ: I don't give a fuck what you say- and those other artists you mentioned like Lady Gaga can go eat a pussy- i don't even know who that is.

PW: When you said that around this time last year you cemented the idea in everyone's minds that you will never be recognised as an Icon. The largest consumers of popular music are teenagers, if it was OAPS it would be your grandmother and not Rihanna on the cover of Rolling Stone. When you say that you don't know who an artist who is extremely popular with teenagers is all you are doing is confirming that you are out of touch with everything which then makes you unattractive and then means that your fan base will simply age without being rejuvanted by a injection of younger fans. You bit Lady Gaga's style because when she first came out in the US The Fame was a commercial failure and so you and your team of overweight stylists thought that Lady Gaga would simply remain an underground artist who you could rip and tear off when you felt like it, little did you know that an international audience would propel Lady Gaga into US Pop Culture which resulted in higher sales and bigger singles which flaunted off her individual style which then made it apparent that your dusty was indeed a swagger thief.

BJ: I'm gonna go, I've got studio time to waste.

PW: I hope you learn't something from today.

BJ: Go suck on a spiced foreskin.

MTV Video: Single Video or series of Videos released by an artist or band which are of a memorable and iconic nature worthy of MTV respect as MTV is the official home of all music videos (www.youtube.com being the younger, sexier, cheaper alternative.)
Example:

"That new U2 Video is such an MTV Video."
"I'm kinda mad that Lady Gaga's Paparazzi got leaked on the internet- that video is such a MTV Video it deserved its own premiere."

Can we black it up please?

2009-09-01T02:19:00.000-07:00

Tyra Banks.
Model.
Mogul.
Good Samaritan.
Owner of a shoulder to cry on.
President of The Knowles De La Familia Fan Club.
Condescending double standard promoting bitch.

I love me some Tyra Banks, I really do- in fact Tyra Banks is one of the most important figures in the world because she shows that not all black women look and act the same and that for every ghetto finger pointing hoodrat competing for "love" on VH1 there is a proffesional well spoken lady proving that black is a shade not a lifestyle.
But I can't help but be mad at Tyra, I wish I could leave Tyra's pussy to be great, but I can't because then I'd be a hypocrite, I mock everyone else for promoting double standards and then try and turn a blind eye to Tyra who is guilty of most double standards.

Like Beyonce, Tyra often plays a game where she will "street it up" when she needs to appear down with the kids and appear to be more "stereotypically black." It's why Beyonce' will intentionally incorporate slang words into her vocab when appearing on 106&Park and its why Tyra Banks said "Kiss my fat BLACK ass."

What has you being black got to do with you not being able to control your weight?

Tyra Banks said "BLACK ass" because she was playing the race card, what she was actually saying was, "If you laugh at me because I look like a beached lace fronted whale you're actually laughing at black people because most of my fellow black mamas have curves, right?".
No Tyra- you only said black because it was the pussy way out.

You being black has got nothing to do with you putting on weight and I'm so fucking tired of black women being perceived as the "mamas".

That racial stereotype of the black woman being a"mama" comes from when the most maternal black women would be in charge of raising the white chi'ren on the mas'ers plantation, now it is exploited so all big black women in film and tv have to be maternal, warm, loving and smiling, "come here cha- mama's here now cha."

Tyra Banks also puts on her "mama" act when on ANTM, she is given the authority to yell and embarass girls because "when my mama shouts at me like this it's because she cares." Shut the fuck up- you were mad at Tiffany because she didn't cry when YOU kicked her off the show and since you get kicks out of watching other people cry it pissed you off that she didn't.
Tyra Banks for some reason is under the impression that she also has the right to act the mediator in situations that do not involve her, like when she had the bitches from Bad Girls Club on the show.
She has succesfully manipulated various racial stereotypes to present herself a scolding/loving mama when all she actually does is embarass them when they do not react in the way that she wants them to.

She is also guilty of double standards when she joked and laughed with Ray J about the sex tape even though he admitted that it was HIS idea but then gave Kim Kardashian a hard time about the same tape.
Aren't you always talking about female empowerment?
Vrai or Faux?
Tyra Banks did not realize that she was saying "its ok for a guy but not for a girl" when she grilled Kim about why and how she did the sex tape but then discussed penis sizes with Ray J.
Like I always say, if Tyra Banks is REALLY concerned with loose women why doesn't she get Alicia Keys on the show.

When it comes to Beyonce', her "mama" antics came to a head when she only decided to mention that her father had to be escorted to school when he was younger due to racism when she needed a reason to support Obama in the election. Although I'm sure Beyonce' cared very deeply about Obama's cause, she was not able to give a clear reason as to why she was supporting Obama.
"He's so intelligent" doesn't mean shit.
Hitler was intelligent.
Saddam Hussein was intelligent.
George Bush is int-

Mariah is another perpetrator, only announcing that her daddy was chacklet when it was deemed as being cool to be black with emergence of Boyz 2 Men and Aaliyah.

Now I am very aware of the importance of women like Beyonce' and Tyra Banks in pop culture as they prove alongside Naomi and Oprah that not all women of color come from the same background or have the same views or even share the same culture, but it is very annoying when negative racial stereotypes are used to enhance or "sweeten" their own personal image.

You may accuse me of black female bashing, but I think black people as a culture have come far enough without us all having to constantly compliment each other just in case mainstream media forgets to.
Yes Beyonce' is THE BEST FEMALE ENTERTAINER OF ALL TIME.
And Yes Tyra Banks existance is crucial to the image of black women in pop culture but until we stop expecting every single black women we see to be the comforting sweet mama or the ghetto uneducated slut we will forever be stuck in boxes.

When it comes to BET, they are a joke.
"This song is too pop".
To suggest that a song is "too pop" for BET only promotes the idea that the only genre of music black artists should be doing is "R'n'b," when we know for a fact that the majority of these "r'n'b" stars haven't released an "r'n'b" single a day in their fabricated careers. How would BET feel if MTV decided that Keisha Cole was too "r'n'b" for them, there would be an uproar.
Although there was once a time where being black worked to ones disavdantage, it seems as though people are exploiting their "blackness" to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

2009-08-30T14:41:00.000-07:00

This bitch might as well be called Alexis cos her scheming ass is just too much.
Milian? Girl really? Those 5 years on the Z-list did your torn out ass some good.
Engaged to the man who was recently named as the Vice President of the label that dropped you 5 years ago, how convenient, how fucking lovely.
But honey- because I know that some of your fellow D-listers read this, I want to just remind you that even if your pussy was tight with Caesar your album will stop flop.
It's not because I don't like you- its because you don't have fans.
I know that hurts, but you're not alone.

Well actually you are in a league of your own- you see whilst the rest of these other failures leave starring in movies that will go straight to DVD to Vivica Fox, you outdid yourself by starring in a movie which is going straight to DVD WITHOUT any real promotion.
A lot of these bitches couldn't see themselves out of a transparent bag.
Although I would like to discuss the current state of The League of Unextraordinary R'n'B skeezes but that shit's old to me, it really is especially since I've been reading Ashanti's autobiography, Aww Of My Life.
Upon reading Aww Of My Life, I realized how difficult it must be to have a dead career and accept it only for some dumb useless fans who cant take hint to ruin your efforts to abort your career by continuously posting "this bitch could outsing anybody anyday" messages on Youtube.

Below is an except from Aww Of My Life:

"In that video I felt so good and important and stuff, I had 100 niggers walking behind me at one time- I felt just like Karrine. Shit went down hill from there, my weave stroking and the backward thumb pointing days got old to the label and they lost interest in me. Like Whitney's pussy, my career had been fucked repeatedly with various gimmics and short term plans which resulted in my career being left so wide open that I just couldn't stop bad shit from getting inside of it.
I was as misdirected as Stevie Wonder on the way to the Optricians and tried to take control of my shit but it was running wild and uncontrollably. I just couldn't keep it all in my hands and had to let some other people take care of my shit because it was all too much for me to swallow, so I started dating Corn.
The sex was fantastic, so much so that there would still be cum trapped in my folds weeks after getting fucked, he was so derrty. I remember one time that I got dick downed so good that I wanted to buy him a short set, but I knew it was too good to be true, he was using me to try and become a power couple, but he didn't know how bad shit was for me, when I told him about my shit, he turned up his nose and said "Don't talk aboutcho shit to me when we eatin',".
I felt so alone and so I ate and ate and ate some more until I started shitting out curly fries, I put on so much weight that I couldn't even wear heels without striking oil."

MSF

2009-08-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

Sales Representative: Hello and Welcome to the FlopShop, can I help you.
Mya: Oh yes- you can, I'm looking for a medium sized flop for sometime mid 2010.
Sales Representative: Any reason why?
Mya: Well i'm about to go on some show and will try and use the exposure from it to start trying to achieve shit again, so do you have a msf for me?
Sales Representative: Erm- I'll have to ask you a series of questions first.
Mya: Sure.

Sales Representative: Did your last record sell less units than Whoopi Goldberg could sell pussy?
Mya: Yes.
Sales Representative: Was the last time you received an award worth being happy about before Raz B was getting dickdowned by his cousin Chris Stokes?
Mya: Erm- yeah.
Sales Representative: And if your current career was a penis, would it be one of the following:
A)Be so small that when you jacked off it runs down your balls.
B) So small that it's actually a pussy.
C) So little that instead of handjobs you get finger jobs.

Mya: B- no no actually C.
Sales Representative: Great.
Mya: So can I get a medium sized flop?
Sales Rep: Sorry- Mariah has those all booked up.
Mya: What does Msf consist of anyway?
Sales Rep: A msf is when an artist has average first week sales of 200,000 units and then drops to around 50,000 in second week and then continues to decline but because they have singles in the top 10 they get away with the flop because the average Jose' The Plumber can't read sales and only bases what they think is succesful on what they see in the singles charts, however only relevant artists like Mariah and Madonna can get away with this although Mariah's first week sales are usually higher than 200,000.

Mya: Then why can't I have one.

Sales Rep: Because you have to have a fan base to shift 200,000 units, you couldn't even sell 40,000 when we were in a boom so what makes you think you could shift 200,000 in a recession, further more although your name will become a familiar one on the lips of the mainstream again because you'll be getting twisted and turned every week until they vote you out of Dancing With the HasBeens, the second people start to think of your achievements they'll notice they all occured almost a decade ago hence extending the knowledge of your flops further than Bossip and MTO and into TMZ and the like. You understand?

Mya: So i really can't have one? What can I have then?

Sales Rep: We are in contact with your label- we can request that they buy you out of your contract so you can sign to a management agency who will make sure you spend the rest of your life seatfilling at award shows and presenting one off shows like The Truth Behind Dora and Diego.

Mya: How much do you think my career is worth?

Sales Rep: We actually valued it earlier this week for you, we uploaded the results here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zR9ee_rix00

Your vision cloudy if you think you best- can't sing-used to dance and then exposed your sagging breast

2009-08-27T01:47:00.000-07:00

Damita.
Oh Damita.
Where foreart thou dignity Damita?
Since all those flop singles, the flop movies, the getting dropped by labels and all the "boycotts" of Miss Damita haven't taught her anything, I have taken it upon my hating ass self to explain to Damita what has happened to her career using this story that my Gran'ma Bertha Jean told me on my 4th birthday.

Analogy 1:
There's a porn star called Puss In Boots, she's a bad bitch, she can do everything but is shit at giving orals but that's ok because she's so good at everything else. Puss In Boots is fantastic, she does porn for the art and that translates into her performances but as time goes by Puss In Boots forgot about the art and it became all about the sex which then made her no different from all the other dirty sluts that in the past could never compete with her. Her contemporary Felicia Follatio is also a bad bitch, but she isn't quite good at anything but because of good direction she becomes more respected, after some time a bitch comes along who is good at everything- orals, backshots, deepthroating, DP- you name it she kills it, this bitches head game was so tight she could even make a late nigger cum on time. People began to see that Puss In Boots's pussy was beginning to sag even worse than her tits were and since the shit she was releasing had lost any integrity and quality she had in the past, she saw no problem in exposing her sagging breast to an audience of millions, the worst part about this was is that this overshadowed the fact that it was one of her best performances AND that the hand that pulled the material that exposed the teta was a white hand.
So this white hand will forever the symbol of what began the trainwreck which is now Janet Jackson's career.
It wasn't no malfunction- the breastpiece was designed to be pulled off- which is it why it was removable, nobody's stupid Janet- well except your dumb ass family who still can't see that your brother was a junkie. Fool.

Lack of fan support is the reason for Janet's demise.
Even IF MTV blacklisted Janet and radio refused to play she shit, her fans KNEW VERY WELL she had records out and DID NOT bother to buy them and then get mad at the fans of other far more talented women for actually buying the shit that artists puts out.

Now you may think I'm just hating on Janet because her family didn't ask Beyonce' to perform sections of her I AM Tour at the Michael Jackson Memorial Shit, but i genuinely at one point used to stan for Janet, one time I tried to do that chair thing she does in that video and ended up knocking Uncle Rosalinda out cold.

Now I want to talk about B.Scott:
Being a straight gal myself with a lot of down low and straight friends- I find it amazing when my straight friends admit that they would hit B.Scott if he offered them the chance, but then again B.Scott is hot and I found myself having a weird crush on him, notg because he's sexy and fierce and reminds me of Uncle Esmerelda (who is currently undergoing her final operation to have her cock removed, so put her in your prayers) but because B.Scott is the ONLY intelligent Youtuber I've seen.

B.Scott has a clear and educated way of expressing his opinion, whether calm or mad, right or wrong because he actually went to college. Although I adore Qaadir- when he made that comment about "men are physically stronger than women" when discussing the Chris Brown went all Mighty Morphin Power Ranger of Robyn F it proved to me that Qaadir is not particularly intelligent but extremely funny and a warm and seemingly nice person.
Skorpion still thinks the reccesion are to blame for the RockWit U's tours flop and Brian is too hot and sexy to actually listen to what he's saying.

B.Scott's words of encouragement are really what WE all need to start our day with because he opens up about the things that affect us all, prejudice, racism, sexism, homophobia and for those reasons I really want all of you to please check him out on Youtube right after you check out Jay Z's new bitch.

I am pleased to tell you that I have discovered the name of Jay Z's new signing, her name is (drum roll please):

Rita Ora.
Youtube her to check out her past work, she looks to me like an undiscovered hybridized version of Milian, Sasha, Tyra. In other words the bitch is hot.

I'm a Hater

2009-08-21T15:13:00.000-07:00

I am acknowledging that I am a hater.
I hate on people.
I tend to kick D-List artists when they're down.
These d-list artists sometimes pose as anonymous avatars and leave hurtful comments in the message board.
They say I'm not funny. That hurts. Because the name of this blog is totally The Funny Whore and like because I'm not funny how can my blog be called The Funny Whore, how can it?

In my opinion I'm a hater because I think that people who yell "pervet!" at the paedophile on America's Most Wanted and then turn around and jive to Pretty Young Thing are stupid.

I'm a hater because whilst some Beyonce' stans find pleasure in reminding people of how untalented Rihanna is compared to Beyonce', I simply point out that everyone is untalented compared to Beyonce' and picking on Rihanna for actually being relevant is stupid especially when you are a claiming to be a Beyonce' fan because as a Beyonce' fan you can be safe and secure in the fact that God is too busy giving Superhead the side eye to work outhow he's going to create another being on The Wigged One's level.

I'm stupid because I paid to see Alicia Keys sit behind a piano for two hours when she came to my city and stupid for believing she had standards only to find that she is nothing more than a piano playing cum swallowing husband snatching gutter trollop.

I'm stupid for expecting Solange to be able to keep up her "I'm so afrocentric" facade.

I'm stupid for promoting this blog on blogs where the commenters "lmao" involunatarily as soon as they see that the author of that blog has updated the blog.

I'm also stupid for not being able to ignore the fact that we as a society choose whether or not we believe whether a child who claims to have been molested is lying or not according to who the child is claiming molested them.

Now I'll tell you why you're stupid:

You're stupid for saying "he was just naive to think that sleeping in the bed with those kids was cool, that's all" and then turn around and say "He was a creative genius."
Creativity and Naivety can never work side by side because to be creative means to chop, dissect and analyse every single thought and act on it, which is the complete opposite of being naive.
Naive people aren't intelligent people. Mr. Jackson was an intelligent man. Intelligent enough to know that he was indeed behaving in a disgusting manner with those kids.
But you don't care about that.

His music was good and so that's all that matters.
He was great on stage and so nothing else really counts.
He paid for my pet iguana to go to fashion school so he couldn't have done those things.

You don't have to like what I say.
You don't have to read this blog. But you do.

So from now on here's what I do:

In a few days I'm going to comment on Omarion being dropped from Cash Money less than a week after him being signed there was announced- now you've been warned- so if you know Omarion personally or have at any point sucked, blown, bitten or been dumped on by Omarion please ignore that post.
In that same post I will comment on how filthy I think Chris Stokes is.
I might then talk about your mother.
Your sister.
Your labia and your genital warts personal stylist.
All because I can.
All because this is my blog.

Here is an entire list of people who I will mock, ridicule and heckle at in the following weeks:

1. Janet Jackson.
2. Joe "Night Owl" Jackson.
3. Soulja Boy.
4. Bow Wow.
5. Solange "Does My Ass Look Individual In This" Knowles.
6. Rihanna (i'm assuming she'll be doing that Run This Town song at the VMAs- so there'll be lots to heckle at.)
7. Britney Spears (the woman not the icon.)
8. Paula Abdul.
9. Marques Houston
10. Brandy.
11. "current number 18 of r'n'b bubbling way under charts."
12. "current star of movie that went straight to dvd"
13. Mariah Carey.

Yours Tangiest
The Pop Whore

Fuck The Cash, Fuck The Money, Y'all won't be earning shit

2009-08-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

So Bow Wow, Omarion and a few others have signed to Cash Money.
If you're one of the others, count yourself lucky that I do not know you by name or face, dick or pussy.
If I do know your name, then I'm going to do this without cursing.
Here I go:

If people knew you had an album out, which they always do (thanks to the likes of Miss Info, Concrete Loop, Media Take Out and the like) and these people do not buy the album, the only person you can blame is yourself, because that means there is something unappealing about you as a commercial artist, that doesn't mean you don't make great music, it just means that you shouldn't be signed.
If signing to a new label was the answer to every flop's problems, then Janet would still be an Icon and Kelly Rowland wouldn't be stuck in Europe. People will not suddenly rush out and buy your record simply because the label at the back of the CD case has changed, because to them you are still the same irrelevant idiot they dismissed last year.
So Bow Wow- your last record had opening first week sales of 20,000 units. Mya's laughing at you. Rick Ross is laughing at you. Kat Deluna just pissed herself.
Signing to a new label won't change the fact that rapping is not for you in the same way Oreos are not for Whitney (anybody alive when The Soul Train awards meant something will know what I meant by that).

Bow Wow- you're a beautiful boy- audition for a part in show like Dirty Sexy Money, you were great in Ugly Betty and in Entourage- you've got that Negro Preppy look about you- and when it works it really works, so do that, because your new record is just like a fat bitch running the marathon, no matter how hard it tries its destined for failure.

In my opinion- there seems to be a clear link between music's most delusional artists.

Ciara- LA Face- La Reid- Mariah- Quasi Modo/Janet- Bow Wow- Omarion's booty- Chris Stokes tongue.

(note: I love LA Reid- please don't fire me.)

Bow Wow has always tried to be taken seriously as a rapper and so in his mind signing to the label ran by a rapper who is taken seriously will help his own career, but if association was the key to success, La Toya, Rebbie, Jermaine, JeMajesty, Jumanji and even Little Tito would all be Pop Icons too since they are related to the world's biggest Pop Icon.
Bow Wow should have stopped rapping the day he woke up to find hair in his ass- because that was when he lost his niche- at this point I'd rather be Lil Romeo who doesn't try at all than Bow Wow who keeps trying but continues to prove that Sandra Rose is not always wrong.

Omarion.

I'm going to give you some advice that I gave Robyn F back when she was deep throating sugar cane on that Island. Suck cock.

Right Now you've been sucking Bow Wow's cock and where did that get you.
Once you start sucking some Power Cock- that's when you'll start getting oppurtunities.
Once you start sucking Diddy's and Jig- (don't even think about) once you start sucking some Power Cock you'll get a decent deal and then you can work on some great Contemp'R'n'B tracks along the lines of Ice Box where the less talented and bratty sisters of Pop Icons will run and pose in dark settings in the videos which will be funded by the A&R whose balls you choked on because they don't want that shit getting out. Once you release those singles, they should chart well and so even when your record flops (which it will) nobody will really get at you all that much.

Now when it comes to Drake and that crotch photo:
When he gets your head and puts it next to his biracial disco stick is when him doing that has got anything to do with YOU. Until then- phrases like "he mus' be a faggot" only make you look ignorant because the guy and Drake were obviously just fooling around.
This is why so many black women are shocked to find their husbands come home from work smelling like Petroleum Jelly and Shit. YOUR HUSBAND HAS BEEN FUCKING SOMEONE WITH A NAME LIKE TAY TAY OR JELONTE'!
Unncecesary homophobia forces down low men to enter straight relationships but since they cannot resist the urge to get some of that tangy tongue- they end up cheating on their women with guys who can J-Sett quicker than Jonte' on crystal meth.

What Media Take Out needs to be doing is stop saying shit like "why is so and sos picture on a gay website" not realising that all that does is reveal that one of their editors had to be on that gay website for them to see the picture in the first place.
They need to apologise for claiming that Beyonce's tour flopped only for it to be named as the Number 1 Best Selling Tour In The Country. They need to stop trying to suggest that everybody is gay because here is a conversation I had with a friend of mine who is a friend of someone they once suggested was into tha booty.

Person X: Did you see what MTO said about Person Y.
Pop Whore: No I was too busy laughing at Christina Milian getting dropped- why what did they say?
Person X: They said Person Y was gay, he really wants to know why they said that, he really wants to get to the bottom of it.
Pop Whore: I'm sure he does.

I want to stan for somebody

2009-08-18T03:32:00.000-07:00

In a world where a bitch can be the hottest shit in one decade and then a nul-in-voider in the other, it is no suprise to me that Mya will be Dancing With The Stars, because she herself is not a star, she will be dancing with one of the star dancers, just so we're clear about that.

Since all these irrelevants are flocking to reality tv like Wendy Williams to a Botox Needle, I think that its a shame that Ciara isn't doing the same.
Could you imagine Ciara on Dancing With The Stars? That bitch would be popping it, locking it, backflipping it and kicking it all the way to the finals and since she was fired from the Britney gig she has a lot of time on her hands when she's not trying to convince us that she's a mainstream artist with mainstream relevance.

There should be a new show- called The Relevant Factor, here's how it will work:

10 irrelevant and outdated female artists will enter a house and must complete a sequence of challenges and tasks in order to win the fan bases of their "competitors" and the budget that would have been spent on the ass backward records of their "competitors".
You see- this the only way these nul in void bitches have a chance at competing with Rihanna, I mean let's be real, even if you combined the fan bases of Brandy, Mya, Keri Hilson, Janet, T-Boz and Minty it couldn't even match half of Rihanna's because whether we like it or not, Rihanna is a bad bitch.
Yes her voice sounds like a goat getting assfucked by Kobe Bryant.
Yes she has little artistic credibility.
Yes she is more renowned for her personal appearance and yes the bitch is uneducated, but if it was easy to rack up countless top ten hits, a European Tour and profitable endorsements, YOUR favourite artist would be doing it to.

We need some more black bitches up in this shit- fierce black bitches who actually sell records instead of spending all their time on pirate radio stations engaged in banter with fat "radio hosts".
We need black bitches with singles on the top ten, movies in the box office, faces on Vogue and a hot body on a big stage.
What are we going to do when Beyonce' unfreezes Mr. Carter's sperm and inseminates herself with it- what do we do then, yeah I know we have The FemBots, but what happens when those bitches run out of battery.

Dear Mr. A&R

Please do your job. Please stop signing cheaper variations of artists that already exist and be suprised when those artists sell less records than Marilyn Manson could sell Holy Water. If you did your job you'd find that your life would be happier- sitting behind your computer hoping the next Beyonce' is going to fall into your laps go out and look for her (you won't find her) but go out and look for a bitch who actually has potential to be an icon after a decade, please. I'm so tired of having to sigh and predict how bad the new artists that you and your colleagues since will sell. I want to be afraid of new artists, I want those bitches to be mysterious, I want to be sick of them, I want to be able to wake up and get out of the bed which they designed, then get in the shower and use the shower gel which they endorse and then spray the fragrance that they created and then get dressed in their clothing line, call my friends with the phone that endorses them and then get into the car and go and see one of their movies.

I know this costs money, but if you signed artists with mystery and who released quality music people would buy their records. Fans want to buy into a lifestyle, they want to feel as though there is a seperation between their favourite artist and themselves, but how can they do that when they can talk to their favourite artist on Twitter. I want to overanalyse their simple lyrics and think of a backstory for every single performance they put on.

Please sign a bad bitch.

Develope her.

Upgrade her.

Then release her.

Sign some more bad bitches so that there is REAL competition on the charts, we need a League Of Fierce Pop Bitches to stan for, to curse out and to spend all our money on.

Then drop all the money wasters.

How much did you spend on all of Keri Hilson's videos and where did they chart? Her biggest charting single only did the way it did because it had Kanye and Neyo in it, what would have happened if they weren't in it, huh?

How much did you spend on Ciara's shit- and how much did you make back from it? Drop her!

How much did you spend on that DeBarge hoe, how much did you make back from it? END THE CONTRACT.

I'm not a hater, but i'm lonely, I know Beyonce' is going to go on "vacation" for a year and a half and in that time what am I going to do, talk about Britney all day long? Follow Rihanna's latest haircut on Media Take Out? Laugh at Bow Wow for thinking signing to a new label will do anything for him?

I can't- I just can't?

Until I'm forced to do all that- I'll just watch this on repeat:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_UiIW0HsRM

This bitch is going through changes on the ass

2009-08-17T06:09:00.000-07:00

The only performances I shall be watching are going to be Lady Gaga's and Sasha's- when those are done I will then turn off my tv, plug in my voi-brayter and get busy.

I don't want to see Britney lip synch an acceptance speech for an award she does not deserve.
I don't want to see Rihanna strike a pose in the audience as soon as she realizes that the camera has panned onto her.
I don't want to see Solange pretend as though she was actually invited to the show as she sits next to Jay Z whilst Beyonce' collects her award wondering if BeJayJay will forget to make her their Plus 1 the second Jay Z's new bitch steps on the scene.

In my eyes, Solange is a fake.
I used to love her, I even bought her record and loved it because it is a very good record filled with Neo Soul/Electro tracks but you wouldn't know that from Solange's countless interviews where she kept trying to remind us of how different she and The Wigged One were.
I bought into it.
I believed it.
I popped it, twerked it and reversed it.

But then I saw something which shocked my spirit, Solange in a L'oreal campaign, Solange modelling bags alongside The Wigged One.

Now- as much as I detest Big Bird (Keri Hilson) her record had higher first week sales than Solange, but you didn't see Keri on Tyra did you? That's because she's not Beyonce's sister. Whilst Solange might pretend as though she has a record deal because of her own merit- she must be pretty stupid not to realise that the only reason anybody paid attention was because of who her sister was.
Would L'oreal even acknowledge Solange's existance if she wasn't Sasha's kid sister- of course not. Solange is so wrapped up in her own self-belief that she doesn't realise how hyprocritical she looks by saying "We're nothing alike, and we have different goals" but then take advantage of Sasha's commercial appeal, if you're "nothing alike" and "have different goals" then don't star in ad campaigns with her then.
It seems to me that when it suits Solange she is a Knowles and then when it works to her disadvantage she wants to play the "stop comparing me to her" card.

If anybody else had Solange's sales- they'd be scraping the shit out of public toilet by now, even her latest singles charted poorly yet this bitch is still on mainstream television getting interviewed by the best of them. We all know why and I think Solange should just accept it because she is talented and part of the reason her record sold the way it did because her album content was never truly promoted, instead she spent all her promotion discussing how "individual" she was.

SolAngel and The Hadley Street Dreams is indeed a fantastic record- but it's pretty unconvincing coming from a woman who is unsure whether she wants to be a major pop star or a unique entity with a record deal.

I also spoke of Jay Z's new bitch, a source of a source has filled me in on the fact that Jay Z has signed a EuroPop bitch who has already finished recording her record, not that Rihanna has got anything to worried about but let's just hope this new bitch doesn't end up the same way Tearra Marie and Meagan Rochelle did. I think it's great Jay Z is signing new artists that we all know will have success, Rihanna and Neyo are still around and ruling the Pop Star circle and so I really hope this new girl does also.

PTA

2009-08-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

Ms. Butterscotch: Hello- you must be Tina, Daniel's grandmother.

Miss Celestine: It's Miss Celestine and I am Juelz grandmother. If you don't know you better ask somebody.

Juelz: That's right gran'ma.

Ms.Buttersotch: Oh i see- well I'm so glad you could come- I thought his mother would be here- Juelz explained you have a busy schedule.

Miss Celestine: Solange is on Twitter but yes I do indeed have a busy sche-du-al,in fact before I came here I had to hunt down a rare breed of fox in my backgarden- The Dereon Winter Collection is approaching.

Ms.Butterscotch: Oh wow- well we've been learning about foxes in class haven't we Juelz.

Juelz: Bitch- don't try come at me with that sweety sweet sweet shit jus' cos my nana is here.

Ms.Butterscotch: Miss Celestine- this is what I wanted to discuss you- Dan-I mean Juelz' language- just today in class he asked a class member of the Chinese persuasion to "open his fucking eyes." (Miss. Celestine turns to Juelz.)

Miss Celestine: Pourquoi?

Juelz: She lyin'

Ms.Butterscotch: He also suggested this morning when he came in that he and I should go to the reading area for a PTA meeting whilst all the other children were having nap time.

Miss Celestine: What's wrong with PTA meetings?

Ms.Butterscotch: I overheard Daniel tell one of his fellow classmates that PTA stood for Penetrate That Anustacia.

Miss Celestine:Is it a crime that my grandson is a real man- huh- don't be hatin' cos Creole boys develop early. Listen- why don't we get to the important shit- how he's doing in class?

Ms.Butterscotch: Well- Juelz has a passion for Math- which he has improved in since last year- have you or anybody at home been working on it with him?

Miss Celestine: Oh yes- Juelz can work out sums like his name is Bernard Madoff- he even has his own little rhyme to help him with his timetable, do it for her Juelz- show her what you made up.

Juelz: (clears throat.)
2 times 2 is four- thats how many times I'm gonna kick down ya door.
3 times 3 is six- I got Ming Lee and Aoki in the crib turning out tricks.
4 times 4 is 8- somebody better tell Janet that her period is ten years late.
5 times 5 in ten- I roll ten blunts when I kick it in my Dora play pen.
6 times 6 is 9- Fuck Hilter cos y'all know that the Kampf is Meine.

Miss Butterscotch: Juelz- 6 times 6 is not 9.

Juelz: Bitch- I will stick this Barney the Dinosour action figure so far up you- your heartbeat will be the fucking theme tune. (Miss Celestine smiles.) I mean- all you do is cry and talk 'bout how much you love kids when you s'posed to be teachin' us about colors and shit.

Miss Celestine: Listen up Miss. Thang- my gran'son is a creative genius jus' like his mo-aunt, I want to know what Juelz is doing in Art.

Miss Butterscotch: Erm- art isn't in the syllabus- but Juelz has taken a keen interest in Biol-

Miss Celestine: STAP! just STAP! I didn't send my gran'baby to school to learn about how plants grow and shit- the only thing my gran'baby needs to know is how to reproduce- are you teaching them that?!

Miss Butterscotch: Well this is only kindergaten-

Miss Celestine: Stop with all that shit- your obviously trying to entice the children yourself- what kind of name is Miss.Butterscotch anyway- are you trying to give the children cavities? Are you?!and why are you wearing such a low cut top which makes your tetas look like two tennis ball at the bottom of a sling- bitch you need to hitch those tits up- gravity dun got to them.

Miss Butterscotch: Excuse Me?

Miss Celestine: You're excused- how dare you try and put it on my gran'baby- whatchu you tryna do Michael's job for him now he dead and buried- oh hell naw! oh hell to the naw! Bitch I'm reporting your ass to the school board.

Miss Butterscotch: For what?

Miss Celestine: Gross Misconduct- those shoes are making me throw up in my mouth. (Miss Celestine and Juelz then leave, not before Juelz points makes the Nazi salute at Miss Butterscotch, as Miss Celestine and Juelz leave the building- they see Rihanna picking up her dog (Shontelle) from school.) Juelz get in the car- I got to speak to this bitch. (Juelz winks at Rihanna and hops into his safety chair and rolls down the window.)

Rihanna: Miss Celestine.

Miss Celestine: Robyn. How you been- last time I saw you you looked like you were auditioning for What's Love Got To Do With Part 2.

Rihanna: I've been good- just working on my own fragrance line- I actually just finished shooting the commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpHamlvwRx0

Miss Celestine: Eu Dou Trollope?

Rihanna: Why you fuckin bi-atch- dont make me get ragga on your bludkleet.

Miss Celestine: Bitch I will backhand you so hard, the Dereon logo will be forever imprinted in your cheek.

Rihanna: Me na fi scurred of you- me a knock down bigger bitches dan you back home.

Miss Celestine: Somebody call a fuckin translator- you better learn how to sell pussy in Iceland by the time I'm done witchu. (Rihanna pulls razor, Miss. Celestine pulls out Juelz' report card, Miss.ButterScotch pulls out thong from her ass.)

Miss Celestine: You might as well as call me The Texas Chain Saw Mascara cos I'm about slice you up like my name is Papa John's. (Just as Rihanna prepares to attack with her razor, Juelz jumps out of the car and smashes his bottle against the boot of the car, he points the bottle at Rihanna)

Juelz: You better take your dutty winin' pussy out of here quicker than I can say Swiper No Swipin' or else I'll slam this bottle so far down your mouth- you'll be pissing formula. (Rihanna puts down razor and slowly walks away, Juelz gives Miss Celestine a high five.)

Miss Celestine: You the best friend I ever had.

Juelz: Let's go home and prank call Cassie

Miss Celestine: You got her number?

Juelz: Uurbody got her number..

Faggots

2009-08-15T04:53:00.000-07:00

It's not your job to decide whether someone is gay or not. That's their job.
You don't go around spreading shit that they someone is gay or not. Get a real job.
And if someone is gay and they're giving you unwanted attention- you have the right to tell that person to fuck off and if they don't fuck off and actually touch you- you then have the right to get physical- because nobody has the right to touch your body without permission.
And if you are gay and don't want to be called gay- that is YOUR choice- however do not be deceiptful and do not use women as your beard unless you know you are going to abstain from homosexual fucking because that isn't fair on your wife.

Two young boys commited suicide because of the stereoptypes enforced in the black media. Two youngs boys commited suicide because some ignorant parents forgot to remind their kids to mind their own fucking business.
At age 11- who knows whether they are gay or not.
Feminine does not equal gay.
If that was the case- down low men wouldn't exist.

The black media help to reinforce the ignorance that exists in the urban community when they suggest that anybody who doesn't wear black and whose clothes dont sag is gay and when they decide that its ok to hurl insults at the little guy who appeared alongside Beyonce' in that ad campaign.
You think anybody chooses to be feminine is such an ignorant society.
You think anybody would choose to be gay when they know what they know what the response would be.
Why would a black man decide to gay- isn't being discriminated because of his skin color enough torture.

I want to know that you are OBSESSED with somebody if you feel the need to scream "faggot" or "queer" to someone everytime you see them, you are OBSESSED with someone if you feel the need to spread rumours about a person whether they are gay or not.

If someone prefers cock to pussy- that is THEIR business.
You don't have to accept it- but you need to respect that person's decision as a human being to live that way.
If a man decides to rock a short skirt, a bikini and a The Beyonce Experience Gingery Brown lacefront and you don't like it- DON'T LOOK AT HIM. He didn't ask you to wear it with him.

Mind your business and worry about your life, instead of analysing what's wrong with somebody elses.

You may be wondering why The Pop Whore is getting all preacher on your ass- well I'll explain.
Yesterday- a dear friend of mine told me that they were gay and that their family knew about it because a family friend had seen him kissing another guy outside of his workplace.

So first of all- because I know that family "friend" reads this blog, I want you to know this:
1. Shut your fucking mouth.
2. Mind your fucking business.
3. Pay me back my fucking money from when I bought your son Baby Jamz for Christmas (I don't care if it was a gift- hand over the cash or your candy ass gets it.)

My friend then explained that when he got home from work, his entire family including his older uncles began to interrogate him, asking him how many guys he had fucked, if he had crushes on anybody and basically trying to embarrasing you and so my friend called me knowing that I wouldn't judge or ask questions, because he is my friend and I knew him before I knew myself- and him being gay doesnt change the fact that he has been supportive of me since the day I decided to start turning tricks at the senior citizens centre.

My friend is masculine.
He plays ball.
Fucks girls. Date Girls.
We even fucked once.
And he was gay.
Feminine does not equal gay.
If that was the case- down low men wouldn't exist.

More Than A Woman

2009-08-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

If Aaliyah was alive, Beyonce would shit on her too. There- I said it.

Aaliyah's contemporaries:
Toni Braxton
TLC
Janet Jackson
Mariah Carey
Adinah Howard
Xscape
Boys 2 Men
Gs To Gents
Brandy
Whisky
Liquer

Where are any of these bitches now- the best of them can't walk down the street without being heckled at because of their non-existant sales, expanding waistlines, getting spunked or their obsession with whispering their "music".
So if Aaliyah was alive- what makes you think she'd be any match for Sasha.
Yes Aaliyah was the shit in the 90s and early Noughties but so was Janet.
Yes Aaliyah was renowned for her innovative videos and mainstream relevance- but so was Ci- I'm sorry.
I love me some Aaliyah too but let's not get carried away- each bitch has their time and one day I'm sure Mathew Knowles and Joe Jackson will finally release their hybridized artist who has Beyonce's vocal talent, vagina, performance skill and sanity fused with Michael's innovation (minus the kiddy fiddling) that will dethrone Beyonce' but until then it's important to realise this:

EVEN IF BEYONCE' RETIRED- PAPA SHAWN HAS ABOUT 11 NEW FAIR SKINNED-LIGHT HEADED MEDIOCORE FEMBOTS READY TO JOIN RIHANNA ON THE POP IT GIRL SCENE WHO WILL ALSO SHIT ON YOUR FAVOURITE ARTISTS.

And my dear Brooke:

1. Your album is gathering dust is on your father's shrivelled penis.
2. Your mother is choking on the cum of her tween boyfriend.
3. Your daddy is fucking a bitch identical to you.
4. You look like Malibu Beach Barbie on testosterone.
5. Get a security guard- if your ass is ever in Vegas you better hope me and my Uncle Rosalinda don't catch you- because if we do- we will take your bleached ass and use your skin for a fur coat- winter is approaching.

You are just lucky that I do not have own The How To Deal With Hyper Non Existant Bitches Talking Smack About The Fierce One manual guide, I only have The How To Deal with Irrelevant SongWriters Whose Records Bubble Hard On the Bubbling Under Talking Smack About The Fierce One manual guide. Because If I did I would make your ass a trending topic but since we Sasha fans have no experience on how to deal with dealing with non existant hoes like you- don't expect too much hassle.

Ps.
Could you ask your mom if she still wants to renew her membership on www. MilfFuck.com, she's always been such a good sport.

The League of Unextraordinary R'n'b Skeezes part 2.

2009-08-13T01:19:00.000-07:00

Dereon HeadQuarters Reception

Ashanti: Hello- I have an interview here today.

Receptionist Robberson: Please take a seat. Miss Celestine will be out to see you in a minute.
(The Beyonce' Experience Intro begins playing as Miss Celestine catwalks into the reception.)

Miss Celestine: LaTavia, call the farm and cancel my order of sixty horses, we'll just have to recycle Beyonce's dark wigs from '99 for Solange, this recession is a bitch.

Receptionist Robberson: Yes Ma'am.

Miss Celestine: And push your tetas up- we running a business up in this shit. Oh Ms....Douglas you here on time. I'm impressed, Follow me into my office. (The I AM. Tour Into begins playing as Ashanti follows Miss.Celestine into her office, Miss Celestine takes a seat)

Miss Celestine: Stand in the corner- so Ms. Douglas- why do you think I should hire you here at The Dereon HeadQuarters.

Ashanti: I'll be aways there when you call- I'm always on time. Erm- I'm efficient-

Miss Celestine: Do you have experience in prank calling fat diva bitches?

Ashanti: Sorry?

Miss Celestine: Whatchu got Nelly's cum blockin ya ear?! Do you have experience prank calling fat diva bitches?

Ashanti: No Ma'am. (Juelz enters.)

Juelz: Nana- I got Dora on the phone- she say she returning yo' call.

Miss Celestine: Boy pull your pants up and pass me the phone- ok Juelz continue this interview, whilst I take this call. (Miss Celestine exits, Juelz climbs up into Miss Celestine's seat.)

Juelz: So Ms.Douglas- if I call your funky ass if 3 in the morn and ask you to drive over here and pour some Liqour in my Barney cup, would you do it?

Ashanti: Erm yeah.

Juelz: And I asked you to put on Wendy William's voice and prank call Madox- would you do it?

Ashanti: Oh ok- yeah sure. (Ashanti begins to sweat.)

Juelz: Take off your shirt. Strip for may.

Ashanti: Oh no-I-I-I can't. (Juelz throws quarter at her)

Juelz: Bitch you want this job?! (Ashanti's sweat hits the floor, she begins to strip, Whistle While You Twerk begins to play as he throws Cheetos at her) BITCH I KNEW IT- YOU WIRED.

(Janet's house)
Janet: Ashanti abort mission. abort mission.

(Office)

Juelz: So you try run up in here and get all 007 on us, im about to go Ben 10 on your ass. (enter Miss. Celestine, Juelz throws himself to the floor.)

Miss Celestine: LAWDHAMMERCY! What the fuck you trying to do to my gran'baby- what are you- Michael ?! Oh imma show you what we do to perverts like you in H-Town.

Ashanti: God no!

Miss Celestine: Leave God out of this bitch. I'm about to turn your hairy ass into a fur coat. (just as Miss Celestine reaches for the razor, Ashanti leaps out of the window and runs) That little bitch- Juelz you ok? I'm going to fuck the League of Unextraordinary R'n'b Skeezes Up if it's the last thing I do.

TBC.

(Below is the phone call Miss. Celestine had with Dora)

Dora: Tina?
Miss Celestine: It's Miss Celestine Beyince' to you.

Dora: Cut out the shit- why did you call? You still haven't returned Diego's cheetah

Miss Celestine: Yes the fuck I did- I sent it home to you- check 0.38 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWq3kobYOQk but that's not what I called.

Dora: If this is about me dating Daniel- then forget about it- I ain't doing it.

Miss Celestine: Why not- you fuck with everybody else

Dora: Shut the fuck up- no I do not.

Miss Celestine: You ain't know that I know bout you and Diego?

Dora: You dirty... he's my cousin?

Miss Celestine: Like Hell he is- listen bitch- Juelz needs a woman on his arm for when he promotes his debut record, It's Nap Time Nigger to elevate his thug image, and you the easiest bitch I can find.

Dora: Oh hell no- Conseguí una visita para poner junto, yo me puse tiempo conseguido para su mierda crujiente de talkin de asno a mí, ain't no manera que haré fechando su nieto.

Miss Celestine: So you want to get bilingual up in this shit?Date my grandson and or I'll call social services on your neglected ass, bitch you know you ain't got a green card which is why the only place you be exploring is Mex-fucking-Ico. Y'all bitches never learn- I AM A KNOWLES- w always get what we want and If you don't let Juelz take your ass to Red Lobster and let me send the photos to MTO, I will come to your house myself and fuck up your map- then how the fuck you gon' find shit. Weibchen.

Dora: Ok- Ok, I'll do it- but if I do- I need something in return.

Miss Celestine: Yes?

Dora: Deal with the bitch who wrote this:

http://www.quizilla.com/polls/10964101/who-would-win-in-a-slap-fight-spongebob-or-dora-the-explorer

I AM.... GOING TO OUTSELL YOU

2009-08-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

I don't usually like to post back to back, but I've been forced too.

Just because someone gets to number 1 doesn't mean their record was succesful because Chrisette Michelle was number 1 with around 89,000 units in her first week sales. Now- if you think that's succesful then I'd like to know what you think of Beyonce's 482,000 opening week sales for I AM.

When it comes to Janet fans, yes- Discipline was number 1 with 181,000 but what would have happened if Beyonce, Mariah, Alicia and Britney all released records in the same week as Janet. Huh?
I can't hear you?
No say it again?

SHE WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE MADE IT INTO THE TOP TEN.

I won't go into the politics behind Janet's embarrasing situation right now because that'd need to be a ten page report but I'll tell you this.
Whatchu Say- Not To Me- She ain't no icon.
She used to be when her music meant shit. When you felt empowered by stomping to Rhythm Nation or getting down to Pleasure Principle- now the bitch talks about sucking dick.
This new record she's planning to put out is going to shift less records than Brandy's record did and Im just curious to know what label are going to sign after she wasted Universal's Time after dissapointing Virgin.

The League of Unextraordinary R'n'b Skeezes part 1.

2009-08-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

Janet: Are we all present?

Alicia: Girl do a roll call.

Janet: Ok so Keri's here, Mya's here, Brandy's in traffic, Miss Harris is...here,Ashanti's in the kitchen, Alicia-hey girl, is that all? Where's Michelle?

Alicia: She just found out that she actually has an album worth buying so she won't be joining us anymore.

Janet: Whatever- that just means more cake for us. So in our last meeting we discussed what to do when your Twitter account is bombarded with hate mail from fans of she who shall not be named.

LaToya: Beyonce?!

Ashanti: Yes (inhales) Beyonce'- but LaToya why are you here- you need to have been relevant at one point and then a flop another to be a part of this league- you've never even opened up for anybody- Ciara how's that going?

Janet: Ciara you don't have to answer that. Anyway so today I have something to announce, we are going to GET Celestine, Keri could you please explain what happened to you at the BET awards. (Keri Hilson rises.)

Keri: So after my ass backwards peformance where I tried my best to sing and dance at the same time but ended up looking like my pussy was having a heart attack- I ran backstage to get changed into my outfit- when I got there i found Miss Celestine sitting in my dressing room, her left arm under her chin and her right arm clutching a revolver.

Mya: Shit- what happened?

Keri: She said something in Creole and then said "You want to me to make your face a little bit more colorful bitch", I was so afraid, then she said "Talk shit about my picne again and I will stick this gun so far up your ass you'll be spitting out bullets." Then she hissed and then she left.

Janet: So as you can see, Miss Celestine is going on dangerous, I knew her way back when she was Sheila E's understudy. I'll never forget the day she rammed a ten inch stilleto up Appollonia's ass for not putting enough seasoning in her Fruit Loops- she has to be dealt with.

Alicia: Before we go on- are any of you married? (All shake heads.) Ok- please go on Damita.

Janet: Every Thursday Miss Tina, Miss Turner and Miss Jay go out for drinks at Club Vouz Le Vouz, I know this because Jermaine works the night shift there- so here's what we're going to do, we're going to roll up in Mya's Hummer....

Mya: Repossesed.

Janet: We're going to roll up in Alicia's Hummer and kindap Miss Celestine and hold her for ransom and demand that that bitch daughter of hers retires so we can get a chance to get into the charts (hopefully)

Ashanti: I don't think this is a good idea- Miss Tina don't fuck about- look what she had done to Robyn.

Keri: She paid Chris to do it? Why? Because she thinks Robyn's competition?

Ashanti: No. Because she has a hatred for all Carribeans, who you think shot Bob Marley.

Ciara: Bob Marley wasn't shot.

Ashanti: Shut the fuck up you dick swinging smut.

Janet: Now Now girls, let's not fight- Ashanti I see where you're coming from but something needs to be done, we need someone on the inside to get close to her.

Alicia: Whatchu Tolm Bout Jo?

Janet: We need to go undercover in The Wig Crypt.

TBC.

Oh No You Diddy'nt

2009-08-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

1. Twitter takes away all the mystery that an artist once had from an artist.
2. You're shit at what you do.

I'll just get straight into it. Today as I was making my way to a friends party and sitting in a traffic, I put in the last Danity Kane record and realised that these bitches were damn good. So good that with the right management and direction they could have been an internationally respected group since The PussyCat Dolls have less artistic credibility than Milli Vanilli and Yung Berg put together.
But you see, when you're signed to Bad Boy all you are is a symbol, a symbol of Diddy's wealth, Diddy doesn't care whether the symbol is succesful or not- we know this because Cassie still has a job- but yes- all you are is a symbol of Diddy's "empire" when you are signed to Bad Boy.

The reason Diddy needs so many shows and artists is because without them people would be forced to actually evaluate his own credibility as a rapper, but because to mainstream media Diddy is one of the "fathers" of Hip Hop alongside Jay Z, mainstream media are never even going to bother questioning the pure foolishness which is Diddy's lyrical content because he such as a good "business man."

Now- if you want to talk about a good business man you don't have to look any further than Jay Z. You see- everyone knows Jay Z is talented whether or not some chump thinks he's an old ass nigger but like his wife- Jay Z has become more than just a good rapper- he's become an empire.
Look at the artists that he's signed:
Rihanna- The World's Biggest Pop Star.
Kanye- (Genius.)

Now Jay Z has his faults, dropping teenage girls without even having the decency to let them know himself but when he does work at something he gets it right, he's become so succesful that people dont even realise when his singles chart poorly like the singles he's released this year, but it's cool but he has artistic intergrity.

Diddy however is only good at marketing a caricature of himself- anyone remember when he tried to convince us he was from Harlem? You see- there is a name for people who come from wealthy circumstances but are ashamed of it:

Jackasses.

The only good thing Diddy is good at promoting are his external businesses- such as the clothing line and "cologne". If he was good at promoting his artists, Day 26 wouldn't be so familiar with the set of 106 and Park, Cassie wouldn't look like such a fool and Danity Kane would still be together.

And when it comes to the BIG movie.
What fuckery.
Trying to present Biggie Smalls as some unsuspecting rapper who got caught up in drama because of a huge "misunderstanding". You may have been able to fool his mother but you won't fool an audience who know how big your ego is.
Trying to convince a younger audience that Tupac was overreacting to situations obviously orchestrated by Biggie nothing short of filthy.
And so is trying to present Faith Evans as the angel to Lil Kim's devil.
Lil Kim may have been a hoe but Faith Evans was no nun, everyone knows that she was serving the kitty ice cold to Tupac and yet the film behaves as though "it was all a big misunderstanding".

Oh the fuckery.

You can't rap.
And any mystery you had died the second you signed up for Twitter because now people know that you know what they think about you- like how even Stephen Hawkins has a better flow than you.

Cassie:
Yes you can't sing.
And yes- everyone knows your little interracial pussy is the reason you're still signed but with the right management you could be a huge star, it's not like the lack vocal ability is holding any of these other bitches back.
With your look and your lifeless voice you could see your music enter the top ten and become a respected face.
You need to work on some POP MUSIC, where people unfortuenately don't expect much from their stars.
You need to get in the studio with cheap producers and high profile writers so you can save some money and use the money that you saved to put out 15 videos and singles to maximise the chances of you getting to number 1 on some chart.

That's what you need to do.
Day 26 (sigh) Get rid of the fat one. Put in a slim one, get new management, get a new label and be the amazing men that you are.

Red Cafe- you stay where you are. You belong where you are.

When was the last time you saw your own feet

2009-08-09T02:56:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2SOiztOcy4

Word?
Since we're on the issue of God, here is my take on the situation:

YOUR CHUNKY ASS IS SO FAT NOT EVEN GOD COULD LIFT YOUR SPIRITS.

Man- I wish stores would stop making clothes in XL so that fat motherfuckers like this would be forced to get their asses into a gym instead of talking about shit that nobody wants to hear. You look like a Baboon with a tan.
Your fat has surrounded your brain so much that you can't help but to say stupid shit like
"This is not meant to offend the Beyonce' fans but the Beyonce' fanatics".

What the fuck is the word Fan short for?

Beyonce'?
Beyonce'?

You want to talk shit about Beyonce' you fucking Rasputian.
You want to talk shit about Beyonce' with your scary ass.
You want to talk shit about Beyonce' when your entire body is taking up the entire screen so much so that I can barely fit you into my vision.
Nappy headed Burger King stanning- Krispy Kreme licking- heart condition awaiting fatso.
NOBODY talks shit about Beyonce'.
You make Sean Kingston look like a catwalk model.
The day you decided to remove that camera from underneath your tits and film that video was the day you will forever be hunted by The Pop Whore and Associates, we will find you on Twitter and leave witty and hurtful comments about your ashy skin, we will alert Brian_Bee and Gavin and they will deal with your 65.7 waist.

I'm suprised you hate Beyonce'- after all her initials are KFC.

As you can see adding comments have been disabled for that video because we KFC Representatives did our jobs, and we will continue to hunt you down and remind you of what you look like until you apologise because we don't fuck about. Beyonce' knows we don't fuck about- Solange knows we don't fuck about. Keri Hilson knows we don't fuck about.

We don't care who or what you are- if you get at our Queen your ass is over.
Why are Beyonce' haters either ugly on in the inside or on the outside- Etta James counts for both. Why doesn't Beyonce' have any well rounded haters who can put a clear argument together, instead we have shits like you to deal with.

You better hope that I'm not in contact with anybody who works in your local Wendy's because If I am, I will have that bitch lace your Full Fat Double Cream Chocolate Covered Strawberry Apple Pie La Mode with laxative, so your mouth won't be the only thing that'll be running.

You are officially on our list, right after Sandra Rose and if we can destroy the "careers" of people who actually have lives then breaking you down won't be difficult at all.

Why do you think Pride Magazine tried to clear up that Nia Long mess- because I THE POP WHORE SENT IN A LETTER.
Why do you think Amerie, Ashanti or anybody else who makes random and regular appearances on 106 and Park are flops- because whenever they have an album out we The KFC Representatives remind their fans of how useless and irrelevant they are- their fans spend all their time trying to counteract forgetting to buy their albums, whilst at the same time we're pre-ordering copies of a Beyonce' album that she hasn't even recorded yet.

You wanted to talk shit about our Queen.
Now you shall feel our wrath.
For anybody looking for that oompa loompa on twitter, just type in BigZo20 in the Find People tab.

Our Lady Of Creole Supremacy

2009-08-08T03:42:00.000-07:00

Hello Chil'ren
Welcome to the first service of Our Lady of Creole Supremacy. We are currently taking over for the PopWhore because she was recently kidnapped by Sandra Rose and Tina Davis because of those smart ass comments she made about them- we do not expect to hear or see The PopWhore anytime soon (unless you're on Twitter- but then ignore her because it's actually Sandra Rose to speaking to you and unless you want her to send a virus to your computer of the likes of which you have never seen by simply Tweeting you ignore the PopWhore, Ignore the PopWhore)

Our Lady of Creole Supremacy is an E-Church and we aim to spread the good word of Sister Fierce to the masses through the internet, we believe in good family values (bye bye Alicia) and commercialisation (Hello Mathew). Below is an extract from The Creole Verse.

Dereon Chapter 6 Verse 2:
And Celestine sayeth unto Solange "If thou refuses to wear the glitter bikini i hast made for you- thou shall be forced to enter the WigCrypt and taketh out the knots from Sister Fierce's I lacefront."
Solange replieth, "Suck on a lemon bitch- you favoureth The Wigged One more than thou favoureth me, I shall leaveth this shit(-eth) and find my own wayeth in the world OUTSIDE of Houston."
So Solange lifteth her bag and left The Creole Supremacy Mansion and foundeth herself at a burning bush, she sayeth "What the fuck".
And then she heard a voice, Solange asketh "Who is Thou"
The voice respondeth:
I AM THE GOD OF THY FATHER
I AM THE GOD OF THY MOTHER

I AM SASHA FIERCE.

HoNesia

2009-08-06T05:16:00.000-07:00

Definition: When a man or woman behaves in a slutty and dirty way and then acts as though it never happened and then calls people out for reminding them they were at one point a hoe. Example: "Girl- Don't try ac' like you HoNesia on the ass- you know you fucked Raquan."

HoNesia usually occurs when the person who was once a hoe regrets what they did in the past and decide that because they want to protect themselves from being called a hoe they must diss the people who told everyone they were a hoe in the first place.
Sufferers of HoNesia (according to a survey carried out on http://www.pussylips.com/) do not realise that insulting the people who know the truth about their skankgame only results in more stuff being exposed.

Robyn Givens, the current President of HGP (HoGamePrecise) explained, "When you're a hoe you do stuff which you later regret when you finally convince some dumb needle dicked dude to marry you- so the best thing to do is to deny it- not to confront the person who exposed you because they'll only expose you some more- like putting voice messages you left to them in a song, or recounting the time they ejaculated prematurely on your stomach."

She added, "If you're a hoe that really and truly is your business- it has nothing to do with anybody else if you decide to let your Priest put one in the pink and another in the stink, because it is YOUR body, but when you mature and you change and realise your mistake, do not reply to anybody who exposed you, simply shame them by being succesful and being a better person than you were when they were dumping in your mouth."

Below are things to do if you used to be a hoe or you are currently a hoe and trying to change your public image:

1. Delete your Twitter, FaceBook, GayDar, LesLine, CuntConnect or whatever the kids are using nowadays- the less people know about you the less they can say about you.

2. Educate Yourself. Anybody who is spending all their time talking about what you were supposed to have done really hasn't got much going on in their own life and so educate yourself so you can work yourself out of that negative environment. Although it may seem like the entire world thinks you're a hoe, if you have something else to be known for like being the girl who's amazing at running track or being the guy who's an amazing lyricist then you complicate your identity for your haters because they then will be forced to realise that what they say about you means nothing to you.

3. Avoid parties where you know people who think you're a hoe are going to be. It's better to be sat at home drinking shots with your Uncle Rosalinda where you know you're safe than to put yourself into an environment where your saftey and feelings are at risk. You know how ignorant people can be, for example if you're lips were a little dry and you decided to lick them- "Oh nigga look! Bitch is licking her lips cos she want you to plant some seeds in her mout'".

4. Don't do this :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjeRk_GxcqM because then people will support this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnFT42EucEs and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jf67T6YbvBs
and this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzHnNPLWsDQ

Ps.
If you're a hoe that's been fucking for beats but still has not received the beats, then get another career. (How You Dewin Cassie)

All That's Fab

2009-08-05T05:32:00.000-07:00

There are some people who lie to themselves.
There are some people who convince themselves, with the help of you a few tweeters, that they are Icons.

So I'm going to tell you what I think:

You haven't been relevant since before Mary Kate and Ashley started their periods.
Your album is going to go Double Polystyrene and you will be dropped from your label within the next to years.
You're a flop.

Fabolous- be realistic, are you suprised that nobody wants you on the cover of their magazne, like seriously- when was the last time you wanted to read an article about somebody who YOU didn't care about.

Update:
Loso's Way shifted 98,000 units (I told you i was being generous).
I can't say I'm surprised- after all- anybody with a recording contract who spends all day on Twitter shouldn't be taken seriously.
Now you may call me a hater and say I don't matter and say that it's the fans that matter, but like your haters, your fans didn't buy your record meaning that your fans and haters are of equal relevance and importance to you.

All that's going to happen now is that labels are going to stop signing artists like T.I, Fab etc and start signing more visual and experimental artists like Kanye West and dare I say 50 cent, after all they are the only ones who actually sell any records.

The black sub culture has a habit of not putting their money where their mouths are. They will complain about the state of modern rap and claim Soulja Boy is to blame but then won't buy the records of artists who actually make quality music.
Whilst Soulja Boy and Bow Wow deserve to flop (as they continue to do) artists such as Fabolous and The Game deserve to shift more units than they do.

If you want to see what I predicted Fab would sell just look below:

Like Ashanti and Jennifer Hudson etc, your fans will support you with their mouths and will diss anybody or thing that comments negatively about your shortcomings as a commercial artist but when it comes to actually buying what you put out- nada. You won't get shit from them.
This is why I can't wait till HDD post your first week sales, then I can laugh at you for believing you were bigger than what you actually are.

You can call me a hater if you want- but who wants to place bets.
I bet that Loso's Way sells less than 190,000 units in first week and then less than 80,000 units in second week. (I'm even being a little generous here) If i'm wrong, I will dedicate an entire week to promoting, complimenting and asslicking the record on this blog and on Twitter, If i'm right (winks) then I don't want anything.
I shouldn't have to be rewarded for my greatness.

Barbadose Instinct

2009-08-04T14:43:00.000-07:00

We got talking to Pop Superstar Rihanna about a movie which she is both starring in and producing titled Barbadose Instinct.

PopWhore: Hello.

Rihanna: Ello.

PopWhore: So tell us about your movie, Barbadose Instinct.

Rihanna: Well de movie is about a gyal like me who kill all de mudderfuckers who ever hurt her in da past.

PopWhore: So it's a violent movie then?

Rihanna: Oh yes- dis movie is going de show all dem fuckers who da real bad bitch is- believe dat- believe dat- me gon kill all de chichi man pon de place.

PopWhore: ChiChi Man?

Rihanna: Yeah you know- all de batty boys- all dem pussy o' faggots, me gon kill dem all in de movie.

PopWhore: So the movie has homophobic undertones?

Rihanna: What's that word? Home-Phobic, why me gone be afraid of me own home- tarass!

PopWhore: How have you been preparing for the role?

Rihanna: When I'm not out and about getting my photo taken on de streets, I watch lats and lats of movies about women who kill MOTHERFUCKING BUMBERKLUTS who beat on women.

PopWhore: Have you spoken to Chris since the incident?

Rihanna: That likkle fucker been belling of me line, but me never gon forgive him, he gave me a HIYAH! and and HAYOGEN! and then a UPPERCUT! He jus' lucky me had my seatbelt on, oddawise I would have run a blade chru his likkle chichi boy ass.

PopWhore: And has Beyonce' reached out to you.

Rihanna: Who dat?

PopWhore: Beyonce'.

Rihanna: You mean dat likkle bi-atch who had her nephew call me up and chreaten to stick a rattle in my cooch- oh hell no dat bitch ain't called- but Mellisa said she saw her sister at a club and she was makin' jokes about me- she nah know who she messin' wit- I'll fuck her up, her mother AND her cousin too. Don't tes' me.

PopWhore: Are you seeing anybody at the moment?

Rihanna: Yes me vision is very clear.

PopWhore: No no, as in sexually.

Rihanna: Oh yes- me is. Ya wan me to lis' dem.

PopWhore: Ok.

Rihanna:
Jermaine Jackson
Randy Jackson
Joe Jackson
Chris Brown (but dont tell de feds)
Bobby Brown
Drake
My middle finger
Jay Z
Marilyn Ma-

PopWhore: Sorry?

Rihanna: Marilyn Manson.

PopWhore: No before that.

Rihanna: Who Jey Zay? Oh girl don' act suprised. You know he been spicin' up my curried goat since de day I got my GreenCard. He nah love dat wife of his- she never home to cook for him- she too busy singing on beat and achieving shit- me would be a much better wife- foreign pussy is de best kind.

PopWhore: I see.

Rihanna: Anways- I've got to go to de clinic for my test results. I hope me do well, me wasnt very academic backhome

PopWhore: I don't think its that kind of test.

Rihanna: I'll see you around.

And what exactly is it that you are promoting.

2009-08-04T04:48:00.000-07:00

In today's pop culture- there seems to be an obsession and interest in people who are famous for nothing and there's nothing wrong with that because there must be something interesting about these famous for nothing people that generates an interest in them.

However, these famous for nothing people should be aware that being famous for nothing comes with a price- as soon as you say something that pisses people off, people will start to say "Hold on a minute- what is this bitch actually famous for."

The Beckhams.
He was a British Sporting hero and she was a fifth of the world's most succesfully untalented group in Pop Culture history, now he's a Pop Icon and she's his wife.
She stages photo oppurtunities, attends events, is on the cover of magazines and then you begin to wonder- what is she actually promoting.
She is noted for her beauty so any cosmetic or fragrance endorsements she obtains are because of her name and not her face.
She is noted for (God help me) talent and so her part in the Spice Girls was merely "eye candy" but then if she's not that pretty than "eye candy" isn't the right phrase to use and Victoria Beckham is the sort of woman who is only beautiful in comparison to someone uglier.

This is why the Beckhams are leaving LA.
For years they tried to become part of US Culture and they finally suceeded using David's career is an excuse but here are the reasons that went wrong:

1. That fake one part show Victoria did really did her no favours, instead of showing who she really is as a person she simply was playing a caricature of herself, almost intentionally parodying the public's opinion of her- it didn't help that the "assistant" she hired to help her was actually an actress.

2. Because football is such a niche sport here in the US, the people that take it seriously take it VERY seriously, in the Uk because it is THE major sport many of the biggest players are also the biggest celebrities meaning that the Uk is used to seeing their favourite football player on the cover of GQ as well as on the pitch but because in the US, soccer really is ALL about soccer, the fans of LA Galaxy did not appreciate that Beckham was only using the team to turn he and his wife into US stars and to capitalise on US endorsements, which is why he was booed.

3. Victoria just isn't hot. If Victoria Beckham was sexually attractive she could have capitalised on becoming the "ultimate wife" in the way that Jennifer Lopez has become to Mark Anthony. People love to desire what they know they will never have, which is why Ashanti is still in the recording studio, and so if Victoria was sexy, she could have appealed to men who loved and respected her husband and appealed to women who would have respected her for bagging such a hottie.
Also, imagine what it would be like for Victoria to be sat in a room with Jada Pinkett Smith, Angelina Jolie and Tom Cruise's pet knowing that she can never match their beauty and world renowned respect for being succesful women in their own right. She may have been in the SpiceGirls but like the other four has not been able to use this to their advantage because if they had they would all be pop icons individually but the most famous Spice Girl is actually only relevant because she is the wife of a Pop Icon.
It's sort of like if Keri Hilson went to her home town, she'd be respected and adored and treated as the HBIC but the second she steps into HollyWood she isn't even in The Top 100 list of recognisable and respected women.
Which is why Victoria belongs in the UK where she can really reign supreme because like i said before she is only a hot bitch in comparison to someone who is not a hot bitch.

I think that's all.

Oh yes- somebody asked me to comment on Britney's Radar video so here I go:

The old Britney would not have settled with a video like this for such an upbeat and amazing song, but that doesn't change the fact that Britney changed and is still changing Pop Culture and is still selling out shows and records. Britney hasn't promoted a record in years yet she outsold girls who spent breakfast, lunch and dinner on the couch of some talk show host promoting their goodies.
I'd also like to congratulate Beyonce' for having the Number 1 tour in the country even before the tour is actually over and I'd like to also beg everyone to listen to Michelle William's Unexpected record on Youtube.
The record puts Michelle's personal and artistic growth into Euro-Pop music and like Solange proves that sales don't mean anything when you achieve artistic credibility

Keeping It Real

2009-08-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

"The problem with modern society is that people tend to hate and judge someone without even considering the facts. We form our opinion based on lies and judgments from things we hear. That, is the problem with modern society."

Word?

That's the problem with our society?
No my dear, the problem with the BLACK pop culture is that when it suits us we can overlook certain things, we can defend OJ when know he damn well killed that white lady, we can defend Michael when we know that if our neighbour was accused of the same shit- we'd pitchfork that dude to the ground and we find a way to rationalise discrimination against fairer skinned people because they "they tink dey better dan us".

You won't tell me what the problem is with society on MY blog, so you can keep your conclusion because my dear, nobody comes on this blog and tries to correct me, I reserve that shit for Twitter.

Since you're so big on considering facts, here are some of mine:
1. As a Beyonce' fan I can tell you from the bottom of my spiced heart that I do not envy the fan base of ANY other artist dead or alive, why?

Michael Jacksons fans are deluded.
Ciara's fans are non existant
Rihanna's fans think innovation means cutting your hair and dying it black.
Janet fans still live in 1993
Aretha Franklin fans are deceased and Whitney Houston fans still think Bobby is completely to blame for Whitney being hooked on Le Craque.

To suggest that my comments on Ms.Keys were fuelled by a "jealousy" I have of her is a joke because there are better women than Alicia who couldn't match Beyonce' and that's a fact.
And to tell me that I can't tell you that Beyonce' is by far a better singer and all round entertainer because that is a matter of opinion is stupid because whether it is YOUR opinion that Sean Kingston is not overweight it doesn't change the fact that he is morbildy gargantuan. A Fact is a Fact.

This is an opinion "Alicia's music is deeper than Sasha's."
This is a fact "If you put Beyonce', Alicia, Mary J and Mariah on the same tour and asked the audience which artist entertained them the most, the answer would be Beyonce'."

You don't have to like an artist to know that they are talented. In the same way I don't have to know Alicia to know that she is husband snatching cum swallowing trollop.Mmmkay.

When it comes to it, if Mashonda is saying that she believed she and her husband were happily married around the time she discovered the affair, then the marriage still existed. Alicia had an affair- accept it, lick it, stick it in your backside and call it Papa Bear.

And when it comes to Beyonce, I'm aware that she can indeed be "fake". I'm aware that she was being "fake" when she told Larry King that she believed a certain employee of her husband's was "talented." But I'm also aware that Beyonce' has gotten to where she's gotten by keeping it all about her art and talent, which is you don't hear anybody accusing HER of borrowing husbands.
And when it comes to Beyonce' falling down the stairs:
You're right, no other artist would have fallen down a flight of stairs because no other artist can perform like Beyonce' does, your favourite artists are too busy either sitting on a stool, sitting behind a piano or sitting on Diddy's lap to put on a quality show.

If you really want to discuss this, we can get IM up in this bitch:

www.twitter.com/popslutwhore

To Alicia Key's Publicist:

This is the last time I will bash your client and remind people of what a loose whore she is, so you don't have to worry about sending me that cheque.

Double Standards In A Low Standard Society

2009-08-02T03:20:00.000-07:00

I don't usually blog about a topic more than once.
I already discussed the Alicia Keys issue twice and decided to leave it alone on this blog I had made my point.
This blog never gets at anybody who hasn't done anything wrong, which is why you will never see me bash Kelly Rowland or Fergie or even Kelis but when an artist or pop culture figure does something which represents the double standards that exist in today's culture, I will blog about it.

So I'm on Twitter last night and somebody makes a comment about Beyonce' not being a "real" writer. So now I'll adress this issue:

The song "Irreplaceable" was indeed originally written by Neyo and StarGate and was offered to Beyonce' because Beyonce' is Beyonce' she cannot record and release a song without having some part in, so she changed the key of the song and some aspects of the melody because that counts as writing because song lyrics need a melody and vocal arrangement is counted as being part of writing a song.
I find it funny that people latch onto this song, ignoring all the other songs Beyonce' created herself but that's cool because when it comes to Beyonce', all common sense goes out of the window.

The song Smack Into You was originally written by The Dream and another writer for an alternative male artist, because The Dream was also writing with Beyonce' at the time, the song was given to Beyonce' who then re-named and changed the key of the song which also counts as songwriting, the melody of the song is altered slightly also. Now- do you think whoever represents the Dream would allow Beyonce' to take credit for a song that she did nothing to, do you think Neyo (who had been writing for more than 4 years before writing Irreplaceable) would agree to give Beyonce' the song and put her name on the credits if she did nothing to it.
Do you think the NAACP would give a singer/songwriter of the year award to someone without checking if the singer/songwriter actually wrote on the song.

If the other writers are credited on the album, then there is nothing suspect going on.

Alicia Keys fans seem to be under the impression that because Beyonce' sings upbeat songs and wears "provocative clothing" she is in some way less artistically credible than Alicia Keys.

You want to know what's not credible?

Its not credible that a woman can sing a song about "Karma" and then go and have an affair with a married man, does she not know the meaning of her own song.

It's not credible that a woman can sing about female empowerment in a song called "SuperWoman" where she praises the average women of the world for being who they are and then turns around and sleeps with the husband of an average woman.

If Alicia could dance like Beyonce', she would.
If she could sing like Beyonce', she would.
And when it comes to provocative clothing, you could put a hoe in a Nun's outfit but it doesn't change the fact that she's still a hoe.
Beyonce' can shake her ass because we know she can blow better than the best of them.
Beyonce' can talk about being a porn star in Video Phone because we know that on the same record she can talk about being in awe of love in That's Why You're Beautiful.

Alicia Keys fans seem to believe that she is some way more credible than Beyonce, because she plays a musical instrument, if that's the case then Alicia Keys is also more credible than Michael Jackson.
There is a reason that it is Beyonce' who sang at The NeighbourHood Ball, there is a reason that Beyonce' is the star of 5 box office hits, one of which she executive produced.
Oh and when it comes to Beyonce's acting and the suggestion that she is only cast because she is famous and that all her roles (aside from Obsessed) are singing roles because she can't act: If that was the case, everysinger who could sing would be in hit movies, even singers who at the time of Beyonce's movie debut were more accomplised than Beyonce': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwruffC_Tg0

Whether Beyonce' sings in a movie or not, she is acting because there is a script which contains a storyline which contains a message, you think the Oscars just put anybody up for nomination?
If you say that Beyonce' cant act, then my dear, neither can Barbara Streisand after all, most of her movies were musicals too.
You never hear anybody complain about how Will Smith always plays the hero in his movies, or how Whitney Houston also played a singer in her biggest movie role, but of course when it comes to Beyonce, all common sense goes out of the window.

The problem with modern society is that we find it way to easy to overlook things are blatently wrong, we can look at SuperHead and judge her for sleeping with married men but then find a way to rationalise the act when somebody else does it.

We can look at George Bush and call him an idiot and overlook that there wasn't a single terrorist attack in the USA when he was in complete power. (9/11 was being planned when Clinton was still in Office)

If you don't know how shit works, then shut your mouth.

The Color White

2009-08-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

In today's modern charts, the top 5 positions are held by the most mainstream artists, from the independent charts to the BillBoard charts, and it is the job of record labels to get their artists on as many charts as possible.
Which is the top 5 positions in the R'n'b charts are actually pop songs.
Look away now if you're ig'nant.
Look away if you're stupid.

Contemporary R'n'b is nothing more than Pop music packaged in urban boxes to appeal to people who 1. feel that "pop music" is less credibile and a joke and 2. people who want to feel "hip" and "down with it" by listening to what they feel is r'n'b music.

Record labels have succeeded in convincing the average person that an artist is automatically a r'n'b artist if they are black.
At a time when it wasn't cool to be black, artists as fair and as "European" looking as Mariah Carey decided not to discuss their ethnicities at the risk that they would be seen as being too niche to be mainstream because even though Janet Jackson who is quite chocolate in complexion was owning the charts at the time, she was never recognised as being a black woman because her title as a "Jackson" meant that the color of her skin did not matter. So with the emergence of urban artists like Boyz 2 Men and TLC, black became in vogue- hence the reason for the multitudes of R'n'b groups in the 90s, that's when Mariah decided to remind the world that there was indeed a little cocoa in her milk.

So for a while, black artists and urban music ruled the charts due to the help of Hype Williams and the new image the mainstream were seeing of black artists like Missy Elliot and Aaliyah who had mainstream relevance as well as street credibility. And this formula was adopted by the new group, Destiny's Child who had both girl next door charm, but a "round the way thing girl" thing going on as well.

However with the dominance of teen pop music, it became very difficult for artists who were 100% urban to compete with artists like Britney and Nsync who were shitting on everyone, and so all the smart managers turned their urban artists into "Urban Pop" artists, the pioneers of this genre being Beyonce' and Co, the song Bills Bills Bills being the best example of this.

So the new Millenium saw artists like Boyz 2 Men, Soul 2 Heart and 4Ever fade away into irrelevant obscurity whilst artists who mastered the art of fusing urban with mainstream dominated the pop and r'n'b charts.
Meaning that the biggest selling r'n'b artists were actually pop artists and it didnt help that the most famous black artist actually had white skin.

So Urban music was in trouble. It had no place in modern music, you could either "sell out" and go completely commercial or just sit at home in the middle of your ten kids in the hope somebody covered your song which you wrote a lyric in in the hope you'd make some royalty money from it.

Today- the situation is the same. Kanye West IS a pop artist.
Beyonce' is a POP Icon.
Rihanna is a POP star.
Alicia Keys is a homewrecking, dick chomping, pussy eating bisexual slutwhore.

If you lived an area where urban music was seen as being horrible and distasteful and you were trying to rebel you would go out of your way to listen to what you thought was "urban" music but because you had been raised on pop music you would subconciously gravitate towards music which incorporated both pop and urban but was packaged as if it were urban.

This is why Eminem is still signed. Crazy ass country trash think they're doing something rebellious by listening to him not realising that they are actually his intended audience, it's the reason his hair is bleach blonde, he is mimicking the fact that he, a white man, has been more succesful than black rappers with more credibility.
The blonde hair says "Yeah I'm white, and yeah I may not be as good as my black contemporaries but I'm one of the most celebrated artists in THEIR genre and charts AS WELL as the pop charts."

Could you imagine what would happen if a black girl with dark skin, braids and a thick body decided to become a country artist- she would be rejected because the crossover key only extends to pop music, when was the last time saw you a black heavy metal artist making impact on the charts, but for Caucasian artists the crossover key has no limits, which is why Fergie gets way with being on"R'n'b Compilations" yet you'd be shocked to find Keisha Cole on Pop Compilation.

When it comes to Ciara- she has gone from being a Princess of Urban Pop to being a joke in the Pop world. Princess Harris did not realise that her only and most loyal fans were all followers of modern Urban music which is why when she tried to release a pop album, her first week sales slumped from around 300,000 to 81,000 within the space of two years. Something occured in the minds of her fans which said, "this bitch tried to switch it up without our permission, fuck her," this is why Ciara is officially irrelevant.

But low sales does not mean an artist is irrelevant, because artists like Jill Scott and Kirk Franklin are commercially unsuccesful but are highly respected and appreciated in the genres making them relevant to their genres. The reason Ashanti, Keri Hilson, Mya etc are irrelevant is because not only are they commercially unsuccesful, their music means nothing and changes nothing in their genres whilst Keisha Cole continues to push the boundaries of contemporary r'n'b with every single making her the most relevant artist in contemporary R'n'b.

When it comes to Robyn F, she's never released an R'n'b single, not ever. Which is why she's still signed and that Tearra chick is still releasing singles that don't go anywhere. Rihanan was going to be dropped after her first release, according to her ex business partner, but when her management got hold of SOS ( a song that the POP icon Britney Spears had rejected) the label kept her on realising Rihanna's potential as a pop artist.

Good Girl Gone Bad is as R'n'b as 808s and Heartbreak is Goth Rock. It isn't at all.

Until labels find a way to turn artists like Keisha Cole into top selling artists who actually release R'n'b music then the charts will continue to be dominated by r'n'b stars who are actually pop artists.

Just look at the charts now, i guarantee that you any "r'n'b artist" who is in the top 5 in the Pop charts is also in the top 5 of the R'n'b Charts.

Gold, Frankincense and Mariah

2009-07-31T09:33:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer Alert:
If youhaven't gotten your vaccination to immunise you from PopSlutFever, then please press the X button. If you just came back from the clinic, then come through.

Mimi:
You didn't have a lot to say in 2002 but now you've got to shit to say now you've got a ring on your finger, so I think you deserve this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp1Q6nYoI80&feature=player_embedded

I knew this would happen, I actually said it in an earlier post, but Mariah- I'm glad it did, because you had it coming. "Icons" don't respond to disses made by immature and irrelevant artists like Eminem, "Icons" dont make entire videos for diss tracks aimed at immature and irrelevant artists who made claims about them almost a decade ago.

You ever hear Beyonce' respond to anybody?
Let's think back to earlier on this year when Keri Hilson (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4WXuqpiM4U) dissed Beyonce' (calm down PopSlut, calm down girl- it was a long time ago). I am very sure that as soon as Solange found out that some ghost writer was hating on Beyonce, she called Sasha up and asked her to pack her razors, her lemon juice and a shovel because "we about to bury a bitch under Hadley Street Ta-Nite!".
But Beyonce' being the ICON that she is thought to herself, "Although I could ruin this bitches career by putting out a new record on the same day she releases a new record, forcing her into obscurity and back to writing songs for artists who by the way I also shit on, there's no way I'm going to give this bitch any publicity for free by responding because that would give her more publicity in one week than if she spent ten years shaving her head and sticking cucumbers up her pussy on 106 and Park- oh no ma'am- I'll just go back to making Shawn some Hamburger Helper, oh who the fuck is pulling up in the driveway- that better not be Neyo asking for those cheques again."

That's what Icons do.
Icons dont diss other artists or even other Icons because that's what the Icons fans are for.
Mariah Carey responding to a diss track.
Mariah Carey- the woman who has spent nearly 20 years on the top of the charts dissing somebody.
What- is your first name Etta and your last name James?
What you need to do is go back into vocal training so your voice doesn't sound like your constantly telling secrets.
You need to be concerned about the fact that you can barely raise a smile without your eyebrow turning into your hairline.
If you were REALLY concerned about Eminem's "Obsession", you would have asked someone to speak with him privately to sort it out, but since your husband's pussy is bigger than yours, that never happened.

Because you responded he's exposing shit that he would have never exposed in the first place. And it's no suprise to me that Perez is defending you- he's just scared those pictures of him getting fisted by Bow Wow are going to leak anyday soon.
In fact- I can't even call Eminem immature for saying what's true- and I'll tell you why:

Eminem would have to be very creative to fabricate those stories about Mariah and judging from his last album, creativity isn't his thing.

Now For Joe Jackson:
You know your son? The dead one? He didn't fuck anybody over the age of 13.
So the kid is not his son.
Neither is Prince.
Or Paris.
Duvet or Quilt.
Not none of them.
How can you say that the three white kids are his kids and then turn to a black man and say that's his son too, wouldn't whatever made the three white kids white make the black man white too?
You need to stop wearing those shirts that make your stomach look like it's trying to fight somebody.
You look like an Owl.
Jermaine's face looks like burnt wax.

Ciao.

So you want to know who I really am

2009-07-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzLKW9mH2Iw&feature=related

5:24

Earth, Wind and Fever

2009-07-29T04:38:00.000-07:00

Your face looks like it was put together by Frankenstein's creative director.
The last time you had sex was when both your hands were functioning properly.
You spent your prom night sitting alone at a table dressed in your mothers multicolored wedding dress watching all the hot guys and girls bump and grind to this song:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU

You're late.
You're tired.
You're never on time
Don't talk to me like that- have you lost your mind.

?
Mean? Me? Oh no honey? I'm just doing my job- sweetie.
And you? You spend your entire day watching The Kardashians hoping to prove your "Kim's Azz is fake" theory so you can hop onto Twitter to share your findings with other ugly ass Sandra Rose tribute acts.

I already discussed this briefly, but you bitches are stubborn, you still want to talk smack about she who shall not be talked smack about.

If Kim's ass is fake- that is HER business- why do black girls think that only they are entitled to extremely large derriere's and get mad when someone who isn't black has a bigger bootay than them.
Even if her ass is fake- she still looks better than you- your face is so flat that Cassie's voice is jealous of it. Your ass is covered in so much cellulite you might as well stick a COTTAGE CHEESE HERE sign on it.
Your pussy lips look like they've had botox.
Your teeth look like a scattered fork.
When you open your legs- people assume the fish market is open.
That's what I think of you. That's what your mother thinks of you. And if Oprah met you- that's what she would tell you.

And to that FoxxFiles guy on Twitter:

1. Nothing stopped anybody (not even your tangy ass) from buying Kelly's records.
2. If you knew about the records and didn't buy them, then the same reasons you came up with not to buy them were the same reasons that everybody else came up with not to buy them.

3. Because you dissed Beyonce' on Tuesday which is only two days from Sunday, I couldn't get spicy on your ass because it was only two days from Church but today is Wednesday and I am willing to put aside my Christianity for one hour to throw a shade bomb straight out of Hell on your overweight ass, your face is so wide it's giving the frame around your photo stretch marks.
Mmmkay.

That's enough spice for one day. Until then I'd like to introduce you to a good friend of mine and and old accquaintance of Chingy's:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0K84NFBJ5M

(DISCLAIMER: Anybody allergic to Spice and Fever should turn away now)

If you value your ass hole you'll do what I say

2009-07-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

Rashanda: I fucking hate Beyonce- she so fake.
Beyonce Fan: Whatever- she still shits on all 15 of your favourite artists and their mommas.
Rashanda: If she wasn't lite skinned, ain't nobody would want her- she so fake.
Beyonce' Fan: Cool- she still shits on the artists you grew up listening to.
Rashanda: I'm glad Jennifer Hudson won the Oscar and not FakeOnce', JHud is the best and a better singer than wigonce'
Beyonce Fan: Oh is it? bring out Jennifer's record- i want to listen.
Rashanda: I don't have it.
Beyonce' Fan: Didn't you say she was the best.
Rashanda: Yes.
BeyonceFan: And didn't you say she's better than Beyonce'.
Rashanda: Oh hell yeah.
BeyonceFan: But you didn't buy her record?
Rashanda: No.
BeyonceFan: I see.

You see the fuckery.
Yous see the dumbass bullshit.

That's all I have to say about that- you find your own meaning in that conversation.

But now for the shade (Mya look away)

Mya announced JUST NOW on Twitter that she will be releasing a new record called Sugar And Spice.
Now you see, I honestly believe there are some people who like making a fool out of themselves, who like being the butt of all the jokes, so Mya because I lost 13 pounds doing the routine you did in Case Of The X in my room and because you've succesfully beaten Brandy in being the most outdated and unsuccesful 90s diva (since the 90s). I'm going to give you some advice:

TURN THE FUCKING MIC OFF!

Bitch is you crazy- you know what happened the last time. A flop single, a record which noone is even sure came out, getting laughed at by Dick, Tom and Harrison Ford, why do it yourself, why go through it again?
Mya (sigh) nobody wants to see you get hurt, you don't need any more embarrasement, if you release a record, I'll be forced to post your first week sales which will be so low that a man with three fingers would have no problem counting how many records you sold on one hand.
I'm begging you girl- don't do it. If you're looking for a job I can help you out, here's what you have to do.

This evening, Keri Hilson is performing in the same venue that my Uncle Alberta had his wedding reception, you will buy this product :http://www.gericarepharm.com/images/441-25.gif and slip it into Ms.Hilson's Kool Aid, stir twice and chant "hakunamatata" ten times and then wait for her to come back to her dressing room.
When her clown looking ass sees you she will assume you are there to ask if you would like to join her on her Keri Hilson Experience Tour Sponsored By Chicken Inn, you will smile and say something like "oh girl im so busy" and then you will encourage her to drink the drink, you will then watch as her stomach gets looser than Lil Kim's labia and shit uncontrollably. She'll be shitting so hard, her asshole would look like all the colors of the motherfucking rainbow.
You will then twitpic this and send it to me so my Twitter friends and I can laugh at it and then blackmail Keri with this letter.

14 Ass BackWard House

Irrelevant Hating Ass Hoe Alley

Commercially Unsuccesful Street

"insert satirical zipcode"

Dear Keri "Big Bird" Hilson.

This letter is regarding some photos of you we have obtained shitting recklessly in your dressing room, I have these pictures saved and stored on my Acer and have Necole Bitchie's email adress saved in my inbox from the time I sent in those photos of Ciara tucking her cock in between her legs and then using ducktape to keep it attatched to her stomach. I swear on the muticolored tombstone of James Brown that I will send these photos to Necole IF you do not write an entire song apologising to Mrs.KFC (Knowles Carter Fierce) for those assbackwards comments you made about her in your song- whatever the fuck it was called.

If you do not comply, we will send these photos in to MediaTakeout, Bossip and even to Perez whom I have heard is into that kind of shit.

I will also write a formal letter of complaint to your mother requesting an explanation as to how and why she allowed herself to be insemintated with your father's sperm which created you when that sperm could have been used to dry Alicia Key's acne. Also- if you do not cooperate, I will have Barney, Spongebob Square and Sheila E arrive at your place of work everyday. I will give them clear instructions to throw the carcasses of deceased domesticated animals at you until you apologise.

If you still refuse to apologise, I will simply lace your drink with Mz.Tina's Love To Love You Baby Love Potion and when you drink it you will fall in love with the first person you see who I will make sure will be Rick Ross.

I am sorry to be so harsh and cruel, but a PopSlut's got to do what an evil bitch has got to do.

If you would like more information about my demands please contact the following:

That'sAGoodLookBetterYetAGoodLook@PussyConnect.Com

Thankyou.

Shut your mouth, close your legs, play a piano.

2009-07-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

So i'm at home sitting behind my keyboard getting brain from some toothless bitch I met at the dentist and after I finished unloading in the toothless' bitches jaw, I asked myself, "Self, I wonder if Alicia Keys takes golden showers- it would explain that dirty yellow complexion". I tweeted this thought to my best friend (in my head) Lil Creole pimp who laughed, and then sighed and then went back to laughing at Solange's haircut and then I decided that today's post is going to be all about afrocentric piano playing husband snatching hoes.

When a producer looks into the eyes of his commercially unsuccesful wife and says "Mashonda- I promise to love you till death do us part" then that producer should mean it. That producer shouldn't then start giving facials to piano playing singers he has no business being in contact with especially when the music that producer produces has no link whatsoever to the music that the piano playing cum swallowing afro centric singer puts out.

To think that people like Kim Kardashian get called hoes when there are adulterating, abominating, discombombolating sluts like Alicia going the rounds on other women's husbands.
To think Swizz Beats had the cheek to DM me on Twitter calling ME out when he's the one who's been been unfaithful.

That shit don't sit right with me.
That shit shouldn't sit right with anybody.

And BET give this bitch a Humanitarian Award- aren't they the same cats who are always promoting family values? Yet they'll give an award to a bitch who has no problem spreading her chunky ass Pillars of motherfucking Babylon looking legs for a married man.

I'm not saying that Swizz Beatz isn't too blame- but I believe that as a woman you should always think "how would i feel if my fellow woman did that to me?".

Men are stupid- we all know that.

It's why Clinton saw no problem getting teabagged by that fat intern.
And it's why SuperHead is married (I'll leave the CumStained One alone now)
But as a woman you should think "You know what- I bleed like this bitch does- I go through the same struggles she does- so there's no way I can take her husband and a father away from a family."

Now I'm sure that if Swizz Beats wasn't having an affair with Alicia- he would have done it with somebody else, but this bitch is talking about how she thinks every woman is a SuperWoman and always talking about how important it is to support your fellow bitch- but yet she sleeps with a man with a ring on his finger.
She sleeps with a man with a child and a wife.

Slut.
Whore.
Bitch.
Beyonce' would never do that shit. Miss Tina will circumcise a bitch for doing that shit.

It seems to me that the black sub culture has become so smitten with Alicia's "Biracial and Proud Of it" persona that even when she commits a crime that results in their being an absence of a responsible father in the home of a young child, they turn a blind eye to it.
Would you buy her record if it was your man she stole?

And as for BET? I'm not suprised they were able to ignore Alicia's husband grabbing ways- after all- they are the pioneers of double standards- refusing to play Michelle William's Break The Dawn video because it was "too pop" but then dedicate entire shows to the release of 7 new pop singles released by LeCreoleFierceIconExtradonaireCarter.

So here is my advice for Alicia:
1. The next time you are possessed by whatever demon possesses your acne ridden body to bend over for married man- get a needle and thread and sew the pussy up- sew the pussy up. Hoe.

2. Swizz Beats- I sincerely hope you catch The Crabs or the Lobsters- whichever makes your dick itch more.

3. Mashonda- capitalise on this. Get on the cover of Ebony, start an "anti-aduletery" campaign, get into the studio, record a record, do shit, achieve shit, show your son what it means to be a responsible adult.

4. Estelle- talk shit about Rihanna again and you'll end up like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D__oa4NqP-c&feature=channel

Now I'm going to talk about Kim Kardashian:
It has come to my twittattention that Kim and Reggie- the King and Queen of Swirl Love have seperated.
Now- here are my thoughts on people who have negative stuff to say about Kim:

1. Are you mad that your boyfriend is too busy lubing up your mother's cobweb ridden pussy with vaseline to make an appearance on your tv show?

2. Are you mad that Kim has been able to capitalise on a mistake that she made, whilst you're still aren't sure how much your pussy warts will be worth on E-bay?

3. Are you a Ray J fan (sigh) whose mad that the sex tape still did nothing to help Ray J become any more relevant but helped propel Kim's career?

Don't be mad at somebody for being smart enough to make the best out of a bad situation, don't be mad at her for looking the way that you wished you looked and don't be mad at her for having a face and a body that makes you look like Ursula from the Little Mermaid.

If you can nod your head to a husband snatching harlot and moonwalk to a suspected pervet then you can sure as hell find it in your hearts to stop hating a woman whose done nothing wrong.

A Hoe In Need is a Hoe Indeed

2009-07-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

If a hoe decides that she wants to get spitroasted in a public toilet. That is her business.
If a hoe decides that she wants to give it up to some old guy for cash. That is her business.
And if a hoe decides that she wants to stick a turkey baster in her ass and scream "stick it to me fo'ward". Then that is her business.
But when a hoe decides that she wants to write a book about all the famous people she has blown, fucked, bashed and eaten out and release it for public viewing- then it becomes everyone's business.

If you don't want people to call you a hoe, dont write books about being a hoe and then get your pantyhose in a kerfuffle when you are reminded that the only reason people know who you are is because you are a hoe.
Don't say shit like "I wrote it as therapy to help younger girls" because the only thing younger girls need to know what to do with their mouths is to sing the Lord's praises, not swallow two pints of urban cum.
A hoe by any other name is still a hoe.
To put your sons face in the book in which you explicity describe how you fucked your way through Hollywood shows how negligent and selfish you are. What happens in ten years time when your son brings his friend's home to play his PS10.5 and they realise that his mother is the same hoe their older brothers used to jack off too.
You can write as many books as you like with as many graphic illustrations as you please- but your pussyhole is still wider than the circumference of Robyn F's forehead.

When it comes to you fucking with married men- I don't agree with that- it's wrong on both parts, but all you are doing is showing how stupid and desperate the wives of these rappers are when they stay with the men and say shit like "you may have had him for the night- but i've got the ring".
I'm sure you do:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiMoYrchbhs

Karrine- you're a slut. Embrace it. It's what made you your money. You've managed to get married, you've managed to clean out all of Da Brat's pubic hair from your teeth and you actually look quite respectable.
But you're still a hoe. So get on your knees- suck some more dick- write about it and accept what you are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0fZD3mlWw8

And you can tell your mother I said that.

2009-07-25T15:46:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that some people didn't appreciate the way I called Bow Wow's mother overweight in my last blog and how i called Chris Brown's mother a "dumb- ass country bitch" (i think that's what I said) in the post before that.

Here were some of things I was told about those particular examples:

"I don't LIKE they way you called out their moms- it was mean- they ain't done nuthin 2 u"

"Why you think you gats the right to call people's mamas fat bitches- i don't LIKE your sorry ass"

"Fuck you and your blog- ain't nobody LIKE you anyway".

Notice the key word in all three of those fictional but representative comments "LIKE". Some people didn't LIKE it. Well let me tell you something about your like.

If what you liked mattered- Christina Milian wouldn't be eating out The Dream's hairy ass hole as we speak.

If what you liked mattered- Beyonce' would be laying underneath some overweight, overpaid and underendowed producer trying to get him to give her beats for free:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx_pDUFYD_Y

And my dear- if what you liked mattered En Vogue and TLC would currently be on their "OutDated and Lovin' It" World Tour for which the supporting acts would be Adinah Howard and Foxy Brown (is it with 1 x or 2x's- or is it just more fitting of her persona to just use 3xxx's).

I don't care if you don't like me.
I didn't care when Rihanna fired me
And I sure as hell didn't care when Shontelle hired me.

But i'll tell you what I do care about: http://www.youtube.com/user/Bee318ti
Man- I've been turning tricks for this dude in my dreams ever since that Keri Hilson video and since then we have become lovers on Twitter, i say something like "would you like to put it in my mouth" and he replies something like "lol".

I know what "lol" means.

It means "I want to do it but my other bitches might get jealous so I'll need to meet this PopBitch in some secret location tonight at 8" (please?)

But I've digressed.
Let's get back onto people's mommas.
Since talking slick about the mother's of artists who couldn't even sell underage genitalia to Michael Jackson has gotten me some much deserved attention- I'm just gonna keep on doing it for the rest of this post.

Ashanti's Mom:
Mrs. Douglas- we know you love your girls, you proved that when you tied yourself to the car of Irv Gotti and offered your dignified vagistiana to him so he would sign Ashanti to 15MinutesUp.Inc but overfeeding your children is not only dangerous but selfish:http://www.pastrykicks.com/v5/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/ashanti-and-shia-doua1b6391.jpg
Are you happy that both your daughters look like bloated Turkey's, huh? Are you?.
Don't you realise that there are kids in Africa who ain't got shit to eat until that white witch swoops down from the skies once a year and adopts one of them and re-names them:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgGLjNMEVR4.
Obesity is a crime Mrs.Douglas - get your shit together.

Omar"TangGamePrecise"Rion's Mom:
If your sons come home limping every time they come back from a playdate with their manager and you don't see anything strange then you deserved to be slapped, or kicked or whatever it is you do to exact revenge in that town of yours.
That shit is filthy and it was going right underneath your nose- is you dumb bitch? or were you just blinded by the money that was being thrown at you. The worst part about it is that they got fucked in the ass for nothing- both your sons chart at number 6. and 7 on the list of r'n'b male artists who are more irrelevant to pop culture than Mario.
In case you don't get what I'm talking about:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q51iSywdoec

Beyonce's Mom:
God Bless You. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfY0k3NeOF0

K.Coles Mom:
So you see when you go to a club and then a song that everyone loves comes on and you and your homebody Raquan decide to do the choreography you learnt to Circumcise Dat Hoe in the middle of the dance floor but when you get there you see some old fool making a fool of themselves in the spot you hoped to dance in: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kRVkFPqZBc
If K.Cole wasn't so important to r'n'b music I would have said more.

Brandy's Mom:
An irrelevant daughter with a heavy foot and an irrelevant son who holds the record for consistently being an embarrasment in whatever he does for more than a decade. You must be so proud.

New York's Mom:
I knew I recognised her from somewhere and I couldn't place it, until: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64M6Ur6NfQ4&feature=related

Before I go, I'd like to send an urgent message to Christina Milian:

Congratulations on your wedding proposal, but please dont for a second get to thinking that being married to one of the world's best writers is going to do anything for your dead career. Stick to having your friends take photos of you and your man leaving restaurants dressed in shit that Big Bird throught out to GoodWill and then have them send the photos to Bossip.

Kindest Regards

The Pop Whore.

He who lives in an irrelevant house should not throw stones

2009-07-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

A bitch decides to shave off her hair.
You complain when a bitch has too much hair:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj-K6ysoZOI
You complain when a bitch has too little hair:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOhBlCuKSBQ

That's cool.
But I tell you what else would be cool- if people who actually mattered to anything commented on bitches cutting off their hair instead of irrelevant "rappers" who spend their entire day on Twitter and their entire night sending photos of themselves to MediaTakeOut in the hope it will increase their relevance:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1YaxX5noFg

So here's where I get a whole load of shit and put it in front of a motherfucking wind turbine.

Bow Wow:
When you release a record that doesn't go Triple Cardboard that's when you can comment on somebody cutting their hair on Twitter. When you're biggest achievement stops being posting videos of yourself talking about sluts with your fellow male irrelevants- that's when you can talk about somebody cutting their hair on Twitter. And when you realise that your only fans consist of that overweight mother of yours, your absent father who is jacking off to your album art work, Omar"TangGamePrecise"Rion and Soulja Boy- that's when you comment on Solange cutting her hair off.

You want to know why:
http://www.therundown.tv/headlines/music-headlines/bow-wow-flops-hard-with-new-jack-city-ii-album/
http://sandrarose.com/2009/04/07/bow-wow-a-flop-of-epic-proportions/
http://www.hiptics.com/2009/04/09/bow-wows-rap-career-is-over-3-reasons-why-new-jack-city-ii-flopped/
http://globalgrind.com/content/571778/We-Run-sht-Bow-Wow-Flops-Like-a-Fish-Out-Of-Water/
http://portal.musicmakerecording.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=377:bow-wows-latest-album-major-flop-&catid=1:latest-news&Itemid=50
http://vodpod.com/watch/957769-bow-wow-responds-to-game-clowining-big-time

Soulja Boy:
I'm not suprised that it was MediaTakeOut who posted your Tweets about Solange today- after all it is YOU who sent them in directly to them- same way all those photos of you with your mother's strap on attatched to your size 20 waist got sent to them. What you need to do is focus on how you can start making music that doesn't depend on the ignorance and stupidity of a minority group within the black sub culture to chart. What you need to do is be concerned about the fact that the most succesful chart position you've had in the past year was on 106 And HoodRat. The Tattoos don't make you look like a man.
Your face looks like a swollen placenta.
Your body looks like a twiglet on steroids.
And your music is- I won't go there.
In case you don't get what I'm saying here, please click on any of the below links and feel free to join hands with Bow Wow and stick your heads into a gas filled oven:

http://showhype.com/story/soulja_boy_s_platinum_in_a_week_campaign_flopped_in/
http://blogs.sohh.com/atlanta/2008/12/soulja_boys_15.html
http://allhypenohope.blogspot.com/2008/12/only-955000-more-to-go-soulja-boyflop.html
http://www.industryfinest.com/news/headlines/soulja-boys-new-album-expected-to-flop.html
http://www.rapbasement.com/soulja-boy/021809-soulja-boy-says-he-will-make-money-from-ringtones-instead-of-album-sales-as-his-album-flops.html

And as for you LaTavia:
You're still walking in the Boulevard Of Broken Dreams:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmcMepDC5x8
Your career is as lifeless as Joe Jackson's lower face and the last time you were on stage it was Open Mic Night at Club SAD (SUCK A DICK)

You tried to start your own group but that failed.
You tried to release a record but that failed.
You tried to lose weight but:http://concreteloop.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/latavia6.jpg
And then you tried to hate on little Solange- the Solange you used to help Beyonce' babysit whilst Tina was out playing bingo with The Our Lady Of Creole Soul 45 Piece Choir of Houston, Texas- you dead azz wrong LaTavia, but it's cool but this is how you're going to end up:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Ballard

Stupid Shit Part Deux.

2009-07-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

Diss Tracks are for Newbies whose records are released a year after originally scheduled.
Diss Tracks are for people who have nothing to talk about.
Diss Tracks aren't for women who are supposed to be icons.
Number 11 Mariah?
Number 23 Mariah?

You see- when you decided to respond to an artist who isn't half as iconic as you- you paid the price with a single with dissapointing chart performances.

I actually thought it would debut at Number 1.
But I also thought it was impossible to get pregnant after getting fucked in the ass until last month.
I actually thought it would debut in the top ten EVEN after you made a jackass out of yourself at that guy's memorial service.
Get a clue Mimi.
Cut the crap Mimi.
Fuck The Whisper Register Mimi.

I guess you want us accept your apology, right.

2009-07-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

You didn't seem so sorry when you and that fake ass no talent excuse for a music executive/"rapper" leaked to the press that you and her would be meeting at that fake ass no talent excuse for a music executive/"rappers" house.

You didn't seem so sorry when you said "I'm Not a Monster" in your Vlog.

You didn't seem so sorry when a few days later after choking, biting, pulling, punching a 21 year old lady, you were seen hanging out and joking around with your fellow fake ass r'n'b thugs on some beach checking out the asses of dumb bitches your publicists paid to be on the beach so they could take pictures of you looking at the asses of the dumb bitches so people would stop calling your fake ass r'n'b thug friends gay.

And you didn't seem so sorry in your fake ass apology.
You were reading it.
You had rehearsed it.
You and Tina chopped, screwed, worked, reversed and twerked it.
You think I'm stupid?
You think everybody is stupid?
Let me tell you what you should with your sorry.

You can stick it up your anustacia. Stick it up your fucking anustacia.
You can take your fake ass apology, use it to lube your dick and stick it in Teyana Taylor's hairy mouth.
You can take your fake ass apology, turn it into a song and put Ike Turner on the credits.

And Rihanna:
That's what you get for trying to use a relationship as a promotional campaign. When you lie with a dog- you'll get fleas. And when you exploit your relationship to gain attention- it will turn around and bite you in your ass.
And as for Chris' mother- if you were a real woman you would come out and talk about what your son did- talk about how dissapointed you are in your son, how much it hurt to hear your son had did to his girlfriend what a man had done to you many years before- dumb ass bitch.

And ladies- reserve your pussy for a real man.
A real man who takes care of you- who loves you.
A real man who puts it in the ass because you really like it even though he would rather put it in the fish tank.

So that's your excuse for being ugly?

2009-07-19T14:27:00.000-07:00

"Oh you should see her without her makeup on"
"Girl- she ain't that hot without her weave"
"They can make anybody look like Cinderella in Hollywood"

Go to any school in any major Western City where the ratio of girls with names that end with the suffix- Esha to girls who do not have a name with the suffix-Esha is 5:1 and you'll find a group of people who have convinced themselves that every single female artist of color looks like Ursula without make up and that they're only pretty because of teams of magicians and stylists turn them into covergirls.

For real?

Is that your excuse for being 5 foot nothing and looking like the love child of T-Pain and Ivana Trump?

You see- if artists had some secret that made them turn from the ugly duckling into a Beyonce'- you don't think they would have packaged it up and have Rihanna squirt her CoverGirl juices all over it?
Artists are signed because they are naturally beautiful, we know this because if record labels wanted to sign ugly girls so they could turn them into beautiful megastars- YOU would have a record deal but since you're reading this whilst breastfeeding 9 month old baby Rashambalaqua, we both know that is not the case.

Record labels dont just sign pretty girls- they sign stunning girls- girls you wouldn't usually see walking down the street to make it easier to present the idea that the star is some sort of super-human because the average consumer does not go to school with someone as stunning as Lady Gaga or Jennifer Lopez or dare i say- Keri Hilson.

Every single artist you see was signed because of their natural image AS WELL as other factors which is why you'll find that a lot of new artists are already well known and respected in certain social scenes because of their astounding look.

These hot girls are signed because in a society which judges people according to their physical appearance it make sense to sign hot girls and dudes to sell lots of records (perhaps J.lo and Keri Hilson were bad examples), so when I hear ugly people say shit like "Beyonce' would be so ugly without that wig, she think she's white- thats why the wig is always blonde or light brown- you know she's bald right?" I say the following:

1. Beyonce' is hotter than ten of the hottest girls on the charts put together- so even with out without her lace de la front, she's still shitting on you.

2. You wear a weave- do you look "so ugly" without it?

3. So the color of someone's hair determines the race they want to be?

Listen, what an individual decides to do with their own scalp is their business, but i will say this- everybody and I mean EVERYBODY does shit to enhance their appearance, so i'm not suprised that you are mad that after you permed your shitlocks, cleared your cum stained face, found a way to hide your stretch marks and dropped down three jean sizes- you are mad at Beyonce' for being beautiful naturally.
The girls in the music industry are the girls you hated at school- the girls who looked like they were dressed by a team of stylists before they came to school and made you look like shit even on a bad day, you hate these girls- they made your life hell- any guy you liked wanted to fuck THEM.
THEY are the girls everyone was desperate to sit next to in class.
THEY are the girls who you'd stalk on Myspace to see what party they were at and who they were bumping vaginas with.
And now THEIR music is charting at number 1 on the charts, their face on the cover of magazines and cosmetics you can't afford to buy and that's why you hate them. You know they're beautiful with or without the weaves, the lipgloss, the mascara, the neck, the back, the pussy and the crack and it kills you that there's nothing you can do about it.

That's why you're a hater.
That's why you rush home everyday from school and run onto Bossip in the hope that THEY were caught leaving somewhere without anything on their face so you could feel a little better about yourself.
If you spent a little more time perfecting yourself instead of worrying about what THEY look like then maybe you wouldn't be combing out cobwebs from your pussy hair.
Confused?
Perplexed?
Discombombolated?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMg5SRr8gZQ

Stupid shit

2009-07-18T03:43:00.000-07:00

It's The 2008 Grammy's, Rihanna is announced as the winner of the BestSung/Rap Colloboration and she runs to Jay Z, pulls him from next to his wife and Sasha (who has at this point taken the form of Solange).
What would you have done if you were Beyonce'?

Grab that little Basian Bitch by her hair, run up and collect her award and smash it against your thigh?

Smile and wait for her in the parking lot after the show and alongside Tina Turner give her a Rolling In The River Beat Down.

Or option C: Wait till she has an album coming out and release yours on the same day- forcing her to go back to Bar-bay-dose and take up the life of a weed-smoking pig choking dutty whining housewife.

You see, to hate on Rihanna for not being on the level of Beyonce' is stupid when NOBODY or NOTHING will ever be on Beyonce's level.
How can you pride yourself in being the fan of the best entertainer of the last decade because nobody can compete with her and then hate on someone for not being able to live up to an impossible standard.

This current pop culture era was not made for Beyonce- it was made for Rihanna because if it was made for Beyonce', the only artists who would be competing with Beyonce' on the charts would be artists who could sing, dance, entertain, smile, endorse, grunt, act, achieve shit, flick their hair and scratch their pussies all at the same time, but that is not the case.

This current pop culture era has been dumbed down so much that the kids of today think that Hannah Montana is the greatest entertainer around because they've been taught not to expect much.
If the kids of today had a lick of good sense- Disney Channel would not exist- neither would Soulja Boy and neither would Rihanna but because some media industries have succeeded in exploiting the stupidity of modern audiences, Disney Channel thrives, Rihanna is relevant and Soulja Boy is.... I'm sorry- i tried.

This current pop culture era is full of artists who are good at one thing but really bad at the other or just bad at everything. See list below.

Ciara
Beauty: 10/10
Dance Technique:10/10
Commercial Appeal:N/A
Vocals: See Janet Jackson
Quality of Music: N/A
Acting: N/A

As you can see Ciara is indeed very beautiful- which is why she has a modelling contract not because she is commercially appealing, (81,000 units in first week sales is anything but commercially appealing) but because she is beautiful. Ciara has her dance technique down but like Janet Jackson, Ciara is obsessed with telling secrets because all she seems to do is whisper.
The Quality of her music is Non Applicable because Ciara does not have music, she just has sounds, Ciara after five years has not been able to find a sound that works and sells for her which is why people can't take her seriously. Which is why she still hasn't had her own tour when Lady Gaga and Katy Perry who both debuted last year- both are currently headlining their own tours as well as opening up for the other artists. I can't tell you if Ciara can act because like 89% of the world's population, I have not seen Mama I'm Trying To Sing

Mariah "Glitter" Cannon
Beauty: Plastic
Dance Technique: Pardon?
Commercial Appeal: Uncertain
Vocals: 1990-1999
Quality of Music: 10/10
Acting: Why you got to goes there?

Mariah was beautiful and was as fresh as Shontelle's accent but since the beginning of the decade Mariah has been looking more like Malibu Barbie (The Overweight Edition) than the Mariah who could make old men want to trap her up in steel towers. Her dance technique is to not move at all which is why I was almost arrested by my cardiac when I saw her in that Obsessed video actually walking more than five paces without exploding.
Her quality of music is versatile, to go from Vision of Love to Touch My Body effortlessly is commendable as only a few artists can do that, so bravo Mariah but that won't stop your new record slipping off the charts in its second week of release.
Mariah's acting is erm- the only way Mariah can get away with acting is if she says very little- very slowly like in her new movie, Precious which looks amazing even more so now that I know Sandra Rose is playing the title role:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx-3jYJkUWQ

Rihanna
Beauty: 10/10
Dance Technique: The Umbrella Twirl and The Side Eye
Commercial Appeal: 10/10
Vocals: Eh-eh
Quality of Music: Predictably Unpredictable
Acting: We'll find out next year.

Since Mellisa still hasnt paid me for all those compliments i've been bestowed upon Rihanna, I refuse to evaluate her any further- however I will say this, if there was an award going for the artist who has succesfully been able to get to the top ten with vocals that sound like a goat being fisted by The Hulk over hot dance tracks- Rihanna would win it.

Beyonce
Beauty:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGrq1SzkHs0&feature=channel
Dance Technique:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj3GjwAxeXw
Commericial Appeal:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QVWwrZyz7o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beMeO6HELDI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FNle_yPCLQ&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1RYGmGWfQI&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1L2CF3YDMcs&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLQZ1mSiIgA&feature=related

Vocals:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj3MlWjwL9w
Quality of Music:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ns3GN5VAcVc
Acting:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8fiKuM-eN4&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEE44O0Ma6Q

You is making this bitch very proud

2009-07-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

I won't say much- but i will say this.
A bitch doesnt have to have talent or artistic credibility to be a bad bitch in this era, you have to have talent, artistic credibility and the surname KFC (Knowles-Carter Fierce) to be Bad Ass, Kick Ass Pop Icon MegaBeast Extradonaire.
But i know a bad bitch when I sees one.
You see how i'm talkin in ebonics- that's how bad I am.
This bitch who Im talking about just upped the ante of the fever scale today.
To look at an artist less succesful and less talented than you and take the style she tried to make famous and use it to gain publicity over yourself is the kind of shit that a bad bitch does.

Cassie is probably too busy lubricating Diddy's ass for Que to notice that she has been swagger-jacked.

Papa Camel knew what he was doing when he signed you girl.
http://www.mediatakeout.com/2009/34195-rihanna_pulls_a_cassie__shaves_the_side_of_her_head.html

The Douglas/Harris Centre For The Development Of .....

2009-07-17T01:39:00.000-07:00

Is your career flopping harder than an 87 year old man who has run out of little blue pills.

When you announce you're releasing a new record- do Makael and Skorpion burst out into laughter and then sigh.

Was your last hit single released before Effie at all the cakes in DreamGirls.

Is your name T-Boz?

If so, then welcome to The Douglas/Harris Centre For The Development Of... - a foundation created by Sister Douglas (the mother of Eddie Monster) and Mrs. Harris (the proud of mother of the first pre-op transexual in Contemporary R'n'b Music)

The Centre- which is based in lower Yugoslavia was founded after both mother's realised the careers of their daughters were going nowhere after 2004 and decided to help other fallen "divas".
At the Douglas/Harris Centre expert advice and care is provided to the artists of the world who have faced either a lack of fan belief, record label belief or self belief. We also provide an after care service- which includes:

1. Accompanying artists to The Bet Awards and consoling them as they watch Rihanna spend all the money set aside for their album on an elaborate set and recycled hair cuts.

2. Assisting artists in getting jobs on Hot 97 so they can air their ignorant views on Beyonce' and other artists more succesful than themselves.

3. Getting them small cameo appearances in the music videos of rappers who are just as unfortunate as themselves.

Past and Present Artists Who Have Spent Much Needed Time At The Centre Are:

1. Miss Jones (who was at the time Miss Jones In The Evening due to her insatiable love for midnight snacks)
2. T-Boz
3. Chilli (Left Eye actually got to release solo material)
4. Brandy
5. Monica
6. Cam'ron
7. The Vandellas of Martha and The Vandellas.
8. Tweet
9. Blu Cantrell
10. Meagan Rochelle
11. Mya
12. Sheila E.
13. All three members of Vanity 6.
14. Paula Abdul
15. LaToya Jackson
16. Mario
17. Bow Wow
18. Lil Romeo
19. Rock Steady Cru
20. Shontelle (To enter ending of August)
21. Billy Ocean
22. Betty River
23. Beatrice Waterfall

We also equip our clients with the neccesary skills to survive Beyonceitis such as a list of things NOT to say in an interview with Pride Magazine such as:

"Singers should stick to singing so embarrasing actors like me can get some much needed attention because my mortgage needs paying"

We also show our clients the consequences of such ass backwards comments:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufltlRgREoY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4WXuqpiM4U&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_EPgzAa98c&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLXDMOfDgXc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lg451hKIIo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ToH-2Qfy5I&feature=fvsr

So It's Come To This.

2009-07-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

So you thought what you said would make a difference.

But you're still number 14 on the list of people you WOULDN'T recognise unless your .name ended with suffix- Quana.

I'm not suprised.

It was too be expected.

Nas did it, Santana's bitch did it and now you did it- you wanted to play the Game, but you'll end up the same way they did- irrelevant.

You spent your entire Christmas on Media Take Out and Bossip gathering enough faux information about him, about his lips, broke into New York's OutOfTheHood and Lovin' It computer system to find out how old he was, you even went on Maury to find out who his father was so you could interview him and ask questions like "So did your son show any signs of faggotry when he was a baby?".
And after all your hard work, all that schemeing, styling and profilin'- you decided to get at him, even offering to let him suck your dick and when that didn't work- you did the unthinkable, the dumbest shit anybody who wants to stay employed in this business can do, you got at Beyonce- is this how you want to end up:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmcMepDC5x8

You claimed that Beyonce' was as loose as the skin on your face by suggesting that she was getting dickdowned by every basketball team in Texas. Now since your main source of news is MediaTakeOut I am not suprised that this is the diss you came up with, but let me spray you with some facts:

1. Beyonce' can afford to have your hoodrat ass dropped.
2. Even if Beyonce' was a hoe and did fuck all those guys- it would have happened more than a decade ago around the same time Brandy stopped achieving shit, to use something which might not be true AND which is more than a decade old to get at someone only shows the height of your ignorance.

3. I'd be mad too if i was dating Mya. Think about how mad you'd be if you woke every morning next to Mya and when you asked, "so whatchu doin today?", she replied, "erm- I think I might just watch some of my old videos on Youtube and scratch my pussy all day", knowing full well that when Jay Z asks Beyonce' on how she plans to spend her day, her reply is, "I don't even have time to answer this question- I've got to get my hair sprayed by Ashanti whilst I'm in the Limo on my way to the airport- where I will fly to Bengal and put on a free show for all the little poor ethnic kids whilst promoting my new Bollywood record- Curried Creole, then I'll jump back on the jet and fly out to New York where I will premiere 7 new singles and then sit on Tyra's couch pretending to be flattered by endless compliments- I just hope that bitch doesnt touch my hair like she the last time I was there- does she know how long it takes to keep that thing neat- then I'll go into the studio with Jonte' and learn a complex routine on the first go and then shoot another 6 new songs which i will leak to get my legions of fans to get their fruity asses wet in the pup for my next record which will come out two weeks after my Oscar nominated bio-pic called Beyonce- Too Good To Be True, then I'll think I'll come home and ride your disco stick, how about you?".

The Game, instead of concentrating on the lip size of someone who is more succesful, more relevant and far more influential than you- you need to worry about the fact that your new album is going to go Triple Polystyrene.

Bitch.

DeNia- ILE

2009-07-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

I'd be mad too.
She shits on all her contemporaries in the music industry and just when you thought you career was safe, she started shitting on you too. Don't hate the player Nia- hate the game. Let me give you an equation.

Nia + Movie= Straight To Dvd.
Beyonce+ Movie= Box Office Number 1, Oscar Nominations, Rave reviews (shut the fuck up-Obsessesd was a great movie).

You see Nia, Beyonce' has what you call the relevant factor, you however are the thesbian version of Brandy, you're relevance has been dead since before Clinton was getting tea bagged by that intern.
If Beyonce' couldnt act- they wouldn't cast her in movies because a big name doesnt always equal to a big movie- for example Halle Berry in Catwoman/J.lo in Gigli/ Alicia Keys and Jennifer Hudson in The Secret Life Of AfroCentric Outdated Divas.

You're angry because it would be easier to hate someone who couldn't act because then you could walk away with your artistic credibility- but you can't because Beyonce' can act and Nia- I don't blame you for being mad at someone doing what you're used to doing and doing it better and making more from it. I'd be mad too.

Michael was innocent- I just know it.

2009-07-13T13:55:00.000-07:00

I state a fact.
I state the obvious.
I state the shit that you spent 15 years trying to ignore. That's why you're mad at me. That's why you unfollowed me. That's why I am the Pop Whore, I wouldn't call just anybody a paedophile, but I know what I know and I know what I believe. I know what I would do if my son told me somebody had been hurting him and you know what you would do to, so it's beyond me that some people are willing to get rid of all logic when it comes what I said.

If the kids were black, would you call them liars?
You see,it's so much easier to accuse someone of being a liar when you find a way to rationalise the strange behaviour of the person being accused.
Are you unsure?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h1euQKJsr4

If you don't like this blog, leave a comment on here saying why- dont read it and run to www.wigcrypt.blogspot.com and say shit like "this blog is just like Cassie- irrelevant", that shit is rude. I work really hard on this blog, I come up with my own material and everything. I respect Beyonceitis- Beyonceitis even once said "Your blog is too hot for Tv". I was so proud. It was kind of like when Beyonce' said Rihanna was like family when we all know that the word she was actually looking for was staff, "Rihanna is like staff."

A paedophile by any other name is still a paedophile.
Those kids aren't yours.
That skin sure as hell isn't yours.
Neither was the nose.
The lips.
The Lacefront.
Or even the wives- love had nothing to do with it.

I am sorry for stating my opinion on MY OWN blog.
I am sorry that you have double standards.
I am sorry that you see nothing wrong with a grown man building a theme park for children in his backyard even after a child accused him of abusing him, and then after building the theme park, another child accuses him.

I am sorry your a dumbass
I am sorry that in your head "not guilty" means innocent. Can you say OJ?

SuperSexyContemporary R'n'b FemBots

2009-07-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

The year is 2013. Beyonce' has just given birth to Cajunsha and is planning to take five years off to train baby Cajunsha how to do all the shit Beyonce's mother taught her to do, sew, stitch, embarrass people less talented as yourself.
The world is in despair, now Beyonce' is taking a long deserved break, we are stuck with 10 non live singing- non dancing posing female artists all hoping to be the next Rihanna but since Rihanna spent too many years perfecting the art of posing awkwardly in front of high fashion backdrops whilst singing the lyrics to songs that Britney was too busy finding out what day of the month it is to record, she refuses to take a break. So there we have it- dumb bitches ruling the charts, dumb bitches who think re-invention means popping some shoulder pads in a blazer or putting a few guitar riffs in their banal tracks to give it an "edge."

So what do we do? What do people like us who experienced Beyonce' do when she is too busy breast feeding spiced milk to Jay Z's babies.
It's time to introduce the supersexycontemporaryr'n'b fembots.

The SSCRNBFC's are an army of FemBots created by myself and the Pop Gigolo to take care of people who actually enjoy real entertainment in case Beyonce' decides she needs a break. These fembots have been programmed to sing on beat, dance on beat, write, act, product, model and even say phrases like "There's a reason it's my ass all over the billboards and not yours Ciara".
The FemBots are mostly hybridized for example:

FemBot 1:
Hybridized version of Janet Jackson and Jennifer Hudson equipped with Jennifer Hudson's voice and Janet Jackson's dance technique and physique circa Rhythm Nation 1814. Also comes with dieting booklet as you know these two ladies both enjoy the odd dozen CreamPuff and also comes equipped with expandable waistlines and stretchmark remover. Also comes equipped with nipple ring and overbuilt and over tanned fame hungry reality show whore boyfriend with stage name which ironically fits his behaviour perfectly.

FemBot 2:
Rihanna. Hybridized version of Fefe Dobson's style and Madonna's commercial appeal. This FemBot already exists,please see www.CarribeanCuntConnection.com for more information on how to purchase.

FemBot 3:
Hybridized version of Lady Gaga and Sasha Fierce. As this FemBot is too fierce, too avant garde and too hyper fantastic for just anybody to use, only one version of this fembot was created and will go to the highest bidder. Fem Bot comes with interchangeable lace front wigs in 10 different colours and 14 Thierry Mugler get-ups. This fembot is programmed to scratch, pose and do the Patti LaBelle howl at the snap of a gloved finger.

FemBot 4:
Hybridized version of Ciara and Keri Hilson. Discontinued.

Mama, I got in a fight today.....

2009-07-12T03:18:00.000-07:00

Today I got in a fight.
I said something mean about Michael Jackson on www.wigcrypt.blogspot.com and people didn't like what I said.

"fuck you- you haven't even got any followers."

"fuck you- you ain't nothin but a Beyonceitis wannabe."

"feck you- you look like a cross breed between Rita Revolta and Debbie Rowe."

Shit like that could lead someone like me to a knife. Shit like that could lead someone like me to depression.

The worst part about it was, I was arguing with people that I loved, people who I respected and whose ideas and thoughts on pop culture fuelled my thirst to let the world know about my thoughts and my pop culture values. People who I used to rush home to talk with after turning tricks at the senior citizens home and they were mad at me.

Beyonceitis- I am sorry.
Crunk And Disordely: I am sorry.
Mama: I am gay.

I love my fellow Sasha Fierce Representatives with all my heart and it kills me to think they are mad at me. I won't ever talk bad about Michael again. Just let me come home.

Beyonce'- The Lioness of Feminist Pop

2009-07-10T05:39:00.000-07:00

Since before Neyo was trying to convince us he was straight and from before Justin kicked Jc And The Others to the curb, there was a young girl, a young beautiful, talented, spicy wealthy girl who could write music. She had just released her first record with her backing vocalists and was in the studio with the likes of DarkChild and one day whilst eating on the leg of a deceased pig, she said aloud, "I want to be a feminist icon."
At the time- because she wasn't even a pop icon, the idea seemed stranged but when her second record was released, and spawned countless hits empowering females to kick their "bugaboos" to the curb if they couldn't RE-pay her "bills", then that girl finally realised the power of such songs inspired bitches from Walmart to WallStreet. The bitch was on fire. The bitch was starting to shit on hoes, even the hoes that inspired her, she began to shit on hoes so much- people tried to put her in a diaper but hell no- you wanted a new legend- you got a legend.

Beyonce'.
Since 1999, Beyonce' has been making it rain on these messageless hoes. Whilst Janet asked "what have you done for me lately" Beyonce' asked, "What am i going to do for myself?". Beyonce is now a feminist icon and I will explain why. (If you dislike pop culture commentaries which don't lick the ass of your favourite artist who is either colloborating with hoodrats like Keisha Cole or fucking midgets for beats, then turn away.)

Although Beyonce' first started showing signs of a feminist swagger in songs like Bills Bills Bills, Say My Name, Nigga Why Is You Hollerin' and Jumpin' Jumpin', her real definitive moment was when management kicked LaDonda and La Faecia to the curb for being too ghetto and wanting their own seperate manager and shit (i'll go into that story as soon as LaTavia's book comes out).
When the world blamed Beyonce' for all of this, they didnt realise that they were elevating her image for her, when they blamed Beyonce' for "kicking out those girls" they unknowingly were actually saying "This bitch is powerful enough to throw two girls out a group and her label couldn't even say shit to her- that's one bad bitch."

Beyonce' was presented as being some sort of Svengali in a Freakum Dress, stories of her bullying her group members gave her a sort of a backstabbing two faced persona coupled with her fair skin and light hair- she became the object of hate for every fat,ugly dark skin girl with hair nappier than Kunta Kente's on a hot day. This then made Beyonce' seem all powerful, this 18 year old girl from Texas calling the shots in her very own group. That was stage 1 of Beyonce's transition to becoming a feminist icon.

So with this supposedly negative image of her circulating around the press- Beyonce' did the unthinkable and played a bitch in her first movie, Carmen as if she was taunting her critics, "you wanna see what a real bitch looks like, bitch." And after this television movie was released, the black media rejected Beyonce' and her family as being money hungry ruthless monsters, giving Beyonce' the oppurtunity to cement herself in mainstream pop culture. She then co-wrote the song Independent Women (her second biggest feminist pop song after Single Ladies) the soundtrack to a film all about female empowerment, Charlies Angels. (do you see where i'm going with this.)

Then we hear that she and Jay Z are knocking boots, usually when an older man begins seeing a younger woman, the woman often is seen as being inferior to the man and the man seen as being her sugardaddy but because Beyonce' already had a powerful image already, we all know that wasn't the case. Instead- it was the man who was inferior as she was giving him mainstream credibility because pre-Beyonce', Jay Z was only discussed in the hip hop sub culture when he started spitting on Beyonce's track, his voice got mainstream radio play which familiriased pop audiences with his voice making it possible for him to colloborate with Rihanna on Umbrella without sounding out of place on a pop track.

So now Beyonce' is upgrading her man- we see her travelling the world, become a pop icon, shit on the "careers" of over 13 different irrelevants and raise the level for pop music but no other artist did what she did- she could actually sing better than the hoes who were known for just singing- she could outdance her dancers, she was getting cast in big budget movies and drawing in huge crowds resulting in all of her movies (except Cadillac Records which ironically is her best) becoming Box Office Number 1s. She was selling out tours- endorsement deal after endorsement deal, she was becoming so powerful that even Africans were making entire movies out of rumours about her that weren't even true:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ndawsxg2b10&feature=PlayList&p=5A1E6EA0CE92A11C&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=12

Then Beyonce' released If I Were A Boy and Single Ladies, then this happened:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mur6zIJGHA

With one single she cemented herself as being a Pop Culture Phenomena/Feminist Icon. Beyonce' dealt with and discussed the problem that all good looking, succesful highflying multimillionairesses face, marriage. In the video, Beyonce' wears a mettalic glove on one hand whilst the other hand is free, the mettalic glove symbolises the hold that marriage places on has on modern women whilst the hand that is free symbolises Beyonce's ability to be a conventional wife as well as being her own person, promoting the idea that individualism does not need to be forfeited the second you say "I do."

Out of all her contemporaries, she is the only one who has maintained her sanity, credibility and success because as a woman she is aware of the social issues that affect her female audience, which is why she is also a gay icon for the black subculture because extremely feminine and fierce stars like Beyonce' attract the Benny Ninjas of the world especially as she is a woman of color.

Beyonce'- God bless you and your socially aware vagista.

Slow Down Irrelevant Bitch

2009-07-10T01:28:00.000-07:00

Do you have problems trying to convince the media that your concepts are original? Do you have problems trying to convince people to buy your records? Is your name Heidi Montag, Ciara, Ashanti, Amerie, or Keri Hilson.If so you need SLOW DOWN IRRELEVANT BITCH, from the makers of SLOW DOWN FUNNY GUY and SLOW DOWN MAMA, YOU ABOUT TO CRASH THIS CAR.

For $35.99 you can have Slow Down Irrelevant Bitch to stop you from biting concepts that artists who are more succesful than you have already used and if you order today we'll throw in 40 copies of The Declaration (The Aww Baby Edition) and 30 copies of Fantasy Ride (The Failed Alter Ego DVD Deluxe Edition), as if that wasn't enough, SDIB also includes 5 pages of original concepts that you could use taken from Janet Jackson's Rock Wit U tour.

The pack also includes song concepts that have already been used and already used"why i've been dropped by my label" excuses edited by Christina Milian.

Here Are Some Annonymous Testimonials from Customers:"My album was being pushed back more times than Rihanna's hairline and I needed a quick gimmick, I was considering rolling around in a giant Champagne Glass for my Good Good video but SDIB told me that Beyonce' had already done that in Naughty Girl, I dont know what I would do without SDIB."

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"I'm a singer/songwriter and have been looking for a way to come out of the closet and was considering doing some fruity choreography in the Mad video but SDIB told me that Spectacular had already done that, thank God for SDIB, now I'll just find another way to let the world know my anus has needs."

"Im a piano player, im real afrocentric and shit but I wanted to switch it up, so i was considering getting into a car and killing a couple people with it, you kn0w- grab some headlines but SDIB told me that Brandy was already doing that so now I go around sleeping with the husbands of artists who are more irrelevant than me, what would i have done without SDIB."To order now just log onto www.thathoesfinebutthisone'sakiller.comor for more information, email www.damitajo@sdib.comThankyou

Mz.Piggy-Notorious P.I.G news.

2009-07-09T12:05:00.000-07:00

So as you know, I recently did an interview with always spicy Mz.Piggy who revealed she would be releasing her 10th record The Notorious P.I.G. sometime around 2014 via Island Def Jam to be released in unison with Amerie's new record Horns And Shit, however after getting into a brawl with LA Reid who ordered pork whilst eating dinner with her, Mz.Piggy has parted way with Island and signed a contract with Tina Knowles' newly formed record label, Jumbo Jams.

In a press release with CreoleConnection Tv, Mrs. Knowles explained that "signing Mz.Piggy was the best decision i've made since deciding to add cinnamon to my homemade potatoe salad, we're going for a more soulful, upbeat dance record which shows off Mz.Piggy's undeniable talent and sex appeal, bitch is fierce."

Mz.Piggy reportedly requested that her new label who recently signed pop megastar Samwell:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU, ensure that no meat would be served when Mz.Piggy was around, she also indicated that she plans to continue on her Porky Perfection World Tour Sponsored by FrankFurters for which Ciara is the opening act.

Mz.Piggy explained during an assbackwards interview with Rocsi and Terrence on 106 and Hoodrat, "This record is going to put every single on of those U-List r'n'b singers on blast, from Keri Hilson to Kunta Kente- they all gon get it."

The Notorious P.I.G. is due out on November 12th followed by the release of the single "DivaCode" named after her best selling book. DivaCode is a diss track to all those "wannabe divas who need to know that like Da had the code for Vinci I have the code for Diva."

Notorious P.I.G album tracklist.
1. DivaCode ( composed by: M.Piggy, Makeba, S.Garret, Big Bird)
2. Careless Whisper(composed by: M.Piggy, backing vocals by Ciara)
3.K.E.R.M.I.T (composed by: Stargate, T.Shakur, M.Piggy)
4. F.U.R (Fuck U Rihanna composed by C.Harris, M.Piggy, T.Marie, J.Smith, Shontelle)
5. Burger Queen- The Aretha Diss Track (composed by: M.Piggy, N.Cole, T.Turner)
6. Sasha False- The Beyonce diss track (composed by: writer wishes to remain annonymous)

DivaCode lyrics to be performed to

The only Pig in this shit to knife a bitch up in pen
Miss Piggy on the track, so let the story begin

Verse1:
P.I.G bitch
What it be bitch
I'm the sugar honey caramel tea bitch
If I see that bitch
Imma hurt her
I'm a dude bitch
Call me Frank Furter
Fuck MJ- i'm superbad
Put laxative in you sa-lad
Talkin shit and didn't think i heard it
Why you think ain't nobody fucking with Kermit

Ive got that
Diva Code
Diva Code
Diva Code
I've got that
DivaCode
DivaCode
Diva Code
And Now i think it's time for a apple-pie la mode

Verse 2:
You ain't shit bitch
You a pussy bitch
You need some FemFresh
Because your pussy itch
I roll with big toys
I roll with big boys
If i sold my pussy
Y'all couldn't touch it
No strings attatched
Cos i ain't a fucking Muppet.

I've Got That
DivaCode
DivaCode
DivaCode
I've Got that
Diva Code
DivaCode
DivaCode
You call me sapien- cos i love homos.

Ain't nothin' strange about cho daddy!!

2009-07-07T15:15:00.000-07:00

Since The Jackson family were too busy wondering how they were going to raise three strange Caucasian children that are not even biologically related to them to notice that they hadn't invited Beyonce' to sing (or dry hump the stage) for Michael Jackson's service, I decided that like all black people, the Jackson's dont appreciate shit.
After all those tributes Sasha And Them did for Senor Kiddy Fiddler and they couldnt even ask her to perform YET they called Usher, who for some reason thought it would be cool if he got down on his knees and tried to beg Katherine Jackson for forgiveness, "I'm sorry I didn't bring my kids to Neverland when Mike was alive- Tameka said not to, she said bad shit goes down there."

I've digressed.
So anyway, since The Jacksons were too ungrateful to call up Beyonce' and have her and The Mamas work it out for Michael, I have created my own program of what Michael's service SHOULD have been like.

1.05pm- 1000 little boys from local neighbourhood marchdown to Neverland and jump in Michael's bed (He would have liked that). As they jump around playing with Michael's fleshlight, Deja Vu begins to play and Beyonce' performs (crazy African choreography and all) whilst on rollercoaster. Then entire Jackson family and fans walk in and take their seats in The Staples Centre whilst Ciara performs Heal The World (0ff beat and off key whispering and all) whilst trying her best to fuse Janet and Michael's style but ends up failing, as per usual.

1.06pm- Video montage of Beyonce's various tributes to Michael Jackson and a half an hour interview where Beyonce' describes the influence Michael had on her career, R.Kelly and Gary Glitter then appear on stage dressed as Michael and performs PYT and then a rendition of Age Ain't Nothin' But A Number.

1.10pm- Al Sharpton delivers speech on the importance of remembering that Michael (just like a confused Oreo) was black inside and gives his PFP (Prayer For a Pervet) speech, which is then followed by half an hour of applause by people who see nothing wrong with pretending that Michael Jackson didnt have a thing for the petite garcons of the world.

2.00pm- Beyonce' and Mariah arrive on stage and do a sing-off to the song Dirty Diana, Beyonce' then says "hit it Bibi" and her all female band rise up from under the stage and play Liberian Girl as Beyonce' performs it. Mariah exits stage. Beyonce' then sits on stage and discusses how she intends to add a further 150 more dates to her I AM... 80 Times Better Than All Of You Put Together Multiplied By 39 World Tour and then Juelz arrives on stage from the ceiling whilst sitting in a bedazzelled baby stroller rapping the lyrics "Never Ever Going To That Land". Mathew Knowles watches from the audience smiling as he notices the Pepsi Brand on Juelz microphone, he thinks "so even my grandbaby knows the power of endorsements? you done a good job Matty, a mighty fine good job".

7.30.pm- Janet Jackson gives speech.
7.30pm- Janet Jackson ends speech.
HOUSE OF DEREON COMMERCIAL FOR NEW SHEEPSKIN COLLECTION.

7.35- The Staples Centre is emptied as LaToya Jackson performs Black or White alongside Lil Kim as this is going on video montage of Beyonce' posing in photoshopped edited photos with Michael Jackson is played on the big screen. Michael Jackson smiles from wherever he is.

America's Next Top Failed Pop Star Cycle 5.

2009-07-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the year again and Janet Jackson and her team of expert failed pop stars destined to become amateur models are on the search for the latest America's Next Top Failed Pop Star Destined To Be An Amateur Model . After Cassie won Cycle 4 last year beating Amerie, Keri Hilson and Bow Wow in The 106 and Park Challenge, the cycle 5 auditions were teeming with aspiring failed pop stars making jackasses of themselves in order to get a place in the competition.

Audition Tape 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r0jKaX10sw

Audition Tape 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9M-i0eWPjc

Audition Tape 3:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzb-2yJWFKU&feature=related

That's Ms. Fenty If you Can Afford to Fund all 14 of my singles taken from my soul-less record which people call R'n'b just because I'm black

2009-07-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

Rihanna.
What's not to love about her. Homegirl is beautiful, she's hot, bitch is fierce, bitch could outsideye Rupual, but my dear friends, this is not America's Next Top Model, this is the music industry.
Rihanna was signed by a man who wanted to create a beautiful, sexy, foreign far less talented teen version of his fiance', and he succeeded, now Rihanna is a pop star, shitting on all her contemporaries with her infectious Britney reject singles, her fire accent, her fire engine no.5 lipstick and a hair style that Kelis was rocking since before Nicole Scherzinger knew how to say "así que cuando mi álbum es realmente van a salir?".
Rihanna proves that it takes more than looks to be succesful, if beauty was the key to mainstream success then Janet wouldn't eating corndogs out of Jermaine's asshole and Ashanti wouldn't be doing the late shift down at ChickenSkinShack. Rihanna proves that you need to have a team of hot writers, good production, sex appeal looks and phrases like "I had to fyteee for dat song before de writer let me have it."
But Rihanna put me to shame in February. I could no longer go on down to the UntalentedPopArtistAppreciationCentre with my head help up high because Rihanna took a rolling in da river beat down and didn't do shit.

I thought you was a bad girl RiRi.
I thought you was from Barbaydose.

To think that Rihanna let that skinny ass, scrawny motherfucker knock her about and then say nothing about really pissed me off because I knew that she could have made a fortune out of selling her story to Vogue and then making an appearance on Dr.Phil armed with a box of Kleenex's (who would have paid Rihanna for the endorsement), but Rihanna did nothing. So being the pathetic, pop culture Rihanna lover that I am (note that I can love Rihanna because there is a part of me that is stupid, i dedicate my intelligent part to Beyonce, penises and Madonna (sometimes) ) I decided to create a schedule for Rihanna which she would have used if she had decided to speak out against the dirty skinny bastard.

Schedule for Ms.Rihanna Fenty
4.00am- Wake up next to Mellisa in swanky New York hotel to find that her right hand is in between your vagizzle. You say nothing and get into the shower.

4.01am- Get out of the shower and put on Samsung cell phone and see that you have 14 missed calls from TMZ wanting to know how much you'd like for the photo you sent to them of your battered and bruised ace. You then see you have a text from Neyo wanting to know if he can borrow your CoverGirl "Shimmer Before You Suck" lipgloss because he's meeting Bow Wow later on that night. You don't reply.

5.00am- Call Vogue to confirm 11 page interview and photoshoot and then call members of the press to ensure that they catch you leaving hotel.

6.00am- Whilst in car on the way to Vogue you receive a heartfelt video message from Tina Knowles inviting you to spend a couple of days with her and Juelz in order to help you get over getting beat the fuck up, but since you're aware that Juelz told members of the press that he wished that it was him that fucked you up, you decline the invitation and get to Vogue.

6.05am- Leave Vogue and make your way to Jay Z's apartement to find that he is unable to speak or hear you due to the fact that Sasha put him in a pussy coma before she left to ruin the careers of more d-list Vanity 6 tribute acts. Because Jay Z's speech is inaudible you cannot hear him telling you that Solange will be stopping by soon and if she catches you there, she'll show you a clip of a movie that she directed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo-45pQpELY&feature=related

A Girl Called M

2009-07-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a young girl. For the sake of this story (which has a clear yet annoyingly ambigous moral behind it) let's call this young girl "M". When M first came out, M was the shit. M could sang, M was hitting notes so high even the Angel Gabriele was getting down to M's jams. M was hitting notes so high and so unique that even Whitney-The Queen of High had to take off her $0.99 wig to her.
Then shit happened. M lost her damn mind (which is debateable as some question whether M really had a mind to begin with). M started doing shit like putting on lots of weight all unannounced and shit, M started making up fictional characters during interviews and shit (Sasha Fierce is an altergo not a fictional character, so shut the fuck up). M then did some more crazy ass shit then dissapeared, and whilst she was gone we got a lot of new artists and even saw the making of a few icons, some of who are still icons, some of who drag their tired vaginas around an elaborate stage everynight in order to pay child support to a dead beat money hungry ex husband.

When M came back everybody was excited, her music was new, fresh, sexy, hot, but M wasn't sanging like she used to, instead M became Obsessed with whispering, and then even took to lip-synching which led to M having high first week sales and then seeing her records slide slowly off the charts like diarrhea sliding down Usher's greasy face, then she got married to an d-lister, a hood rat icon, a motherfucking irrelevant and then M decided to get brave by confronting a particular dude who claims to have given M a golden shower. The song sucks but because M has such loyal fans who haven't seem to noticed that there is big difference between the M of today and the M of the 90s, the song will get to number 1. for a while until one of ItGirls releases a single which will dethrone M's song. The M will release four other singles that nobody will care about.
Confused?
Perplexed?
Take a gander at this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLTdr2xnFLA&opt_out_ackd=1&persist_gl=1&gl=US

2009-07-02T12:46:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, something out of this world and supernatural occurs, in the last cenutry three examples are the invention of viagra, the vibrator and this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLeVlBca5lg.
But yesterday after having a heated debate over some Oreos with my Uncle La Q'uarias I discocvered another new and supernatural occurence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrlfRYXMthg&feature=fvsr .

(breathe)
(stretch)
(shake)
(let it motherfucking go)
Are people that stupid that it takes all these years to realise this shit. A black man and a white lady don't make no Brady Bunch looking kids, especially when that black man is Michael Jackson. I for one- have trouble believing that Michael was even capable of having an erection without blushing (or peeling) with embarrasement.

Everybody knows that Michael only got married for getting married's sake, If you ask me he was a-sexual, neither straight or gay but rather enjoyed the company of unsuspecting latino kids with a terminal diseases (how you doing Gavin?). Michael Jackson wanted to be caucasian and so having three white kids helped fulfill his twisted ambition to be perceived as a white man, VERTILIGO MY ASS. That dude was bleached more times than GaGa's weave and he expected people to believe just because his skin was the colour of pale semen that he was a white man. What bullshit. What stupidity. What motherfucking trash.

BET and their ignorant asses should have ignored Michael's death because this was a man who like Elvis used African American Culture to gain mainstream fame and then turned its back on it the second he was done with it. The man wore a lacefront wig (which there is nothing wrong with because I myself am partial to the occasion lace de la front myself) but he wore the wig to appear more Caucasian, now that was his business, thats got nothing to do with me and my ranting ass but I find it shocking that there are people out there who are convinced that those kids were conceived by Michael, when let's be real- can YOU really see Michael having sex with anybody who doesn't spend hours deciding which Power Ranger they'd rather be.

And when it comes to Jordy Chandler, there is no way he would "admit" to lying because if he "admitted" that he and his parents lied then dude would either have to be very stupid or would want to die. Jordy never admitted to lying about anything- some die hard fans thought it would be a good idea to start up that rumour to try and make Michael look better. Failed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VlNC_EXjxA
2 Minutes 30 is priceless.

BET Awards- can you say shambolic?

2009-07-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

Before I start, I would like to shout out that homeless lady who defended me against those three tranny's this morning on the way to my doctor's house, I couldn't have fucked up those Sister Patterson look alikes without you.

Now onto the main topic- I am so pissed off with a lot of things, my period started today on the very day i decided to wear white underwear and a white dress, I had the shits and whats more I just found out that http://www.wigcrypt.blogspot.com/ still has not called me out for those quasi smart ass comments I made about it, what does it take to get a little shameless attention around here, just as I was thinking that I got a call from my homegirl Cassie who was just crowned America's Next Top Failed Pop Artist Destined To Be A Model beating out Ciara (who came 2nd) and Amerie who came third.
Cassie explained to me that a friend of hers had read the blog and wanted to do an exclusive interview with me, to be honest I didn't know what to expect :http://insaneramblingsitcomzombie.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/miss-piggy-poses-for-playboar.jpg

As soon as I saw that fierce bitch work the camera, I knew I just had to get an interview with her, so I met up with her at T.I's house to discuss her thoughts on pop music, her relationships and her new record.

PS: What's good with you Miss.Piggy.

Miss Piggy: It's Mz Piggy, and yes I'm fine.

PS: Sorry, tell us about your recent cover for PlayBoar magazine, why did you do it?

MzPiggy: I did it to show those other bitches that I'm still around and I'm still hotter than all of their skinny asses, these new bitches got no respect for my hustle, I was grinding and making my cheddar long before Janet Jackson started her period and I was the original video chick, but nobody wanted to acknowledge that, so them bitches had to be reminded.

PS: I see, what are you thoughts on the tragic death of Michael Jackson?

MzPiggy: I'm sorry but I've got enough troubles of my own without having to worry about some deceased skinny guy- no no- do you know the kind of shit I've been going through with some dumbass interviews about this whole swine flu shit. I cant even leave the motherfucking crib without people trying to spray my unsuspecting ass with disinfectant.

PS: Let's talk about your new record.

MzPiggy: Yes, well after being dropped by Columbia, I got signed by Island Def Jam and i'm right behind Amerie on LA Reid's list of priorities, so I can safely say my album wont be out till 2014, but what I can tell you is that I've been working with some new producers who are really bringing home the bacon. After Kermit passed away and getting into beef with she who shall not go on a diet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7c2lC9JlJo I wanted to go for a more hoodrat, cheap and highly irrelevant direction so I have Keri Hilson writing all the songs, Swizz Beats doing all the production and Ciara recycling the choreography from Janet Jackson's If video for my One Night With Mz Piggy Brought To You By Frankfurters World Tour. I'm so tired of being compared to Beyonce' when everybody knows Beyonce' got her style from me! who you think Sasha Fierce is based on?! Me! So this new record is gonna put an end to all the fuckin comparisons to the bitches out there who couldnt carry a tune in a Comme De Garcon ManBag.

PS: So you're saying Beyonce' cant sing?

MzPiggy: Now wait a minute- I never said that, me and Celestine go way back, what I mean is that me and B are on two different levels, i'm a REAL diva, shes nothing but a superhuman rich girl TRYNA be a diva, ya feel me? When my record drops, y'all gon know what I mean, I'm comin hard on this one, I've been through shit and y'all know it, I did time for shit I knew nothing about:http://fascinatingtales.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/bad-miss-piggy-413232.jpg and so thats why I'm a real female version of a hustla.

PS: What's the record called?

MzPiggy: The NoTorious P.I.G, like I said its a hip hop record, and i'm coming hard, I even got a track where I get at those mother fuckers who say I'm too disgustng to eat: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_gze8GjcR_fY/R1NnPZbOTdI/AAAAAAAACrQ/_aW_mUwtSPk/s1600-R/piggyburkaweb.jpg.

PS: Thankyou very much.

MzPiggy: No-thankyou.

MzPiggy's album will be out as soon as LA Reid figures out a way to tell Amerie that signing her was just a practical joke gone too far.

What Michael Did For World Culture

2009-06-29T14:37:00.000-07:00

Pop Slut: (Pop Gigolo does not agree with these views.)

If your stupid, ignorant or spent hours outside the house of a dead man who never knew and who will never know you then please leave and make your way onto the top of a cliff and jump- just jump.
So another pop icon has left us, and its a sad day for me as a pop culture fanatic but I am no fool, and although it pains me to say, Michael was NOT the King of Pop, he was a world culture icon but sadly to say- a paedophile (I told you it wouldn't be cool.)
Although, many of you here would not like to admit it because its so much easier to pretend that one of the world's greatest people had a thing for kindergaten kitty (or is it kindergaten cock) Michael did indeed abuse those children, whether you like to admit it or not.
To insult TWO children (AND the brother of one of the supposed victims) for saying that they were sexually abused promotes the idea that children who are abused to shut up and say nothing about their abuse because they will be deemed as liars.

The argument for many Jackson supporters is "those leeches were trying to get his money! that's why they accused him" au contraire my friends, if you were hanging out with one of the world's most powerful and wealthiest men wouldnt it make sense to stay on his good side so you could reap the benefits of a roof over your head and a secure source of money, why would anyone tear off the gloved hand that feeds them and risk being deemed as liars, going through court and then being forced into isolation when it would have been so much easier just to live a neat secure lifestyle.

Another argument is "If MJ abused kids, how come he didnt abuse that Home Alone Kid?".

Michael was no fool. That Home Alone Kid had a fan base which could tear Michael to shreds and could afford high profile lawyers powerful enough to skull grab Michael through the media and the courts, which is why its so much easier to abuse an unknown boy because you have immediately have the advantage of saying, "they were trying to get my money because they haven't got any of their own." It wouldn't make sense to hurt a famous child because that famous child would already have the hearts of adorirng fans who would easily believe anything they told him, an unknown child has no connection whatsoever with the public and so any images being given to the media is seen as an extension of Michaels so if Michael says, "that kids a liar!" then his fans would believe that the kid is indeed a liar.

Another interesting thing to mention is this- if you were accused of abusing a little boy in the past why would you want to attract children to your home by creating a theme park when you know exactly what people already think about you. If you want to attract flies to your house, just cover it in shit and when you want to attract children to your home, build a motherfucking theme park and call it "NeverLand."

It is important to know that Michael was not found innocent, he was acquitted because not enough evidence was found, if somebody takes a dump in a Fudge Cake Mixture they can get away with it in court if there is not evidence in court to prove it, that does not make them innocent.

Michael was a world icon, but to ignore the clear evidence and proof that he was kiddy fiddler only highlights how idiotic some people are, ESPECIALLY black supporters of Michael as Michael Jackson never wanted to be black, and i dont care what he went through as a child, the fact of the matter is is that he re-constructed his face to resemble a white woman, he bleached his skin, rocked a black lace front and had a dent placed in his chin to resemble a caucasian person, so its very funny that BET spent the entire night tributing him when like Elvis, Michael used black music and then dumped it the second an oppurtunity with a little less color came along.

The Pop Slut

Pretty Fly for a Caucasian Guy

2009-06-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

POP GIGOLO:
(this is a serious post, ill give y'all some wit when I find out who the fuck told my mama I was homo.)
So im sure many of you would have heard about what happened between Will.I. Am So Unsuccesful On My Own Sort Of Like Nicole Scherzingermershenteiger and my beau Perez Hilton (he's the only guy that could make me gay for pay- except Pete Wentz and Mathew McHonaughey and Diddy and Bow W-) Now I was getting so hot and heated just watching Will.I. Am's irrelevants ass try and act as though Perez imagined what happened, so here are my views, (if you are affiliated with any of the anonymous members of Black Eyed Peas please look away now.)

BEP should be PLEASED that Perez is talking about them on their blog because you know nobody else is, it makes me laugh that Will. I. Am tried to suggest that Perez should keep his opinions to himself just because he spoke about his band negatively because Im sure if Perez complimented the way in which The Black Eyed Peas have succesfully spent more than 5 years in the public eye even though the public only know two of the members by name Will would have been all over Perez's ass.
As for Fergie, nobody is "tryna copy yo swagger" because as I said in a previous post, you cant have stolen something from you if you didnt have that something in the first place, Fergie has now joined my list of "artists" who i will ridicule and mock on this site.

List of "Artists" To Ridicule and Mock On This Site (June 23rd 2009)
1. Keri Hilson.
2. Fergie- New Entry.
3. Ciara
4. Michael Jackson
5. Janet Jackson
6. Super C
7. Ciara

Lists of "Artists" To Ridicule and Mock On This Site (June 22nd 2009)
1. Bow Wow.
2. Keri Hilson.
3. Ciara
4. Neyo
5. Janet Jackson
6. Super C
7. Soulja Boy

As you can see, Soulja Boy, Neyo and Bow Wow have all been taken off the list because all three of them came to my trailer park to sort things out like men, to see the video click www.homothug.com/fakegangstersgetdownanddirty
(Bow Wows a bottom- just in case you wanted to know).

Fergie is really pissed now that she has pissed off the Queen of the Mainstream (i mean Perez) because Fergie hasn't got a fan base big enough to counter-act the insults and the fugliness Perez is going to throw at that hoe. Perez talks shit about uurbody even SuperCreoleIconSuperStarLivingLegendExtradordinaire Fierce but because she has fans that will go to jail for her, Perez's words have no affect on her.
I sincerely hope whoever punched Perez goes to jail for Assault On A QuickLipped FruitCake.

Now I won't go too much into the Chris Brown/ Rihanna case because I really dont have time for ugly fat good for nothing girls like the ones supporting him outside the courthouse tweeting me with comments like "fuck you, chris aint touch nobody" or "chris punched, kicked, bit, straddled, popped, locked and dropped her cos she started it", so all I'll say is this:
According to a certain living legend, Rihanna is like family, meaning that Rihanna is related to Baby Juelz, the same Baby Juelz who fucked up Madox for not letting him borrow his Bear In the Big Blue House Sing Along DVD, I can email Juelz right now and have he Zahara and Baby Mercy roll up outside Chris' place of employment and fuck his shit up, lets see how he likes a photo of his battered and bruised face all over TMZ.

Let's discuss my penis, last night I had sex again for the second time this decade (IM ON A ROLL!) and my fuck buddy said during our fuck session that she feels that she wished my penis was too big, too strong, too wide and didnt fit and that she wished she could say "im walking like this cos i just backed it up". Instead she told me that it was the worst sex ever and so I need your help.
If you would like to have sex with me, to help me get better, tweet me, let me know where you wanna meet, Wendy's Car Park, backseat of your mama's car, bitch im game.

I'll tell you what i want what I really really want

2009-06-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

PopGigolo:

Today is Father's today. Should I smile? Should I Laugh? Should I drop down low and sweep the motherfucking floor with it?
After spending the entire day questioning my mother about the night of my birth where all I was told was that "there was Alize', a group of men and a water bed, thats all you need to know" I decided to head on down to my homegirl Pop Slut's house where she showed me something which disturbed my kindred spirit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k5sn15tERo

On this Father's Day I'd like to give all you single ladies out there some advice to ensure you do not have to spend a half hour on Maury's seat being reminded of how slutty you are:

1. If you meet a guy at the ghetto theatre who says "Y'nahwaddaymean" after every 2 minutes, do not let get impregnated by him. He will leave your stupid ass for either your mother, your sister Shaqueenishina or your homegirl Bomtactilita who is actually your second cousin after your uncle Rashween knocked up LaShayShay who conceived Bontactilita two days after going down on Riquan from round the way who is also your sister Shaqueenishina's step son. (inhale deeply.)

2. If you know you're a slut, get your tubes tied. Why do these sluts keep on fucking guys, getting pregnant and then are shocked when they can't remember which guy hit it from the back or just put it in her mouth (can you get pregnant by letting a guy put it in your mouth, all replies welcome, especially yours Milian.) What you need to do, is get your tubes tied so you cant bring any more hoodrats into the world- that way you dont have to go from city to city looking for a guy who is actually now living as a woman going by the name of Francesca Genita-Lea.

3. If you know you're a slut and can't control yourself from letting every guy get gritty with your kitty, then sew the pussy up, sew the pussy up. They do it in some places in Africa and it keeps the girls from being slutty, however those little kids always seem to be up the duff:http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://www.geocities.com/fon_is_fun/images/swollen_stomach.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.geocities.com/fon_is_fun/French/fr_more_pictures.htm&usg=__Vlr8B1LGgFdiY3v-CRm6Na2ayJc=&h=447&w=300&sz=24&hl=en&start=30&um=1&tbnid=xd8jKS3orKxmsM:&tbnh=127&tbnw=85&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dmalnutrition%2Bbig%2Bstomach%26ndsp%3D20%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26start%3D20%26um%3D1

In other news, I was informed that my blog is so hard to read because there are no pictures, so i am sorry. Let me explain why my blog has no photos.
This blog is aimed at smart people who can actually read long paragraphs and enjoy spicy commentaries on pop culture, smart people who say shit like "I'm like so fucking intellectual" and shit like "Dahling- would you like tay or coffay?". shit like that. If you would like something aimed at stupid people who cant decided whether they are faux or against Beyonce, then please follow this link http://www.mediatakeout.com/Beyonce'performsHappyBirthdayWithoutCreditingOriginalWriters

If you want to read something smart. sit back, relax and join the show, if not just fuck off! just fuck off.

Daddy If you see this, please contact me, i've gotcho eyes, yo mout and yo monobrow- how you gon say i aint yos.

Im pretty mad today, bare with me

2009-06-19T15:35:00.000-07:00

It seemed like only yesterday Mariah was slinging her plastic kitty around town trying to convince her fans (who still haven't noticed that it is no longer 1995) to buy E=MC2 which if you have read some of previous posts will know that that album title is makes no sense at all, but i won't go into that.

So now Mariah has managed to finish a new record produced by none other than senor midget himself, she has released a brand new single called Obsessed. Being the Beyonce' stan that I am it is taking every ounce of stregnth in my Creole body not to scream "BITER" but i wont because there are more important issues at hand.
If Mariah thinks this song is going to convince anybody that Eminem didn't piss on her, then her mind is as fucked up as her live singing, the lyrics in the song clearly contradict themselves, for example how is it possible that "noone here even mentions your name" but at the same time is "a conversation" and if "i don't even know who you are" how the hell did you know that he was "in LA but i'm out in Jermaine's."
If you ask me, i think that Janet Jackson wrote this song to sabotage Mariah for being the only artist Janet's boyfriend actually makes money off OR Mariah was too busy injecting her face with duck cum to notice that she was singing total shit.
I'm sure she thinks she's showing her loyalty to that irrelevant skinny ass husband of hers by getting at the man who claims to have pissed on her and even though I hate Eminem just as much as the next intelligent person, Mariah does herself no favours by even acknowledging what Eminem has been saying about her, in fact all she does is tarnish her icon status by becoming as petty and as childish as a d-list disstrack artist like Keri Hilson.
Mariah's problem is this- whilst trying to be down the kids she is actually cheapening herself by using slang made for hoodrats like Keisha Cole and Monica. I really dont know who Mariah is trying to appeal to, especially as i dont get how someone who loved Vision of Love can find the patience to listen to lifeless and meaningless urban shit like Obsessed. We all know how this album will pan out, a big single, impressive first week sales and then a sudden fall off the charts followed by the release of singles that only BET will agree to play.

In other news lets talk about Wale. All i have to say is that if you made me close my eyes, I would bet $2000 that it was SantiGold and not Lady Gaga who is on that track and id bet a further $300000000 that Lady Gaga only appeared on the track because of business and not because she enjoys the music of him. This is the problem with new artists who try and use popular artists to generate a buzz for their own music, IT RARELY WORKS. Because the second you dont have any colloborations, nobody will care about what you have to say no matter how hard you try to convince your management to not kick your ass out in the cold streets of the F-List.

Ok guys, so let's talk about something that has been bothering me.
I started a job 5 years ago and basically in the first year i looked really good but i dissapointed my boss by not doing anything at all and basically embarrasing myself, but because my boss has a thing for no talent hacks (he is one himself) he didn't fire me. However it came to my attention a few months ago that i could be fired so I started letting my boss put his powerful eel into my untalented cave so i could insure myself against be fired, it worked and now i have a new album out:

http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://blackstarnews.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/diddy_cassie.jpg&imgrefurl=http://blackstarnews.com/blog/%3Fp%3D680&usg=__9HzVk5Fu7ab_vEmQ_RGPRsj4LfY=&h=365&w=365&sz=40&hl=en&start=2&um=1&tbnid=_R4XCpu5p5vXNM:&tbnh=121&tbnw=121&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcassie%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1

Now that everyone knows what i did, they ridicule me even harder than they did before, commenting on my lack of vocal talent and my rhythm deficiency, the compare me to other artists who cant sing or dance but would do a good job on America's Next Top Failed Pop Artist Turned Model for which Ciara is currently the host of.

Here is a run down of episode 1:
The remaining 6 failed pop artists must complete a runway challenge where they must balance ten copies of Tina Knowles best selling autobiographies "Mein Razor" on their heads whilst holding 50 unsold copies of Ciara's Fantasy Ride in each hand whilst being whipped by Clive Davis and the executives of their respective labels as they catwalk on the broken pieces of Janet Jackson's Damita Jo, 20 Y.o and Discipline records.
Bow Wow won the challenge and was allowed to pick one friend to join him to go backstage at the VMAs to clean up the cum stains Diddy left all over Cassie's dressing room carpet which she is sharing with entire cast of Making Da Unsuccesful Band and I Want To Be Humiliated By An UnTalented Rapper Named After A Brand of Confectionary Doughnuts.

Artist Fuck.

2009-06-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

I have two fuck buddies, one of them is called Spears, one of them is called Carter- Fierece-Knowles.

A few nights ago I fucked with Spears, the fuck was so good until the point when I realised that Spears wasn't actually fucking me but had actually put a dildo in me and was simply simulating the movements people make when they're fucking somebody else, in-out-in-out, thrust, thrust, thrust.
After the "fuck" I felt a little cheated because I could have done what Spears did to me at home, I didnt need to go all the way over there for Spears to put a dildo in me and pretend to fuck me.

So the following night, I went to Carter-Fierce Knowles, because everyone had said how good CFK was at fucking i was expecting a good fuck but after being cheated by Spears, I really didnt expect too much and the fucking got so good, this time i was actually getting fucked, i came 40 times in the first ten minutes and to make it all better, CFK got innovative on my ass eventhough CFK didnt need to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUpmFinZgXY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD0CNp-ExpQ&feature=related

Six degrees of celebrity seperation

2009-06-12T10:19:00.000-07:00

I am going to do the impossible and find the way in which Elvis Presley is connected to Ashanti. Ok so here i go:

Elvis Presley's daughter Lisa Marie married Pop Paedophile Michael Jackson the same Pop Paedo who used to bump vaginas with Diana Ross the same Diana Ross who was played by The Almighty Fierce in DreamGirls which also starred Jamie Foxx, the same Jamie Foxx who unloaded in SuperHead's mouth, the same SuperHead who let 50 Cent unload in her mouth, the same 50 cent who has beef with Ja Rule, the same Ja Rule who put it in the mouth of Ashanti.

Sex..... Sex.......

2009-06-11T15:30:00.000-07:00

Last night I had sex, and before I tell you what happened you'll have to read the 7 different levels of sex that I have:

1. "So I guess You think that was sex"- sex.
2. "Wake Me Up when you're done" sex.
3. "So shit that it's funny"- sex.
4. "You can borrow my car," sex.
5. "You can have the keys to my car," sex.
6."I want you to fuck me in my car right now!" sex.
7. "PopSlut is unable to walk to the phone" sex.

The sex last night was level 3 sex, the sex was so shit that even my dog started pissing myself laughing. The worst part about it was, was that he used to be so good, he used in to be in demand when he did it he had bitches like me thinking about it for weeks, but now more than a decade after our first fuck, he is dissapointing, embarrasing and thinks that his past awesomery would compensate for his current bullshit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfY1gzGrpfY

You can only talk like that if you can back it up, and if you can't back it up-shut the fuck up. Did you think people wouldn't notice that all you do is walk around half dead doing nothing, did you think your past achievements would blind people from the fuckery you are doing now, au contraire my love au contraire my dear.
I need a real good fuck- one that can satisfy all my needs, one that gets me hot and discombombolated just thinking about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7nKvHkJh_Y&feature=related

The Death of AutoTune, Uk rap? i'd rather eat my own decaying shit

2009-06-11T13:22:00.000-07:00

POPSLUT:

Jay Z is a genius.
After waking up from a 12 month pussy coma that none other than High Priestess Creole put him in, he decided to stir up a little shit, get at a few motherfuckers that need confronting and this pop whore is liking it.

To me, especially as someone who grew up in the late 80s I find it distressing when I think about how unispiring aspiring hip hop artists are, the lack of innovation and the lack of anything deep to discuss. I should state that although I think Soulja Boy is a joke, it is not his fault that modern black audiences are stupid enough to pay attention to what he puts out and it isnt his fault that people have standards lower than Janet Jackson's tatas.
People are generally stupid, if people were smart the only female artist that would exist would be Beyonce' and the only rappers that exist would be Kanye (not the best lyricist but his avant garde swag turns me on) Jay Z and a few others who I do not have the time to mention.

But because people are stupid, record labels feed into that stupidity and sign artists who think Liberace is a French fashion label and sign artists who are nothing more than carbon copies of other stupid artists out right now. MARK MY WORDS- very soon a new younger version of Rihanna is going to come out by the end of next year, mark my words!
This is why I'm so happy Jay Z decided to get at the idiots who think autotune will hide the fact that their lyrics are stupid. T-Pain's melodies are so beautiful (I'm On A Boat is my favourite) that with out without auto-tune he is still an amazing writer and Kanye had an excuse to use auto-tune because it added a darker almost futuristic feel to the beautiful piece of Pop music that is 808s and Heartbreak.

The unoriginality in hip hop is astounding which is why I am so pleased with the UK urban scene where Kano, Tinchy Stryder, ChipMunk, Ndubz, Bashy etc all support each other's movements and originality and as Im always in London I can't help but to be inspired by their popularity and mainstream chart success.
However the UK has the worst case of amateur rappers who have no voice and originality.
In the Uk, the welfare state exists meaning that no matter how poor you are- you can still get free medical treatment, food to eat, clothes on your back and cocoa butter on your genital warts so when I hear Uk amateurs trying to talk about how "shit is on the streets" i feel like kicking them in the shin.

I wish that everytime a Uk amateur went on Channel Aka, Dizzee Rascal would just be sitting next to them, staring at them and everytime they tried to talk about their "struggle on the streets" he would just punch them in the back of the head.
Today in my hotel room, I was watching Channel AKA and almost vomited at the tackiness I was seeing, trying to be all up in the club throwing money carelessy around as if they've forgotten that their rent is due in a week. I feel like slapping their ignorant faces. They are so stupid. So foolish. So motherfucking nul in void.

When it comes to female mcs, the females come harder than the males, Shystie is fierce, Jenita is um..... sorry i just cant, Ms. Dynamite WAS a UK Rap Icon until her head got a little bit too big (hehe) and Lady SOV is still pissed off that Jay Z signed her, let Missy have her way with her (you've got a dirty mind) and then threw her back into the Uk, there is nothing worse than a Uk artist being signed by a major US label and then being dropped, being forced to move back to the UK.
If UK Hip Hop wants to move forward, they need to cut the fat, in other words Channel Aka to censor what they put on and only allow the best of the best on so that it is real competition, I wouldn't clean my labia with 80% of whats on that channel and I sincerely hope that the real icons of British Hip Hop continue to shit on the fools who really need to get a clue.

That will be all.

The Wig Crypt/ Ciara girl- im sorry.

2009-06-09T14:21:00.000-07:00

Could I have chosen a better time to start my blog, when the blog whose concept I bit is in the middle of a crisis. The Wig Crypt has been the source of a satirical pop culture commentaries centred around The Goddess Beyonce' and now that is under construction (or whatever the fuck is wrong with it) I have enough time to develop a fan base without having to worry about The Wig Crypt's intelligent ass outshining my posts. Haha I say, Haha.

So whilst the competition's systems are down, I think now would be a good time to explain why I started this blog.
For a long time, whenever Id be in a conversation with people about music and pop culture, I found myself being the only one who actually understood how to read sales or how to tell how and why Rihanna and Chris Brown's publicists were setting up "coincidental" photo oppurtunities of the two of them leaving KFC as if the press all decided to go out for a munch and noticed that two of the world's biggest teeny boppers were there too.
And so I decided to make this blog for people out there who know shit, who understand shit, who don't take no fucking shit, (you get my shit?) and so my aim is to promote, mock, tease, scold and dick ride artists who make pop culture what it is. Yes, I may have a biased towards Beyonce' and The Knowles, Barrack and The Obamas and Harry and the Hendersons but I do try to give equal amount of time to other artists.

I would like to make a formal apologise to Ciara- Ive been a little harsh on her for swagger biting and her sales but I saw an interview she did with GrapeJuice and i told myself, "Ernest (cos that's my middle name) I said "Ernest, this girl is tooooooooooooooooooooooo sweet and too cute to hate on," So now, I will simply comment on Ciara's career, not bash it, not diss it, not kick it about.
To show how truly sorry I am, I'm going to promote Ciara's record which is out in stores NOW and her new video, Work which shares many coincidental similarities to Sasha Fierce's Diva.

BLACK GIRLS ARE THE TEA BUT I DONT MIND A LITTLE CREAM IN MY COFFEE

2009-06-08T17:33:00.000-07:00

Being the kind hearted, fame hungry popslut that I am, I make it my business to find the hottest unsigned or brand new acts out there to promote on here so if they do get famous, I can claim some fame. here we go:

Lucie- This bitch is the sugar honey ice tea with chocolate on the top. The covergirl looks and the fierce pop is a lethal combination, her accent gets me everytime, she's sort of like a British Grace Jones, just much prettier and more mainstream, this song is just perfect for vogueing, i know this because my Uncle Alberta just spent three hours doing it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbgd_26j6OE&feature=channel_page

Zewdy- This girl is just too hot to handle, exotic, a great big voice and she's versatile, she can go from Teenage Love Affair to Diva and look good doing it, she has very little original material but her voice sounds amazing on other people's songs and Im sure if given the right writer,s she'll have good material enjoy:http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&v=2kMn6brcPTY

Fefe Dobson: If this girl didnt exist, Rihanna could not have released Good Girl Gone Bad because there would have been nothing for Rihanna's A&R to copy, she's edgy rock pop and her unique style is really inspiring:http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&v=9UhkEqpAddw

Chester French- From my point of view (which is always right) these guys are the result of when Avant Garde Pop breaks down in the middle of a deserted road and meets Indie Rock who hasn't fucked in weeks and so the two get it in creating some sort of Avant Indie (I COINED THAT PHRASE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO USE MAKE SURE YOU REFERENCE ME):http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM5AcVUGEN4

Cobra Starship- These guys have been around for a minute but they're music gets more and more unique and amazing, they did a remix to HollaBack Girl which shits on the original and their remix of Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl called I Kissed A Boy actually made PopGigolo go out and make out with about 6 guys at the club last night at Beyonce's After Show Party (which might i add was out of this world- the show and the party) enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO55PinDyHs

Ciara- Since Ciara is still opening up for the other artists she may as well be a new artist but after seeing her admiration for Sasha last night, I knew that It wouldn't be right If i always got at Ciara for biting and then ignored when she came out to see what a Living Legend really looks like. Ciara's song Work pays homage to the drag queens of New York (homegirl even referecnes House of Xtravangza) but itll take a lot more than that to win the hearts of a gay audience, perhaps she should have stayed with Bow Wow to see how he did it, heres her new single Work which I LOVE up until she starts doing that thing where she speaks over the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssa5AjIUZWI

I would like to thank Katy Perry for being so nice last night and being so beautiful as well, Id also like to thank the fat girl sitting in front of me at the show last night.
For those of you too poor to see Beyonce' live, i'll give you the highlights of the show:
1. Shontelle getting off the stage.
2. Zarif KILLING IT.
3. The Entire Show.
4. Beyonce' grabbing her crotch during If I Were a Boy.
5. Beyonce' floating over the audience.
6. Beyonce' unable to pronounce the guys name at the beginning of Say My Name, if you've see her on youtube you know that she asks a member of the audience to tell them her name and she'll sing their name to them during Say My Name but the guys name was so complicated, B was like "Halal? what's your name, honey you'll have to repeat it? halal? is that how you say it sugar? o, ok, HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL."
7. The Entire Show.

There is no point watching Beyonce' on youtube because you will not get anything from it, seeing her live takes the breath out of you, the way her body moves, and her southern accent and her Patti LaBelle howl and the choreography and the vocals will get you (if you think she can sing now wait till you're standing two rows away from the stage, I burst into tears so many times.)
Ciara, Katy Perry, Alex Burke, Adele were all there, I saw Katy,Ciara and Adele at the party and as me and my girls were leaving we saw Alex who looked beautiful. Might I add that Ciara gives thumbs up for killing her style, she looked FAB.

Swizz Beats?!

2009-06-07T16:04:00.000-07:00

Inbox
Sent
0 more result since you started searching. Refresh to see them.
THEREALSWIZZZ I pray for you clowns that don't no what the hell yall talking about !why you all in somebodys else life oh Know ya clown ass don't have one! The joke will be on yall in about 2weeks!4 minutes ago

This is the message I received from Swizz Beats after I reminded him of how sick it made me feel that he was a cheating no good scoundrel on Twitter, the part about me having no life gets me everytime because as a blogger it is my job to dedicate my lonely existence to pop culture. Bossip, MTO, Miss Info come and get it.

Also, his grammer is terrible, placing "no" where "know" should be and vice versa, looks like someone was too busy eating out piano pussy to get a educated clue.

My thoughts on money grabbing hoes, fake chinese people

2009-06-07T04:11:00.000-07:00

POPSLUT:

In a society which still limits women to certain things, a smile often comes to my face when I hear of a fellow whore that has trapped an unsuspecting man.
Most recently, that whore was Heather Mills and you know what girl- I salute you. I take my lacefront off to you. You did what any smart woman in your position could do, get pregnant and have that old fool pay child support for 18 years.
Any man who is stupid enough to marry a woman who will do anything for money (a hoe, Heather Mills was a hoe) deserves to be tricked and fooled and cuckolded, he deserves it. If homegirl can get on her knees and blow off any man for cash what made you think she wouldn't trick your dying ass. I applaud Heather Mills for having a plan, executing it and making money out of it, let this be a lesson to all stupid men who think a ring can make an honest woman out of a slut- once a cum swallowing hooker- always a cum swallowing hooker.

However, there is one whore who i detest Tameka Foster, check out this shoot she did for Disney a while back:http://herokids.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/the-beast.jpg
I usually commend bitches with plans to trap men but this bitch makes me wanna throw up all over my Apple Mac, that bitch infiltrated Usher's team, brushed Chilli's hair, bleached Naomi's hair, cainrowed Usher's pubic hair and all the while was thinking "Only a matter of time now- only a matter of time before this Haitain Hyena is all mine."

Her broad shoulders and her big jaw are enough to make me want to sign her up for WWE and it saddens me to know that when shebreast feeds her children, protein juice is all those kids are going to get.I believe that Tameka knows something about Usher that he cannot risk getting out and she said, "Lookie here, if you put a ring on this muscular finger of mine, I'll keep that little thing i saw you doing with that certain producer a secret, ya feel me."
And Usher realising that his half dead career would be completely over if anybody found out agreed. If i were Usher I would save said, "Go head bitch, anythings better than having to put in my dick in your sixpack covered pussy."
I sincerely hope Usher finds the stregnth to leave her, and although I HATE INFIDELITY, in this case I hope Usher sleeps with somebody else so the world can see what Tameka's reaction is. Bitch.

POPGIGOLO:
I would like to talk about how horrified I was yesterday when i walked into my local Chinese Restaurant HauMeny Mo to find that none of the employees were Chinese but in fact Japanese, now I have watched Hidden Dragon Crouching Soya Sauce enough times to know the difference and when that fake ass waitress tried to serve me some dim sum and I decided to ask her a question in Chinese to throw her off guard: 为什么有一双筷子在我的汤？
And her reply was, "Oh no- me no speak English."
LIKE HELL YOU DONT! So what do you SPEAK BITCH, What i said wasnt even in English but this bitch is so stupid that she thought it was, also HOW THE FUCK Could you learn how to say "Me no speak English" not realising the same way that you learnt how to say that is the same way you should learn how to apply for a job in a JAPANESE restaurant, dont try serve me Chinese Crackers if you dont know to pronounce it in Chinese.
After having an argument with the restaurants Swahili manager, my friends and I were asked to vacate the area before security was called, now I would have been scared if the security were chinese but they weren't so,how the fuck were they going to do karate on me, me and my goons had to show those bitches fire.

Below is what happened captured in the restaurants cctv:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqvzn3rrr-w

10 reasons you should hate Beyonce

2009-06-06T13:09:00.000-07:00

1.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6H2-pTmjM0

ThePopSlut Service Provider

2009-06-06T12:25:00.000-07:00

PopGigolo:
After a few days of this blog, I have realised through Twitter how popular it is becoming and so I decided to speak to my good friend Ashanti who explained, "It would just be bananas if you didn't capitalize off of it, just bananas." So I have decided to introduce The PopSlut Service Provider. Please find details below.

STANDARD EDITION- $12.00
PopSlut will write a positive review of your album EVEN IF it goes Triple Plastic. PopSlut will also subtly reference the titles of your new songs in her blog.

DELUXE EDITION- $35.00
PopSlut will write 6 positive reviews of your album and will even download the entire album plus all the songs your label intentionally leaked before from Limewire. PopSlut will also arrange for members of the Paparazzi to capture shots of you leaving a strip club with an artificial smile on your wide face and then will personally send the photos to MediaTaKeOut so they will stop calling you gay.

JUSTBANANASDELUXE EDITION- £230.000 (we are in a recession hoe)

PopSlut will put on her freakdum dress, her sheep skin thong and herWWW (Wendy Williams Wig) and go to your hotel room and let you insert your shitstained penis in her satirical flange, she will then leak photos of you and her 69ing each other to Bossip so they will stop calling you gay.

THEJUSTBANANAS DELUXE EDITION DEUX- (Price Given after Enquiry.)

When I (not Popslut but me- PopGigolo) is visiting your local neighbourhood to see Susan Boyle on her ItMustBeSusie World Tour,I will come to your house and watch straight pornography with you whilst eating Cheetos and sipping on Chocolate Milk, then I will dress up in a maid's outfit and do the entire routine (including the ChoirClaps) to Single Ladies for you and your great grandfather for an entire week.

Terms and Conditions:
1.Pokemon Themed Pyjamas Must Be Provided for BOTH PopGigolo and PopSlut when staying at your house and pyjamas must have Pikachu on the front- no pikachu- no pussy.

2. Your parents (or whoever the fuck is caring for you) must make a breakfast of eggs, beans and toast every morning until contract is over (No Pork, because PopSlut is Moslem.)

3. Deposit of Pubic Hair must be paid two weeks in advance before start date of contract (the pubic hair will be returned once contract is fulfilled and we have received the full amount, IF YOU DONT pay the full amount my homegirl Princess ZuluAnne of Yoruba will place an irreversible curse on the pubic hair which will close your butthole and make shitting impossible).

4. When reffering to either PopSlut or myself during a fuck session, the following phrases will not be permitted:

i) Aww baby!
ii) Yeah baby fuck me harder
iii) i need to take a dump

If any of these phrases are said, PopSlut or myself will have the right to take your needle out of our anus or vagina (depending on which one of us it is) and cancel the contract but you still must pay the full amount.

Thankyou.

For more questions email :PopSlut@ThatsAGoodlookBetterYetAHoodLook.Com
and she will reply with any information regarding this.

Id like to shout out Jamie Jermaine who actually bought THE JUST BANANAS DELUXE EDITION DEUX- www.twitter.com/jamiejermaine
His mixtape As I Am is out later on this year and I for one will definitely ignore it and tell him that I have bought it.

Thankyou

I said what what- in the butt?

2009-06-06T10:31:00.000-07:00

PopSlut:
I love real men, the sort of man who'll look you in the eye when times are hard and say, "I'll take care of you, stop crying", the kind of man who'll look at you after a hard day at work and say "Don't worry about- you're home now" and the kind of man who'll look you in the eye, stroke your face and say "Will you stick your tongue in my ass?".
That's the kind of man that I beg the Pop Gigolo to be, but since that dude's sexual activity goes no further than quality time with his left hand, I was pleased to discover that Juelz Santana enjoys having his ass licked. Now- forgive me if im wrong or even come off a little rude- but isn't ass licking something gay men do (Bow Wow let me know if i'm right via Twitter) what woman in her right mind would agree to stick her tongue in Santana's butt crack, what kind of a woman? go on say it again- NO KIND OF WOMAN. NO KIND OF WOMAN AT ALL.

I am a slut and I know how sluts get down, and even the worst of sluts (how you doing Janet) would never consider eating a man out, but i'll tell you who would:http://sageyes.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/camron.jpg

I believe that Juelz actually meant "I'd like it if a girl would put her tongue there but since she won't, I'll have my bitch do it." If you would like to explain yourself Mr. Santana please feel free to find me on twitter (Im following Jim Jones so look there), i'd be willing to take down this blog if you could explain to me what you meant without me feeling sick. Thankyou.

In other news lets talk about Kimora Lee Simmons who recently gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, after spending nine months wondering what the combination of Kimora and Digimon would look like- I managed to rustle up this image: http://tommyimages.com/Stock_Photos/Caribbean/Cuba/Barrio_Chino/slides/Cuba_3334-Barrio_Chino_Black_Asian.jpg.
I am so happy that Kimora has a MAN in her life, I love you Russel but a 50 year old man in tracksuits should not be taken seriously. Hopefully this new man will instill some discipline into the lives of Kimora and her bratty kids. Yes i said bratty, those kids are the debil, they are rude to their chefs -anyone remember when of them told the chef"i'm so glad mommy decided to keep you"

Well Lemme tell u something Chero Kee you are lucky that mommy kept YOU because she never intended to get impregnated by Kermit all she wanted to was ride him long enough so his heart would cave in on itself so that she could assume full control of PensionerPhat and make enough to fly cousin, Ching Lee, Wing Lee and Wrong Lee to LA, moohahaha moohahahaha moohahahahahaha (ha).
If Kimora disciplined her crumb snatchers on camera I would respect her but she does not, so Kimora goes up as number 1 on my list of celebrities who i would most like to skullgrab.

List of PopSluts Female Celebrities she would most like to skullgrab:
1. Kimora Lee
2. Ms.Piggy
3. Neyo
4. Keri Hilson
5. Wendy Williams
6. Ashanti's little sister (who also features on my list of "celebrities" id most like to put on a diet)

In other news- Whitney is planning to release her new record on September 1st and she was actually kind enough to give me the tracklist at last nights Dolla For a Diva fundraiser which was hosted by the always welcoming Aretha Franklin. At the fundraiser, Ashanti was able to raise a whole $3 to go towards her new SideBurn Styling line and Whitney was able to raise $35 to pay Amy W. back for that dro she let her use.
Anyways, here is Whitney's tracklist for her upcoming Whitney: My Dirty Laundry record.

1. B.O. Double B. Y.
2. Fist In My Ass- featuring Raz B.
3. For the Love of Ray (Explicit Cougar Dance Mix)
4. Young Dick, Old Trick (featuring Mariah Carey and Michael Jackson)

The rest of Whitney's album will be out when autotune finishes recording it.
However we do have the lyrics to a new remix of The Greatest Love of All that Whitney recorded. enjoy:

(Intro speech: It's Whitney.)
I believe that cocaine is the future
Sniff it well and you'll be high all day
If I only knew what Bobby put inside
Act like you've got no pride- it makes it easier
When they take your shit away- and auction it on e-ebay

I decided long ago
Never to have my own reality show
Yes I failed
They filmed me pee
I said goodbye to dignity

I found the Greatest
Fun of all
It's here inside of me
I found the greatest
Fun of all
When Bobby fisted Me

(Outro speech: That was Whitney)
Lyrics by Whitney Houston
Produced by Whitney Houston
Performed in a drunken state by Whitney Houston.

Pop Culture Pains

2009-06-05T10:58:00.000-07:00

Pop Culture has been good to some:http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2008/01/31/madonna_narrowweb__300x382,0.jpg

And bad to others: http://www.blicious.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/laurynhill_crazy.jpg

So I decided that it would be so stupid of me to have a blog dedicated to PopCulture and not help those who have suffered BECAUSE of PopCulture, So I call this next segment, PCP (Pop Culture Pains) and i've invited my good friend PopSlut to reply to the questions and problems that YOU the general public have asked. I will not reveal the names of those who wrote in as that shit is private and confidential and taking advantage of their problems is just mean:

K. Hi'son:
Dear PopCulturePains
I am a damn good songwriter, when I mean good- I mean fucking amazing, I can write hits for artists who dont work nearly as hard as me and those hits spend the equivelant of 14 menstrual cycles on the charts but when I try and write a hit for myself, things end up like this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4WXuqpiM4U and this: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/32917010.html
and this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090401202851AAmDAw3
My debut album was pushed back repeatedly and when it WAS released it sold 94,000 units with FOUR lead singles, I'm so unsure about my next career step, I can barely write a song for myself without it being laughed at, scolded at and to Popculture i am generally irrelevant, what should i do?

POPSLUT's Reply:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&feature=related&v=96cuwq3HbZ0

Lady Annonymous:
Dear PopCulture Pains
I recently started dating this amazing guy, hes sweet, funny and charming, my mother loves him so much so he stays the night over at her place whenever he and I argue, thats how great of a guy he is- but the other day he and I were at a friends party and when Single Ladies came on, he suddenly broke into the full routine, he even dropped down low and swung his kitty the way she did in the video. Im so confused-what should I do?

PopSlut's Reply:
Su novio es homosexual, es indiscutible que- le gusta pene, él usa su ropa cuando estás en el trabajo y que el tiempo les dijo que estaba en "trabajo" fue realmente posando con los gustos de Benny Ninja y Jay Emanuel.

"Whisky":
Dear PCP, I used to be the ish, I was the original multitasker, had my own show, my own records, my own vaginal cleansing collection and then something happened, when it got to the year 2004 it came to my attention that all of my notable achievements occured more than a decade ago and after releasing another flop record, the pain made my feet a little heavy and this occured:http://www.cheekopek.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/brandy-car-crash1.jpg.
Then sometime later, my little brother who is more irrelevant than me released a sex tape with some Arab chick, as you can see my whole family was fucked up and so in order to feel better I tried to start up some shit in somebody else's family by advising Kelly Rowland to leave Mathew Knowles' so she could sell more records, however being the irrelevant carcrashin bitch that I am I did not realise that Kelly flopped because people didnt like her music not because she was managed by Mathew Knowles. Karma came and bit me in the ass when i got signed to RocNation and was put at the bottom of Jay Z's list of priorities:

Jay Z's list of priorities:
1. Stop by PopEye's to pick up ChickenSkins for B.
2. Sign another foreign, fair skinned, blonde haired girl (just in case Rihanna's new album goes tits up).
3. Buy something nice for Papa Matt and Mama T.
4. Purchase Viagra pills online.
5. Ask Neyo why he tried to kiss me.
6. Impregnate wife by August before she decides to release another Deluxe Edition.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13. Take care of Moes- Brandy.

What should i do?

PopSlut'sReply:
http://static.tvguide.com/MediaBin/Galleries/Shows/A_F/Ai_Ap/AmericasGotTalent/season1/americas-got-talent4-brandy.jpg
It was the best career move your skinny ass made. After trying to get at Mathew Knowles you're lucky you didnt end up like this:http://youthincontrol.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/rihanna-beat-up1.jpg. Bitch.

lets talk about.....

2009-06-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

PopSlut:

Let's talk about homos.
This is going to be a long one- so if reading long paragraphs is asking too much of your illiterate clit, just fuck off, go on.... ok so let's talk about homos.
For those of you in the Uk, you would have seen the launch of Big Brother 10 and seen another batch of fame hungry quasi F-list celebrities enter the house to try and win fame and fortu- trying to win fame.
Now why is it that everytime a BLACK GUY is a part of something, he has to make a fool of himself, when asked if he was gay, the black guy whose name is Cairon jumped up and said "oh no- i feel weird wiping my own ass."

(sigh) (gasp) (scratch pussy and sigh some more.)
Did you think you were scoring points with the homeboys by being homophobic, did you think that comment was witty? did you?! do you?!
This comment then led me to this blog, BLACK MEN ARE OBSESSED WITH HOMOSEXUALITY. This is something that I've always known since I was a child as my Uncle Albert became Aunt Alberta when I was four and so whenever we were out shopping or robbing the unsuspecting Somalian kids coming out of the Asylum Seeking Centre- people would shout out at himYO FAGGOT! WE KNOW YOU LIKE SUCKIN COCK!
Now here's how I see it- i understand why those men said those things to my uncle because as straight men they have every right to be concerned about what another man does with his penis with another man, it is their RIGHT to know whether a gay man spits or swallows or likes tapping or likes getting tapped, right?
Men who feel the need to shout out homophobic remarks are men who are insecure within themselves, why you might ask? Because if your life meant something and your ass was succesful you wouldnt have the time to think about what somebody else is doing with THEIR ass.
A confused straight makes comments like "When i found out he was gay, I didnt let him cut my hair" a la Bow Wow because a straight man who knows what he likes and knows what he doesnt like knows that even if that Barber did try and slip dick, he would know how to handle himself.

Someone who is unsure of their sexuality would avoid this as they do not know how they would react like Bow Wow, the reason he didnt let that guy cut his hair was because if the guy touched Bow Wow's OrgasmZone (which is on his head) Bow Wow would jump and start doing the Spectacular Grind on the guy.

A straight and secure man will tell you "No i'm not gay."
A "straight" and insecure boy will tell you "Gay?Nigger, I wont even use Hotmail!!!".
The reason some men do this is because they at one point have thought about gay sex and so in order to get the images of Diddy stroking Donnie's face out of their minds, they openly declare their supposed hatred of gays to convince themselves and others around them that there is no way they can be gay, which is why when a man like this is asked if he IS gay, he responds with an answer like "i feel weird wiping my own ass" because he is worried that something about him may have given off the impression that he might be gay even though hes spent years trying to convince people that he is not which is why the term is HOMO-PHOBIA- the FEAR of homosexuals and homosexuality.
I am by no means asking anyone to accept homosexuality but I dont understand why people feel the need to insult and hurl insults at people who have done nothing to you just because you're afraid that you are too afraid and insecure to deal with your confused shit.

There ends my rant.

Faux You Twitter.

2009-06-04T15:19:00.000-07:00

POP GIGOLO:

For some fucked up reason, my Twitter stopped working, that is some fucked up shit, now how am i going to promote this blogspot whilst reminding Alicia Keys that i hope she catches some sort of STI from Swizz Beats (prefferably Herpes). This stuff hurts and I am depending on my minitwitterfanbase to promote me whilst Twitter sorts out their fucking hardware or software (I DO NOT HAVE A GEEK SQUAD MEMBERSHIP CARD SO DONT EXPECT ME TO BE INTIMATE WITH THE LINGO).
The fact that Twitter has done this to me really hurts my feelings, and its got me thinking, what if Bow Wow saved up all the quarters Chris Stokes gave him to let him hit it from the back anyway that he likes and bought Twitter and then fucked up my Twitterpage as revenge for all those mean-ass comments I made about him and as nul-in-void career.

Bow Wow, if you did indeed block my twitterpage, I promise to make PopSlut bend over and let her insert your sexneedle in her (although im sure you'd prefer my behind but there has been a restraining order on my ass ever since Omarion tried to cop a feel at last years BET Awards.) If you didnt block my twitter page then be prepared to receive two hours worth of backdated trashtalking from the minute it starts to work again.
That'll be all.

POP SLUT VS POP GIGOLO

2009-06-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

Lemme hollatchall for a minute, I am a confused person, mother told me so, father told me so, Dr Phil told me so. Although I was born with a clitora and go by the name of Pop Slut I sometimes, when the time is right, and the urge arrives, I become The Pop Gigolo, sometimes i am man, sometimes i am female, i guess you can call me Ciara with a keyboard.
I recently received an email from a fan of Beyonceitis (www.wigcrypt.blogspot.com) demanding to know why I was swagger biting Beyonceitis and this hurt me yes i did reach for the Kleenex (where's my money at, i just endorsed you hoes) and I spent the rest of the night sobbing and wondering why people would compare me to Beyonceitis, I like to see myself as Britney to Beyonceitis' Madonna, a cheaper sexier more fucked up version, however I must admit that as I typed up first blog I was imagining myself twiddling my fingers with joy (as it is impossible for me to type and twiddle at the same time) as i realised that I was going to steal some of The Wig Crypt's fan base because I have the time to update everyday, Beyonceitis takes years to come up with new material sort of like Nas.

So to clarify, now i am speaking as POPSLUT, the fierce bitch with a pussier spicy than Tina Knowles' Cajun chicken. Perhaps Pop Gigolo will decide to pop out later on as soon as Real HouseWives of Atlanta comes on, he's straight though- really straight, almost as straight as Neyo (shut the fuck up.)

Some Free Thursday Promotion

2009-06-04T12:03:00.000-07:00

Since I seem to be so mean to so many artists, I thought it would be nice to give some free promotion to some artists I think really deserve attention, some unsigned, some are signed and like the popculture smut that I am I stalked and researched those mofos for a long time before I decided to promote them especially as I want to be able to say that I was a part of their fame when they get signed. So here they are:

Bashy - Amazing UK rap artist with intelligent lyrics and an obssesion with lollipops:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k8naOsMHNM

Pixie Lott- Take a Sexy up and coming PopTart and give her a hot song to get the boys wet in all the wrong places:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWsnxhjKynI

Lucie- Up and coming CoverGirl Fierce DancePop with a cool British Accent:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbgd_26j6OE

Chester French- Really Interesting Artistic Pop Duo with a retro sound:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE5Xr50mVRE

The Noisettes- Pure Pop Genius.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--xnPk1wExQ

Jonte- Sasha Fierce's father
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ot5YiAt5p0M&feature=channel_page

Samwell- Sasha Fierce's Mother
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU

Eletrick Red- The Hottest Urban girl group in a long time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF2c8krqJpQ&feature=channel_page

Now for some Thursday shade.
Last night, I had sex, for the first time since (ever). And I was giving that hoe the good stuff, letting that hoe have it and then all of a sudden the bitch cries out "Aww baby." Then i got mad for two reasons:

1. BITCH WHY IS YOU HOLLERING.
2. Did this bitch just refference ASHANTI in our fuck session, does this bitch want me to get Ike Turner on her behind, does she?! do you?!

After that horrifying experience, Ive been put off sex so much so that I've decided to only have sex again until the new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians start (Rob holla at me via Twitter to let a desperate nigger know when that will be because theres only so much work my left hand can do). Ladies- before you start letting a man hitting it-tapping it- getting that pussy, do your background research, dont scream out "AY PAPI" if you know he hates Latinos or talk dirty when you know he's a Mormon. That ignorant shit isn't cool, it isn't nice. It will lead to this happening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m74S3JS7RK8

10 Reasons i Fucks Wit Solange

2009-06-04T10:58:00.000-07:00

1. Whilst your older sister was getting gangbanged by RaQounn, Duvon and ClingOn at the back of the Mcdonald's parking lot, Solange was watching her older sister becoming a pop culture icon shitting on all YOUR favourite artists.

2. Solange's music is intellectual and dumb fucks like you dont like intellectual shit because it reminds you that you are a dumb fuck, which is why you'd rather watch Neffie dry hump some tacky hoodrat who says "y'nahwaddaimean" after every sentence than listen to Solange talk about shit that means something.

3. When you got pregnant at 17, your father tried to pimp Baby Shakweesha out by making her turn tricks at the local day care centre, when Solange got pregnant at 17, she used the experience to help her grow as a person and create Baby Jamz which was inspired by her son (man i'm being so nice today, well my metaphorical period starts in exactly 2 and half hours so the shade will start at some point soon.)

4. Solange is Private School Fierce, you are ghetto fabolo- no you're just Ghetto. A person from a good upbrining would be inspired by Solange and The Knowles' but since your daddy was too busy inseminating your Aunt Periaquana to pay child support- the idea of a succesful wholesome black family makes you sick.

5. Solange=Sasha Fierce. After a two hour discussion with my homegirl The High Priestress ZuluAnne of Yoruba at the Juju Shack, we came to the agreement that Sasha Fierce was conceived on Solange's prom night when she was on her way home after bumping vaginas with TyTy and Angie B. and she saw Jonte' and Prince making out on the corner, she let them into her car and let's say Solange's kitty needed some of that fruitdick, she was fertilised and Sasha was born. Then Beyonce' (being the crafty little PopIconExtraordinaire that she is) agreed to give Beyonce' birth right to Solange in exchange for Sasha. So actually Sasha is Juelz sister from another mister, if you get my weird and complicated family tree swag.

I think that's all. Can i shout out Ciara for succesfully being the only artist in the history of music to open up for the most artists in 5 years, homegirl has opened up for Britney, Rihanna and this summer's she's doing Jay Z (OVER MY DEAD BODY) no not like that, shes opening up for him- oh shit not like that either- well because Ciara's such a flop her new managmentarent going to waste time trying to let her tour alone (and if they ever do God help their asses.) because the tour will be almost as empty as Audrina's head (Audrina: Huh?) and so to ensure that Ciara makes some money (because those album sales aint bringing shit in) they make her open up for far more succesful and relevant artists in the vain hope that she will win over some of their fan base. (There I am, I was beginning to wonder where my spice was.)

Slow Down Irrelevant Bitch

2009-06-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

Do you have problems trying to convince the media that your concepts are original? Do you have problems trying to convince people to buy your records? Is your name Heidi Montag, Ciara, Ashanti, Amerie, or Keri Hilson.
If so you need SLOW DOWN IRRELEVANT BITCH, from the makers of SLOW DOWN FUNNY GUY and SLOW DOWN MAMA, YOU ABOUT TO CRASH THIS CAR.
For $35.99 you can have Slow Down Irrelevant Bitch to stop you from biting concepts that artists who are more succesful than you have already used and if you order today we'll throw in 40 copies of The Declaration (The Aww Baby Edition) and 30 copies of Fantasy Ride (The Failed Alter Ego DVD Deluxe Edition), as if that wasn't enough, SDIB also includes 5 pages of original concepts that you could use taken from Janet Jackson's Rock Wit U tour.
The pack also includes song concepts that have already been used and already used"why i've been dropped by my label" excuses edited by Christina Milian.

Here Are Some Annonymous Testimonials from Customers:

"My album was being pushed back more times than Rihanna's hairline and I needed a quick gimmick, I was considering rolling around in a giant Champagne Glass for my Good Good video but SDIB told me that Beyonce' had already done that in Naughty Girl, I dont know what I would do without SDIB."

"I needed a hot video concept for my song One More Drink and was considering grinding awkwardly on a pole in front of blue tinted set looking dead behind the eyes but SDIB told me that Britney had already done that in Gimme More, SDIB saved my life."

"I'm a singer/songwriter and have been looking for a way to come out of the closet and was considering doing some fruity choreography in the Mad video but SDIB told me that Spectacular had already done that, thank God for SDIB, now I'll just find another way to let the world know my anus has needs."

"Im a piano player, im real afrocentric and shit but I wanted to switch it up, so i was considering getting into a car and killing a couple people with it, you kn0w- grab some headlines but SDIB told me that Brandy was already doing that so now I go around sleeping with the husbands of artists who are more irrelevant than me, what would i have done without SDIB."

To order now just log onto www.thathoesfinebutthisone'sakiller.com
or for more information, email www.damitajo@sdib.com

Thankyou

Cassidy disses Kanye, I got threatened by a C-Error fan

2009-06-03T06:30:00.000-07:00

Some of you might have heard that Amber Rose (Kanye's clit in a mit) fucked Cassidy some time ago and although Amber (who is an ex video hoe) denied it, Cassidy is claiming that he did dagger her in a new song which will fall off the charts quicker than you can say "nobody gives a fuck Cassidy."

In the song, Cassidy says the word Ego many times as in "hes got a big ego" as in the song that KANYE did a remix to, so I guess Cassidy wants Kanye to know that he is most DEFINITELY talking about him. Here are my thoughts (if you know Cassidy personally or used to shine his balls, please look away now, itsabouttaget nasty)

Cassidy NOBODY GIVES A FUCK. NOBODY WILL EVER GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHO YOU FUCKED, HOW YOU FUCKED THEM AND WHY THE FUCK YOU FUCKED THEM, FUCKER. You're career is as lifeless as Janet Jackson's gym membership and nobody cares about your supposed relationship with a woman as fine and as slutty as Amber Rose.
(Let a nigger breathe)

In other news, can anybody explain to me how the hell I get a IM from a Ciara fan trying to scare me into removing the negative things Ive said about C-Error on this blog. Here was the convo.

CIARAFAN4LIFE: Fuck You for dissing Ciara, remove all those mean things now.

PSPW: Or what?

CIARAFAN4LIFE: Or else i'll send a virus to your motherfuckin computer so that you have to listen to Fantasy Ride everytime you turn your computer on.

PSPW: Bitch- you do not OWN fantasy ride to even make that happen, for you to create that sort of virus you would need to have the record itself, but you dont, you didnt even get it off limewire did you?

CF4L: Um....
PSPW: Cat gotcho tongue mofo? listen closely to me, when Ciara learns to accept her fate as F-Lister thats when Ill go easy on her transgender ass, and how can you IM me dissing her when you dissed her by calling yourself a fan and not buying her record.

CF4L: Your mom has a sixpack on her pussy, im gonna make you cry tonight.

PSPW: And your mom's pussy is haunted and bitch, YOUR eyes are already pissing. mofo, did you know Ciara's sold less records in almost a month than Kelly Rowland sold in two weeks, thats how you know her shits in trouble and she really thought all those staged photo ops with Kim K would help shift units, AU CONTRAIRE mofo, au contraire.

CF4L: Fuck you, Ciara will fuck up your favourite artist?

PSPW: Beyonce?
(Long pause.)

CF4L: Yeah Beyonce, with her screamin ass, homegirl cant act, IVE SEEN ALL 7 OF HER MOVIES and i can tell you that she cant act, i even watched movies over and over again and guess what,she cant. Jennifer Hudson won the oscar haha

PSPW: You done? Did you buy Jennifer Hudsons album? Did the Golden Globes give Beyonce' two nominations because she cant act? huh- do you think they give out nominations for nothing and I love that you mention Jhud when im pretty damn sure that your love for her stops at the point where its time to actually go out and buy what she puts out, the fact that 3 years after Dreamgirls people still associate Jennifer's Oscar win with Beyonce' proves nobody can do anything good without Beyonce's lovejuice being shot all over it.

CF4L: Fuck you bitch. You aint got nothin on me.

PSPW: I know I agree, im sorry, you're right im wrong, i should leave Ciara alone, being her cant be easy, to show you how sorry I am heres proof that I bought her record cos i have the album art work right here:http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x183/beyonceitis/2ch1cw11.gif.

In other news, Speidi have quite Im A Celebrity so fuck you to anybody who said Speidi were only good on Reality Tv, they cant even do THAT right unless its scripted and conversations are shot four times. I wonder what they'll do when The Fame runs out, I can see Spencer divorcing Heidi and in 30 years remarrying some walking caucasian vagina and have his own show with her called Age of Love (oh shit someone already has that name, need to check my originality swag.)

Bleeding Vaginas Heidi Pratt Lady GAGA

2009-06-02T15:45:00.000-07:00

Innovation to Rihanna=Dying your hair black, biting Fefe Dobsons style, cutting your hair, dress up in designers whose names you cant pronounce.

Innovation to Ciara= Ciara is such a good.... im sorry- i just cant.

Innovation to Lady Gaga= POP ICON, POP ICON,POP ICON, POP ICON.

Lady Gaga is a fuckin pop legend which is weird because shes only had one album but her work has changed pop for the better, I know its blasphemy to compare anyone to Sasha Fierce but i believe Lady Gaga will do for Avant Garde what Sasha did for Urban Music, COMMERCIALISE THAT HOE. I have stanned for Gaga since last summer when she released JUST DANCE here in the US and her unique vision and general iconic behaviour has been getting me wet in the pup ever since. God bless her parents for knockin boots and conceiving such a dream. puss puss Lady Gaga.
CHECK OUT HER PAPARAZZI VIDEO (Gaga could you please inform the dancer who always has his tongue out that having his tongue at all times is not attractive, it is quite worrying- what if a seagull flew by and decided to take a dump mid-air it would land right on his tongue and then you could say he was talkin shit, (failed joke, yes i know)

Also, im afraid im going to have to throw some shade on Heidi "Does My Artificial Smile Look Artificial In This" Pratt who i adore but come on now girl, dont you see that Monsieur DouceBag is only out for The Fame (available now at all music stores not excluding Itunes, Amazon and Limewire) if Heidi cant see that Spencer only married her to milk out his fifteen minutes she is blind, thats why i never let guys cum in my eye, it fucks up your metaphorical vision. Heidi needs to leave his candy ass and have her own show where she looks for the love of her life whilst subtly promoting the brands that also sponsor the Hills , here are some possible names for the show:

1. The Bachelorette (oh shit, someone already took that)
2. Elimidate (oh fuck, someone got that too)
3. Heidi Hi? (OH MY FUCKIN GOSH- THATS GENIUS- ill be expecting my royalties cheque in the MAIL if you decide to use it in the near or oh so distant future).

I got an email today from a Ms.Anon who wanted to know why her vagina had suddenly started bleeding(sigh) I AM NOT YOUR FUCKIN GYNAECOLOGIST,THE ONLY PUSSIES I AM FAMILIAR WITH ARE OMARION AND CHRIS BROWN, other than that you should not be asking me to explain to you why you are having a period. I remember my first period like it was yesterday (or was it the day before) i thought i was actually becoming a real woman until mother explained that penises are not supposed to bleed.

Also- if you are an unsigned artist and you want FREE promotion, just follow me on twitter www.twitter.com/popslutwhore

I will promote you as long as you promote me, scratch my back and ill scratch yours, you help me i help you, you lick my- well you get the picture.